Ghastly Woods Not a Contest, Nor a Conquest

His lungs would explode if pushed any harder, suffocating despite their efforts and the air that was forced inside of them and sucked right back out; his feet would bleed, poked, cut, throbbing; his eyes could not see past what his heart could feel, clouding his mind with the murk that took him so long to overcome in the first place. He remembered now why he had been alone for so long, why he had wandered, why he had run, and <i>why he had stopped running.</i> Being close to anyone or anything was too risky and not worth the cost, which was his wellbeing. Perhaps he had only began to embrace his real identity before it was lost, again, swept away by currents of warmth and temptation and what should feel right; except, things didn't feel right at all. On the contrary, it was all wrong, and it made his insides twist and churn torturously. He knew that he'd made the right decision - that was not questionable. But now the shine was worn, much like his spirit, and the dullness that remained was far from inviting. A blur of black, he sped through the landscape as it clawed at his body, ripping his flesh as he hoped it would rip through his soul, remaining now only in fragments. His silver eyes were on fire, radiating with the energy that fueled his war against himself, too beautiful to belong to a body that felt so broken. The male could have navigated in and out of the twists and turns of the wood unharmed, but the feeling of pain was invigorating compared to the static that he didn't feel otherwise. He would fight with himself in the dark of the night, in the woods, ghastly as they might be, until there was nothing left but the blood, sprayed and spilled, seeping into the freezing earth.

<i>*bumps to present*</i>

my weakness is that i care too much.

Head swirled with a blaze of pain, arching like lightning along the carved points of her skull. It's origin had been her heart, and the physical pressure had built upward for escape. It couldn't escape, there was no outlet to release it from. She could not growl, it would not be enough. What was crying any more? No tears could leak from her eyes, the melancholy only glimmered in her mismatching eyes depths; she was too broken to cry. Neither could the silver wolf could sing a song, it would be tragically beautiful, and obvious of the churning torment, and sleeping rage. It took a lot of her mind to hold it tight within her. Bits and pieces of it may have come to the surface letting loose when in a hunt, or in defense of a stranger snooping to close. Most of it was forced back into the dark corners where it would be held at bay under a tight lock. It battered at it's cage demanding to be let free, to escape from her. If only it would be that easy, if only one thing would let it release being no more part of her.

Muscles rigid beneath her coat she prowled in the dark letting the two emotions of anger, and sorrow tremble through her body in attempts to work of it away. She was patrolling from lack of sleep once more, and in wait for the odd black female to return. When she found Kade's paw prints padded away from the hollow she didn't think she only followed his cologne. His path was stretched, and he seemed to be running. Was he leaving or merely taking a time out? Triangle points pressed to her skull, and it was not her head which hurt any more, it was her heart thinking it was about to be left again. Throat became dry, and she stood over his path tempted to return home, and curl up in a tight ball trying to black her thoughts out. Right paw pulled her onward, and in the obsidian landscape she took off after the charcoal fellow.

His path became a reckless winding trail through the Ghastly Woods. She having come so far was not about to give up now. She twisted, and danced in odd rhythm through the harsh entanglements. She tried her best to dodge the sharp, snarled bits of the dire woodlands; some parts she managed to escape, but the closer she became things became more thick and drew her blood for passage. Would she become lost in the never ending shadow? The thought sent a pinch of panic down her spine, and then she became mad at herself for such a pathetic idea. Hell or high water she would find Kade. A fresh trail of his blood drove her quicker, and she scraped her side seeing the end of his tail so close."Kade!"

(This post was last modified: Dec 29, 2011, 12:23 AM by Jaysyek.)

Driving him deeper into the heartless tangle of wood was his own self-loathing; a disappointment in himself, a tinge of fear for what the future may or may not behold for him, a yearning for her affections which seemed so distant now that winter had descended upon them all. Where was his place in this life, after all, without her side to return to at each day's bittersweet end? Where did be belong now, after giving up his selfish life as a loner, among his family? Certainly, he belonged to her <i>still</i>.

Ripping and plundering through deadened brush, the dark figure's focus was dedicated only to progression, to a hope for hope, and faith that the black of his doubts would dissipate eventually. Yet, before he would reach the point for which he strived, somewhere forward, an unlikely voice called out from the shadow behind. In an instant the brute's hindquarters dropped, bloodied hind legs skidding into the frozen earth underfoot as his body was surrounded in a cloud of dust. The expanse and collapse of his chest was rapid as he gasped for air, his body quivering from its exertions. In a slow motion moment of consideration, the male's broad head dropped, eyes closing as if somehow defeated, breath like a fog as it clashed with the chilling night air. <i>Jaysyek.</i> She was not to be run from, an intention never to be his own. A reinforcement of the fact that she never failed to appear in his darkest hours, her presence - though still out of sight - broke the wild in him. His thoughts shifted effortlessly from his own afflictions to her. Had she followed his ghastly path? Perhaps she was closer than he'd thought, far from home as he was.

A deep breath was all he knew to calm his speeding heart as he turned backward, iron eyes roving the wood for her figure as his musculature rippled and twitched beneath his thick coat. Without a second thought, he pressed forward toward where her voice had echoed out into the night. Only a few steps were necessary, and there she was to save him before he destroyed himself - an angel. <i>His angel</i>.

He did not think of the blood that saturated parts of him, nor the racking of his breathing, nor the cold that ripped through his fur as the gusts came and went. Silver eyes answered to her, locking to her own of ice and gold. Although his own hurt and rage had brought him to this place, he could see a parallel of emotions in his companion's face. No words were offered, as there were none to explain his being here or why, a matter of little importance as the female stood before him, ever elegant. The male's head lowered slightly as he approached her, analyzing the situation and the spectrum of emotion between them. The comfort of her scent drew his muzzle close to her warm body, and for a moment he nestled his snout beneath the fur of her neck gently. If anything, he did not want the leadess to observe his weakness, as it was the unexplainable reason for his departure from the hollow; but as he offered the greeting and an appreciation for her, he could feel her tension, hear the thumping of her heart.

Taking a step back, he gazed warmly into her, looking over her face and body to be sure she was unharmed.

<b><i>"I'm here."</i></b>

my weakness is that i care too much.

Sides rose, and fell in rapid motions while her jaws were parted trying to catch greater bits of oxygen. Certain he was deaf to her words she did not stop the chase, but pressed onward hoping to catch him. It would be only one step to merely continue when his quivering form would stir the light dirt, and he would stop his running. With her ears cupped forward she leaned her weight upon her front limbs, her eyes bright, and drawn to his shaking muscles. Own muscles tense she slowly took a small step closer trying to decide why he appeared conquered by unknown defeat. Her banner level behind her, and she stopped just waiting. Something she did a lot of, but she dare not break his personal space like she had when she had first met him.

Two breaths one his, and the other hers was all that played in her ears in the dark night. Her breath soon became silent, and she held herself steady to the earth not to interrupt what thoughts he was having. Unexpectedly he turned, and found her in the harsh, cold landscape. Eyes holding his gaze she did not know what was happening behind the steel liquid pools. He came closer, and she was close to shying away from the small embrace, but she did not. She embraced the gentle touch with her ears pressed against her carved skull, but said, and did nothing in return for that moment. Whatever may trouble him, she had no heart to question, and instead stood like a strong pillar of silent comfort, and uncritical thoughts. He had stopped running.

When she thought to move he beat her to it drawing a nose lank from her muzzle. Was what bothered him now gone? The question rose in her mind when he looked upon her once more, but she was sure he had only pressed the issue away because of her.

"I'm here." Deep tone broke against the press of the wind, the rattling of the Ghastly Woods. Her heart felt like it was trying to bound out of her throat, and her mismatched eyes shifted to the messy ground. Slowly the came up seeing the glint of light reflecting off his scarlet blood which marred his coal, and silver coat. No words she ignored the own scratch in her side, and his quest to find it. Instead she pressed into his space, her nose brushing along the ridge of his back while she snuffed in his scent with mind to lave him. Quickly her salmon colored tongue unrolled, and she'd start there licking away the red, and working to his flank.

<blockquote>Notice was hardly taken of the blood that laced the male's winter coat. If anything, his mind felt more marred. The race through the wood seemed only a blur now as he winced momentarily in response to the stiff texture of his companion's tongue as it probed his wounds. His thoughts were scattered, at best, and he wondered on the nature of their recurring midnight meetings as he watched her over his own broad shoulders. What a gem, she certainly was. The brute faced forward as his neck began to tense from the unnatural, straining angle, mindfully licking traces of blood from scratches on his lips.

Thoughtfully taking in a casual breath, a flicker of his tail was perhaps the only motion about him that outwardly characterized his state of being. <b>"I shouldn't have been so reckless,"</b> he admitted to her wearily, looking into the night and reflecting upon the injurous circumstance of his action. With winter in full effect, he could not afford the caloric and humoral loss. Naturally, the male wondered what she, too, was doing so far from Grizzly Hollow territory in the dark of the night, and so close behind him as he strayed. Of course, he was not entitled to an answer to such a blatent inquiry, so his curiosities were put on the back burner as he savored the sting of her saliva - just what he may have needed.</blockquote>

my weakness is that i care too much.

Motion of his body she stopped afraid she was hurting him worse, and when he said nothing she carefully continued trying not to agitate his muscles further. The silver cloaked wolf tried to concentrate on the task at hand rather than her juggled thoughts. It was easy to continue cleaning at the scratches, finding the next, instead of acknowledging anything else. She circled to his other side, still silent, her eyes she hoped nothing but empty. She thought maybe nothing would be said, and they would merely continue home letting it be nothing.

The sway of his tail caught her attention, and she stopped what she was doing, pausing to look at him, but not directly. It was too easy to get trapped in his silver gaze. Solemnly, she nodded at his words, and finished cleaning his last wound. She had no right answer to his reply. She wanted to ask why he'd done so, but at the same time didn't want to know why. There was a lot that went unsaid between them, and she didn't know how to change that, or if she should. Taking a step back she looked over making sure she really had gotten the rest of him, but again she avoided his eyes.

(This post was last modified: Jan 07, 2012, 09:05 PM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>What was it about <i>Jaysyek Enap Lyall</i> that never failed to capture him? One day she had appeared and all the days that followed chronicled a changed, and changing life - his life. Throughout time, there are those who come, make an imprint, and usually fade into history with the passing seasons; and then there are those who come, and perhaps go, yet one way or the other they are carried close forever, tucked away in the lost souls of those who wander away. She was one of the latter beings, an entity that, though she may not be aware of it herself, had an uncanny ability to bring light to every darkness. These thoughts were among other that crossed his mind as he stood calmly, allowing the female to cleanse his wounds, as she somehow always did. He knew by her silence that she had much to say, as he did, but would not. Ever since she had accepted him into her family - and what a beautiful family it really was - there were many words that he'd kept from her. Things that he may have once shared with her were being chronologically locked away in the prison of his mind, perhaps where they belong. Where many aspects of life had once seemed quite simple, more so by her side than not, now he was aware of her many roles as a mother, leader, friend, damn near the backbone of the pack. There was no time for him, something he knew honestly from the start. How could he ever ask for anything more than her companionship - her time, her energy, her attention? The thought alone provoked a sickening guilt. It was not her fault that he kept her so close. As he had watched days pass and summer turn to fall, and fall to winter, their bond had remained strong, but the distance between them was gently ripping away at him. Though it was a bitter pill to swallow, he had accepted it. And so the ice of his gaze fell upon her, somberly taking in the layers of her creamy coat as he held his own tongue, believing that there was little he could say that would not likely hurt her, the last thing he ever wanted. <i>That would not hurt him</i>. <b>"Is everything alright? Not that i'm surprised to see you out of bed in the middle of the night, but I figured perhaps I would be the only wolf out here at this hour,"</b> the words were a dull throbbing in his chest despite their mediocre content. For a fleeting moment he wished that she'd not found him - he wasn't sure he was done self-destructing.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Jan 16, 2012, 04:40 PM by Kade.)

my weakness is that i care too much.

The silence was a barrier locked tightly around them, fragile, and breakable. She hated to be the first to part it.Plenty a thought rushed through her mind. The simplest of ones of her memories in no particular order, and the remembrance of Indru's advice, the future of Grizzly Hollow - her future.

Is everything alright? When it came to the question she could was quite aware the answer was no as she could think of little what was. What came to mind what was the wrong. Broken man she could not fix, the fear of her children, her own anxiety. She could not keep her silence much longer. Her lip line flinched, but in smile or frown it wasn't clear as he continued to speak because her face would soon go blank, unreadable. She owed him an explanation, and the pieces to the puzzle. Confessing she had been worried about his departure seemed cruel to place on him. The same time it was revealing her own insecurity, and the fact she would miss him. Besides there were no such rule against those of the pack wandering, she was not persnickety in the least, it was quite the opposite. She rather everyone got out, and about from time to time.

Feeling his eyes upon her, she struggled once more with meeting his steel colored gaze almost believing she'd look into his eyes and feel better. Yet she was more in belief, and worry she would start talking, and not be able to stop. She really didn't want to answer his question, it couldn't be what he wanted or was it?

"I was up, and found your scent and decided I needed to find you," came her quiet reply avoiding any movement but the pulling in, and parting of oxygen from her lungs. Her words were true, she had wanted to speak to him, make sure he was still here. With so much to say, she decided to recline to her haunches, her proud crown lowering as she focused at the ground beneath her pale paws.

"Can I tell you something?" At last she would tip her head upward, briefly meeting his black and silver mask before she'd look past him to the Ghastly Woodlands. "I've never wanted to be a Leader. The idea was laughable to me in fact. I was only good at failing, and humiliating myself I figured I'd be lucky not to be at the bottom of a pack. Here I am, stronger than I ever thought possible, yet feeling so weak." A soft snort would release, disgusted with herself, and she would wrap her tail around her hips tightly while taking a moment to let him hear her. Before he might answer she continued, "You must know I did not get here by myself, and neither did my children.That someone did stand beside only months ago. Only now I don't know if he will again." Those words should have sounded sad, maybe to a point they did, but they seemed empty as if she were afraid to put emotion into anything. "So I, I don't want to string you along, but I do know I was afraid you were leaving me too."

(This post was last modified: Jan 18, 2012, 07:11 PM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>A feeling of weight rested in his chest as Jaysyek held her silence. It seemed that she wanted to speak, but perhaps couldn't find the words, a familiar situation for he, himself. Eventually she would sit, her posture breaking as though she'd fallen from a perch and broken her wings. Supportively, instinctually, he rolled to his haunches slowly beside her, lowering his own head enough to look into her eyes as she first spoke her explanation, though her own gaze searched the darkness of the wood. <i>Can I tell you something?</i> He could tell it was more of a statement than a question; surely she knew he'd do anything for her, including listen. The charcoal brute offered no answer, hoping not to interrupt her train of thought. She spoke the words that she was willing to share, and the muscles of his back, neck, and jaws began to clench tightly in light of the telling suspense, as if to brace for a long fall. <i>It was the answer to the mystery</i>, <i>everything and nothing he'd expected</i>.

His brows came together as he made sense of the dead end uncertainties in his mind. <i>Never wanted to be a leader...failing...humiliating...bottom of a pack</i>. Her words seemed to repeat themselves, echoing throughout his head. After taking a moment to stare into space, wide-eyed, he turned to face her as she sat before him, and he before her, disbelievingly.

<b>"Oh, <i>Jayse!</i>..."</b> A minor exclaimation was his reaction, <b>"I would never, <i>ever</i> walk out on you - <i>abandon you</i>!"</b> That was the secret she'd kept from him for so long? She was scared of being run out on? By him? A mate, a co-leader, the father of her children, still alive? Kade certainly knew she hadn't made the kids on her own, he'd only thought perhaps that something had happened to their father, a question he forbade himself from asking her, as she'd never brought it up. But that was not the case - <i>he still lived</i>, yet to be seen. <i>He had hurt her, scarred her, conjured every tear</i> that Kade had helplessly watched trickle down her face. WHY? What about his <i>children</i>? No wonder Hocus and the girls had been so adament when they asked if he was going to stick around! <i>His blood boiled</i>. She had suffered through endless sleepless nights, after cruel days that held false hope for the return of her mate and the father of her children, who was not dead, but far from it. Brows that had been tight relaxed in an instant, and his silver eyes, blazing with emotion - relief, shock, disappointment, hope, resentment, <i>anger</i> - pierced Jaysyek's forlorn, mismatched gaze with an intensity no wolf in Relic Lore had yet to witness.

She would not have to worry now. There would be no more torturous uncertainties, no more tears. He could not expect for her to trust his words, so he would show her that she was not alone in this life, show her that it was okay to forgive, that it was okay <i>not to forget.</i> No one could replace the one who had promised her a life together, and fathered her children. No one could erase the scars that months of fear and doubt and heartbreak had inflicted. But she could <i>live again!</i>

In the back of his mind, all the while, an image of a mysterious villain was coming to life. A would-be leader who did not have the will to withstand the breaking weight of hardship; a lover willing to don the blood of his mate's bleeding heart; a father who had failed. A perpetrater.

He had yet to meet Borden Lyall, or hear his side of the story, but a time would surely come, and when it did there would be no denying the hellfire that would rain down upon them both.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Jan 19, 2012, 05:08 AM by Kade.)

my weakness is that i care to much.

When he sat beside both pain, and relief struck. She did not react, though inside she was scolding herself for her mistakes. She could continue to explain her life, they way she was. But she had not shared her past with anyone, and she was being too stuborn to say more knowing it would not end well if any more sad memories would be revived. The last thing she wanted was pity. She had had a good life, it was only a little rocky here, and there.

Lithe frame leaned away from Kade, just enough when he came face to face with hers. She would hold her breathe, eyes wide, and his voice the only thing in her ears. How much she would want to believe what his voice spoke. How could she? Everyone in her life had been parted from her, whether it was her doing or not, except for Elettra,Trisden,Hocus, and Arlette. In time who could say how long she would have them until they were ripped from her too. She tried to smile, or even lean back to where she had been. She only released the small bit of air from her lips. It was such an vow, and she did not want to throw it away like it was useless garbage. The tips of her ears gentle tip sideways, a sorrowful sigh tugging from her lungs. "I'm sorry I want to believe you, I do. But it's in the core of my being to think someday there will be a goodbye. Even if you never stray from my side I doubt even you can overcome death." She did not expect her words to comfort him, only to explain there was more to it than thinking he'd walk away. Prosper, and Theodore had had no such choice, nand either had her mother. How sad she had chosen someone in more likeness of her father then she would have believed. Had he too been a proud leader before breaking beneath his treachery? It was in that picture she did not know what to do for Borden. Her father she was certain had never gotten better. In her heart maybe she could forgive him, but she would never forget:the loneliness, the pain, the blame she had conjured upon herself with the guilt of her actions, or all the time he been gone, those sweet moments he had missed.

His answer for it, he was gone trying to find their lost boy. Again, why hadn't he spoke of his intentions? She would have searched so much harder for them both instead of thinking they had died. It was better to see him dead, then leaving her. Then after realizing he had ventured from Relic Lore she had come to believe he did leave them. Whatever answer had she been given? Now he was home he could hardly speak to her, let alone look at her. She couldn't mend him, and it was ripping her apart.

Mismatched eyes locked to the steal pair, a sense like from their first encounter he saw into her soul, but the anger blazing in the silver depth's caused the familiar cut of guilt against her heart uncertain what such a cold rage could mean. "Kade?"