Hush Meadow Take me to church

For Renier.

She's the giggle at a funeral
Knows everybody's disapproval

After all the frustration of the last few months, the irritability and the anger, a sudden calm had descended on the willows. You'd have to be blind to not recognise it as the calm before the storm, and only one other had half an idea of the tempest that was about to break over them. The slow build was more torture than her heat cycle had been.

Morganna's pregnant scent criss-crossed the territory, most recently joined by a more unwelcome addition... And she could feel the eyes of others boring into her as she passed. Waiting, watching... Expecting her to let it slide, because she had cozied up with @Skoll. Oh weren't they all in for a surprise... Every time she crossed it she had to remind herself, not yet. Not. Yet.

Just two more days.

@Craw had found her rooted to the spot, nose glued to the earth where the white bitch had recently passed. If he hadn't snapped her out of it she could have blown the grand plan to hell. She had to get out before she jumped the gun. Morganna considered a jaunt to the Lagoon, @Renier's scent heading across the meadow drawing her further from the heavily scented borders that were currently both her sanctuary and prison. The prospect of facing him left knots in her stomach, but better knots in her stomach than fire in her veins every time she caught a whiff of her.

But you only need the light when it's burning low

If there was one thing Renier knew about Morganna it was she wouldn't tell him a thing unless it was her want, her idea. If he kept his distance, eventually she would come to him. (So he would like to believe.) Why it was not easy keeping an eye on her behind the scenes, he managed to be aloof. If he wasn't needed for more than his usual duties, he could play his part in the background. Surely, she wasn't lonely.

It was too damn quiet in the Ridge, and with a change in another female's scent he was sure there was a countdown to all hell breaking loose. Why not get some peace while he could? Far as he liked to care, what did it matter? It's not like he could do anything about it.  Here he was killing time, traversing trails he'd already checked, waiting for that moment when he might be called to react. Until then, a heavy sigh fell from his lips, and he took a seat. Physically he had no reason to be tired, but he was. Insomnia did that to a man. Damn, no wonder his father had always been so exhausted.

Reverently, golden eyes watched the faint breeze stir the dead bits of grass. The new had yet to reach height to have notice. It could appear he wasn't paying attention to anything else, but he could hear her out there. He didn't feel he needed to expect her usually greeting. Likely it had been for the last time...

Words with bite formed on his tongue, but he didn't want to start a fight, not yet.  The problem was he  really couldn't think of something nice to say. "Out a bit far don't ya think?" It sounded better than the other ten things he had thought.

A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

@Renier

Morganna didn't miss the bit of bite in his tone, a deep breath drawn as she measured her own response, "Not far enough, I can still smell her, its like the stink is burned inter m' nose." Surly expression settled in place, she wouldn't bother to try putting up a brave front this time. Everything was taking too long. Once she might have moved closer, leaned into his side, gone out of her way to check in on him more regularly. But then he left, even though he had said that he wouldn't. She would only beg once and even though she had said she was okay with it at the time, that she would be just fine... who had she been kidding? Even when he returned he kept his distance. Perhaps too much had changed.

She was still convinced that if he really wanted her... He would be the one to come after her. But he hadn't. None of them had.

Refusing to impose herself on him (for once) she remained standing, eyes drifting further west. Perhaps the only way to confront any of this, to reach a resolution (if there was to be one), was head on. "What is it yer want? Why did yer come back?" The questions that had been playing over and over in her mind finally voiced, she braced herself for an answer she probably really did not want to hear.

 

Renier Lyall
anything you say can and will be held against you
so only say my name

ooc;word vomit

There was an eerie calmness to his facade, though he felt anything but. He wanted to get at the heart of everything they'd been putting off.

Sharply his ears turned flat at her mention of Hectate. Do something about it. He thought, but kept it from slipping. He didn't doubt she had some sort of plan, but he wasn't part of it. In that matter he really didn't give a flying fuck, but Ren would loved to remind her why she smelled that way in the first place. Skoll. The man who took very little thought into anything, and paid little cost in turn. Love, family, and blood were the only reasons he could decipher any of them tolerated Skoll's actions.

Now what he had feared was brought to the light, some how bringing both pain and relief. His departure, his absence. Turn it on me, he thought, wondering if she knew he carried it any way. She had every right to throw it in his face with his continued distance. What did she expect? He had sought her company, but after the rendezvous on the beach she had left him there. Avoiding him until she had called their small meeting, and more so after. Call him stupid, but he didn't think she was eager to be by his side.

"Pangur," he muttered under his breath like a curse word, though the exasperation he felt hardly left in the single sound. A needed explanation did she? The rogue shoved himself from the ground, drawing up to her face. Because she was his leader he probably should have kept himself in line, but he squared his shoulders, meeting her gaze head on for he would leave little doubt.

"There's only one reason I came back Morganna. It has everything to do with what I want." There was no harsh clip, but a smooth steadiness to his voice, with just the softest undercurrent of his affection.  Despite his uncertainty of her own feelings, when the words fell he knew his had never changed. But, he wasn't going to chase after her at the drop of a hat day after day to assure her. He felt ultimately if she didn't forgive him that's all he would do for the rest of his life. They both deserved better than that.

"What is it you want? If you don't want me here, there are only a few small reasons I would stay." He was referring to her own delicate form, something else that hadn't been spoken of. Far as he knew they were his, and even if she had little want for him, he wasn't going to turn his back on them.

(This post was last modified: Apr 28, 2016, 12:44 AM by Sahalie.)

It was moments like this when she remembered why she ever liked him in the first place, a small smile offered as he moved closer, treated her less like a leader and more like an equal. That was what she had wanted, all those months ago, was it not? but her smile melted away, replaced with a deadpan voice - she was so damn tired of games. "Yer gotta funny way o' showin' it." She finally said, as he went on to question what she wanted.

Oh how easily the words fell. "I want Skoll ter move 'is arse an' challenge Nicolo so I can run his girlfriend off without him knowing. I want ter tell him she is gone an' watch him take off too. I want stability fer my children an' if I can't have it here I'll go elsewhere. It doesn't much matter ter me if yer here or not. I'm just doin' my job." Of course she knew the variables, and it all hinged on the highly unlikely instance where her brother behaved predictably.

No more bullshit. If he wanted her to say it he'd have to ask her straight, and if he wanted something then he would have to reach out and take it, just like anyone else in this pack had to.

Renier Lyall
we don't fight fair

A dark laugh echoed from his throat at her sharp remark. He rather she had sunk her real teeth into him, because that wound would have only released blood, pain he could discern.

"And you don't?" Pale brows rose in a stare of accusation. Far as that went he didn't think it was entirely his fault. After she had left the meeting in a huff, he had had little want to find her and tackle her to the ground to coerce her into happiness with the blunt sign she worn. But, it wasn't just that. He couldn't face her. He didn't feel like a failure, he was one. He hadn't gotten any further, and held no real promise of the safety she craved. Though he would likely never admit it, the fact she hadn't said a word to him after all her worry and doubt about producing a family had hit him hard. Sending him into shadowed thoughts that wouldn't shut up.

"Hell, maybe you do like being stalked,smothered, and slobbered over. What was I thinking." He sarcastically quipped, anger slowly pooling out of his system, recalling Wraith's open display of affection.

He had to refrain from rolling his eyes at the mention of the pair of Archers. Face darkened, sharp, cold. Did she really see it happening so easily? But, he had asked her what she wanted, least she was speaking her mind instead of shoving it aside.

The rogue tried to reign in his contempt for the pack laws. The two in the way. It was hard to hold onto his civility as she continued. He started to see everything he hadn't wanted to. How unlikely he did matter, how she hadn't need for him any more. It was far from over.

"Your children?" The words were clipped, the silver and russet hairs bristling along his spine, and shoulders. "Maybe, the idea of father means little to you, but it doesn't to me."

It was his fault she didn't know why he had left in the first place. But, like anything else what did it matter now. Borden's death was his loss, and she was still in survival mode, not living, just staying alive if it was her against the world. Seeing it like that, made him pause, really look at her. It only made him hate himself, he had hurt her once, so why wouldn't he again?

He sucked in the side of his lip, clamping it in his teeth, tucking in a long breath, finding the heat inside him smother. "Why do you do that?"

With so many to look to on a daily basis what made him think he deserved any more of her time than the next wolf? It was true he was a welcome distraction but not the type she could succumb to on a daily basis lest the rest of the pack think she was shirking her duties. She no longer had the time to herself that she had held before he left. Couldn't he see that things couldn't be the way they were? Stalked, smothered and slobbered over? Was he taking shots at @Wraith now?

 

A low growl built in her throat as sharp words unleashed in retort, "Yer wanna know the difference? He's there. Every call at the borders, every hunt. I can depend on him and thats what family should be. Not this fucked up mess I've had dropped on me where nobody talks an' everyone looks out fer themselves. This isn't a pack, this is fucked an' I'm tryin' ter fix it." But how far could she really get with @Sven's temper tantrums, @Skoll's superiority complex and @Renier's aloofness? With @Nicolò's threats and @Adele's loyalty squarely in his corner? With Angier blind and almost den bound and @Elettra tethered to his side, making the most of the time they had left? Not for the first time her thoughts drifted north, beyond the rolling hills. She never did find out what lay just beyond their peaks...

But of course he would seize on her claim on the lives within her now, and the barb about a father was the final straw. "I did jus' fine without one, it's one less person they'll have ter worry about walkin' out on them." She had half a mind to turn and leave when his next words caused her eyes to narrow. "Do what?"

Renier Lyall
Still I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

Ears were upon her, face still set in a stern manner, for he still had a sour taste in his mouth. He thought she was going to continuing ripping him apart for all he hadn't done, for not following her like a doting boy. For single second he believed he had struck a nerve about her other dark shadow, but it was more than that. It was what was really bothering her deep down. He managed to compose his faint mask, not surprised she felt this way just that she was actually saying it out loud to him. Letting it all roll off her tongue with ease for a change. The Lyall could agree with the state the Ridge was in. It was just like Grizzly Hollow, something he had wanted, but not now. It was not what it was, nor anything he would attempt to change by all the tangled lines that made it now. Part of him had been amazed how she continued to work on settling the Ridge, but a greater part of him wasn't. She was like her mother, and it was only because of others she didn't have her end results. Inside he felt his heart squeeze tight. Because of him.

"That it is," he admitted, his tone collected for the moment. "If I hadn't left in the first place you wouldn't have such madness placed upon you." There was nothing bitter in his tone, but just a plain state of the matter. He had not been far from the title then, just beneath Angier just like she had been with Elettra. "By all rights you should rid yourself of me." There was no malice, just a somberness that had long been beneath all his anger. Silence took a hold for a moment, eyes upon the ground, thoughts on days gone. Gently, he cleared his throat, taking a step closer. "When I came back, I saw the weight on your shoulders. All the the things digging at you, wearing ya down. I wanted to take you away from it all, but I didn't think you would leave." Softly, he stated, as he felt himself trying to go numb.

While he understood it wasn't just him she was talking about leaving, he had to squeeze his eyes shut for a second, keep his control. Roughly he shook his head, thinking what a terrible picture he was. It may appear Lyall family tradition of father's leaving their children, but he was his mother's son.  

"Fair enough. But why would I Morganna? My father's dead, my mother's not far behind, and you know well how I feel about my brother in the Hollow. What would take me?" He didn't think it would change her mind, not really. He had to hope it might make her pause, might make her least want to believe something more.It wasn't a surprise she didn't know what he meant. Least it had kept her here if nothing else. He wore a sad smile, daring to take another steps to her. "Act like the whole world's on fire, and all you have to do is keep one step ahead. But, what happens when the smoke clears?"

Like the world was on fire... Well that was a whole lot less scary than what she was actually feeling. Her tone was dry and bitter, "I'm standin' on sand. The harder I try ter get out the deeper I sink, the more I struggle ter move forward the harder it sucks me in. I'm drownin' on dry land an' I dunno how much longer I've got." How long would she need to allow to make sure she was safely settled in time for the birth of her children? Who would come if any? The spark of an idea that had crossed her mind back in the depths of winter was gaining daily in its appeal. Yes it would mean leaving behind all that she knew and loved, but a price had to be paid for all things.

"I don'... Understand how they see it. Nicolo, an' Skoll..." she shook her head, "Leadin' isn't a right, its a privilege, and yer don't rule, yer serve. Every wakin' minute tryin ter find ways ter keep things goin', ter guard against disaster. I've got more respect fer the wolves that come here by choice than the ones that are here fer the sake of a name. The ones that chose are more family ter me than those that share my name." It was easy to infer that it was Nicolo and Adele to whom she referred and not her half-siblings or parents.

Pangur, Pangur... it had been rolling over and over in her head since he'd said the word. Something about the name niggled at the back of her mind. Had her mother muttered something about whoever that was at some point? With her mind moving so quickly she struggled to pin it down. She didn't know what he wanted her to say, and she had no promises to make that she was certain she could keep, so she watched with narrowed eyes as he drew closer. "I can't promise you a thing. But we can't keep goin' like this." The hot and cold was killing her slowly, and she wouldn't make him suffer for her own inability to decide one way or another. "I'd like ter think I love you," Love... Loved? for surely the emotion she attached to the word (like a favourite winter coat, perhaps a size too small held onto for that 'one day' when she managed to slim down again) was different to the way she felt when she used the word in relation to @Skoll (her true soulmate), or even @Wraith and @Craw (a comfortable camaraderie)... "But I'm not sure I know what that is or if its the same sort o' love you might feel fer me. I jus' don't have the time ter figure it out," and now her mind was caught on the name, building like a crescendo until it drowned all other thoughts out. "An' who the fuck is Pangur?!"