which way does the wind blow?

<i>Mostly Cloudy — Current Temperature: 39° F/4° C; just after sunrise</i>

I'd like to have Jayse respond first, and then after that anybody is free to join. Planning on keeping this thread short and quick though, so if you want to hop in, make sure you do so soon.

Raigo had awoken that morning expecting to see the sun's rays breaking through the trees. But no such luck was to be had, and the clouds remained dark. It didn't help his already gloomy mood. The night had not been a peaceful one, nor had any of the nights before it. The Akreon male was far from at ease, and his young body was showing signs of it. He had not eaten since the last pack hunt, and while he was certainly not skeletal in appearance, his fur had lost some of its luster, and his cheeks had started to look sunken. The truth being, he had simply lost the motivation to eat, or do much of anything. Borden's usurpation of his rank had left him feeling without a purpose. It had hit his pride in a way that Raigo had completely unexpected. He had put so much weight on being Jayse's right hand man, that it had come as a rude awakening to discover that he was no longer in such a position. Nevermind that it seemed that the old structure of the Hollow was gradually crumbling. Elettra had left as well, unwilling to forgive and forget as their leader had done.

Of course, Vlarindara had not helped Raigo's cause. Even the thought of her caused his stomach to lurch, and he dug himself into the ground deeper, trying to hide himself away. She had come back, and he had rebuked her. And then she had presumably come back again, and been welcomed back by Jayse. His leader, as was her right, had gone over his head in her decision, and there was a part of Raigo that felt foolish for passing such a judgement, that he was clearly not in the right to give. He had spoken to Vlar since he had turned her away at the borders - what was it he was supposed to say? He wasn't...sorry, persay, of his actions, but clearly he had done something wrong and Jayse had stepped over him to correct his error. It was confusing, and the poor boy wanted nothing more than to continue to burrow his way into the ground and out of sight forever.

So the decision had been playing about in his head for a while, but there was more than a little guilt that had kept him anchored so far. Jayse was pregnant; the scent indicating that it was Borden's brood. Not only had he overstepped Raigo, but he had bypassed Kade, and his right as a leader. No doubt that showdown would soon come about, if it had not already. Raigo wouldn't know; the tawny boy had kept away from almost everyone ever since the pack hunt. But he would be leaving his leader when she no doubt needed him most. She needed somebody she could rely on to help feed and protect the newborn litter. He wasn't much use though, not when he refused to eat or get up.

Forcing himself to his feet, Raigo took a deep breath. That should not have taken as much effort as it had. Not a physical effort, but an emotional one. Dragging his paws, he began to wander towards the borders, his paws growing heavier every time he picked them up. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but laying there in the dirt hadn't been doing him any good. So maybe it was simply time to go. But unlike the others, he would not go without saying goodbye. Jayse had given him a home, and had allowed him to grow into his own; it was not her fault that he had lost sight of what that had meant. Leaving might not even be the best answer, but staying was certainly not helping.

An hour or so later, the journey lengthened by Raigo's hesitant steps, the youth finally reached the western border. The scent, heavily marked by wolves other than him, hit his nose in an instant, and he took a deep breath. When would he see their faces again? Jayse and Arlette he would miss the most, but even Kiche's face was not so terrible to look at that Rai wouldn't miss it even a little bit. Whining, Raigo settled down on his rump, facing out into the unclaimed forest. The last time he had gone, it had been an accident. Would it be different, knowing that this was a conscious choice? Looking up into the cloudy sky, he hesitated, trying to make up his mind. But he owed it to her. He would not let her down. Lips parting, he sung out, calling for his leader. He would not, could not, go without saying goodbye.

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<3

<blockquote>To find peace within herself she would have to give up completely caring about anyone, and everything. This was an impossible task. Some she may shun from her, most she could not. She easily let to many pull at her heart, and find their way in. She was quite worried about dear, young Raigo. She had not known the outcome after Borden had won his rank to continue onward. She had hoped the two males would some how start to mend what was between them. That would be too easy for her wouldn't it? It seemed since the hunt, which she thought had brought him around, had not done much. Bringing Vlarindara home did not seem to do anything either. If anything Jaysyek feared she had made it worse. She had believed he would be happy to a point. Maybe the scars ran to deep for him too. And so it was with earnest she sought the wolf who would often be the Second of Grizzly Hollow. He'd done so much for her, and like Elettra she felt she'd thanked him poorly for all of it. Was it only a matter of time for him to leave too?

She was not certain where to look. He'd tucked himself away from everyone, and everything. Where would Raigo hide from the world? She took no detection he had left Grizzly Hollow lands. It was with an anxious twist in her stomach she decided to check the borders again. Surely he would not leave without a goodbye. He knew the affects those had, and her limbs picked up a quick stride most hellbent to find the light sorrel male.

While her paws pounded on the ground, her dark nostrils twitching with each in coming breath half of her believed she would not find him. Maybe, he was somewhere deep in the forest or already on his way. She hoped the first, but she could not be so blind to lie to herself over and over. No matter how many times repeated a lie never became the truth. A whine in her throat she felt more desperate, and felt a different kind of tug in her side of a wiggling pup. <i>Raigo, where are you?</i> She questioned much as she had with her children's own vanishing acts. It was in this moment she could only think of him as one of her own. She was about to give up, there was no signs near the stretch she had covered. She could be too late....he could be gone. Suddenly as if knowing her tragic thoughts his voice beckoned her she almost did not believe it. With her ears turned up, and the silence of the wood it could be no one else's. She hadn't thought it would hit so hard hearing this. He hadn't even said goodbye and she was ready to crumble. <i>Damn hormones.</i> They seemed to make everything ten time worse. She would not keep him waiting no matter what the outcome would be.

Rapidly, though not quite as before, she let his voice direct her to the western borders where he sat looking broken. If she had never seen this wolf she would have thought he was a miserable loner by the lack of luster in his dark brown pelt, and the loss of pounds. A sad face, and her ears folded back she slowed her pace, quietly walking up to the young man. With no words she affectionately ruffled the base of his ears, taking a seat beside him. <b>"So.."</b> she softly began, <b>"this is goodbye isn't it?"</b> There was no accusation in her voice, only a mellow sadness...a realization.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: May 05, 2012, 03:18 AM by Jaysyek.)

OOC: Going to get Vlar in here and prolly out in her next post, Guess that wraps the Raigo/Vlar thing up in one neat little package, neh? :)

She heard his call.. and after being avoided since her return, Vlarindara wasn't sure she should even *respond* to the call.. But something told her that if she didn't, she'd never see the wolf she considered a brother again. So - to prevent that, and perhaps to steel her heart against it, she went against her better judgement. The wraith slipped up behind Jaysyek and stared in silence from behind a tree, only her left half visible - single amber eye watching the meeting. She could hear the soft tones of conversation and heard Jaysyeks words. So. He was leaving. Something she should have expected. Something she should have known better. After all - what was her hope that perhaps they could mend their relationship but a shattered dream?

The wolfess grew bitter, ears rotating against her skull, a silent snarl curling upon her lips. He'd banished her. Told her to find a home. Told her that the only one that could accept her back was Jaysyek. He'd given her the choice. No the <i>order</i> to survive. And for what? To shun her.. To avoid her entirely? She had hoped that coming back here was the right choice. The silent snarl grew in tamber before she stepped out, glaring at the dark pelted wolf in nothing but a low sound.. knowing in her heart that it was over. There was much she wanted to say. Much that *should* be said.. but Vlarindara couldn't bring herself to say it. She was unaware of all that was going on in the Grizzly Hollow lands. She had come back and met few of the wolves.

Vlarindara had been unaware of the strife between Borden and Kade, in fact was unaware that Borden up until recently hadn't even been the alpha. She knew that Elettra had left because of her return to the pack.. But Other than that, Vlarindara was in the dark, and perhaps that was what led her to her anger. That and knowing that in her mind, Raigo had left her little choice of where to find a home at .. and then completely avoided her. Her voice when it slipped out was rough, hedged with a raw kind of feel. <b>"If I had known you would shun my arrival so much, boy, I wouldn't have returned.."</b> Her hackles rose, lips drawing back over her fangs even more as she stayed where she was - by the tree, but her displeasure obvious.

<b>"I wouldn't have come back in answer to *YOUR* demand that I find a home. Had I known that the only reason I returned would simply SHUN Me I would have found a hole to curl up in and stayed there instead of doing what I thought best. Obviously what was 'best' was mistaken."</b> The wolf turned, knowing that in that moment, her heart had steeled against further pain.. Hurt. She was changed because of that realization. <b>"Good to know I was *actually* wanted.. If it's a matter of you staying or me, then let me return myself to the pit I crawled out of. Save yourself the trouble of <i>worrying</i> over me. Oh, I forgot. You don't."</b> She hurt. And wasn't sure how to deal with it. So instead, the wolfess turned her back on the one being in this world she actually had cared about what their feelings and emotions towards her meant and stalked away. She wasn't sure if she'd be walking until she passed OUT of Grizzly Hollow lands, or if she'd stop somewhere inside them. All she knew is that she had come back for him. And he'd shunned her - turned her away... and was now leaving without so much as a backwards glance in her direction. Pissed didn't even cover it. Hurt didn't cover it. She wasn't sure what she felt - but she needed to get out.

(This post was last modified: May 08, 2012, 02:50 AM by Vlarindara.)

Raigo wasn't sure how he felt about this whole situation, and that was the biggest problem he was encountering currently. He felt terribly guilty for leaving, for leaving Jayse to fend for herself in a pack that was completely volatile. What was once an incredibly stable foundation was now nothing more than a teetering tower, ready to fall at any moment. Raigo truly believed that as long as his leader remained firm in her resolve, the tower would remain upright, but he felt awful for contributing to its lack of stability. And for what? Because his pride was hurt? That certainly played a part in it, but Raigo genuinely believed there was more to it than that. It was the lack of certainty that was getting to him; the feeling of being disconnected with the wolves all around him. He would miss them, all of them, and that was what made this so difficult.

It was made more so by the physical appearance of the last remaining pillar of strength. With a whimper, Raigo dropped to his stomach, his tail tucked tightly against his stomach. Mere weeks ago, he couldn't imagine himself in such a position, but in comparison to the regal white lady, he was nothing. But she was not angry, and the gentle motion on his ears helped ease some of his anxiety, with the added bonus of increasing the guilt. And her voice almost caused tears to come to his eyes, if he was capable of them. "I'm so sorry...." his voice broke, a loud whimper cut through the silence. How could he do this to her? To the one who had cared for him even when everything else was falling apart?

What he was not expecting, however, was the arrival of the Hollow's other pale lady. And he certainly wasn't expecting her to arrive like this. Her snarl caught his attention, and already on his stomach, Raigo began to shake violently. Her accusations hit him, and as he heard the enraged words, he only felt his confusion grow. What in the world was she talking about? He had not gone out of his way to avoid her, though it was certainly true he had not actively sought her out. The bridge between them had been broken, and hearing the things she was spewing from her mouth, was currently burning. And looking at her, his golden eyes clearly broken, he saw no way to fix it. "I never told you to come back for my sake. I told you to find a home for yours." And that was all there was to it. She could storm off as she wanted to, and it was with a pang that Raigo realized that he might not be costing Grizzly Hollow just one wolf, but two. All because he had not gone out of his way to soothe Vlar's hurt. She had the nerve to call him selfish? She knew nothing of the word.

Forcing himself up from the ground, he turned his attention to Jaysyek - ultimately, she was the one he had to make understand. "I don't know how long. This place his my home. You, Arlette, Elettra, Kiche, Borden, Vlar, you're family. But for my sake, I need a chance to figure out where I got lost." It was said in a quite voice, almost pleading. Hopefully she would understand, and would not punish him for needing the proper time to figure out where it all went wrong. "I don't want to....but I think I need to." Barely audible, he let the words fall and hang in the air. He was devoted, and if she told him to stay, he would force himself to participate as a pack wolf once more. But it would be a trial, each and every day, and that was no good for the pack either.

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Sorry for the holdup.
<blockquote>There was no judgement in her eyes, just a quiet understanding of sorts. She did not have to guess what bothered him. Once again things had changed in the Hollow, and like she'd found peace in the way things had come and he deserved it too. She wouldn't know how deep the trouble ran, nor what had been the point to have him at this choice. So it would be, and she would miss him. A thin smile lifted the edge of her lip at his high pitched sound. It was not expected of him to be this "down" on his luck, this hard on himself, she was merely trying to assure him. She hated to see him go, but much like Elettra would not keep him from leaving. Answers were needed.

The boy at her paws did not resemble the young man she had come grown too know exactly. He was somewhere in there, uncertain of his own destiny. She was close to shushing him like a mother to calm her pup, at his woeful apology when she was surprised by Vlar's harsh growl cutting into what had been somber air. Jaysyek was not pleased by her sneaking, nor her coldness. Her ears pinned back, and the back of her shoulders bristled in warning. She listened to the accusations, and bore the lady a cold, hard look. This was no way to go about this, and she had thought Vlar would know better. Maybe, they should have talked and worked things out, but Raigo was not abandoning them...not exactly. It wasn't the greatest he was leaving, but if his heart wasn't in staying what good was there then? She was certain she only spoke her words in hurt, and her own anger. She was about to become peace keeper between them when instead the white lady said her part, and strode off with Raigo calmly sending her an answer. It wasn't fair with what Vlar had done to judge him so, and maybe she'd have a word with her later, when she cooled off, see how serious she was about leaving. Jayse didn't appreciate standing up for her, and having her walk out again just because of this. Someone needed to be an adult here, and she let out a quiet sigh, turning her attention to Raigo.

He was more himself when he rose, and she surveyed him with a quiet, collected facade. Every word, every breath whispered in her ears, and she took a silent time to contemplate all else. She wasn't a psychic, but what he said was not strictly news. Just her guessings becoming truths, and reasons. She believed he would stay if she told him too, if she demanded it. How could she? He needed his freedom...he needed to discover what was missing. <b>"Raigo, I've been blessed to know you, and have you as part of my family. I will greatly miss you, but I think if you need to do this than you have my blessing, and hope this won't be an ever goodbye."</b></blockquote>