Cedarwood Forest you are everything

As I've said in other places, Trisden's timeline is 100% a spaghetti junction right now. So, pretty much, treat this as wherever in your timeline that you want - I'm going to try to get her more active so that she's got a more 'current' state, and get her story back on track. <3 So this could be backdated if it makes more sense to you, and Jayse can know about Tris being around or not, as you prefer.

<blockquote><font style='margin-left:20px;'><i>The moment that he had stopped ignoring her, Trisden's behaviour around Hjornir had switched from intimidated to frustrated. The only wolves who had had any right to treat her like a child were her parents and El, and, even then, Borden didn't really count. It didn't help that the stuffy old wolf always spoke with Hocus as if he were mature - almost an equal. Trisden understood that her age set her back, but she hated how the tones always changed whenever they turned to talk to her after Hocus.</font>

<font style='margin-left:20px;'>Perhaps it was their beliefs. The Pilgrimage were a group of wolves who held faith... it just was not her own. She had almost been excited to realise that she had finally found some people who might understand, but had quickly realised that it was not the same.</font>

<font style='margin-left:20px;'>It was not even nearly the same.</font></i>

---

Coming back was supposed to have made things clearer. In a way, it had; weights had been lifted from her mind that had plagued her for months, and Kade's instant acceptance and understanding had given her an incredible boost in confidence. If he had wanted her back... then maybe she wasn't the failure that she had thought.

Those were old worries, old concerns, and if nothing else, Trisden had been trying to move on and move up. She had come back, but it had taken some time to re-adjust, and there were just a few small matters which niggled away at her, small paranoias which she could not shift. <i>They</i> had given her the courage to face her fears, but it was a different thing just talking about it. Talking made everything <i>seem</i> easy. Trisden didn't want to live her life fooling herself.

Funny, then, how she refused to let go of Kiche's teachings.

<font style='margin-left:20px;'>She sat at the edge of the forest - still beyond Grizzly Hollow's territory, a territory she had been skirting and yet never stepped on - and stared into the trees. She was still so troubled, and she had hoped that being here would fix it. Perhaps being here made it worse? But then that meant her problems lived here, and Hjornir had told her to face her fears... and surely her fears and problems and woes were all the same thing? So nothing would be fixed if she didn't just suck it up and do it right. She had already come so far, made so much progress, and this...
</font>
Head swimming, a single clear moment of stubborn conviction shone out and Trisden grabbed it. Lifting her head, the young Lyall sang a rising note purely for her mother.

</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Sep 16, 2012, 12:53 PM by Trisden.)

I turned Trisden to green, since I take it she's going to stay.Hmm, um whatever is going to make it easier for you Siki. I think I'll have it be she wasn't sure if she was around. She's like Borden, she keeps imagining, but doens't quite believe she is until now.

<blockquote><i><b>"Sweet dreams,"</b></i> she whispered quietly, her eyes not yet pulling from her sleeping pups. They <i>finally</i> had settled down, worn out from their morning adventure, and were taking their daily nap. It was a relief they still needed them. They had quadrupled in size, and in the next three months it would not take them long to catch up to her. They grew too quickly, right before her eyes, but a lingering smile was on the mother's lips. She had always thought she would be terrible if she was ever blessed to be a mom. Far from perfect, she thought she handled it well. This time, though there was no Elettra or Raigo she had five wolves she could rely on. They were not quite outmatched by the children this time.

Eyes began to close, and she rested her cheek onto her outstretched limb. It was a perfect day. Neither too warm nor cold, but just right. A nap for herself did not sound like a half bad idea, and her muscles started to relax. She was not quite asleep or awake when a voice, calling <i>for her</i>, rang out amongst the forest. <i>No, it couldn't be.</i> Her heart had to be playing tricks on her, she was half asleep. White crown lifted up, and her ears cupped forward listening as it faded. She had to know.

Pushing herself from the cool earth, she looked around taking a moment to see if her pack mates were around. Her nose told her they were not too far away, and she headed to the borders to answer her call.

She was very suspicious and it showed in her walk, and white features. She had not seen her since...the first signs of spring. It hit her how much she missed not only her eldest daughter but her whole litter. A pent up breath, she tried to steady herself, collect her emotions when she walked past the edge of the hollow.

She could hardly be prepared for this reunion, she could not be emotionless. Soon as her eyes layed upon her daughter, she sadly smiled, and cut the physcial distance between them. An affection nudge, and lick was given to her cream cheek. Then she breathed deep the scent atop her own dark crown. <b>"Trisden,"</b> she whispered, <b>"you're home."</b> She thought she might be intruding on her daughter's space, she didn't care. She had to hover close, almost unbelieving.</blockquote>

<blockquote>The emotions which rushed through Trisden were so different to those she had felt at the paralleled reunion with her father. But she had stalked him, caught his scent and then viewed him as prey. Only afterwards had she called to him, when her perspective was skewed and mind already made up. She had given herself no such chance with her mother. Her mother, who deserved so much more.

She and Borden, who deserved so much less.

The white face appeared, and Trisden's breathing stopped. Her driving force, the reason that she needed salvation, redemption, forgiveness. Kade had given her so much, but it wasn't enough. All her life, Trisden had strove for the acceptance and pride of one Jaysyek Enap-Lyall. She had done so much wrong, made so many mistakes, she could see that, she was trying to pull past it, she was trying-

The lick, the soft greeting that was so like Borden's - and yet it did nothing but make her heart swell in her chest, aching for this love. Her mother's scent filled her nostrils just as the white fur filled her vision, as she pressed her head into the thick fur on her mother's neck, seeking comfort and finding it as if she were a pup again. In this moment, she was. A child returned to her mother's arms, nothing more.

<b>"<i>I'm home,</i>"</b> she breathed, the apology and remorse and regret and remorse all in her cracking voice, the relief and the love. She had given her sorries to Kade, caution to Borden, and now... what was left? <b>"I'll never leave you again,"</b> she whispered fiercely into that white fur, a raw promise she would never be able to break - lest she ruin herself.

Borden had given her the same promise. They were more alike than she cared to admit.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Sep 16, 2012, 12:53 PM by Trisden.)

<blockquote>Many a time Jayse had wondered if she would find her daughter hurt, or dead. Every time she left, she was sure her heart beat always carried faster with anxiety for another soul missing from her life. Every time she saw her return safe and sound there was hardly words to describe the relief, the joy that washed over her like a sweet rain storm. Trisden was home, and far as she could tell in one piece. Of coarse Jaysyek would notice there was no Hocus hovering close nor his scent to the wind. Those answers she was sure would come, because she didn't want to waste a joyful moment having her daughter back. After all Jaysyek always received more than she thought to have back. This was one of those times.

Trisden pressed into her as if she was still the young pup who had flanked at her hocks what seemed like ages ago. Jaysye's heart leapt against her chest, and quiet laughter erupted from her throat hearing the soft words that conveyed so much. Her mismatched eyes glistened, and she sniffled back the collective moisture. How good it was to know she was here, there were no thoughts about for how long. She just hung onto this. <b>"Trisden,"</b> she said, more in comfort of it was alright now more than anything else. There was a promise made, something Jaysyek would not hold her to, but something that struck deep inside her. If only if only she could hold onto all of them.

After sucking in a deep breath, she slowly uncurled herself to meet the amber eyes. <b>"I am so happy you are. You must have lots to tell me, as I do too."</b> She would speak knowing there was a lot that had happened in her absence. Such as Borden and her reuniting, and more brothers and sisters.
</blockquote>

<blockquote>Jaysyek laughed, and in her fervour Trisden joined her, the sound of her own soft laughter sadly strange to her ears. There was no reason to laugh but for light-headed relief. <i>Everything... was going to be okay.</i> What a novel thought. For those moments, Trisden allowed herself to disappear into that white fur, that scent, and to feel at home. She had missed nothing so much as this.

<i> You must have lots to tell me, as I do too.</i> She had never thought that the pack would stand still while she was away, but to think that so much could have changed... it was her home, where she belonged, and it had grown without her. She had grown without it. Would could have changed? she wondered, but she already knew one or two things.

The thought of one of them made her smile, even though its implication also saddened her. Trisden had her own news to tell, she supposed, though it was all personal. Her mother would want to know what had come of Hocus, though. All in good time. She steeled herself and smiled broader. <b>"I take it that I have some new siblings?"</b> <i>And that their father isn't Kade.</i></blockquote>

<blockquote>Distance did not change the fact they knew each other too well. It only deepened the humor and relief. She had her daughter, to hear her own laugh chime with hers there were no words how wonderful it felt. Alive. Her Trisden was alive, and she had come home.

In her time apart it was true Jaysyek hoped Trisden had learned lessons as any young adult should. She was eager to hear about what had happened in her time away. The Grizzly Hollow leader hoped above anything else Trisden was still herself. She did not lose her confidence, and courage nor the matter of what was right.

So Trisden did realize she had more siblings. Tris was sharp, not missing a beat. Jaysyek nodded, smirking in a knowing way. <b>"Yes, two brothers, Renier and Ryvet. Two sisters, Taima and Calla. They are definately Lyalls unable to control their wanderlust,"</b> she teased with a wink, a gentle nudge of her nose, and than a soft laugh.

Jayse could not be sure Tris would know Kade was surprisingly not the father, and she tried to read her daughter's dark mask. She did not know if Trisden had come to terms with Borden, or if she wanted to. She could only hope she could see how much he loved them all. How much he would have went back for the time, and their losses. If not, at least she hoped she would be at peace Jaysyek and him were mates until death do them part.</blockquote>

<blockquote>Four? Well, she hadn't been aware of <i>that</i>. Her surprise was short lived, however, to make way for a strange sense of pride and responsibility. She had been a poor daughter, and in many, many ways a poor sister, but she had a fresh start here. For fear of repeating... well, what had happened with Theo, she vowed not to get too close to them until she trusted herself more. It had been a long time, and she was a different wolf, but she wasn't different enough. She needed to be... more. She would not allow her presence in the pack to be a liability to her new siblings' development in any way.

Her mother's sly comment brought her full attention crashing back, and her ears flicked back, a moment of discomfort. It had been a joke, she thought... but a pointed one. Whether it had been meant casually or on purpose, she took note of it, and smiled awkwardly back. Wanderlust... Despite the implication that it may simply be in her blood, it did not soothe the girl at all. She wanted no part of herself that was so fickle. If she was able to use her own failings to encourage them to be better, then so be it.

<b>"I can't wait to meet them,"</b> she said sincerely, looking into that face she loved so much. <i>Are they better at being your sons and daughters than we were? Than I was?</i> <b>"I know Hocus would have liked to know them. Pros... Prosper and Theo too."</b>

She swallowed her grief at their mere mention, needing to be strong. She wasn't a child anymore, she couldn't hide behind vulnerability. <b>"How is Lettie?"</b></blockquote>

<blockquote>Yes, four puppies, almost the same as last time, and hard work all the same. Jaysyek was fond of being a mother, and having her eldest daughter brought her a great peace of mind. There was numerous great reasons for Trisden's return, and having another pair of eyes for pups was one of them. Was this what her daughter realized? She would be the one keeping a look out, trying to keep them in the Hollow, and finding food for their hungry mouths. She could see more to her amber eyes, but wasn't sure what else bothered her. Had she still not forgiven? Was she worried?
She hated to see those things, because what could she do about them?

There was meant no harm in her comment though. It was just something that seemed to be true of all her children. It wasn't necassary a bad thing, it seemed the most natural way for pups to be, but she couldn't help wonder if it was more dominant in the gene. If to ease her mind on the matter she confessed,<b>"Everyone wanders in this world Tris, that's how I found Relic Lore, and I know that was not a bad thing."</b> Surely Trisden would cease to exist, or least not be Borden and Jayse's daughter to this world.

Jaysyek couldn't remember when she had smiled so much. She only hoped it was easier to introduce Trisden to her siblings. Why would they balk? No, they did not have the knowing of anyone leaving them, and she was certain they would be just as happy to have her. The mention of her children, Jayse gently caressed the silver crown of Trisden's. It was too easy to be sad, and she motioned for her daughter to walk with her. <b>"I'm sure they would too, and you'll have to tell me what became of Hocus."</b> There was a hint, something in her mismatched eyes that said <i>when you are ready.</i> Jaysyek knew how close the pair were, and did not expect it now.

The mention of Lettie she could feel her ears shift back, and felt a frown take her muzzle. <b>"Lettie is gone. She left and I asked Kiche followed her,"</b> she explained. She was caught in a moment to tell Trisden why, or let it be. If Arlette were to return she wasn't sure it would be best to let things that had happened be a secret. <b>"She was a bit upset over something Borden and I had never told any of you."</b> Surely as Jayse thought of Lettie as her daughter, it wouldn't change Trisden's mind about her sister. Quiet for a moment she let her eyes scan to the green branches. She needed the right words, but she should just get it over with.

<b>"Arlette and Theodore were born on the Moutain of Dire to leaders your father and I use to serve. We took them in as our own because it was thought their parents died. This spring her father came by for a visit, not exactly well, but alive. We decided she had to know where she came from, who he was for him to survive and come all this way. We just... we never said anything because we loved them just as much as you and your brothers we thought it best to let you all grow up that way."</b>

</blockquote>

<blockquote>Jaysyek's gentle elaboration soothed her doubts, and she smiled, tucking her nose under her mother's chin for a moment in appreciation of the reassurance. She had to be right, so did that mean Trisden was forgiven? Jaysyek would not have welcomed her eagerly had she not been. The warmth of acceptance never grew old.

As her mother moved on, motioning for Trisden to follow, she did so gladly. <b>"Of course,"</b> she said solemnly, at the mention of Hocus, the faint sadness in her voice. It still hurt, no matter how much she told herself that she understood his reasons. <b>"But he's okay. I'll tell you more later, but... know he's okay."</b>

It seems the same could not quite be said for Arlette, and when her mother's ears pulled back, Trisden knew that something was wrong. <i>Lettie is gone.</i> Trisden felt a weight sink in her chest, as a hope she had not realised she had been carrying was lost. With Theo and Prosper gone, and Hocus choosing a different path, Arlette had been the only sibling left. She loved Lettie, of course she did, but to hear that her last hope of a good relationship with a littermate was gone...

She deflated at the news, accepting but crushed. But then she realised just what it must mean for her to have come back, the last of her litter. It had been difficult for Trisden, but what of her mother, to spend who knows how long without any of her children? The guilt surged, but there was no use for it. Trisden put it aside and replaced it with resolve to keep her promise.

<i>She was a bit upset over something Borden and I had never told any of you.</i> That caught her attention immediately. Ears lifting, she watched her mother quietly as the story came out, the words strange but yet she heard them. She did not say anything. It felt detached, almost unimportant. She could see why it would upset Lettie, to learn that her parentage was a lie... but it felt wrong to think of it like that. It felt wrong to think of at all, if only because her automatic reaction was that it didn't matter.

Theo's loss was no less meaningful to her just because they did not share blood. They had shared a childhood, shared everything. Lettie and Theo had always looked so much like her mother - like <i>their</i> mother - that she had never really questioned anything. Perhaps she had suspected, deep down, because their scents were so subtly different, but... it was difficult to see it when she had grown up knowing no different.

Without a word she pressed her head into her mother's neck as they walked, wanting to understand how difficult it must have been so say it, to explain it to Arlette. Knowing the hurt that her sister would have felt. Maybe if it had been her to be born on the mountain, she would have reacted otherwise, but it was difficult to comprehend.

So much was the same, but so much had changed. <b>"Is he still here?"</b> she found herself asking. <b>"Lettie's... her father, I mean. I would like to meet him, if he is."</b> Perhaps they had left together, father and daughter. Who had he been, though, this wolf who had sired the sister she loved? </blockquote>

<i>Siki if you want to keep this going we can, if not feel free to reply and or archive.</i>

<blockquote>Jaysyek would not understand the weight Trisden placed upon herself, it was there but she had no idea how heavy it was. There was nothing Jaysyek held against her, this was what she wanted to give her. <i>Peace.</i> There was something between family, that made their ties hard to break, and the white leader had yet to find something that would. There was nothing in her mind that could make her deny any of her children their home, and family.

<b>"That's all I need for peace of mind, I know we all must find our place..."</b> With a grin, she faintly nudged the cream of Trisden's cheek, and continued onward. Aware the mood would change swiftly, she offered a quiet glance to her daughter. There was signs Trisden had hoped to see Lettie again, and it was not any easier for her to take this news any better than Jayse had. Time would only tell if Arlette would return or not, and all they could do was see. The future was both kind and cruel.

Continuing to walk, she let the silence hang where it needed. She was remembering them all, knowing how much they were carried in her memories and sometimes dreams. When she had been expecting again she had been hesitant to be happy. There was too much to fear for the next generation, and she did not want to think they would replace the first. They had simpy made her heart grow larger, certainly keeping her busy, and given Borden things he had missed.

The truth came, Jayse could see it did not change Trisden's outlook on Theo or Lettie, but explained why Arlette wouldn't stay. <b>"I know, I always saw them as my own, and they will always be."</b> This she quietly whispered, feeling a lump in the back of her throat. It hurt too much when she thought of not seeing them again. Thankful for the steady touch of Trisden she leaned into it to ease it all.

<b>"No, I don't think so. He..well he left with Elettra actually,"</b> she paused, knowing that would be hard for Trisden too. Jayse still wondered if she had made the right choice, but Elettra had her own pack or working on it. That probably suited the silver lady much better than serving the forgiving Jayse. <b>"I..I think when Arlette left he had to go too. I just hope she spoke to him. His name was Alexander, and he was a great wolf. She had his eyes, and strength."</b></blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Nov 23, 2012, 04:02 AM by Jaysyek.)