Paradise Falls the feminine urge

i am a dark red liver stretched out on the rocks

All the poison, I convert it and I turn it to love

Something was different today.

Whatever had been rattling around inside her lately seemed to have arrived in an explosion. She had not been stupid enough to think it just some sickness. Yet she was no medic, no mother, no elder woman. For the first time, she was perhaps grateful that the dark man that had accepted her was not at the helm.

In the early evening, she had begun to carefully pick her way along the worn grooves within the Falls. She hunted down after @Finley with a posture that for once seemed more skittish than defensive. Hardly the guardian figure she had so frequently presented herself to be so far. Yet she knew that if anyone other than the matriarch found her, she would not be so open to them.

It would be a welcomed relief to find the older woman.

Do you have a minute? A far nicer approach too than her usual stoic silence.

Finley had been stewing. Running over a question on whether or not she should send a scout to ensure that the trio had made it to the Cove safely. They had been their closest allies for a long time due to Chan’s ties to them, but she was not built for this. She didn’t like spending her time thinking about delegations and ongoing pack politics. She just wanted to spend time with her family, or at least the only member of it she had left, Atara.

It didn’t help that the spring heat had come upon her, and by the scent of it a few other females within the pack. She knew she should go over pack rules but she just couldn’t bring herself to call another meeting after the last disastrous one she had tried to lead. Instead, she just resigned herself that whatever happened, happened, and they would have to deal with it the best that they could.

A timid voice broke her from her thoughts, turning in surprise to see that it was Isla who was calling for her. The woman barely spoke from her experience and preferred to be alone, so it was a shock to see her seeking out the company of the leader. Forcing a smile that was convincing due to the sheer amount of practice she had, Finley nodded, ”Of course Isla, how can I help you?” If the wolf was a human she would have excelled in customer service.

i am a dark red liver stretched out on the rocks

All the poison, I convert it and I turn it to love

Finley seemed untouchable in a way Isla could not grasp.

Good and pure. Motherly. Who had been motherly to Isla? She had no yearning to find some father figure. She still, despite how things had collided and she had departed, had a father. Yet a matriarch was far more foreign to her.

Enough that it stalled her for a second before she composed herself again.

I want... The words felt thick in her throat. Strange and unusual. Permission. The word dragged across her tongue in a way that could only be described as odd. Hardly used to talking and far from one to say such polite words when she did speak.

I want your permission. This time the sentence was clearer, cohesive.

Permission for mistakes to be made and futures to be forged.

The mother’s head tilted after Isla let the silence stretch on, the younger woman was an interesting one. She could never quite put a paw on why she kept to herself, slinking around and being generally off putting. Was it an act? Was this her moment of coming to try to build a bridge? Ah. No, well, at least she was being responsible. Finley thought about it for a moment before nodding, ”You have my blessing.” That should have been the end of it probably, but the leader was also a mother and couldn’t just leave it like that.

Smiling softly she added almost tentatively, ”But, Isla. If I may, and this won’t change my answer, are you planning on doing this alone, or do you have a partner who will help you?” Finley sat up to give the salt and pepper wolf her full attention since this conversation called for it. With a sinking realization she thought that just one year from now she might be having a similar talk with Atara, but, at least she would have a little practice by then. Consider this something of a trial run.

And just like that a new future had been created.

She had fallen silent again for the moment. Prepared for that to just be it. Surely it had not always been so easy for everyone, right? Maybe that was just how the Falls were. Maybe that was why so many children ran about here.

"Alone." She might have understood that it took two to get there but...clearly it did not require two the whole way. Regardless Finley had made it clear that the answer would not change either way.

"I don't...have a partner."

Romance had not been part of the equation in her mind. Nor did she even have a young crush to capture in this moment.

Only herself and a riled drive.

The Lennox woman nodded slowly, just once, her face contemplative as if she were staring at something far away. Isla seemed like a strong woman and a loner at heart so it shouldn’t have been a surprise that she was looking to go alone at parenting. It felt nostalgic of springs now long gone and a litter that maybe was conceived in naivety. Suddenly she looked back to the other woman and added, ”I’ll make sure that the pack does what we can to support you and your children, but, even still it will be really difficult.” She had had Chan to take her in and bring her back to the pack, and Jethro who had stepped up even though he didn’t have to.

The nights had still been long, and lonely, and she had felt like everything that she was doing was wrong. But, Isla probably wasn’t like her and didn’t doubt herself at every single turn. Or, maybe she did and she masked it better than Finley ever had. With Atara things had been so different, Jethro so attentive and so deeply enamored with being a father that loneliness was never really part of the equation. So, why was this woman choosing the harder route?

i am a dark red liver stretched out on the rocks

All the poison, I convert it and I turn it to love

Why? She almost wanted to ask it but was halted by it. There could be no questioning if she wished to forge onward in Paradise Falls. Weakness shined in cracks here and there. Isla was fully prepared to take advantage of what opportunities she saw here.

That included a continued bloodline.

She nodded a wordless I know even if she doubted she had a clue. Yet if the pack's resources were being offered to her. It would be one less hurdle to jump and learn through. She could have departed then and there without a care but...

Will you too? She could not help but ask and wonder. What ideas brewed within the new matriarch for her own season? Perhaps she'd be fortunate enough to gleam something here too.

Isla nodded that she understood, and Finley had to hold in a sigh - she had granted her blessing and promised resources and would stand by that, but she wasn’t sure the younger woman knew what she was getting into. It was like looking into the lake on a still day and seeing a younger version of herself just a few years ago. Before Ryder, when her parents had told her and her sister to go out and continue on their legacy and make sure they continued the bloodline and she had done what she was told. She always did what she was told.

The train of thought came to a crashing halt when Isla asked a question. One she hadn’t even considered, and the absurdity of it all caused a chuckle to bubble to the surface. Shaking her head she responded lightly, ”No. I’m not a young wolf anymore - and even if I was I wouldn’t want to without Jethro.” Isla had youth and strength on her side, and Finley felt like a shadow of who she used to be. That would not make a good mother, no matter how much she loved both of her litters she wouldn’t bring anymore children into the world if she couldn’t give them her best.

i am a dark red liver stretched out on the rocks

All the poison, I convert it and I turn it to love

For a moment, she looked at Finley with something close to admiration.

Somehow she thought she might have seen glimpses of her father in this woman. Maybe they would have made a nice match. Although she doubted that her father wanted his wayward daughter to play matchmaker. Isla also wondered if Valles might have devoured Finley.

Regardless, she did appreciate the leader's transparency.

I understand, And something in her gaze seemed to say that this was genuine. She did not think her father had sired more children after her mother's departure and, more importantly, her sister's passing. While Isla had not picked someone of her own, she did have a sliver of admiration for those who stood so strongly to another. An unbreakable bond.

Although her idea of the whole thing was likely far less romantic than Finley's, or anyone's.

Isla stated that she understood the older woman’s decision, and Finley sincerely hoped that that was the truth. She seemed so young to be purposely looking to start the journey of motherhood but she was not one to judge. Or, at least she tried not to judge others, and when she did she was polite enough to keep it to herself. In the end, she settled on a smile and a cheerful, ”Good luck.” Finley hoped that she would find whatever it was that she was looking for, and at the very least she appreciated that the subordinate had sought out approval before bringing a burden on the pack. Green eyes watched as the dark wolf took her leave, finally distracted from her previous brooding.

FADE