Spectral Woods My Soul Wouldn't be in Pieces, had I been Normal

{M} for self-harm and schizophrenia....
@Andromache He's going crazy....Sorry for being a bit late. Takes place a few days after this

"RRRAAAAAAAAUUGGH!" Eyes enflamed, Oliver launched himself at the mountain side. His head bashed against the rock, dizzying his sight and leaving him with a massive ache in his head. He loved it. Crazy grin of self-harm plastered on his maw, the small man span around in swayed time before launching himself at the immovable base of rock again. "HAAAUUGH!" He didn't care if it hurt. He didn't care if it left his forehead bruised and bloody, red trickling down his face. It kept the voices away- that's all that mattered. They couldn't contend with the painful buzz against his skull. They couldn't ring out if the pain was ringing louder. That's all that mattered. Breathing haggardly, eyes unfocused, a small laugh slithered out between his teeth. This was necessary. Over the past long, agonizing days, it had been torture. Simply smelling him there- Drestig- "GRAAAUUURGH!" Another strike into the stone stopped the dangerous whisper. He couldn't take being around them. The way they treated him- welcomed him back. He couldn't do anything. He shouldn't do anything. He couldn't even take a look at Triell, lest the hatred festering inside bubble up through his eyes. Drestig was the senior in this situation. He couldn't do anything against him- no matter what Galley's voice said. Shouted. Screamed. He didn't want to do the things he wanted to do. It'd be wrong. Yet the desire still remained, no matter how reclusive he became, no matter how hard he pushed his feelings down beneath the surface. He was in a pack. To gain revenge would be to be no better than him- "STAY OUT!" He whirled around with raging force, enjoying static silence that came after the increase of pain. Tears welled up shock. I won't. I can't! "Speech" My tangled mind You're still with me

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(This post was last modified: Dec 12, 2014, 11:12 PM by Oliver.)

Roma was once again walking through the woods on the east side of the mountain. It seemed like this eerie wood was quickly becoming a favorite haunt of hers and Roma didn't mind that one bit. Oak Tree Bend was home to her nephew and to the one person who she might call her best friend. Thoughts of the kind Healer she had met swam through her mind and brought a pleasant smile to her lips.

A smile that quickly disappeared when she heard the agonizing howl of her friend.

Roma's long powerful legs carried her as quickly as she could to the source of all the noise. Each howl that pierced the stagnant air had Roma's silvery guard hairs standing on edge and her muscles pushing her faster and faster through the trees until finally she came across the shocking scene. Oliver was ramming his head into the side of the mountain and the sickening sound of bone hitting stone made Roma cringe. The large gray woman hastily darted forward, planning to shove her body between Oliver's and the mountain, but before she got there he spun around. Whirling until he was nose to nose with her, he yelled "STAY OUT!" as his brown eyes welled up with tears.

Any other wolf might have taken a step back, and Roma might have taken a step back had she been dealing with any other wolf. But this was Oliver and he had been kind to her, even when they were still strangers. Her instincts told her that he was good and good wolves deserved to be helped. "Oliver..." Roma's voice was soft, gentle and sympathetic. Her icy blue eyes were filled with concern as she rubbed her cheek against his, just to let him know that she was here. Then, and only then, did she take a step back and give the raven colored man some space. "Oliver...What happened?" She asked, feeling his distress, a mix of confusion and loathing and rage, falling away from him in waves.

In his distress, Oliver was not aware of Andromache's approach- that is, not until her cheek rubbed against his own, offering a warm interruption between the waves of pain. His focus turned from inward to outward, as he finally took notice of his storm-colored companion in front of him. His friend. "Roma...?" Weak at first, Oliver's voice grew stronger with recognition. He cracked a smile, despite the hurt- "It's nice to see you again." It was almost scary, the way he quickly slipped on a mask of normality- a second skin to take the brunt of life's troubles. As if his rage-filled self-assault never happened, but for the small stream of red that ran from his forehead to the ground below. I told you once, Oliver Galley coughed, and I'll tell you again. I'll always be here for you. And just like that, the tough second layer tore around his legs, leaving them to shake as he tried to contain the rage and fear. Roma didn't deserve to know....would she even still like him if she did know? Know that he wanted to kill? He still couldn't remember if Drestig had done the act in such a way worth his dark wish. Ditch the dame, you've wasted enough time as it is. Every second he breathes is opportunity lost! "Roma, I...! Has Athena given word that she wants to-" The pain of his ear being bit upon was fresh, and he jerked at the sensation, even though the wound had never been inflicted by Galley himself. I SAID FORGET 'ER! You have work to do if we want the bastard dead! A small whine erupted from Oliver's mouth, cowed momentarily by the voice. "Excuse me." Ever polite, the small man turned to once again bash his skull against the mountain, aiming for the small splatter of blood already there. "Speech" My tangled mind You're still with me

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Andromache Moon had spent years running from her past and because of that she had seen a lot of the world and of the other wolves in it. She wasn't unobservant, either, so the silver haired woman had paid attention to the wolves around her as she travelled. By now, she was a bit of a Weltanshaunng and though cases like Oliver's were rare, she had seen it before. She had heard of it a few times and seen it for herself once: a wolf whose brain, or soul, or heart or whatever made them tick just...broke. But as Oliver murmured her name and cracked a smile, slipping on a mask of normalcy, as blood dripped down his forehead, Roma knew that no matter how many times you saw something like this happen it would always set your guard hairs on edge.

Roma watched as Oliver tried to ask a question about Athena, but she could tell by the way his legs were shaking that the question was only a cover, a feeble attempt to hide the inner turmoil. Then, in a polite, almost natural tone, he excused himself and attempted to once again bash his skull into the rock. Roma couldn't bear to hear that noise again. Following through with her original intent, she rushed her body between Oliver's small raven colored body and the mountain. As she did she let her shoulder brush against his chest and turned her face to allow her bright blue eyes to make contact with his brown gaze. Gently, almost in a whisper, she said, "Oliver I don't know what happened but this is not the answer. It won't solve anything. Whatever's going on, you need to talk about it." Taking on a stronger tone to convey her sincerity she continued, "I promise you that no matter what you tell me we will always be friends. Whatever happened, however you feel right now, I will understand." Expression once again becoming soft, her voice, pleading: "Oliver, please just talk to me. Don't you trust me?" She prayed to the gods that he did because if he didn't she would have to restrain him somehow and that was not how she wanted this situation to go.

Shallow water has trapped several fish in a small pond. Hunt Opportunity

Instead of rock and the releasing pain it brought, Oliver hit the large form of Roma, her actions having interrupted his own. And for a moment, he was angry. Why did wolves have to meddle in matters that held no ties to them?! And then she looked into his eyes, gentle but firm. Don't you trust me? "I..." Hah. Galley snorted with a savage growl. She doesn't mean it, you sod. Even if it seems like she understands- she won't. And it'll just be you and me again. Just like all those other times. Would it? If he did- but then again, it seemed he was doomed if he did, and doomed if he didn't. He couldn't even meet her eyes....but she at least deserved to know why she had to move out of the way. "...Roma-" Not even two words said, and Oliver's voice wavered, threatening to break. "I- I have to do this. He won't stop...and I- I don't know if I have the strength to ignore him for any longer. He wants to me kill him,....and on some level....I want to.... but- but I don't even know if I can...if I should...!" His jaw quaked as tears ran past it, mingling with blood on the ground." If- if my pain on the outside is greater than my pain on the inside, then he can't tell me what to do. I won't be able to listen anymore! So please, please move Roma....please!" A snarl:Oliver! "Please!.....Before he tells me to kill you too....." "Speech" My tangled mind You're still with me

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Roma listened quietly as her heart crumbled to pieces. Oh Oliver, Roma thought sadly. His raven colored jaw was fiercely quaking as tears ran down his eyes, mixing with the blood before they fell to the ground. He was barely holding himself together and Roma wanted to cry her self. But that wouldn't help anyone so the large storm colored wolf kept herself together, solid and firm like the ground beneath her feet. Oliver begged her to move, but she remained still, resolute in her intents to keep him safe from himself.

He snarled and Roma wanted to flinch, but she resisted. "Please!.....Before he tells me to kill you too....." The words stung for a moment, as if her heart didn't hurt enough just seeing him in pain...now a part of him was angry with her when all she was trying to do was protect him. But that sting lasted only for a moment. Oliver needed her now. Her feelings, any pain that she felt, had to be put aside for now. Voice more firm than kind, the large wolf raised herself to full posture and said, "No" plain and simple. She kept her eyes trained on his. She would not move. She would not let him hurt himself.

A moment of silence passed between them as she allowed that one word to sink in and resonate within him. Then kindness returned to her deep, rich voice as she added, "Oliver you won't kill me. I know that so Im not going to move. Now I don't know who is telling you to kill people, but the decision is yours. If you don't want to do it, then don't." Those last two words came out in a more pleading tone then Roma intended, but she meant what she said. She trusted her instincts when they told her that Oliver would not hurt her. But right now...she could not be so sure he wouldn't hurt someone else. Roma hated the thought of him killing someone in a state like this. She couldn't let him do it, not if he would regret it the moment he regathered his senses. "Oliver, if you are going to kill someone let it be your choice. Don't do it because someone else is telling you to. Be true to yourself and I will stand by your decisions." Her words were true: if Oliver, in his right senses, told her he was going to go kill someone, Roma would trust that the someone deserved it and she would stand by Oliver's decision. She trusted him. On the other hand, Roma hardly expected that Oliver would choose to kill anyone. He was too kind for that and that was part of the reason she had cared about him so much, so quickly. "You are a good man, a kind man and you may not see that right now, but I do. You wouldn't kill someone unless you absolutely had to." However, killing--for justified purposes--was not against her own moral code and if she ever figured out who the hell did this to her friend, that wolf would be on her hit list from here on out. And as soon as she could get Oliver to calm down she planned on figuring out exactly who was at the root of this pain that her friend was going through.

She was wrong. He wasn't kind- he was a coward. He didn't kill- had never killed because he was too small, too useless. A runt, both in youth and most probably in death. But... Andromache's words lifted him a little, allowing Oliver to look at her. She trusted him... she trusted him.... Because you're too small, you idiot. Galley snorted. I'm not going to tell you again, Oliver. We need to- "No!" the small man shouted, bolstered by his friend's wisdom."No, I won't do it! She's right, I won't do it!"I don't need you, Galley! I won't do it! Galley spoke with a tone reminiscent of an exasperated parent. Stop fooling yourself Oliver. You can't even talk to others without me prodding you. You will always need me. "No!" I won't do it! "I can't remember, so I won't do it!" I love you, I miss you! But "I refuse! I refuse until I know! You can't make me!" Oliver's eyes once again became unfocused on the world around him, intense in their expression. He clawed at his ears in desperation and defiance, hoping the show of will would force his mentor away. You know what, Oliver? You're acting like a petulant child. You want me gone? It'll never happen. Tell me when your girlfriend leaves and then we'll get down to business. The shouting, in addition to his head wound made Oliver's mind clouded, so Galley's words were muffled. But in a sense, he was done- for now. Spent in yelling and fighting, the raven haired wolf sank to the ground, legs too weak to support him anymore. Nose in the dirt, he softly shot back one more jab: "You are gone. You're dead, and I've been on my own. Stop telling me what to do..." "Speech" My tangled mind You're still with me

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(This post was last modified: Dec 18, 2014, 09:13 PM by Oliver.)

Roma watched in amazement as her words sank in. She could see the internal conflict, the back and forth arguing, going on behind Oliver's big brown eyes and it broke her heart. The way he was shouting now and talking as if...as if he were talking to someone besides her. The very idea of a monster in Oliver's head made Roma shudder. How was she going to help him when she couldn't even hear the other side of the argument? She could only hear what Oliver was saying, but not what he was hearing. Her grey brows pulled together as her icy eyes swirled with confusion and concern. How could she fix this?

Then he was hurting himself again, scratching at his own ears as if he could deafen himself to stop the voices. But the voices he was hearing were in his head, not in his ears. There was no way to get to them physically. In order to help him, Roma knew that she had to figure out exactly who he was hearing and why. It was the only way to help him work towards getting rid of the voices. She was just about to intervene, to make him stop scratching himself, when his small frame just collapsed. His body sank to the ground and his nose buried itself in the dirt and he offered up one last comeback to whoever it was he was arguing with "You are gone. You're dead, and I've been on my own. Stop telling me what to do..."

Roma allowed her own body to slowly sink to the floor, until she was eye level with her raven colored friend. You tell him Oli, she cheered on in her mind and let a soft smile gracefully curl her lips. "Oli, who's dead? Who is it that is trying to tell you what to do?" Roma's eyes met his with an imploring intensity, as if she could will the words out of him. Her tone was gentle and she had even used a nickname in hopes of providing some sense of comfort and reassurance, but the question was heavy. Would he share this story with her? Would he let her in so she could help? Roma held her breath as she waited for him to respond, hoping that he would not shut her out now.

Roma was there once again, lowering herself to his level in order to help him. She would understand. Perhaps the only one he could trust to understand. Pain still throbbed against his skull, so Oliver spoke quietly, assuming his mentor wouldn't interrupt him."Galley." She didn't know who he was, did she? What he had done, what he had meant to him. Why he found it so hard not to listen. "...I was ran out from my birth pack before I was even a full year. Galley found me, and taught me....well, everything." A soft smile came to Oliver's face as he remembered being huddled in a log, back to the cold winter air. A wolf searching for a spot to hide from moose had scrambled inside, crowding the two of them. Hey, move over will ya? P-please don't hurt m-me. Jeez kid, grow a backbone, I'm not here to hurt you.......I'm Galley. O-oliver... "He wasn't blood, but he was my true brother. The only one that ever cared about me. When he.....when he was killed, I guess his soul didn't move on, because I can still hear him. He's still with me, just as he promised." The smile left, replaced by an expression that was a mix of anger and trepidation. His paws trembled, but Oliver wasn't sure what they trembled with- indecision? Or maybe he truly was fearful of the event going on inside and around him? Or maybe it was the blood dripping down unattended that bothered him? "And now the wolf who killed him.....the wolf who killed him is in my pack." "Speech" My tangled mind You're still with me

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