Sunrise Ridge pelagic

@Sahalie

The stars shimmered coldly overhead, their slow turn across the sky the only thing to mark the passing of the long winter night. Spieden huffed as she rolled from one side to the other every few minutes, digging a rut in the snow she had bedded down in. No position was comfortable enough, and despite the warm bodies that slept near her, it wasn't anything like the Bend. Too cold, too open, too empty, nothing felt right, nothing looked right, and the knowledge that nothing would go back to the way it had been haunted her.

Just when she thought sleep was within her grasp, it all came flooding back. The little details about that day had etched itself into her brain, her mind spinning endlessly but getting nowhere. During the day it was easier, there were sights and sounds, other wolves, a mission to distract herself with. But the night was too quiet, and Spieden was left all alone with her thoughts. The confidence in Aponi's stance, the cold indifference of Serach at her side. She wondered how long it had all been brewing, what signs she had missed before that. Was there anything she could have done to stop it before it all surged to a crest. She remembered the anger of betrayal, she remembered hitting Aponi, and she remembered being held down, looking into those pale blue eyes and praying for mercy.  Strangely, she couldn't remember what happened in the evening after that. That bothered her just as much, and like a scab she couldn't help picking at it just to see what ugly wound sat underneath.

Quietly Spieden rose, deciding she had enough of pretending to sleep. She lightly tread around the group and stepped off into the trees. She didn't have to go far before the forest floor in front of her dropped to give way to a rocky ridge. The pale light from the thin crescent moon reflected off the surface of the fjord below, revealing a breathtaking vantage point that was somewhat lost on her. Spieden stopped here, sighing heavily and sitting down. 

A heavy sleeper Sahalie might have been, but it was hard not to notice the repeated tossing and turning of the large woman beside her. The last few nights she had barely been able to sleep anyway, sick with worry about what Oak Tree Bend was doing now, what her father—frustrated as she was—was doing, where he was, or what they were doing out under the open sky. She had recognized the massive lake with the islands as they had passed it today, and she wondered if they would stop at Hearthwood River since it was, relatively speaking, close. But then Spieden turned the party west without a word, and Sahalie realized that Hearthwood River was not a connection she could claim anymore: Kisla was her cousin, sure, but she was Serach's sister.

More family, gone.

So when Spieden finally got up the girl's eyes watched her go, hoping that she was just going to stand watch over the group or something. The woman kept going, though, until the trees swallowed her and Sahalie stood up slowly, quietly, and went after her. The sound of sighs lead the dark girl straight to Spieden, and the girl plopped down beside her. For the moment, Sahalie was ignoring the view and the dangerous precipice, studying instead the silhouette of Spieden's profile framed in thin moonlight. "I couldn't sleep either," she said instead of what she really wanted to ask: What in the world is going on, what are we doing here, what is wrong?

When it came to Spieden, her caretaker, the Alldark, her Milkbag, things had always been different. Sahalie often tried, gently of course, to encourage others to open up to her, but never Spieden. Sahalie had always felt like she had invaded enough of Spieden's privacy as a small, hungry, lovestarved child and she could still remember the feelings of awkwardness between them before they had grown use to their relationship. But now it was hard to ignore the fact that Sahalie knew almost everything about her biological history—her father's side, at least—but had no idea who Spieden was, really. This had not really mattered up until now, up until the challenge when something in the dark woman broke. The girl had follow her this far because she had made a promise to herself that she would take care of her, help her, but in reality she had no idea how to do that. Spieden was a mystery.

(This post was last modified: Jan 10, 2017, 12:24 AM by Sahalie.)

@Sahalie

Paw steps crunched lightly over the snow behind her. She didn't turn, the gait was familiar to her. Instead she flicked back a single crumpled ear as her eyes remained looking ahead on the moonlit water. She didn't move as Sahalie sat down beside her, pretending to be engulfed in the scenery. Her heart ached, she hadn't wished to drag her family out into this mess, out into the middle of winter with no place to call home and nowhere to go back to. She had the vague idea of heading north, on the thin hope of finding Capable's pack and the even smaller chance of gaining acceptance with pups in tow. It was all strung together on a long line of hopes and prayers, but it was all she had right now.

As Sahalie spoke up Spieden turned her head to look at her, offering an apologetic grimace. Truly, was anyone sleeping? Or were they all laying there, eyes closed as they went through the facade of rest while every worry rolled through their heads. 

"I keep thinking," She said at last, "That I might wake up and it'll all be a nightmare, forgotten in the daylight." But it wasn't. As even sleep eluded her, she didn't even have the chance at having an escape into a pleasant dream.

There was no option but to move forward, the bridge behind her was thoroughly burnt to cinders. She had left behind a place that had been her home, for all the memories good and bad. She could only guess at how hard it was on Sahalie. Mako and Marina were young enough that perhaps they weren't so attached to the place yet. But Sahalie had spent nearly two years there, her entire life, leaving behind so much. Spieden knew it had to hurt. 

Spieden had never told Sahalie to follow her, but she couldn't understand why the girl had come with her and not gone with her father. Was blood not thicker than water? Spieden coughed softly. "You know," She said slowly. "I thought you would've gone with your father." She said. And maybe it was selfish of her, but she was glad she hadn't. 

"Mmmm," the girl grunted in agreement. If she had the power she would have stopped Aponi. Or perhaps she would have gone back in time and stopped Spieden from lying to Lena, and then maybe Serach would not have encouraged Aponi. But then how much farther back would she still have to go? Where did the wounds end? Sahalie only knew that she wanted to be back home, in the mists and the dark comfort of the trees she had known since she had opened her eyes. She only wanted for them all to be happy under the same canopy. Now Serach, Spieden, her father, the rest of the pack—they shared only the same stars. The girl sighed and closed her eyes. Stay positive, she whispered in her heart, she tried to tell herself that this was not a nightmare and she shouldn't be waiting to wake up. These things happened. She needed to forgive, but the girl had no idea who she was supposed to forgive.

The ears atop her head stirred, and the girl looked away to study the landscape instead. By every law she knew she should have followed her father. Or stayed. And maybe, had she stayed, her father might have stayed as well, but it was impossible to know. Yet it was so hard, though she loved her father, to feel truly connected to him after all the things had happened—especially where the woman was concerned. The relationship between the two of them had been strained for a long time, and when he had just cast her aside without discussion Sahalie was not sure how they could go on any longer. She was silent for a long time. The girl shrugged, "You remember that time when you just wanted to leave Oak Tree Bend for a few days, just to see something new, something different? You remember how upset I was?"

Sahalie had been so scared at the idea of leaving the Bend and all it's comfort. She remembered being afraid that Spieden would find something wonderful outside the borders and choose never to come home again. Sahalie had been afraid that this would happen to herself, too, ever since she had seen the edge of the territory as a child and had tried to run away. But slowly, over many months of travel in and out of the territory, she came to realize that there was more to a wolf's desire to leave than just new trees, it took a lot. And now she was, here, out in the wilderness. Sahalie Tainn: a loner.

"Idunno. I didn't cry when my dad left to go look for Nayeli, not like I cried about you wanting to leave." Sure, she had cried at the appropriate times and she had missed him dearly in the way little girls missed their daddies, but she was also angry, so angry. She didn't understand who Nayeli was and why he would leave. This tainted her pining, and poisoned her bond with her father. But nothing had ever weakened her ties to Spieden. Nothing.

@Sahalie

"I do," Spieden said with a slight chuckle. "You were afraid I might find a different Sahalie out there. As if I might pluck another one right off a tree." Her tail swished a couple beats against the snow. Of course it had been awfully upsetting for the young girl at the time, but in hindsight it was a funny memory. Sahalie had begged to go with, just to make sure she came back. And who was she to say no to that face? 

Spieden's ears folded, she hadn't even cried for her dad? It was a bit sad, wasn't it? That Sahalie's loyalty lay with a surrogate mother who had felt burdened by her in her earliest days. Of course, things had slowly changed, shifted and subtly evolved into something greater than the sum of its parts. But the man was her father.

"That's too bad. I suppose I can see it though. He always seemed a bit... distracted." Spieden sighed. She didn't really know the extent of Triell's relationship with his daughter. At least from the outside, the little tip of the iceberg that Spieden could see, it always seemed like the man was pulled in a dozen different directions. Different mates, different litters, injuries, extended sabbaticals, taking up leadership only to set it down again, and whatever of his own internal demons were that brought his life swinging back and forth like a fish dangling from an osprey's beak. She couldn't judge the man, she surely had her own issues. But everything going on in his life had evidently left little room for Sahalie, leaving nothing to say of Drift, who almost unsurprisingly lived up to his name. Names did hold power, after all. 

She was quiet for a while, thinking, remembering another world, a past life. Warm summer days tracking hares in her father's footsteps, brisk autumn mornings pulling salmon from the river, cold winter nights huddled all together, close in the den, listening to uncle's stories. Somewhere in the forest a snowy owl called out. "I was close with my dad. I had a lot of siblings, but he always made time for each of us." She said wistfully.

A young deer has been separated from the rest of its herd. Hunt Opportunity

Sahalie had forgotten expressing this fear, though now that Spieden said it the girl could hear her own, whining voice pleading with the woman. She couldn't help but laugh too: what a ridiculous thing to have said. What a ridiculous girl she had been, what a ridiculous girl she still was. Spieden had her own children now but Marina and Mako had never replaced the relationship between the reluctant milkbag and her unplanned charge. And that was what was truly important to the girl, the contrast between Spieden and Triell. Her dad had never meant to replace her, had never meant to do the damage, but there were just things that they could not reconcile. They both loved each other so much, but as Sahalie had discovered in the past few months love was not enough. It took work, it took hope to be happy and strong and healthy. Her father was out of hope.

He was just a ghost fighting to survive.

Sahalie was not aware of how her standards were so much higher for her father, how much more she expected from him than other wolves. It was similiar to how she reacted towards Alastor, always asking more from him, always pushing him, always fighting him. But Spieden had done the things no one could ask of her and she had done it without seeking any thanks or reward. The girl shrugged. Triell had so much on his plate, of course he was distracted.

To hear Spieden share anything about her past was a surprise. Sahalie had never pressed the woman on anything, and often forgot that she had been or could have been anywhere besides Oak Tree Bend her entire life. Sure, the woman was covered in more scars than any wolf she had ever met but Sahalie had overlooked this. Her dad sounded like a nice guy. But where was he, where were all the siblings. "You'll tell me more about it all someday, right?" Right now it was all too fresh, still raw. "Lets try and get some sleep"

(This post was last modified: Feb 28, 2017, 03:56 PM by Sahalie. Edit Reason: Editing to fade )