The Wildwood I died on the altar waiting for the proof

For @Vanadis <3
Late afternoon, Broken Clouds, 37F/3C
leaving the timing a little vague since Ally isn't accepted yet.

Without the sun shining down on them the day had turned out cooler than it had been in recent weeks. Still above the freezing point, but it certainly didn’t feel like they were just a couple of weeks away from bringing new life into the world. But, the proof was in the way that Vanadis’ stomach had swollen in a way that was all too familiar to her mate(?) at this point. He still wasn’t sure if that was the word he should be using to describe himself in relation to her, which was why this afternoon he had requested they go on a scouting trip.

Ally had been found on the mountain, making Eros’ trip worth it - despite the co-lead’s reservations on the timing. Only problem was now they needed to find Archer. It felt like the worst game of tag that had ever occurred, at any given time they seemed to know where one of them were, but not the other. So, he spent a lot of afternoons looking for the wayward Valle, usually alone, but today he thought they could look closer to the territory and each other.

The only problem was that he didn’t really know what to say to Vanadis now that they were out here. It had been weeks of this problem, Viorel seeking her out with the intention of trying to patch what was broken only to fall into an awkward kind of silence. They had a lot to talk about, so he settled on a topic that was needed, but probably easiest, ”Have you managed to think of any names?” He had his own ideas, but who was to say if they would be on the same page.

(This post was last modified: Apr 25, 2024, 07:37 PM by Viorel.)

The days were passing them by, the due date fast approaching. Soon she'd be holed up in a den to await their arrival, to be alone with her thoughts. Vana still wasn't sure how she felt about the lives that her body now nurtured, whether she was excited for their arrival or not. Her place in the pack was tentative at best, her relationship with Viorel shrouded with uncertainty, but these cubs would know nothing of the mistakes she had made nor the pain she had caused. They would look at her and see her for what she was, not who she had been. There was something so appealing about having the chance to start over, to get it right this time, but the opportunity only served to keep the woman mourning a life full of missed moments with the rest of her children.

Vanadis did not balk or hesitate at Viorel's request, though it filled her with some small bit of anxiety. The awkwardness between them was ever-present despite her best attempts at subverting it and being alone with him would only serve in adding to the discomfort she was sure they both felt, regardless of how hard they tried to slip back into old routines.

The woman was grateful when he chose to break the silence first, opting for an easy surface-level topic. To be honest, she'd only really thought of one, "Hera." Her gaze shifted to gauge his reaction as she added, "I think it has a nice ring to it, but that's all I got. What about you?"

(This post was last modified: Apr 28, 2024, 12:07 AM by Vanadis.)

He felt her eyes on him after she spoke, and after rolling the name over in his mind a few times the sale and pepper wolf smiled, ”Hera, I like that.” Okay that was one, if it was a girl, but based on their previous pregnancies it seemed the likelihood of having a single was slim. Looking forward, his brow furrowed for a second before smoothing and he admit, ”I’ve been trying to think of names but haven’t settled on anything I really love, Cedar, Sterling, Luna, but none of them seem to…fit.” He didn’t even really like any of them.

But, there had been one. Inhaling slowly he ventured, ”But, I was thinking maybe Kalysta? It comes from one of the old stories from the coast like…” He trailed off, swallowing hard, he still had a hard time saying it, ”Like Sephrina.” It felt heavy in his mouth, but he couldn’t keep running from it. He had been depressed, he had been angry, he had pretended nothing was wrong, and now it was time for him to accept it. Nothing they did could bring her back, but he couldn’t keep not living his life just because hers had ended.

His paws slowed as a lone whine built in his throat and he allowed himself a moment of vulnerability, ”I miss her. Every day.” He missed all of them.

Well, that was one name down. If history served, they'd need one or two more, though Vana supposed she was getting on in years, so perhaps they'd be limited to just one.

Vana tilted her head from one side to the other, testing each of the names as they fell from his lips. They were nice enough, but none of them felt quite right, not for their kids at least. But Kalysta? She liked it. Especially once Viorel had given his reasoning. The triumph at finding yet another name was short-lived, as the leader continued, forming the syllables of a name that made Vana's heart drop.

The woman had gone to lengths to avoid the topic, to avoid the pain and guilt that currently wracked her frame. Could she have done something differently? And if she had, would their daughter still be here?

But Vi continued on, offering Vana a look inside. Her whine followed his, her pace slowing as she turned ever so slightly to face him. If he would allow it, the fae would press her nose to his jaw. She fought the urge to give another 'I'm sorry' and opted instead for a simple, "I know." Her voice was small, barely there above the wind and white noise of the forest.

The Valle man didn’t know what he expected Vanadis to do about what he had said, or what he was hoping she would say. There was nothing that anyone could do to make this better. At first he flinched at the contact, it had been a long time other than the one night that had led to the litter in her belly. Then he leaned in, pulling the woman into an embrace as he buried his face into the thick fur of her neck.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to steady his heartbeat, make sense of all the different thoughts running through his mind. In the end, his voice sounded desperate, a plea to be saved, ”We’ll do better this time - right?” They couldn’t possibly do any worse. Not a single one of their last litter was still here with them. Sephrina buried beside her great-grandmother, Isla choosing to be gone lost to her anger, and Nix just gone. They had to do better than that. He needed them to do better than that. Otherwise all the hurt and the loss was for nothing, and they would be repeating old mistakes at the price of their own children.

But, she was home. That was a good start.