Lavender Ethos let's finish what we've started

RE: Fox plague!
For @Karina - Partly cloudy, 57F - I got ansty and posted. A lot of this is Kjo thinking everyone is plotting to get him. > __ > Cue dragon freak.

Things were different, now.

How foolish he was, Kjors thought bitterly, that he thought he could come to live in a pack. He was bred from a line of dragons, fierce and true – such a watered down role would never be able to truly satisfy the monster lurking just beneath his skin. The loss of his eye had aged him quickly, and for quite some time he’d been content to travel the world on his own accord, with the satisfaction that a rambling man could at least live under his own laws. It was with no great fulfillment that an animal raised for leadership lived with only his own thoughts for company, but the incessant press of the dragon inside his mind was better than the slavery under another man’s laws.

A prickle of rage began to crawl down the swarthy man’s spine, quickening his pace as he put his twitching nose to work. His princess was not far, he could sense – while he might have preferred they meet back at their den, the overwhelming truth could no longer be denied. He’d thought, so foolishly thought, that he could be gratified by service to @Kisla and her children. How wrong he’d been! It was clear she had no actual respect for him, and while @Inna and Lekalta may have favored his presence, what good were the words of two toddlers against a matriarch? Her opinion alone might not have been dangerous, but the other males, they were jealous. Kjors’ tail flattened, hackles rising and near doubling the width of his neck as all the fur around his collar began to stand on edge at the mere thought of the arrogant River king and his minions. @Maksim demanded respect but had done nothing to earn it; his mate had reserved her judgment, at least, whereas the Baranski lord simply decided that queerness equated something untrustworthy. He looked at the dragon and saw something to be destroyed, egged on by the whispers he was certain @Karpos must be whispering to him. And who else would argue with the powerhouse? His uncle? @Lachesis was as untrustworthy as the guardian, and while he’d once thought @Orren to be a dragon himself, he found the volatile youth no longer worth the investment.

Snapping his jaws at a fox too close to the forest opening into Lavender Ethos, the wolf had to fight to contain the blood lust boiling in his veins. Now was not the time, no matter how many of those pests had suddenly appeared around the forest once more. It was practically a plague of foxes. Where did they all come from?

Shaking his head wildly, Kjors forced himself to focus on the present. Powering up behind Karina with no secrecy to his step, the dragon wound himself around the princess with nothing short of a jealous need to guard her from the rest of the world. “Gem, we gotta talk,” he rasped, something feral in his bright yellow eye. “Things ‘re changed. Things ‘re changed, we gotta talk.”

The Ethos was Karina’s favorite place in all of Kingsfall, and she often visited the clearing simply to lay among the lavender and let her aura wander. The girl filled her senses with sweet, calming lavender at each inhale, and she let go of fear, troubles, and anxieties with every exhale. As she relaxed her deer took shape, her silhouette becoming sharper and more focused with every breath. Karina lay her head down upon the ground, watching her deer frolic around the perimeter of the Ethos. A couple of foxes also darted around the edge of the treeline, and the deer frolicked playfully with the little canid creatures. Karina hummed with content, letting her aura reach out and bathe the clearing in peaceful blue light. Another breath and Karina pushed her awareness further, so the light was flowing slowly through the surrounding underbrush like morning mist. The foxes and the deer danced in the cerulean glow, and Karina smiled at their carefree antics.  Quite suddenly the girl felt a fiery, raging force punch through her wall of serenity, quickly penetrating to the heart of the Ethos. She recognized at once the familiar presence of the incensed dragon, lighting the Ethos ablaze with the rage of its heartfire. The deer quivered in her tracks, and the foxes, normally audacious little creatures, fled immediately when faced with the fury of the dragon. Kjors circled the priestess as she sat up, drawing her energy back to her physical body to hold a smaller but denser circle of peace around her locus. She met her friend’s golden gaze, but the usual warmth was missing from his eyes, which now seemed harsh and metallic. Kjors’s voice slipped through Karina’s awareness, steady despite his inner turmoil. “They… don’t understand.” Karina heard herself agreeing with words that had been playing over in her mind the last few days. Her family didn’t understand her, or Kjors, or the Mother, despite their efforts to integrate and explain. The girl’s little ring of peace trembled, assailed now from within as well.

(This post was last modified: Sep 11, 2015, 04:27 PM by Karina.)

   

    
 

A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

A raging inferno met the still waters of tranquility. In a wash of steam, his anger dissipated, leaving behind the glowing embers of of hurt and confusion that had sparked the firestorm in the first place. Karina was drawn into a tight embrace, the male forcing himself into her space as he tried to surround her body with his. It was awkward, twisted at all angles. His skull was under her jaw as all manner of grumbles spilled from his scarred muzzle, bushy tail flopping around the woman’s haunches. The earthy tone was a stark contrast to the light, sky-gray tones of the princess’ pelt.

After several minutes like this, the dragon finally allowed himself a short nod. As the adrenaline receded, the trembling began to start – it was rage, it was fear, it was the unknown and the stark truth all at once, overwhelming his physical being and sending the dragon spiraling into the sky. “Naw. They don’ understan’ at all,” Kjors agreed in a low hiss, ears flattening out to the side as he stared off into the distance. The lavender had no calming effect on him. Nothing could stop the beast now that he’d been awoken, troubled so deeply by recent events among the wolves of Hearthwood River.

There was no peace here, no happiness. No future, not for him, not for her, not for them.

Something squeezed his heart at that very notion and for a moment the dragon struggled to breath. All at once, his mind was made up, and the male drew to his full height as he met Karina’s gaze. Surely she already knew what needed to be done, but someone had to say it. “We gotta leave this place, love. They ain’t right, naw fer us. Naw fer Her, either. S’time t’ go.”

The dragon folded his wings around the girl, pulling her in close to entwine his aura with hers. As Kjors stepped into her ring of peace the mist doused his inner flame, though the coals left behind were still burning hot. Karina held steady as Kjors attempted to merge their wolf-bodies, waiting patiently for him to feel that their auras had already united in a more intimate embrace than any physical contact could provide. A moment of silence allowed peace and reassurance to flow from her being to Kjors’s, hearts beating together as their chests pressed against one another. Karina buried her nose into the coarse fur at her mentor’s nape, whining as she absorbed his distress through the touch.  The ring of peace shattered when Kjors spoke the words aloud, and tears began to trickle from the child’s vitreous eyes. Flowing currents of tranquility began to roil, transforming into crashing waves of sadness and pain. “I didn’t try hard enough,” she said, voice barely a whisper. “I.. wasn’t enough.”  Kjors had warned her, even insisted that he wasn’t cut out to be a subordinate, but she had hoped that her light would be enough to banish his shadows of doubt. She had believed in the power of their bond and that as long as they were together, with the Mother on their side they could face any challenge. Clearly she had not been enough for Kjors to stay, and he did not believe in her as she believed in him. “I can’t go with you,” she choked out, “My family would never let—“ A sob overwhelmed her ability to continue speaking, and she hid her face in the obsidian blanket of Kjors’s ruff.

 

   

    
 

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“No.  No,” Kjors hissed, that violent urge to protect surfacing in a wild frenzy.  If the swarthy male had expected this news to go over swimmingly, he was mistaken, for this, this was not what he wanted – this was not what he wanted at all!  Twisting about, the older wolf sought his student’s face, pink tongue flashing out to wipe away the tears that spilled across her ashen cheeks.   “No, this ain’ yer fault.  This was always Her plans ‘fer, Ah think.  T’ learn a bit a’ humility a’fore Ah set out again.  T’ restore me respect in her an’ her abilities.  T’ meet you.  This was never meant t’ be somethin’ permenant.”

In fact, if not for his princess, he’d have never last this long in the first place.  Ears swept back as a low, hoarse whine escaped from his throat, and the male continued to press kisses and licks to the yearling’s muzzle in a frantic attempt to soothe the hurt he’d inadvertently caused.   “Ain’t you, love.  Ah jes’ ain’t cut out t’ be ‘nother man’s slave, an’ @Maksim – well, yer father’s made it clear tha’ Ah serve ‘er Ah ain’t welcome.”  And he was no one’s servant.  He would not tolerate to be walked over, not would he continue to break his back to win favor with @Kisla when she simply met him with disappointment or uncertainty.   “Ah tried, though.  ‘Fer you.  Ah’m certain now, though, this ain’t fer us.  If it were – woulda worked.”

Clearing his throat, Kjors nosed the female’s ruff, ears swiveling forward in an obvious display of hope.  Please, Mother, let him fix this.  He could not stand to see the only wolf he truly cared about weep.   “‘member, tha’ place we found?  Our place.  Tha’ was a sign, Ah think.  Happened right before…all this started.  Mother wants us t’ go there.  There is safe, an’ there we can teach ‘bout Her, like we’re supposed t’.  An’ there, Ah can protect you.”

“An’ nothin’ else matters from tha’.”

In case you want to know what I'm listening to, here it is.

(This post was last modified: Sep 11, 2015, 05:47 PM by Kjors.)

Kjors’s attempt to do away with her tears was almost aggressive, as if he intended to beat back her pain with tooth and claw. His words were spoken to soothe, but Karina couldn’t help but see the discrepancies between her intentions and those of Kjors. Where he had seen the River as a temporary home, Karina had been envisioning something much different. She had hoped her parents might grow close to Kjors, joined by their shared goal of protecting Karina. Perhaps he could have become an advisor of sorts, and they all could have lived and grown old and died peacefully in Kingsfall together. They would have all walked side by side to the great Mother’s den, to rest with her and watch over their descendants.  That future would never be reality now, and despite Kjors’s reassurances Karina still could not help but feel as if she had failed somehow. Somewhere along the way, she could have worked harder to convince her family to accept Kjors, dragon and all, instead of isolating with him and engendering suspicion within the River. She could have explained the Mother’s will to her packmates instead of concealing her new beliefs from skeptical judgments. Kjors insisted that it never would have worked, and slowly Karina began to accept the truth that he was speaking—the truth that she had tried so hard to ignore. The dragon simply would not bow to any wolf, no matter how much she or Kjors wished it. The Mother had created the dragon and gifted it to Kjors, so she must have intended things to happen this way. She had other plans for her Chosen. Karina’s tears subsided, and she lifted her face from her guardian’s ruff in order to meet his gaze. “Dragonveil,” she offered the name of the place Kjors described, and a hint of a smile crossed her maw. “The Mother was so strong there, I could feel...” She was not able to put into words the feeling that she had while in Dragonveil; it was relief, excitement, comfort, and destiny all rolled into one. For the first time she let herself imagine that she could call such a fantastic place home. The deer had ventured closer to the pair, and it reached out to touch Karina gently on her crown. Doubt and anxiety radiated out from the touch, and the girl knew instantly what her deer was trying to tell her. “It can never be more than a dream for me,” was Karina’s bitter reply, and she turned from Kjors’s gaze as if recoiling from the sting of having to decline such a sweet offer. “My family would not consent to my departure. Not now, not while I’m still... so young.” She had almost said “not while I’m still their baby,” but had stopped herself at the last moment, remembering that her family had new babies now. With time, would they even miss their eldest?

 

Beautiful, and so fitting! So much love for the prophetic foreshadowing of the SoW post right now.

(This post was last modified: Sep 11, 2015, 06:53 PM by Karina.)

   

    
 

The dragon twisted unhappily, wishing for nothing more than to banish the deer at that very point, displeased the doe was sharing only anxiety and doubt. Oh, yes, leaving one’s roost was always troubling – Kjors had been forced from many established dens, and he’d chosen to leave countless others. Departing was always met with uncertainty, unhappiness, and even a particular degree of anger. None of these things did he want for his little princess. But true joy and freedom were not going to be found here, and now he was certain the Mother had already spoken to them, through the lynx, through their tumble underground, and through Karina’s discovery of the safe haven she’d named Dragonveil.

“Ah don’t remember recommendin’ we ask yer family,” the dragon drawled, single eye narrowing slightly. “After all, yer brother left an’ didn’ ask, did he? ‘s been made clear t’ me tha’ Ah am not welcome here – bu’ Ah ain’t goin’ anywere without you, gem. Th’ Mother brought us t’gether, an’ Ah’d not spit in her face an’ abandon ya now,” he sighed, tail sweeping through the air in nervous arcs. Couldn’t Karina see that if he stayed, it would inevitably lead to more violence? He never shied from bloodshed, but he was experienced enough to understand that if the males ganged up on him, it would cost him, perhaps even his life. If, for whatever reason, he got lucky and managed to dethrone (or even kill) the alpha – would Karina ever forgive him?

It was easiest this way, he knew, that she’d not be forced to chose. If her family thought her stolen away, she’d always be welcomed back into their loving den should circumstance ever drive the pair apart.

“Ah am the Mother’s Right Paw, Karina – Ah’ll do ‘verythin’ in m’ power t’ protect ya. But y’cannot serve her as a prophet here. It jes’… It jes’ isn’ workin’. She’s given y’ everythin’ she can. Now’s time fer faith, aye? Once given th’ time t’ spread yer wings an’ become th’ woman yer meant t’ be, yer family will understan’. This is our gensis. Stay here, an’ ye’ll only be smothered. T’ them, yer jes’ yer disability. S’all they ask ‘bout, ‘nyways.”

-steals internet long enough to post for you- ;o;

Perhaps she’d been a little naïve, but it was only in that moment that Karina realized her companion wanted to sneak out of Hearthwood River.  The girl’s crystalline eyes widened at the idea, and she remained silent to allow the gravity of what he was suggesting to settle upon Kjors. Surely once it dawned upon him that such an action would lead to no small amount of suffering and heartbreak for his gem, he would recant. Sneak away from her family, abandon her birthpack, flee from the only home she has ever known? All because Kjors was tired of playing nice with her family?

The dragon was working itself up, flapping and huffing as his wolf-half spoke. The doe took a few concerned steps toward the golden daemon, but then balked as Kjors mentioned Aleksei. Karina dropped her gaze from her mentor in hurt and disappointment. Kjors knew very well that the situation with Aleksei was completely different—the River had not a clue what had actually happened to their heir, and the suggestion that Aleksei willingly abandoned her was not only painful, it was also manipulative. How desperate he must be, to resort to such tactics with her—to intentionally hurt her in order to have his way.

And then he sank even lower.  ”To them you’re just your disability,” he insisted, and Karina turned from the man, immediately rejecting such an appalling notion. How could he say such a thing? The suggestion purported that her entire experience of love within her family and support within the River was a lie. He played upon her deepest insecurities, insinuating that nobody truly appreciated her for her talents and her character, and that she was nothing more than a burden.  Kjors was so desperate to escape that he was willing to destroy her entire world and drag her down into his despair in order to get out.. did he understand how much he was hurting her?

Tears spilled freely down Karina’s cheeks, though they were not the tears of self-pity that the dragon had been trying to provoke. Karina realized then that it was not her loving mentor speaking with her but his dragon—a monster full of ugly emotions and intentions that had consumed the real Kjors completely in this moment. The girl closed the distance between herself and her companion, wrapping her neck around his, hoping to absorb some of his suffering through her tight embrace. Through the contact she could feel the writhing pain Kjors was experiencing, trapped in the emotional hellfire of the dragon’s belly and unable to claw his way out. No, Karina’s tears were not for herself; she cried in sorrow for Kjors’ inner torment, as she understood with her whole heart that only most agonizing pain would drive Kjors to attempt to wound her too.

”But I am more than that,” she finally spoke, her voice a strained whisper. ”I’m their child, and their princess,” she reminded him, ”And if I were kidnapped.." --for that was what they would assume-- "..they would never stop hunting us.” Not until you were dead. She would not agree to any action that would put those she loved most at such extreme odds, not when she had worked so hard to unite them as one pack, one family. Certainly not for a reason so trivial as the one Kjors provided. ”This is your dragon talking Kjors, not your wolf. I can feel it. Don’t let the wolf roll over just because the dragon roars.” Karina knew that Kjors had yet to accept that there even was a wolf-part to him, but whether he believed or not the wolf was there. This had always been quite obvious to the priestess. “You’re stronger than this.” He could not just give up now.

   

    
 

Mild warning for description of a panic attack.

There was a difference between simply being tired of her family and being absolutely exhausted with constantly being on his paws in a world he was convinced was out to get him. While it was true that Kjors had little proof, outside of Maksim’s aggression and assertion of dominance (a right awarded to him through virtues of rank and the mere fact that he had indeed sired the wolf that the swarthy male was so taken with), and perhaps the suspicion he was met with upon meeting some of the less outgoing wolves, the dragon had made up a world of possibilities. What if, it whispered in the wolf’s ear. In the dark of night, it told him all the horrible things these wolves might do when his back was turned – at best, they’d simply run him out to be a loner as the winter rolled in. At worst, they would take to tooth and claw and his world ran with red. Red, the blood of angry men! Red, a world about to dawn! None of this was what he wanted – he’d joined Karina’s birth pack with legitimate intentions, and uncertainty was beginning to breed fear.

Fear quickly bred hatred, the middle-aged animal struggling to cope with an inability to grasp at his place within the wolves of Hearthwood River.

The vision of tears had his head rearing back, frill ruffling as his wings flaired out behind him. For once, Kjors was a massive beast, not the diminutive runt his mother so despised, and smoke billowed from his nostrils as he swung his skull from side to side. Teeth clicked and snapped, and for moment, he was nothing of a wolf, nothing of a mammal at all. The tumescent serpent recoiled at the ready display of emotion. Perhaps he was ready for a fight, but not the princess’ delicate emotions.

“I will not bow! Kjors Sørenson does not bow, not to lesser wolves!” he hissed, voice raspy and single eye wide. In it was visible the turmoil, the toss and turn as Kjors shook his head again. Hunted. Pah! What did these wolves know about tracking down a wanted animal? His own mother had tried to murder him once his beloved sire had died to replace him with a pawn of her own – nothing could compare to the horror and disbelief that came with your own family turning upon you.

But lo – Karina was not so quick to give up, just as she instructed her mentor to do the same. As he had taught her many things before, it was the student’s turn to repay the favor, and as the dragon continued to battle against any remaining barrier restraining it for the world at large, the wolf stirred once more. A sharp exhale, a sharp inhale, and silence fell over the swarthy wolf as he was surrounded by warmth. Understanding. Love. Such a foreign expression was almost lost on him, so unused to facing compassion when the viper reared its head and demanded to make itself known. These episodes were ridden out until they ended and the animal could go back to sleep in peace, leaving Kjors to pick up the pieces left by its rage.

So he stilled temporarily, the roar in his ear met by the heavy gasping. It was with mild shock that he realized it was his own breath he was listening to, and his ears swung back, ashamed of the state he’d reached. Why. Why this? Unhappiness was one thing, but the tremor in his limbs, the quake in his tail, he’d not felt this low since he’d discovered Søren slain by a neighboring pack and his body left to rot. A soft wheeze escaped the male as he worked his jaw, small noises falling from his throat, but he could find no words. Even as he leaned forward, face finding the familiar ruff of his beloved yearling, the smog would not lift enough to provide him with any rational response. Idly, he was aware of the temper tantrum the dragon was starting to raise, suddenly ignored where it was in charge only moments ago, but he could only suck in a breath, and exhale once more as he searched for something, anything to latch back on to.

Shivering limbs began to buckle, and despite Karina’s warming embrace, the male began to crumble towards the earth. It seemed to take forever, happening in slow motion, each muscle giving way as his joints began to buckle. He hit the ground with a dull thud, legs folded at an awkward angle underneath his chest and undercarriage, and it was only out of luck that he did not crash his jaw against the ground as well. For several moments, he said nothing, did nothing as he trembled, a vacant expression replacing the anger and violence that was written across his eye and muzzle only moments ago. Gone was the dragon, replaced by nothing, and the nothing rattled around his skull so loudly that even Kjors ceased to exist for several moments.

“Karina,” he gasped, a wolf surfacing from a cold plunge in an icy lake. “Karina.” But the one-eyed wolf could find nothing else to say as he tipped his head, studying the woman for only a moment before laying his jawline against his forelimb as the tremors continued to rack his body. The adrenaline was starting to ebb, but it would be some time before the muscles would finally relax, and his mind would return in full. Now, Kjors was only, vaguely aware of what was going on around him – but it was vast improvements to moments before. At least, he realized, he was here. With her. Where he was supposed to be.

The edge of his tail twitched as another shuddery sigh escaped, the male trying to force himself to relax as he lay prone. “Ah--” But he had no real excuse, and truly, no real explanation for what had happened. Laying in silence for several more moments, he shifted only enough that he could watch the priestess out of the corner of his eye. “Ah…dunno wha’ came over me. Sorry.”