Sex: MaleNight was falling, the twilight Eros' morning. He stood outside of the pack's den, in the tamped-down ground of their clearing, leaning ever so slightly to the right. Toward the autopilot of solitary patrolling. There was still dirt from Rochus' grave beneath his nails though, the scent of death and bog stuck in his nostrils, and all he could see in his mind was Archer's corpse. Eros was frozen, and for a long while. When life returned to him, eyes fluttering away irritation and posture straightening, he turned left instead. After his niece's trail. How was she managing? Even if she felt the elder had been nothing but a stranger to her, it was still salt in a grievous wound, wasn't it? Whatever her thoughts, Eros needed to check in. "Ally?" his voice called out softly as he thought himself near. Hopefully it wasn't a bad time... |
Ally had spent the last day keeping her herself more than she had the previous weeks. She wanted to comfort her grandfather, but it seemed the others had that under control - and what could she offer, anyway? A reminder of someone else he'd lost? What did he care about her, whom he'd barely known, compared to his son and whoever that elder had been to him?
That was a mean thought. She knew @Viorel cared about her. That much had been abundantly clear from the day they'd met, and more so upon her safe return home. How even in the grief of finding out about her dad's death, her grandfather and chased after her to make sure she was okay. Her dad wouldn't want her to be upset with any of them, and she wasn't... she was just... sad. Still. She hadn't quite wrapped her head around it, even though Uncle Eros had found him and confirmed everything that lady had said. She still woke up expecting him to show up, to tell her how much he missed her and how much trouble she was in for running off.
Oh how badly she wanted to be in trouble.
She should be in trouble. All of this was her fault. If she hadn't run off and gotten lost, he wouldn't have had to go look for her, and they would have been safe and sound here and he would still be alive and-
She was pulled out of her endless spiral by her uncle's voice and she lifted her head, sniffling and quickly swiping a paw across her face to try and hide the fact she'd been crying. Again. "Yeah?" she called without standing up, still tucked against the gnarled roots of the half-fallen tree she'd been sleeping under since her return.
Eros could still tell, and the sludge of dark emotion churned within him. He felt so powerless, and... that could have been okay. Being lost to a void, well, there were worse wolves it could happen to, right? Fathers and partners and confidants. Eros alone, he was nothing. Even his leadership could be seen as superfluous, @Viorel no stranger to solitary stewardship. Archer, though? He had really mattered, to Eros especially. That last request, as communicated by @Nori, never slipped from his thoughts. Ally mattered more than anything, now. Safeguarding her was the only true worth left to him. "Can I join you?" he asked in a gentle, unassuming tone while taking a few steps forward. If allowed, he'd settle right in with her. |
Ally watched her uncle approach and noted that he too seemed to carry the burden of grief. Of course he did. Like her grandfather he'd lost so much family recently, and he'd been the one to find her dad.
It was polite of him to ask, like she would refuse him. Like she could have found it in her to refuse him. "Sure," she said turning her face away for a moment to try and further compose herself. She knew it was okay to be sad. It was okay for her to hurt - who could blame her? Nobody. But she was tired of crying, and she was tired of being a burden on everyone she met. She'd thought about slinking away again, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't risk repeating the disaster she'd already caused, couldn't do that to her dad's family. They'd looked for her so much, been so pleased when she'd come home.
When Eros settled beside her Ally resisted for only a moment before leaning into his side, allowing his comforting scent to roll over her. She couldn't have her dad, but Eros was just as good, and he loved her just as much, and she loved him all the more for it.
When she relaxed a little into him, he gently rested his wolfish cheek against the back of her crown, appreciating simply being there together. Hurting, but safe, and for her, there could still be so much more ahead of her in life. Joyful and triumphant times, things worth surviving the darkness for. He'd do what he could to ensure it. For a long while, that was enough. His thoughts could never be quieted though, and they ran in circles until he was tired enough of it to break the silence. "I'm sorry, that things here... that everything's so dark around here, now especially. It... definitely doesn't help." Not that there was anything to help losing a parent, but there were things that at least did not agitate and magnify the hurt. How could you heal, when everything around you continued to be so broken? Eros had thought family could see him through anything, but he hadn't been thinking about the reality of what happened when everyone was wounded at once. "Do you, wanna talk about any of it?" |
i painted your room at midnight
SO THAT I WOULD KNOW
YESTERDAY IS OVER.
Eros embraced her and she relaxed further, already feeling better for having him there. Why had she been hiding away again? Why hadn't she been with her family? Even if they were all hurting, at least they would have been together and she wouldn't have been hurting alone. But how was she supposed to know that? She hadn't even tried, just wanting to be by herself.
How incredibly selfish of her, and here was Eros checking in on her instead of helping his dad or leading the pack.
She sighed and after a pause shook her head, just a little. She didn't even know where to begin untangling all the feelings in her chest, didn't know how to talk about something so messy and big. "Why does it feel like the world is ending?" she whispered, almost afraid to say it. Her voice trembled. It would be useless to hope Eros hadn't noticed.
If she were younger, Eros would have completely censored his response, ensuring it was as kid-friendly as possible. Ally was a yearling now, though, something he sometimes had to remind himself of. He really considered the question, and while he still chose his words with a measure of care, he found he couldn't avoid leveling with her to an extent. "I guess it's... because in a way, it has ended. The world we shared with your dad," his voice choked up a little around the words, though he knew better to give into the emotion. Nothing would get said if did that. "and now we gotta find our way in a new world, which is... scary, and... sad, and painful." He lifted his head then, looking down at his niece. "It's perfectly reasonable to compare it to the world ending. Everything you feel is reasonable, and you get to sit with it for as long as you need to." |
I guess it goes to show, does it not?
THAT WE'VE NO IDEA WHAT WE'VE GOT UNTIL WE LOSE IT
Ally expected some sort of comfort from her uncle, expected him to tell her that everything was going to be okay and it hurt right now but it would get better - and was surprised when he did not. After her moment of surprise she found herself somewhat grateful that he hadn't condescended to her like she was pup still. Even so, the weight of hopelessness crushed down over her and she let out a low whine.
"I know I already was, in a way, since we were apart for so long, but..." she took a shaky breath, tried to hold back the tears. "It was different, knowing he was out there looking for me, than now, knowing he's n..." he voice broke. "I keep thinking maybe he's still going to show up." she said, so quietly she wondered if he would even be able to hear her.
"How long?" she asked. "How long do I have to feel like this? Like its hard to breath?"
How long?
What if there wasn't hope even for Ally?
How long do I have to feel like this? Like its hard to breath?
What if she was where Eros was at, where Viorel was likely at, just at a much younger age? What if the entire ship was sinking at once?
His heart began to race, and it was a fight to breathe steadily. Eros wanted to bolt, away from her and away from himself both. Panic was threatening to take control. For a moment, he was silent, simply staying still requiring all of his effort.
"... did your dad tell you about our sister, Sephrina?"
Eros so rarely spoke her name. It tasted like ash.
I guess it goes to show, does it not?
THAT WE'VE NO IDEA WHAT WE'VE GOT UNTIL WE LOSE IT
Eros was quiet for a moment and Ally didn't miss his ears pressing down. She quickly looked away, not sure she wanted to see what else might be in his expression. She was afraid the answer would be 'never'. She didn't want to think about what life would be like if she always felt like this. She thought back to how sad her dad always was.
She recognized the name and glanced up again. She nodded. "He said she drowned on the mountain, and that's why it was a dangerous place. He didn't like it when I went near the water without him." Her eyes dropped back to her paws. "He'd probably be mad if he knew how long I spent up there." She hadn't felt it was particularly dangerous, even knowing what happened to Magg, but she hadn't wanted to upset her dad either.