Windsong Fjord Tell me how I got this far

OOC: For @Gent - Gaela time! <3 Also subterritory discovery :D


3/31/2016
Weather:
34° F, 1° C
Sunrise, foggy. 
6:42 AM 

The nausea was gone at last, no longer plaguing the woman during her daily routine or waking her from sleep. With any luck it would be gone for good. While that was a blessing in itself, it did not mean her rest had returned to normal. This morning she drifted awake early, golden eyes blearily taking in the faint pre-dawn light. Gent was curled beside her, and she tucked closer into his presence; waiting for her mind to come to terms with consciousness. She watched the gathered bodies rise and fall; all together and safe in their new home, and an idea formed. Taking the time to stretch her front legs and yawn, the Queen pressed her nose into the man's cheek; gently rousing him with a lick or two.  

Once the request was made, and her mate was able, they rose; silently picking their way past the others and into the chill air. Her bright sunny eyes turned up to see the stars above, and a faint smile appeared on her face. They had some time yet before sunrise, and she wanted to be ready. The leaders angled themselves toward the rocky slopes to the west; ascending past the short, scrubby trees and over the gravel; moving closer to the heavens with every step. Raela wanted to see it; to see everything when the sun came up. On the way she joked that they simply had to do it now, before she was too fat to make it to the top. She was only just beginning to put on some real weight; the lines of her waist were disappearing and to those that knew her well, the Queen was starting to look a little more... chubby. A foreign eye would be hard pressed to pick up on it just yet though; Raela still had a little way to go for things to be that obvious.

When at last they were atop the ridge it was practically showtime. Brilliant hues seen only in flowers painted themselves on the clouds, and fog hung low for miles around. The matriarch couldn't help the awe-inspired grin that tugged at her lips. Her pace quickened, and the smaller woman moved for the highest point she could find. The ridge climbed higher to the north, peaking once before flattening out and continuing on until it would eventually meet the river of the Palisades. Once she was satisfied with their seats, the mother-to-be settled back onto her haunches; her eyes scanning the land in amazement. Perhaps on a clearer day, even their old home would have been visible in the distance.

Gent was beside her in no time, pressed securely to her side. Raela brought her head to rest against his massive shoulder,nuzzling absently up and down. The agouti-pelted woman was content to let some silence hang between them for a bit, while they waited to see the sun, but eventually found herself wanting to speak. Her voice was soft at first. "I've been thinking about names," she started, glancing up at him through smiling eyes. When had she not been thinking about the kids? The Queen's tone turned more somber then. "They certainly can't be Asurns, and I wouldn't want you to have that name either," she half-joked, her mouth twisting in a wry smile. "There's also your name," Raela gazed toward his eyes in acknowledgment, "but I'm not sure about that either, after... well, Vitani." Her tarnished ear flicked backward as if either of them needed reminding. What did she know of Gent's family anyway? Maybe Vitani was just a bad apple, but she was wary all the same.

            

Gent gathered his legs under him and reclined, contentedly beside his mate. A yawn forced his jaws apart and his tongue to curl as she settled against him, but being a little tired still didn't bother him. Anymore, he was happy to indulge Raela with anything and everything that she wanted, especially when it meant that he could spend time with her. His maw dipped down to nibble at her crown, careless that he might miss that moment when the sun first gilded the horizon line. It didn't matter that her heat had gone; her scent, heavy with the promise of their children was just as intoxicating, and the subtle rounding of her physique made her more and more attractive to him with every passing day. It was irreversible; Gent was totally and hopelessly in love with the woman.

When she spoke he pulled back, pale blue eyes meeting her molten gaze. Names? Briefly, he recalled being at @Danica's side when Daniel was born, how the honor of naming the boy had been placed within his paws and how he had struggled to think of anything at all. Really, names were the last thing he had been pondering when daydreaming about the whelps they were bringing into the world. First names, anyways; that's what he thought she had met, until she kept speaking.

His ears cocked as confusion entered his eyes. Asurn? Why would that even be an option? 'There's also your name,' yes, wasn't it clear that was the legacy they would carry? 'But I'm not sure about that, either.'

Gent gaped at her, utterly in shock. The hell did she mean they might not have his name? What even would they have then, nothing? No lineage, no history, nothing of purpose to carry forth into the world, to strengthen and pass on as their father had?

"Raela," he started, mindfully keeping his voice as level as possible, "my children are going to have my name."

Why would she be so willing to dismiss that right, simply because of Vitani's wayward actions? It occurred to him that she would not approve of his family and how his father had raised them, but he couldn't recall letting in her in on that piece of his past. Regardless, that did not invalidate his name.

"Keeping the proper name from them isn't going to change their blood or wipe away the past, it's just pretending the problem away. Yes, the Lieris name is a shadow of what it once was, brought down by a legacy of mistakes, but mistakes that I refuse to carry on. That is what my father worked so hard for, what drives me: rebuilding. Making the name powerful and respectable again."

He wasn't following. The look on the man's face revealed it all, and while she expected to catch him a little off guard by speaking about last names instead of firsts, she wasn't at all prepared for his open shock, and even less for what came out of his mouth next. Her own surprise showed plainly; was he ordering her? Russet-colored ears pinned themselves to her skull and she stared; biting her tongue as he continued and finding that his explanation did manage to palliate her irritation, though not entirely. Proper name? So he was of the mindset of the male passing on his name then; something quite common as she had discovered. Still, the way he was speaking brought a harder edge to her gaze. 

"I am not pretending your name away any more than I am pretending away my own," she started, her voice much less gentle. "These are my children too Gent," Raela corrected, locking his glacial pools with her own. Never had she expected him to so readily go above her wishes on the matter, much less assert himself as the ultimate authority on creations they had both contributed to. The Queen had simply wanted to talk about it, and that's what she did. "When an Asurn takes a mate, the puppies are always Asurns, whether the Asurn parent is male or female." Her golden eyes drifted away, back to the brightening colors of the sky. He could not know.

"I'm not going to argue with you on that because that is the last thing I want for them; to be branded by an empire of suffering and cruelty from the moment they take their first breaths." She glared at the rocks. Surely it was not that difficult to understand. "I don't know anything about your family, apart from what your sister did." She refrained from calling the woman out for the criminal she was, but only barely. "And I'm not going to try and 'rebuild' my own; they don't need my help," she said bitterly with a flick of her tail. His reasoning had been noble perhaps; for a smaller family. Why not give the man a chance to elaborate? Exasperation began to seep in. "Gent what is your family? Who are they?" This time it was with genuine curiosity she looked at him. He had mentioned a father, and, mistakes. 

There was something there in the woman's tone that said fine, prove it. "If you're dead set on calling them Lieris', then at least tell me what that would mean." Hopefully it would not be the same curse in different wording. "We both have to agree on this," she finally asserted, watching his face for any further protests. If he had thought her protective over Kajika, that would be absolutely nothing compared to her commitment to her children. 

            

She didn't know what she was threatening. He had to keep that in mind, as hard as it was, when it felt like once more his foundation was splitting in half. The anxieties that the growth in their relationship had eased came spiraling back, and it made his skin crawl. He had chosen, committed, and now would he so soon come to regret it? This was the last thing he had wanted to be mistaken about.

She met his gaze and he looked away, out over their new home that sprawled beneath the vantage point they sat upon. Initially, her words did little to change his inner turmoil. If anything, they strengthened the storm as the possibility seemed to solidify that she might wipe away his name from their children. His attention picked up when she revealed more about her past, making it easier to understand where she was coming from, but still it was hard for him to grasp the situation in any constructive way. She reached out to him with her voice, asking that he explain to her, and even as the cleared of sound altogether he did not respond. Against his will, he was at a loss.

Having to think about it so deeply, to reflect so that he could share with someone else forced him to realize just how many holes were in this dogged loyalty he had always held to his father's vision and name. It was important, he could not relinquish that, but why? Not even within his own thoughts had he the words. Raela had the unique gift of making Gent comfortable enough to think aloud without monitoring all that came out of his mouth, and oh how helpful that would be right at this moment, except his tongue was frozen. This wasn't like any time before with her. Gent felt certain that a single word out of place could spell disaster, and simply saying what he felt wasn't enough.

Maybe that meant that he was wrong to feel as strongly as he did. All he knew was that more than anything, he didn't want to disappoint her.

"My dad..." he faltered, shifting his weight uncomfortably. When was the last time he had spoken to anyone about his father? He hadn't. "Lieris is an old name. It used to be renowned, powerful. Far as I know, the main branch is still around, but they aren't thriving anymore. They used to be a huge pack, vast territory, but they got... lazy. Docile. Forgot what it meant to be strong, hardworking, respectable. Eminent."

Gent paused then, still unsure of his words. "That's what he always told us, anyways. The family splintered, because most of them gave up, didn't want to do what it would take to be strong again. Dad did, even if it meant doing it all on his own from the ground up."

What would any of that mean to her, though? What did it mean to him, beyond caring enough for his father to want to carry on his wishes? From the day he was born, he'd been told it was his purpose, to dominate and lead and pass on the name. He had never questioned why his name deserved such dedication, but how many fathers had to prove that anyways? It had been accepted in the Timbers, the Keep, the Downs; would she really tell him they couldn't have it if he couldn't make some grand case for it?

"There was plenty he was wrong on. He wasn't a perfect man, he probably wasn't even a good man. But he's gone, and it..." another hesitation, and Gent closed his eyes as he slowly shook his head. That was the problem. He was trying to justify all of it by his father's merits, but what did that matter? That man was soil in some indiscernible plot of abandoned land to the north. He wasn't why it was important.

"Forget that. All of that," he spoke with sudden conviction, at last raising his glass-blue eyes to meet her twin suns. "I haven't ever asked myself why. I mean, I thought that was my reason and saying it aloud it's... so irrelevant.The name means nothing, but I want it to. Not because whatever it used to mean, not because of what my father wanted, but because of what I can make it into."

His gaze softened considerably at that moment, as he was reminded that as she had said, she was his partner in this.

"What we can make it into."

Her golden eyes tracked over his face; waiting for some change in expression as the silence between them grew longer. Her focus shifted from one glacial pool to the other; her tongue motionless as she gave him his chance. She was willing to listen to what the man had to say, but that did require him to say something. Her mate's hesitation almost made her more worried; whether it resulted from disagreement or perhaps the fact that she was right about the Lieris clan. Niether boded well. The rising sun reflected off of his ebony coat, almost making it seem brown in the light. The man's normal blue sheen was absent, and when he spoke, so was the outer coldness that went with it. 

Dad. The Queen's gaze softened. To hear the swarthy behemoth say the word “dad” like that was bizarre enough on its own; never mind the fact that it was a term nearly alien to Raela herself. She knew what it meant; it was what normal children called their loving fathers, and that knowledge made her stomach twist. Hers had always demanded to be called “Sir.” There was no room for such affectionate names. At least Gent's imperfect father had allowed him that. He continued speaking, and she was instantly enthralled. What did the giant beside her even look like as a child? Had the topic not been so serious, she would have delighted in imagining how adorable he must have been. 

Ah, so it was as simple as a withering fall plant then; everyone slowly giving up on their creed and their family. Somehow she knew there had to be much more in there, but at least it was no story of murders and war. So far as she knew. It was not common for him to be so soft with his words, and Raela had long ago figured out that she was probably the only one his voice; his conviction ever weakened for. The longer Gent went on, the more she began to see just how much of this reasoning centered on that “dad.” Something had to have made him take some pride in that name, tarnished with turpitude as it was. His questionable father had to have meant something, or Gent wouldn't be so intent on continuing his legacy. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she considered it, watching the larger wolf shake his head. 

All at once his confidence returned, eager to dismiss everything. Raela sat up straighter, pricking her ears anew. She met his eyes with curiosity. What then? “The name means nothing...” She supposed nothing was better than something bad. It was his next statements though, that brought a new light into the matriarch's eyes. Now this was something she could understand. The reply came to her lips with surprising ease. "It's not just about him then, it's about you." Her face shone with understanding as she repeated the idea back to him. Maybe Gent had admired his father's commitment; they certainly seemed to share a work ethic and a drive to improve things.

He was in the rare position of actually being able to do something about it. The name had come at his birth, after all. She smiled softly at his correction. Yes. We. Now he got it. "If this is what you want to do with your life," she started, directing her bright eyes to the side here and there, "then I can't say it's a cause I disagree with." A wry smile pulled at one side of her mouth as she glanced away. The Queen of the Notch huffed quietly. "I used to hope to get rid of my name someday; to maybe find my way into a better family, or maybe make one up." The woman paused then, her fake smile pressed tightly closed. "But having to work for that... seems more fair doesn't it?" Honey eyes flicked upward to gauge his reaction while her face remained down. Ah, what had ever been handed to her anyway? 

(This post was last modified: May 07, 2016, 02:27 AM by Raela.)

            

If he'd had the resolve to watch her as he fumbled with his words, the patient earnestness within her eyes would have given him strength. Yet then he might not have struggled so, and without that dissonance this gem of truth would not have been found. To return to that sunshine after regaining his determination, and feel the warmth of understanding emanating from her gilded eyes; he had never been more thankful. Her voice rose up again, solidifying what he assumed from her shift in demeanor, and his adoration for her shone deeply from his features.

She opened up yet again at that moment, jarring the door that he had so many times before considered opening. His curiosity swelled as it had every time before, but this time he was finally in a position to step inside her past and ask questions of it. However, that wasn't his first instinct in that moment.

There had been little space between them to begin with, but he eliminated it entirely in one silent motion. Gent pressed himself against her side, draping his throat across her nape and pulling her closer into him with his muzzle. No matter how many years together lay ahead of them, he was pretty certain that he would never be able to truly express to her how grateful he was to have her.

For a lengthy moment, he simply held her tightly. When at last he spoke again, it was a single question: "What did they do to you?"

OOC: @Gent you asked for it... 

She melted into his touch; going almost limp as she was pulled into the embrace. Her had came to rest complacently against the man's neck and chest, and she sighed. It was fine to just sit there; to feel the morning breeze from this hilltop and the comforting warmth between them. The renewed clam lasted only so long though. Inevitably, the peace had to end, and this time with her lover's curious voice. Raela felt her heart skip, and it felt as if everything had gone silent. There was no outward indication that she had heard him at all; the Queen of the Notch remained perfectly still, staring in the direction of the rock below. 

Her silence was prolonged. After all, there was no chance of her not hearing what he'd said when they were so very close. No, she was not quiet out of ignorance, or even refusal. Raela's thoughts in the moment were not the kind that sounded like coherent words, or sentences even. All the memories came back at once in a mass of anger, pain and suffering, but her expression continued to be blank. Her mind hung on the fact that it was truly the first time the swarthy mammoth had asked. While Raela despised re-living her past, deep down she would always desire to reveal it; to find someone else to understand and sympathize. Gent had waited so very long to even attempt to be that person, but thinking back on it, she couldn't blame him. The man had not arrived on the scene fluent in emotion or feelings in general. All of that had been recent development.  

In a way; she had been waiting for him to ask. Now that the moment was upon her; Raela let the air hang empty, long enough that she became aware of how long she was taking to speak, even as she tried to figure out how and where to start. Something made her draw back and stare blankly at the ragged lichen and stone under her feet instead. Eventually her words were forced onto the path of least resistance, to start. "Well they chased me off," she began, glancing over at him once. This much he already knew, and she spoke it as familiar. In the next beat, the woman's tone slipped deeper into bitterness. "Mostly because I wouldn't just go when they asked." Her eyebrows furrowed, and Raela let out an exasperated sigh. He needed a full explanation. 

"You remember that I was lowest? Well I was the first one they decided to get rid of when that year's puppies were born. I was a burden to them and Asurns don't keep anyone around who doesn't meet their standards. Sick, injured, elderly or just plain weak." She paused to draw a breath. "I think you know which one I was. They always called me that ...among other things." The matriarch's voice deflated from resentment to despair until once more the air between them was empty of words. "They wouldn't have let me live in the first place, if that year hadn't been so good to the pack." One of the many wonderful tidbits of information her dear mother had relayed time and time again.

"I was never as strong as they wanted. Too emotional, too sensitive – things they punish you for." Her gaze lifted from the ground with a new spark of anger as she tilted her muzzle toward him. It wasn't as if she expected the man to pick up on it then and there, but hidden beneath her fur and across her face were countless little scars; something others might have hardly noticed, or thought somewhat normal. "And if you don't leave on your own, they will make you," her voice wavered a little, "...or they will kill you." Her teeth clamped sharply together and she looked away, feeling the muscles in her throat go rigid.

"And, my brother was too scared to go." The Queen's voice cracked under the weight of the pain. A deep breath wracked her frame. "He was hunting, and got hurt..." She sniffed; her vision growing cloudy from the welling tears. "He was the only one that wasn't like them..." Raela dropped her head to her chest in defeat as sobs threatened to halt her story there. She would never forget the sight of his body when she finally found it; left out in the snow for the crows like prey. That vivid memory broke her down to nothing more than a shaking, quietly sobbing wreck; something Gent was probably familiar with by now. She was weak. 

            

There is a deer that was killed by a lynx nearby. +10 Health

The silence disturbed him as it created an increasingly foreboding atmosphere the longer it persisted. Still, he was as patient as always. Neither in gesture nor with words did he attempt to rush or prod her. When she pulled away, his pale gaze settled upon her dial, watchful of everything that passed through her sunshine eyes. Clearly, there was a lot to the answer. Given her nonpareil status in his life, this caused him great concern. She was one of the few wolves for which he could actually feel empathy.

When finally she began to answer, certain things began to make more sense to him. Primarily, the lack of confidence she had, that fallacious softness she presented to the world. Raela was emotional, empathetic, gracious--but none of these things made her weak. There was a strength within her that shone brightly when it needed to, mostly to protect others; it was what he had tried to tap into with their sparring and what he tried to make her see for herself. It made her worthy of the crown that she still seemed to doubt every now and then, and what attracted him to her more than anything. It was their fault that she had been so oblivious to it.

A soft sighing breath escaped his nostrils as he looked upon the beautiful scenery before them, down the mountainside and over the paradise they had discovered. The sunrise had nearly reached its end, the flaming colors fading into the soft robin egg blue that would dominate the sky until sunset. She was safe from them now, from their words and their teeth; and she had proven them wrong, founding queen of a pack that would be thriving and formidable. That mattered to her, didn't it? Did she see the disparity herself?

... or they will kill you. Her words were beginning to shake with her emotion, with sadness no longer the dominate note. It drew his gaze once more, and everything suddenly became very much worse. It was instinct by now to sense the oncoming tears and to comfort her, and so he did. His muzzle slid along the underneath of her jaw and over her cheek, before his teeth tangled with the ruff of her neck to gently pull her into him yet again.

Up until that point, he had been able to relate to her story in one way or another in order to understand it, either from his own childhood experiences or those which he'd witnessed his siblings going through. This, however? It was different than the death of his father, different even from Minka's passing. Gent wasn't sure he could truly comprehend the pain this memory caused her, but he felt deeply for her all the same. What could be said to any of it? He didn't know, not right in that moment, and so he simply held her and hoped dearly that it helped.

It was dark inside her head. The shaking woman did nothing to resist his pull; melting back to his side while the grief consumed all that it could. Her eyes shut against it; but only served to shut out the world and in the tragedy. It was not often that she sat and really cried over this any more. More silent tears were just about common, if she was ever alone or her mind just felt like paining her with the past. It had been a while. 

And it took a little while to stop. Her mate had nothing to say, but she was very sure that he'd heard her. Gent had never been a man of many words or many condolences, but whatever the black behemoth did offer always helped. It helped now as the sobbing slowly ebbed, though when her eyes opened at last she was still trembling. The shaking usually lasted for a time. The Alphess' tears reduced finally to intermittent sniffs, and her shining eyes stared hollowly at the rock beneath them. Was she supposed to say something then? Somehow it didn't feel needed.

Gent's heartbeat carried on in her ear; calmly, steadily. Perhaps it could clam her own. Perhaps it already had. The glow of sunrise around them had faded; and the great orb of light had begun to move on. The vibrant pink and orange hues were all but gone; left replaced by golden sunlight. It was about time the King and Queen returned. Recognizing this, she finally withdrew from his side; all too aware of the man's vanishing warmth. Only then did her mouth feel like moving. "Should probably get back," Raela mumbled quietly, the hint of a wry grin on her lips as she glanced up at him.