John Mayer - <i>In Repair</i>
<blockquote><i>September 12th; Morning; Current Temperature: 40º F/ 4º C</i>
<i>Running.</i> It had occurred to Angier that he was always running... Running away from comparisons to his brother, from his past, from responsibility, from worry, from his faults, from taking responsibility, from the futures he had taken time to dream up. He wasn't a marked man nor someone of importance, so it baffled him for the past few days why the instinct in him to run had woken up like it had been on fire. He hadn't particularly betrayed Swift River and he hadn't particularly sworn himself to Willow Ridge, so what had driven the young Tainn to send him away was entirely unclear, apart from the fact that the Lyall had neglected his duties for a certain amount of time. What would have happened if he had admitted to being unable to track game? Or meet his personal quota for filling caches? Would things have been different if he had made up a lie to assure the Swift River yearling that he was still truly devoted to the pack?
Everything made his head spin. Or, rather, the hunger and the seven sleepless nights he had endured since being discharged of his duties. On four wobbly legs the tawny brute clambered his way up steep, rocky ledges. <i>Up here,</i> he told himself. <i>Up here, I can think... Get away from it all.</i> Panting, he found refuge beside a diagonal tree, not even fazed by the fact that it was growing up at an awkward angle on the side of Riddle Heights. Leaning his face into the rough bark, he closed his eyes for a brief moment, just to collect himself.
<i>"How am I to believe in anything? Anything said could be as prettily painted of a lie as the venom that spewed from his jaws. I won't be trapped again. I won't get hurt like that again..." "I...can't fail again. I just can't." "I've come t' repay a more tangible part of our deal... just for kicks." "Since when is it that you care so much about little ol' me?" "I've never met anyone else who was so sure of everything, so loyal an' more than bold enough to stand up to a rogue like me." "I'm here to strike a deal." "LYALL!" "What were you doing there?! SPEAK!" "Forgive me." "I hereby relieve you of your duty and whatever charges you have owed Swift River." "I will not choose between you or my pack-mates." "...the timing is not yet right." "Leave." "We'll make this work, you and I... I promise." "I can't sit here and say I don't love you.. That I don't ...want to be with you."</i>
The voices, his own woven between those whom he had only spoken to in the past few months, repeated and overlapped one another. Everything that was said and done. Everything made him <i>dizzy</i>.
Angier Lyall was a <i>liar</i>. A compulsive one at that. it had occurred to him that at one point or another what he had said was the truth, be it a little twisted half the time, but the other half was consistently genuine through and through. Now, he didn't know what he wanted. Vlarindara was gone and Elettra laid in wait among the Willows. Swift River had outlawed him and Grizzly Hollow was off-boundaries while Willow Ridge, in his mind, cried out for his allegiance should he be willing to provide it. Defeatedly, he hung his head, silently trying to will himself to make up his mind. To pick up the pieces - his promises and half-truths - and discover, once again, the path that was meant to be laid out for him alone.</blockquote>
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