Dead Empress Backwater I hope you never pretend for me

Private for @Eros Viorel has discovered Nia's pregnancy scent.
Late Morning, Broken Clouds, 35F/2C

Viorel had been heading to his signature sleeping spot to take his late morning nap, a classic routine moment for the nocturnal wolf. He had a lot on his mind, namely whether or not that night with Vanadis had been a huge mistake. They had spoken sparingly since then, keeping things polite, and he knew it was only a matter of time before they would find out whether or not their night of irresponsibility had taken root.

At first he thought he was imagining it, that his thoughts of Vanadis had somehow manifested itself as an actual scent. But, that wasn’t it. It clung to a smell of a woman, one who had only been with them for a week, he had barely learned her name but only knew that she was Sage’s mother. He stood for a minute, seething at the audacity of it all. Then he tried to cool himself down by taking a deep breath and calling for Eros. This wouldn’t be like last year when he made a decision all by himself based entirely on a knee jerk reaction. Still, he was so agitated he had to pace, back and forth, back and forth, just waiting for his co-lead to arrive and most likely be the even keeled one.

HANDLE YOUR OWN WHEN YOU BECOME A MAN

Someone's heat had abated, and there had been a moment where Eros had seen red. If Sage had ever smelled of the season to begin with, he might have immediately sought her out with accusations ready on his tongue. Thankfully, he didn't have reason to think this change in the air had anything to do with his friend, and that reflexive surge of anger faded just as quickly. But, who then? He'd snuffled determinedly around, working steadily at the mystery until it clicked. Not his friend and his brother another year, but instead the former's mother. Eros almost left it there; perhaps it was simply her age, but... no. They were faint, but present: pregnancy hormones. Dad's howl sounded before he could even process the implications. As he made his way toward his co-lead, the main emotions that surfaced was a burning curiosity for who the father was, and a deep pity for Sage. Had she caught onto it too? What would she think of this, what would she feel? What would come when he and Viorel did what was necessary to enforce pack law? Would she blame him? His mind spun. His father was clearly pissed. Eros didn't really blame him, even though he didn't feel quite the same. This slight was impersonal for him; it was Nia's daughter who would be hurt here. "I smell it too," he paused briefly, looking away a moment, guilty that he had to make this worse for his friend, but still resolute as he met Viorel's eye again, "and she isn't family." Eros had chosen his words carefully when they had spoken before. While Sage was important to him, her relations were not his. He was ready to oust Nia this moment, and she could explain herself to her daughter as she bid her goodbye. Hopefully... it wouldn't result in losing Sage, too...

BECOME A MAN WHEN YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN

Eros did not keep his co-lead waiting now, and as expected he did not seem nearly as worked up as Viorel felt. Just seeing his son handling this better forced the father to take a long deep breath and root his paws into the ground. No more pacing, no more rash decisions. It also helped that the tawny man did not seem conflicted on whether or not they should stick to their original plan. Nodding once severely he commented, ”Then we agree, she should be exiled from the pack.” He couldn’t help the cold edge in his tone, which he once he clocked it added, ”Perhaps it is best that you’re the one to take point on this, I will back you up but I think I’m too heated to be the one to remove her. Obviously with Sage involved that makes it extra complex.” Speaking of complex.

He let out a sigh and then added, ”This is not the best time to tell you, but I want to be honest and upfront.” He hesitated, once again feeling the line being co-leads and father and son grow tight and stretch. He needed to forge ahead, ”Your mother and I are trying to work things out, and we don’t know yet for sure but she may be pregnant.” Viorel hated that he felt a layer of shame in saying it, though he thought he did a decent job of keeping that from his face. He wasn’t ashamed of her, and normally he wouldn’t have been ashamed of what they had done, but he was afraid of the judgment Eros might have.

HANDLE YOUR OWN WHEN YOU BECOME A MAN

Eros' head bobbed along, gaze wandering as Viorel began to delve into details. Yes, @Nia would be ousted the moment she was tracked down. Yes, he could be the one to head the confrontation required to make that happen. Yes, Sage was a concern for him. His mind was steadily working away at the how, gathering his words, planning the choices he might need to make at each step, and not just with the banishment but with whatever fallout might come from it. He remembered when the woman had arrived, only ten days ago, and how she'd been practically foisted upon him the moment he'd appeared so that his friend and his brother could hide and whisper together. If they lost Nia and that made them lose Sage, would @Oleander follow too? 'This is not the best time to tell you, but I want to be honest and upfront.' Eros had been worrying quietly to himself, but that unexpected prelude pulled the concern all the way to the surface. His brows came together and there was a guardedness to his gaze, as though he were bracing himself for just about anything. When Viorel continued with it, his features almost softened again, until the final word hit. For the shortest of seconds, Eros' features rippled as though he'd bitten into the world's tartest berry. Gone in the blink of an eye, and replaced with a cold neutrality. His eyes stared into his father's, as if that alone could pressure Viorel into realizing just how stupid that very sentence was. Or, maybe it was just Eros. Maybe it was perfectly okay to be so grossly flippant about creating life. Maybe he just didn't understand because he was gay. Maybe he should accept that his life would always be about chasing after waves of little siblings until the day all three of his parents were gone. "That was fast." His tone was measured, but not without a touch of acidity. There was more that he could say, but what did it matter? He'd said himself that Viorel could do what he wanted, and it wasn't like anyone had ever asked Eros to be so involved. It was his choice to care so much, wasn't it? "Are we done, then?"

BECOME A MAN WHEN YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN

The matter of Nia seemed to be wrapped up and finalized. She would be removed and Eros would be the one to take point in doing it, with support from the other leader along the way. He wished this conversation could have ended here. It was messy enough, just one more slap in the face to the pack, Sage’s mother had been here barely over a week and had clearly just been using them as some kind of incubator to pop her cubs out into.

His reaction was as expected. His expression twisted, and then his tone was cold, biting, and Viorel’s ears flipped backwards and pressed against his skull. He knew he deserved it, his voice strained when he responded, ”I know.” He knew it was fast, he knew it was impulsive, he knew it was irresponsible and probably a stupid move. Suddenly the floodgate of his emotions that he had been suppressing for the last year broke and he could no longer smother everything down.

It started with a dry sob, but then the tears began to flow freely and it took a minute before he was able to compose himself enough to speak. When he did, his voice was raw and broken, ”I know it’s fast. But, for the last year it has just felt like nothing would ever be good again. And I know that this won’t bring Archer, Isla, Nix, or anyone else home, and I know it can’t bring her back,” He couldn’t even bring himself to say Sephrina, not now.

Yellow eyes were pleading for some semblance of understanding, ”The happiest I have ever been was when you were little, and again when your younger siblings came. I just need something to show me that things can get better and that I can get back to actually feeling some kind of joy in life again instead of just spending all day pretending.” He had to understand that, right?

HANDLE YOUR OWN WHEN YOU BECOME A MAN

Eros had genuinely expected that to be the end of it. After all, that was the pattern that had been established between himself and all those he'd considered confidants over the years. One party shut down and it was over, no resolution to be sought. This time, Viorel broke the model, shocking his son with a sound of raw emotion. Eros' eyes widened, and he watched as his father shared much more than he would have ever expected. As the words faded from the air, silence hung between them still. Eros was thinking deeply, heavily considering how to feel and how to answer both. It wasn't in his nature to turn away from someone who clearly needed something from him, but the younger Valle was also starting to feel tapped dry. All of this emotional energy constantly spent on others with so little to replenish his stores in turn. He wanted to comfort his parent, but he also wanted to lean into that cold unfeeling that had started cropping up, to finally be able to think only of himself, even if just once. "... we aren't a magic fix for your problems, and we never have been." Not his generation, not Sephrina's, not Asmund or Sonnet, and certainly not any other children that might yet come. "I wish you'd work on the relationships you do have instead of-..." well, there was no nice way for Eros to put it, not in his own raw state. He took a sharp breath in, and let out slowly, eyes pinching shut briefly. "I'm just not happy. I'm not happy either, with any of this." It wasn't just because he had more siblings coming, that his parents were creating more life before even figuring out whether or not they were really back together, it was the Vayko mess, the Nia mess, the Archer and Ally messes, it was his own personal life feeling so hollow, the constant anxiety over waiting for past traumas to repeat themselves, it was everything Viorel was dealing with and maybe even some things his father wouldn't be able to relate to. And, ultimately, it didn't fucking matter. He would be gone, the moment his father ran out of things to say, because Eros didn't want to share anything more of himself. He didn't see the point in it, especially if it was just going to drag Viorel further down. But he waited, watched, was still available if his co-lead did.

BECOME A MAN WHEN YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN

Eros’ response felt like a blow directly into his gut and a slap across his face simultaneously and this was clear on his muzzle. Nostrils flared as he attempted to suck in a deep breath, attempted to steady himself, pull himself back together. Hadn’t his son heard him? He knew that this wouldn’t bring anyone back or save anyone. He finally responded, ”I know it isn’t a fix, this won’t solve everything, it’s just a step in the direction of finally starting to move on.” Maybe that would make things worse for Eros to hear, but it was honest.

That was not the most concerning part of his son’s response, ”I am trying - but it is hard to work on relationships with wolves who aren’t even here,” that didn’t matter though. This was what mattered, ”I want you to be happy, I will do anything for you to be happy - just tell me how, what can I do?” Grief had made him selfish and he knew it, he had spent the last year going through the motions trying and mostly failing to hold it together. But enough was enough, he had taken the step of what he thought would help him and now it was time for him to stop putting himself first.

HANDLE YOUR OWN WHEN YOU BECOME A MAN

The more Viorel said, the harder it was for Eros to ignore the anger that was beginning to build in his gut. He loved his father, and he knew that he was loved in return. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to protect against just how deep the implications of his words cut. First he looked away, biting back the retort that a new litter would fix nothing, especially if their appeal would wear off once they were no longer toddling puppies. As it apparently had with the siblings who came before, Eros included. Then Viorel focused again on what he was missing instead of what was right in front of him, and Eros' eyes flashed like twin flames as they locked back onto his father's face. He was here. He had always been here, save one extended venture to try and bring Vanadis back home, and it wasn't just him. Viorel literally had an entire pack of wolves connected to him. 'I want you to be happy, I will do anything for you to be happy - just tell me how, what can I do?' You can't do anything, Eros wanted to seethe. In large part, that would be the truth. His father could be everything Eros had ever wanted him to be, and it still wouldn't wipe his own problems away. The pit forming in the younger Valle's chest was far larger than anything Viorel could ever hope to fill. Still, despite his own mounting emotions, he refused to lash out, to let the hurt he felt spread and infect. For a while he just stared, and then he took another steadying breath. He realized his fur had been prickled as it laid back into place, and distance replaced the ire in his gaze once again. "... forget I said anything. This Vayko shit just has me on the edge. I'm glad you and Mom are working on things." They were truths, but still thin veneers meant to make all of this more palatable for Viorel. Reasons to disregard and move on, as he wanted. "I'm fine. I promise."

BECOME A MAN WHEN YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN

Nothing that Viorel said seemed to be making this situation any better and he was beginning to feel like he was grasping at straws. He knew that his son might take a while to warm up to the news of having new siblings, but he had not expected this. But, maybe he should have. Eros had the same tendency towards anger and occasional outburst that his father did, it was in the Valle blood. Vayko had it, Modesto, the rest of them. Their blood boiled a little hotter than the rest of the world.

Yellow eyes watched as the fur rippled along his son’s spine, and he himself licked his lips in submission, tail drooping. Whatever his son needed to do, he would accept. Instead, he offered some excuse about Vayko and insisted he was fine. Viorel could see through the lie, but chose to accept it anyways out of fear that pushing him any further would only make things worse. So after opening his mouth and then closing it, he nodded once, ”Okay.” Then he shook out his pelt in an attempt to diffuse some tension, ”if you change your mind and want to talk about it, I’ll be here for you.” Looking away he added, ”let me know when you’re ready to handle Nia and I’ll back you up.” Then he turned to leave. Suddenly he felt so deeply alone because he had no idea who he could even speak to about this that would make him feel any better.

Viorel exit.

HANDLE YOUR OWN WHEN YOU BECOME A MAN

Of course Viorel wasn't magically convinced, but at least it bought Eros the space he had wanted. He waited to ensure his father was truly gone before letting out a deep sigh, posture slumping. One day, all of this would get easier, wouldn't it? Eventually, something good had to come and last, right? Eros' pale gaze cast askance, the answer resounding deep within his gut. Not necessarily Nia and her incredible audacity could wait just a little bit longer. He needed to brood.

BECOME A MAN WHEN YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN

(This post was last modified: Mar 28, 2024, 03:00 AM by Eros.)