power over me

New Years/Birthday RE: Memories are heavy on your mind, especially of this last year. You can't help but spend time reliving both the good and the bad, for better or worse.
For @Oksana | Cloudy, -1 ° F | Late evening, just before sunset

He felt numb even as the brisk winter breeze combed through his thick agouti coat, but it wasn't the freezing weather affecting him. The days he's spent caught up in his thoughts and memories had brought him to this state. When the thoughts grew to be too much, the Vuesain could sometimes be found up along the ridge overlooking the Lake where his late mother and now his son were buried. The large boulder that marked Namid's resting place had been adorned with smaller prettier rocks that he had found over the past year and once the snow melted and spring came the mountain spiraea he had gotten to take root there would bloom its vibrant colors.

Looking over to his son's grave, he couldn't help but feel the memories from the past year resurface. With her on his mind constantly, he relived the moment him and Oksana first met among the falls. The connection was immediate between the two of them as she quickly captivated him. He had been hopeful that he would see her again after telling her about his home. Though shortly after, he realized his sister, who he had vowed to never leave her side, had deserted him within the Lore while they were attempting to reclaim the Cove in their family's name. The anger and sadness that had flooded him led him to seek comfort during the spring which resulted him becoming a father for the first time. He could never leave them and because of them, Aleister realized the Lore and the Cove were now his forever home.

But then sickness threatened to take him from his children, almost draining him of everything that he had while he fought against it. The Vuesain will forever be grateful for Chan as he took over leadership of the Cove and kept them surviving and thriving while he healed. Luckily, Aleister survived and was happy to find that Sana had found her way to Cove. He didn't know if he would ever see her again, but they quickly became close friends. With the season change bringing the disappearance of a few members, but most notably Kip who had been the mother of three of his children and someone he truly cared for. Their relationship had been complicated, but Aleister was hit hard with her absence especially now that he had to care for three children as they too suffered the loss of their mother. With the end of the year coming to a close, Aleister found that he may have another son that he did not know about, causing him to be conflicted on what to do. But with the new year, his daughter went missing, prompting him to reclaim his leadership of the Cove and search for his missing child. Luckily, she was not far and Aleister was able to bring her back home safely. And through all that, Sana had been right there alongside him and supporting him in every way while she unknowingly captured his heart.

Even he had been oblivious to how much of his heart was already hers until she told him she had found someone special that she could see spending her life with not just as a friend but as a mate. The heartache and pain at the thought of that not being him, stunned him and scared him. Never had he felt that kind of jealousy before, the way he felt was foreign to him and he didn't understand any of it at the time. But he knew he needed to be happy for his companion for finding her own happiness even if he wasn't what she needed. However, he couldn't help but feel lost again at the thought of her with another. But as he sat upon his haunches, he felt like she may be slipping though his paws then.

 

I wanna be king in your story
I wanna know who you are
I want your heart to beat for me
Oh I

You got that power over me, my my
Everything I hold dear resides in those eyes
You got that power over me, my my
The only one I know, the only one on my mind

Power Over Me - Dermot Kennedy

The freezing air sent a shiver down the Crow's spine as she took a breath. She thought she could smell a hint of snow on the air. She was on her way back from an unsuccessful hunt ready to seek shelter in the den where she knew it was warm. Something caught her attention that couldn't be ignored. She paused as she recognized Aleister's scent. It was fresh and heading away from the den. It was almost automatic when she changed directions to go and find him. As much as she might want to be in the warm den that night she wanted to be with him more.

Her dark paws carried her through the territory toward the lake. At first she smiled expecting to find him along the shores. Coming down onto the rocky area that surrounded the lake her smile faded, he wasn't there. She hadn't lost his scent though so followed it up onto a ride that she could see the lake from. His back to was to her.

She wondered what had brought him to this place, it was a place they hadn't ever been to together before. She found it peaceful and could only imagine what it might be like in the spring one the lake had thawed and the color had returned to the forest. She didn't approach him immediately because she realized what this place was. So she gave him a few more moments with his thoughts.

She couldn't help but be curious about what was going on in his busy head at that moment. As always she would let him share what he wanted to with her because she didn't want their friendship to be about trying to pull as much information out of each other as they could all at one time. She liked how they learned a little more about each other each day.

Finally she felt it was okay to approach him so she quietly joined him sitting down beside him. Oksana pressed her side against his silently offering her support and any comfort he might need. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly not wanting to disturb this special place too much but she needed to know if he was or not.

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Swept up in his thoughts, Aleister didn't notice the arrival of Oksana or her gaze as she watched him from afar. Instead, he fell deeper into the emotional storm as he stared aimlessly at the center of the boulder that rested upon his mother's grave. The tension that had built within his body over the last week and a half was crippling with every moment he spent with Sana, he wanted to confess his feelings, but was that right of him if she was happy? What if he tells her and she leaves because of it?

Suddenly his side was warm as the very woman who had plagued his thoughts was pressed against his side, snapping him out of his turmoiled state. Mismatched gaze looking to her as she asked if he was okay. How did she always know? It was like she was attracted to his darkness with her bright light diminishing the shadows with every step she took closer to him. No, he was not fine, not until he confessed. Only then, when he told her the truth of his feelings could he begin to repair from the loss of her. Because he knew eventually, she would leave once he revealed his feelings. They always did once he opened up. At least if he started to repair himself, he wouldn't be so hurt when she disappeared. At least then, he would be ready for it.

He still couldn't imagine his world without her light, it made him sick even thinking of it. Aleister knew this was going to hurt, but he couldn't keep it bottled any longer. "I need to tell you something," he said quietly as he moved to create some space from her as he turned to face her head on. If he didn't move, he would have never spoken his truth. He would have gone on with his bottled feelings and making sure she was always happy.

Sitting there watching him she had no idea if he knew she was there. If he did she hoped that he knew she was there if he needed her just as she always was. She was worried about him but she felt at that moment he needed sometime to himself and whoever had been laid to rest in this place. As much as she cared for the man in front of her and woikd want him at her side she'd need a few moments if the roles were reversed. She felt this place was a part of his life before she had met him and as much as she wanted to learn about it. She wanted him to tell her when he was ready.

When she felt it was time she was at his side silently letting him know that she was there. She'd been cold from the freezing air but being that close to him helped to provide the warmth she needed. It was the kind that couldn't be found in the den. Only the kind that someone you were really close to could offer. She smiled softly up at him when he looked at her a question on her lips. She then gave him a moment to put his thoughts together if he needed to. Her gaze had gone to the place he'd been looking before she'd joined him. There she could see two distinct graves.

She looked up at him when he spoke saying he needed to tell her something. Then he moved away from her, that was strange, he'd never done that. She was a little worried about what he had to tell her. She hoped he wasn't going to tell her he was leaving again or that he didn't want to be fruends anymore. She didnt know what she'd do if that was what he had to tell her."Of course, you can tell me anything," she said trying to keep the worry and fear she felt out of her voice.

(This post was last modified: Jan 21, 2022, 03:27 AM by Oksana.)

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He could feel the sudden hint of fear in her voice when she spoke though she tried to mask the worry, he could see it. Reaching forward, he ran his muzzle along hers affectionately, Aleister didn't mean to make her worried and he wanted to make sure she knew that. Never would he intentionally upset her, he was here to comfort her and bring her happiness. He did so quickly, because if he lingered any longer in her touch, he would forget all the words he wanted to say to her.

"If what I tell you upsets you, I'm sorry, I just need to tell you this before I never do." He began as his ocean and sunshine gaze looked upon her dark form as if he was committing her to memory just in case, she faded away quicker than he anticipated. "You said you had found someone special thanks to me." His face grew pained even thinking of it. "I can't sleep knowing that someone isn't me. I want to be that someone for you. I want to give you the family you have always wanted. I want to be the one that you love. Because I love you, but that's okay if you don't. I will love you either way." There it was, his truth, his bottled feelings and now he figured she would hold him at arm's length until she left him behind. And that was okay as long as she was happy. If he wasn't worthy of her light, of her love and that was okay with him. At least he saw a glimpse of it.

"I just needed you to know that," he finished quietly, his gaze searching hers wildly wondering what she was thinking behind those pumpkin eyes.

(This post was last modified: Jan 25, 2022, 02:57 AM by Aleister.)

She had so many bad things running through her mind that he could want to tell her that it was hard to focus. That was until she felt the touch of his muzzle on hers and though it was a quick touch she smiled closing her eyes. It calmed her thoughts enough she could meet his gaze and really hear what he wanted to tell her.

What Aleister said next wad totally unexpected and she felt herself release a breath. She didn't interrupt him. She could tell he needed to get this out and she wanted to be sure to hear every word. She was surprised when he told her that he loved her. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, that he mirrored her feelings. Then he said his last and at first she was so stunned by all that he had said. She'd been expecting the worst and her he was telling her the best thing she'd ever heard. She wanted to jump up and down and run and tell everyone what he'd said to her but she didn't. That would have been very inappropriate.

"How daft can you be Aleister," she started not quite yelling but jot quiet either. "You are the someone specia I was talking about." She felt like she'd practically spelled it out for him. "You're the one that makes me happy. The one that makes me forget that I'm not perfect and your the one who accepts me bum leg and all. I love you too Aleister Vuesain and your the only man that I love." Oksana didn't stop there, she closed the distance he'd put between them and kissed his cheek before stepping back to wait for his reaction.

She'd was almost certain he wasn't expecting what she'd just said to him. She wanted to see his face light up and the smile that might cross his features. She wanted to see him happy and know that she'd been able to give him something to be happy about.

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Comforting her seemed to help, as her eyes weren't so full of concern or fear when he began talking. His whole truth was laid out for her to judge which left him feeling flooded with insecurities for being so vulnerable. Never did he lay himself open like this to anyone. Keeping everything bottled and suppressed was how he managed through his life, but this instance he couldn't keep himself hidden any longer. She needed to know because he needed to be honest with her.

Once he finished, his gaze studying hers frankly wondering what she was thinking. All he could see was the shock and surprise that flooded her face. Oh, no this isn't good. She wasn't expecting this and now he just screwed everything up. This was why he never did this, why he kept everything bottled and never showed his vulnerabilities. Sitting back, he waited for her inevitable judgement or the awkwardness to grow between them.

When she spoke, her words were louder than he expected, prompting his gaze to widen in surprised. "What?" Was the only word he could speak when she told him he was the one she was talking about. Sana's next words left him speechless and frankly his jaw could be seen on the snow-covered earth even as she closed the distance between them and kissed his cheek again. Suddenly he snapped out of it as a broad smile fell upon his lips and the light returned to his gaze. "You are perfect, Sana." Were his only words before he closed the distance between them and embraced her with all the love he held for her.

(This post was last modified: Jan 21, 2022, 03:16 PM by Aleister.)

She'd been absolutely stunned that he felt the same way about her as she did him. How did she ever get so lucky to find him? Oksana didn't know how that had happened but learning that he loved her back the way she loved him was like a dream come true. All the fears she had before him had disappeared and all that was left was comfort in knowing that they had each other.

She of course let him have it in the kindest way possible. She wanted him to know that he was the one she had been talking about, he'd always been the one and there wasn't anyone else for her. Oksana could see the shock in his face as she admitted how she really felt about him. Now ahe was so glad that this moment had happened between them. She felt like it had been necessary in their friendship and now their future. Ahe wondered what would happen between them now that they had confessed their love for each other.

She smiled at his excailmation pleased with herself that she'd successfully surprised him. What was even better was the happiness that filled his eyes when he realized that what he felt was returned. Then he told her she was perfect and embraced her. For aoment she buried her face I to his fur before turning her head up to say. "You are too Aleister, you always have been." She wouldn't change him because even with his stormy moods she had found her one. She rested her head against him and closed her eyes wanting to bask in the moment.

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He couldn't help but to lean into her embrace and let her words baptize him as he savored this moment he never thought would happen in his lifetime. Aleister never thought he was worthy of another affection, but Sana had taught and showed him otherwise and he was thankful to know she felt the same way about him as he did for her. The Vuesain had gotten into his own head with that matter, not realizing what was right in front of him.

The agouti man didn't want to leave her embrace, so he didn't even after she spoke. Letting the silence emerse over them, he basked in her touch, never wanting to leave it. Smirking lightly as he rested his head against hers still, he remembered one of their conversations from a little while ago. "Did you ever figure out a nickname for me?" Aleister asked lightly as he nuzzled deeper into her touch.

It felt so right to her to be in his embrace, she never wanted to leave it. She'd found her home and the place where she belonged in him. How she could be so lucky to find him and get everything she ever wanted was vetoed her. She was grateful to whatever force had brought them together and showed them the way to each other. Oksana snuggled against him as he held her, she wasn't cold anymore. She now knew the love of the man she loved, that was all she needed.

It was quiet between them, one of those comfortable silences that she'd heard about. Oksana closed her eyes as he rested his head against hers. Then after a few moments he spoke asking about the nickname she'd promised him. "Actually I have thought about it," she said a smirk of her own appearing. " I was think something like Al-bear or honey bun," she said clearly joking. Oksana remembered she'd promised it wouldn't be anything like that. "Wait, I've got the perfect one, my knight in shining armor?" Her tone still held that note of jest. "What I was actually thinking would fit you best is Lee," she offered in a more serious tone so that he would know this was the one she wasn't joking about.

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