Oak Tree Bend not for real

For @Serach
Forward dated to December 20th because nostalgia
Overcast, -10C/14F

Things within the Bend had been on a slow shift in the last two months. Or maybe it was more accurate to say that things with Aponi had been on a slow shift since her conversation with Rosalin. What she had mentioned to the yearling had been comment made on an off-thought that she hadn’t considered much. Until Zev disappeared without a word. Rosalin seemed fine, or she was at least good at pretending and the alpha did not know her well enough to pry. That, and she didn’t want to get involved in someone else’s messy feelings unless they were her mates or her kids. Maybe even Nalda, how had been strangely quiet the last few months. She still completed all of her duties but Aponi certainly saw less of her than normal.

But, ever since Zev had left the mother had started feeling her own sense of panic and anxiety growing in the pit of her stomach. Too proud to admit to it or even speak the words out loud she went through her day as normal, her cool mask always on her maw. Perhaps she was more aloof than normal, less affectionate with her mate and her children but overall she was mostly the same. Aponi came to bed later at night and often chose to sleep between her children rather than pressed against her mate’s side and she no longer sought him out to do border patrols but she was sure Serach hadn’t noticed. Or maybe he had and he just hadn’t said anything yet.

Which was how she found herself up early one morning just after dawn, laying underneath the oak tree which was their namesake. The sky was dreary but Aponi was not sure if it would remain overcast all day or if the dark clouds would amount to more snow in the clearing of their home. Her blue eyes remained fixed on the old tree, the one that meant so much to Serach and to his mother before that. Would their relationship remain as strong and rooted as this tree, or would they come tumbling down with time?

 

I still suck. I'm sorry.

It had taken Serach longer to notice than it should have that something wasn't quite right. The first few times, he had merely shrugged it off or told himself that he was just reading something into nothing. But as the weeks dragged on and he found himself spending more and more time alone rather than in the company of his mate, he had finally admitted to himself that something was wrong. She hadn't said anything, and it wasn't although she was actively avoiding him, which was maybe why it had taken so long for him to notice. But nestled in the den doing his best to stay warm against the bitter December winds, her absence was definitely noted.

The next morning, he woke before the sun. Stretching his legs, he left the den's comfort and emerged into the early December morning, his eyes lazily scanning the clearing and landing on the familiar form of Aponi resting near the old oak tree that gave the pack its name. Hesitating for only a moment, he gritted his teeth before deciding to approach, unsure about what to say as he closed the distance between them.

Making no moves to hide his approach, he nudged her haunch gently with his nose before he sat down beside her. Looking down at her, he willed her to look up at him and meet his gaze. "It's kind of an ugly tree in the winter, without its leaves," he finally commented, when he decided that outright asking her what in the world was wrong was probably not the wisest decision.

The mother liked to be alone. Something that she often gave up when she became a mate and a mother and an alpha, not that she would ever complain about it. Except perhaps right now. Serach’s footsteps were heard loud and clear and yet Aponi found herself half wishing that he would just continue on after a quick greeting.

Suddenly the Donata was super aware of what day it was. Unintentionally she tensed as Serach nudged her haunches, but forced herself to relax moments later. Sighing Aponi forced herself to smile as much as she could, her blue eyes still focused on the tree where they had been when her mate approached. The moment of silence stretched on long enough that the silver wolf had to shift the way she was laying in the snow, the crunching of the ice seemed deafening.

Trying to smooth things over she said the only thing she could think of, ”It looks the same as it did a year ago.” But a year ago they had been under this tree confessing their feelings and the pack had been crumbling around them. Now their numbers still had not recovered and Aponi realized how strongly she had leaned on the pale man beside her, something she had always swore she would never do.

 

Aponi was not in a conversational mood, that much was very clear. Although Serach could see her lips pull upwards to form a smile, she did not raise her eyes to meet his and so he was left looking down at the top of her head, his gaze following every flick of her ears. Her response, when it came, was short and curt - nothing that allowed room to open up a conversation. Shifting his paws in the snow, Serach decided he would go for humor first in the hopes that it might soften her up. "That it does, although we don't," he responded, his voice light and upbeat. "I think I've gotten fatter." He smiled broadly, tail brushing the snow aside as it wagged slowly behind him. "Not you though, you're more beautiful than ever, although I admit that I might be a bit biased."

Willing for her to look up at him or to respond to his cheesy jokes, Serach waited a few moments before slowly sliding down to his belly so he was level with her. His body language told her clearly that he was not going to go away, and although he could not outlast her when it came to stubbornness, he was not without his own bullheaded tendencies as well.

Sorry this took forever!

Serach was a good man, Aponi might not know much about life and love but this much she knew as clearly as anything. She flinched from him and he settled down beside her with an attempt at a joke, as stubborn as she was every day of the week. But, she couldn’t keep leaning on him as she had been. Aponi knew that she had made a mistake by allowing herself to become so dependent on another wolf who very well could decide to get up and leave her behind. Not that Serach would ever leave his tree.

It was a confusing train of thought, should she keep leaning on such a good man who would never leave his tree or should she protect herself? Aponi went back and forth on this everyday, but maybe it was their anniversary or maybe she was soft. The woman leaned into him gently, ”Your pack is as small as ever.” Okay, maybe she was only feeling a little soft. She couldn’t bring herself to fawn over how handsome he was (and he was), but she would at least lean on him while she worried.

That was something right?

(This post was last modified: Apr 13, 2018, 04:30 PM by Aponi.)

If Serach noticed that Aponi flinched away from him as he settled down beside her, he didn't show it. Settled down onto his belly beside her, he waited for her to respond and was rewarded with the warmth from her body as she leaned into his side. Eagerly he pushed back, lifting his muzzle so he could nuzzle the base of her ear. When she spoke, though, he stopped and pulled his head away. His eyes widened in shock and then confusion and his lips fell into a frown. "Is that what has been bothering you?" He asked her quietly. The pack was small, that was true, but it didn't really seem like a bad thing to him. Or at least, he had tried not to dwell on it so it would not become a bad thing. She was right, of course. The Oak Tree Bend of today was a long ways from where it had been when Aponi had first joined and they had struggled with keeping the loners who had joined them over the year to stick around.

Ears flattening against his head, he looked down at his paws while he thought of what else to say to try and reassure her. "I know it's been stressful, but I think we've been doing okay. The kids are happy, and they've got Lila and Nalda to help raise them. They're certainly better role models than some of the strangers who passed through here." Like the guy with the thing for killing owls...not someone Serach particularly wanted to raise his kids around.

 

SERACH & APONI DONATA

 

Serach’s response to her gentle touch increased the guilt she felt, the way his body so eagerly pressed into her warmth and the nuzzle behind her ear. Aponi knew that she should be more affectionate as as had been all along, but that was part of the problem wasn’t it? She had allowed herself to mould into him and give all of herself to him and she knew if he left she would break. But, despite the reservations in her mind she couldn’t help but to close her eyes and sigh at the comfort he brought her.

Unfortunately, before she could really lose herself in the moment he pulled away with a question on his lips. Blinking her eyes back open the silver wolf couldn’t bring herself to look at him but her brow furrowed as she stared upon the oak tree. ”We’re doing okay but we aren’t thriving as we did under other leadership.” The words were said casually but the true emotion was displayed in Aponi’s blue eyes as she stared straight ahead. It was hard for her to admit but she truly did believe that most of their problems were her fault.

She was too hard for most wolves to handle but too soft for her own liking. Yet here she was pressed against a man seeking comfort from him. Her brow furrowed farther down her forehead.

loving you is fire & then it’s rain.

She didn't turn to look at him, but she didn't have to in order for Serach to envision the frown on her face. He felt like an idiot for bringing it up, rather than just enjoying this quiet time between them. But it hurt him to know that she was upset with something digging away at her, and so he wanted to do something to fix it.

"Other leadership? You mean Spieden?" he asked, although of course that's who she had to have been talking about. "The size of the Bend had nothing to do with Spieden, besides the fact that she had two pups of her own. Frankly, the only reason the Bend grew as large as it did was because of Sahalie and her band of friends that she would bring home." And while they could certainly try to fake it, neither Aponi or Serach was as much of a social butterfly as Sahalie Tainn. Personally, Serach was more than okay with that.

Leaning back into her, Serach nuzzled Aponi's ruff before laying his head across her back. "You're a wonderful leader, Aponi. I'm certainly thriving more than I ever did leading alongside Spieden. But how do I make this better for you?"

Fade on your next post?

SERACH & APONI DONATA

Aponi didn’t answer Serach’s question because it didn’t need to be said. Not out loud, they both knew what the answer was going to be. She knew there was truth in his words but it still stung that she couldn’t bring the pack to flourish like a child had. A child.. The queen had an ego that was larger than the pack territory and to be quite frank it had been taking a beating recently. It did take away some of the sting to know that without the structure of the Bend Sahalie and her band had fallen apart.

His words were like a balm across a horrible sunburn and she settled her own head on her paws. The warmth of him across her back wrapped her in comfort and she sighed, finally smoothing her brow and closing her eyes. Without opening them her words were soft when she responded, ”I just don’t want to have to worry about our numbers anymore, we shrink every time I close my eyes.” They got closer and closer to disbanding every member that left, and it was taking its toll.

loving you is fire & then it’s rain.