The right person wrong time trope :,) this one hurt a little
I know, I just.. I thought about you so much. About us. What we could’ve been..
Could’ve been? Nori had let herself get lost in the feeling of having him so close, like she’d wanted for so long now. The past tense in his words had her racking her brain - couldn’t they still? Why couldn’t it be what we could be? There wasn’t any reason why-
Oh.
She’d been too quick to lean into him - this was too good to be true.
There was someone else.
The way he stepped away from her confirmed it. He wasn’t far - just out of reach. If she stepped forward, she could still press into him again.
But she didn’t.
Nori remained where she was and tried not to look like her chest felt like it was caving in. Like her eyes weren’t burning and like she didn’t want the earth to open up and swallow her whole.
Nothing had ever hurt like this before - this perceived rejection. It would have been easier if he’d told her to leave straight away, but now that she knew what it was like to bury herself into his fur, to indulge in being close to him…
Part of her screamed that it wasn’t fair. Misplaced anger crept up in her chest in an attempt to squish the hurt, but it was short lived. It wasn’t his fault, if he’d moved on. It wasn’t her fault, for not being there. It just wasn’t meant to be. It was as simple as that.
It didn’t mean that it wasn’t absolutely devastating.
There was a lump in her throat that threatened to choke her. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. All I did was…,” love you, “…be your friend. It wasn’t hard,” she whispered, still unable to look away from him. She wanted to, desperately, but she couldn’t, and it hurt so badly. “I’m really happy for you. Really,” she continued. She could do that - be happy for him. She wasn’t so much of a piece of shit that she couldn’t at least pretend to. A smile plastered on her face, and she hoped it wasn’t as strained as it felt. “I’m glad you’ve had a good life.”
A few years ago, she would’ve asked him to leave whoever he was with without a second thought. I could make you happier. The words were still there, on the tip of her tongue. Stay with me instead.
But she was older now. Less bold, less confident. But no less selfish.
“We could’ve…” she began, swallowing hard against the tears threatening to build in her eyes. “We could’ve had a good life, too, I think. Together.” She wouldn’t ask for it - wouldn’t stoop so low, - but she desperately needed that reassurance, now. “It would’ve been nice, wouldn’t it?”
It was cruel of her to ask, probably toward the both of them. But Nori needed this much, at least. Needed to know that he felt the same.
I could’ve made you happy.
We could’ve had children.
They could’ve had your eyes.
We could’ve grown older together.
You could’ve loved me, too.
That reassurance was all she needed, she told herself. Even if it wasn’t true.
(This post was last modified: Apr 24, 2024, 04:43 AM by Nori.)