Wild Rye Fields Just Don't Walk Away When I Say "Crush"

Backdated to July 20th. Set at the mouth of the Reyan den. For @Reyes

If this were any other day he would have been subtle in his attempt to garner attention. And maybe subtle was a word he didn't fully understand. His idea of being sneaky was to flop over in the middle of pack territory and whine until one of his friends checked on him. But that wasn't the case. Not today and maybe never again. Because he was so unbelievably tired. It was a bone deep ache that left him feeling hollow. He didn't know how to get rid of it. If he even could because he never felt this way before about anyone.

Adoration and repulsion had ran through his veins. It was enough to make him cower with his fur ruffled and teeth bared. He didn't know what he wanted. Not even when his paws carried him towards a familiar corner of pack territory. The scent of Askan and Reyes was bearable. It stood out from the mixing odors of the lands and that of fellow pack mates. He wanted comfort. To hide away from the world even for a few minutes.

Because his friends wouldn't confuse him. They wouldn't manhandle him while laughing all while his insides rolled. And maybe they would understand him. He wouldn't have to go against his very nature to prove a point. That's what he hoped. That's what he needed. And his paws felt heavy as he made his way towards the little den.

He didn't stop until the entrance was before him. His ears rolled back against his head and uncertainty weighed heavy upon his shoulders.

"Askan?" He called. And when that failed to get an immediate answer — "Reyes?" It was like Victoria all over again. But something was different and he couldn't help but let out a whine.

Midday naps were not a usual for Reyes, but man – they felt real nice. He and Askan had split up after they done their mutual patrol. Sometimes they stuck together, sometimes they didn’t. And for whatever reason, the urge for a little sleep had struck him just then. It didn’t matter if his mate had accused him of being an old man – hell, the wolf was ridiculously fond of the Old Man, so it couldn’t be that insulting – because it was much needed.

The voice outside his den brought him up from the sleepy depths, blinking his moonlit eyes lazily. In the light was Cottongrass, seemingly glowing with that bright white fur of his.

He squinted, rearing his head up, and crawling on his belly up and out of his den, shouldering the younger wolf. “Turn down the glow, would ya?” But he grinned, plopping himself down next to his friend – Cotton was so easy to tease. It only took a moment to notice that the kid wasn’t quite his usual bubbly self – he had that same uneasy aura he’d had before, when they’d met. And then after, when he’d joined up with Wild Rye Fields and wasn’t sure how to be a pack wolf. “What’s up, amigo?”

A lynx has left behind the remains of a deer. +5 Health

He was starting to wonder if he made a mistake while he waited for an answer. But he couldn't bring himself to move from the mouth of the den. Not when his entire being felt miserable and all he really wanted was some pity. Maybe even some cuddles or soothing words if that wasn't asking too much. He just wanted to get the sadness out. Once that was done and over with he would bounce back into being his obnoxious self.

But for now he was going to wallow.

When Reyes made an appearance he managed a weak smile. One that didn't brighten even when the older wolf shouldered past and said something he could recognize as teasing. His tail gave a sad wag. He couldn't convince himself to speak. Instead he stood in silence, only finding his voice when he was sure his friend had settled down beside him.

"Askan was right." He mumbled. And because he liked to believe that he wasn't that much of a petulant child when it came down to it, he added on — "About Aytigin."

His nose twitched and he couldn't help but sniffle. Somewhere atop his head his ears crumpled backwards and his expression faltered. He wondered if his two friends had ever spoken about the man.

Hmm. Maybe taking a nap in the arvo wasn’t his brightest idea. Either his brain was running really slow right now, or he had missed something. It wasn’t like Askan was a gossip, not exactly. If those two had had a conversation about this wolf, Atyi-what’s-it, well, it was perfectly possible that his mate hadn’t passed the information on. Especially if the beta had thought the conversation to be private, or a secret. Mateship didn’t mean you suddenly ratted out all of your friends’ personal information.

Stretching out with a tired yawn, the older wolf propped himself up to Cotton and gave the pale yearling a once over. The kid looked pretty worked up. Was this other wolf a bully? Was it like Victoria? Or was it something in between?

Whatever it was, Cotton was all shook up about something. Clearly, or he wouldn’t have come to Reyes with his tail between his legs. The teasing dropped, the gamma leaned over to nudge the kid’s side. “Hey. I think I missed something. Who the hell is At..ya and why has it got your tail in sucha twist?” He huffed, bumping Cotton again. “Be honest, now.” Or they wouldn’t get anywhere.

(This post was last modified: Aug 22, 2017, 10:47 PM by Reyes.)

I think you left a bold tag open.

Askan didn't tell Reyes about Aytigin.

He didn't know how to feel about it. Relieved? Disappointed? Or maybe he wasn't supposed to feel anything just then. With a heavy sigh he forced himself to settle back against his haunches. And he wanted to pace. Maybe even sway on his feet because moving seemed to help him in other situations. But he didn't think it would help whatever was crawling beneath his skin. He settled for leaning into one of Reyes' touches.

"Aytigin." He repeated because he needed to start somewhere. "He's from Hearthwood." Giving the basics was probably the decent thing to do. Just so he didn't have to force Reyes to dive in head first too much. And because Reyes told him be honest—

"I really liked him." The words came out clunky. Maybe even a little awkward. Because that was the truth and it sounded weird when he voiced it out loud. But how could he not have liked Aytigin? The man was adorable with a warm smile and hazel eyes. He was funny and kind and he didn't seem to judge Cottongrass for anything. Everything had been quick-paced and natural. Right until it wasn't.

"I thought—" He stumbled. Like he didn't know where his own train of thought was going. Because he could barely understand his own emotions. How could he manage a relationship that went anything beyond platonic? "I dunno." His paws itched and he shuffled on the spot to get comfortable. "He's a jerk." He finally admitted with a nervous glance to Reyes. But that wasn't necessarily him being honest and he pressed himself to continue. Before he lost his nerve and rambled his way out.

"When I, uh, went to see him last time he treated me like I was a puppy. Or something." The Great Magpie Incident seemed really stupid the more he thought about it. But he really wanted to mean something to Aytigin. Even if it was as simple as playing scarecrow against territorial birds. Except everything he did was a joke and it hurt more than he thought it would. "He kept tickling me and he, uh, he pinned me to the ground and—" His nose wrinkled and he looked away before he could see Reyes' reaction. "I bit him."

The dam was broken and his words came faster.

"I tried to apologize! I really did. I even brought him flowers but he just—" With a soft whine his paws fidgeted in the dirt beneath. "He just makes me so mad. Like he doesn't listen and he doesn't take me seriously no matter what I do." He wasn't always joking. Not when it came down to his emotions and the fact that he wanted something more to happen between him and Aytigin. But it didn't matter anymore. The relationship was severed, or at least whatever remained of it.

"I never want to see him again." He admitted, quietly.

(This post was last modified: Aug 22, 2017, 09:10 PM by Cottongrass.)

Aytigin. Mierda! What a mouthful that was.

But Reyes wisely kept his mouth to himself, sensing the weight balancing on top of Cotton’s slim shoulders. The story came out in bits and pieces. A friend (or perhaps more than, or perhaps simply another Victoria case) who suddenly changed his tune – who treated the pale yearling in a way he didn’t want to be treated, and it was enough for the gamma to lay his ears back and begin to groom is packmate’s ruff aggressively. It was something he’d done to Kana fairly often – but Cottongrass was a friend now, too, and clearly needed the comfort.

If Reyes’ touch could be described as comforting.

“He sounds like a shitty friend,” Reyes agreed between nattering, his voice thick. He and Askan weren’t perfect, had their fair share of spats – the worst one was in the beginning, when the beta had bit him hard enough to draw blood. But when they went back…they patched things up. Reyes listened. Askan listened. And if they Anything shitface couldn’t take Cotton seriously when he wanted to apologize, or talk, then he didn’t deserve to be the wolf’s friend, much less anything more than that. “If he was a real friend, he’d take y’seriously. He wouldn’t make you bite him, and he’d take your apology for what it was when you felt bad. Far as I can see it, that’s three strikes. You don’t need him t’make you feel like shit.”

He reared his head back. “You got friends here. And there will always be new wolves in those other packs and roamin’ ‘round the lowlands. Okay?”

Dad mode activate!  Advisor 2/3

He leaned into Reyes' touch. Even settled down against his stomach to grant the man easier access to the dense fur of his neck and shoulders. And he didn't know what to make of his friend's words. Not even when he knew that somewhere in there was an undeniable truth.

Aytigin was a shitty friend.

But Cottongrass had plenty of other friends. The kind that didn't make him feel uncomfortable or like he was a puppy all over again. He had Askan and he had Reyes. And there were probably a whole bunch of other names he could put on that list too if he really wanted to. But none of them were Aytigin. Or whatever Aytigin was only just starting to represent in the back of his mind. He didn't know how to explain it.

It probably didn't matter.

"Thank you." He mumbled instead with a quiet sigh. And with some awkward straining on his part Cottongrass reached up and brushed his muzzle in the thick of Reyes' fur. He offered a tentative lick before placing his head back down along his forearms. His tail gave a single wag along the grass behind him.

"I feel dumb." He admitted softly. And after thinking about the situation for a whole entire three seconds—"Everything about this is dumb."

Reyes mouth twisted to one side. Was he doing this right? It didn’t really feel like he was doing this right. Shit, if he was in Cotton’s position, he’d be steaming mad right now, crackling about like a damn wildfire born straight from the clouds. He’d be a storm, a damn menace, especially if he’d tried to make things right afterwards – was this not what the kid wanted to hear? Something he already knew? Or did he just not believe the gamma at all?

The wolf gave a heavy sigh, leaning back into his friend’s familiar wait.

“You ain’t dumb. Tryin’ to get along with other wolves is…hard.” Especially when you sorta liked them. Because then you started caring whether they liked you back, what sort of opinions they formed of you, if they’d wanna see you again. “I just think – y’can do better than that. Askan and I get all sorta fussed up and angry the first few times we met but he always lemme talk. Never made me feel like a baby, either.”

He huffed a sigh, silver eyes flicking back to the younger wolf. “There somethin’ else? Y’seem awful heavy to have all yer problems solved, Cotton.”

Advisor 3/3

His mood was spiralling. He could feel himself losing control and he didn't know how to stop it. Because it was inside of his head. He was dumb. Everybody and their parents probably knew and it was all downhill from there. Who the hell got upset over magpies? Why couldn't he just be grateful and content with what he had? And Reyes was being nice. He just might have been one of the nicest wolves Cottongrass ever met but his words weren't helping.

In that moment he wanted to spill everything. Because Aytigin really hurt his feelings. It might as well have opened up the floodgates to all the over times his feelings got hurt and that list was a long one. He wanted to ask for validation. For all the gentle encouragement in the world that he was okay and he could protect his friends even if Aytigin made him think otherwise. But he wasn't good at being forward. It was the reason why he decided to bite Aytigin instead of talking about how he felt like a normal person.

His shoulders furrowed around him and he tried to make himself smaller than he actually was.

"Sorry." He mumbled. Because he was probably annoying Reyes. Acting like some moody yearling that didn't know what a real problem was. "I'm just—" His breath caught in his throat and he struggled to think of something. Of a good excuse so that way he could stop bothering his friend with his bad mood. "I'm just tired." That sounded lame but he didn't know what else to say.

"Been a long day and all." He offered Reyes a weak smile and he forced his tail to drag along the ground. Was that something understandable? He couldn't tell. It probably didn't matter. And he wanted to get away but his thoughts just seemed to pile up even faster. He couldn't escape them. They just kept repeating in the back of his mind and talking wouldn't fix it. He knew that from experience.

"I'll be better." He didn't know who he was trying to convince of his own wellness. Was it himself or Reyes? It didn't matter. He was going to shove all of his awful feelings into a small box and bury them deep somewhere inside of the back of his mind.