Turtleback Lake You got two black eyes from loving too hard

RE: A meteor shower overtakes the sky! @Reyes only

Askan wasn't happy.

Things weren't going wrong, per se but they weren't going right either. It seemed no matter what he did he was forever destined to be a screw up. Perhaps this was the price he had to pay, his way of repenting for all the shitty things he'd done and said. But...he thought he'd been through enough. Surely by now he'd learnt his lesson. There was only so much a man could take, and little things like this had a way of stacking up until they were unbearable and unsteady. Like a landslide waiting to happen.

Askan ambled along the shore, his wet paws leaving tracks in the dirt as he went. Above him, lines of white rushed across the night sky, as though the stars themselves were falling. He paid little attention to the spectacle and continued on, his head hung low as he brooded. Old habits died hard.

Still, even days later he and Reyes were not on the best of terms. Jessie's ultimatum hadn't made it any better, if anything things had gotten all the more tense between them. And Askan-not that he'd admit it- feared that he was loosing him, that Reyes was slipping out of his grasp. And maybe it was his fault, maybe he should be trying harder to hold on, to try and fix whatever had been broken. But he just didn't know how. He was still new at this and they'd never really argued before.

Maybe it was too good to be true. The honeymoon period was over and Reyes was starting to see how much of a terrible person Askan really was.

With a loud huff, Askan flopped to the floor and rested his chin on his front paws. By now he really should have learnt to keep his mouth shut. But it seemed nigh impossible, like asking a fish not to swim, or a bird not to fly. It was in his nature...and if those around him didn't like him like this-flaws and all-maybe they never really liked him in the first place.

He sighed, long and sad, like he was so very tired of it all. It was one of those days, or rather nights, when he once again couldn't help but wonder if it would have been easier if he'd just died.

Askan wasn’t happy?

Well, that made two of them. Sure, the punishment Jessie had laid out for the pair hadn’t been the absolute worst – hadn’t tossed them out, hadn’t stripped Askan of his rank and pride – but it was pretty high up there in severity. Reyes was pretty sure the lack of privacy was the worst part, denning with all the other wolves much deeper into the Wild Rye Fields territory.

The puppies weren’t so bad. That Jessie was using her own puppies as a form of punishment though? The gamma wasn’t sure what that said about her – or what she thought of her children – or what she thought of his ability to work with youths.

Either way, he wasn’t going to think too hard about it. Reyes thought he’d go on one last run before bedding down – wear himself out so maybe he wouldn’t think so hard – when he found himself all the way by the water. Followed the falling stars across the sky, and here he was. He’d blamed the moon, but, well. Even if he didn’t believe in that shit, the night sky seemed to be doing a lot of work in his lift. Seemed he wasn’t the only one who’d wandered out here.

“Fancy meetin’ you out here, Kana.”

REYES | Dead man walking.

Reyes might have taken him by surprise but Askan didn't flinch at the sound of his voice. Nor did he stand up to greet him, as he once might have. He merely turned a little as his tail-without him really telling it to- began to tap at the floor in a slow, if not earnest display of affection.Things were rough still, sleeping in the main den wasn't helping matters at all, but Askan was still and would always be happy to see him.

He chuffed in amusement, more than a little relieved he was still referring to him like that. It felt a little more intimate than using his plain old name. And the way he said it, with his deep drawl...Well, it wasn't something Askan would forget anytime soon. Pushing one of his back legs out, he watched at his paw pushed at the soft dirt, displacing it like it was nothing. Seems like he and dirt had more in common than he thought, being brown aside.

"I was about to say the same thing." He paused for a moment, not sure whether this was a good idea but pushed on ahead anyway. Because he was weak."Sit with me?"

He even pulled his leg in to make room, if he wanted to sit on that side. Not that Askan was picky at all he was just...So desperate to make amends, he supposed. Contrary to common belief, he hated being the bad guy, the screw up. And he knew he had done something wrong, something that had truly bothered his mate. He just-even after all this time- didn't know what. Maybe it was about time he just gave in and asked? How else was he supposed to know, to make it right if he was stumbling in the dark?

He shuffled on the spot, the uncertainty of this whole situation making him thoroughly uncomfortable. But no matter how jittery he got he would try and push forward. Just because he wasn't familiar with something didn't mean it was bad. He'd never done anything like this before and yet it had been worth the risk. It really truly had.

"So uh...I've been thinking that I should..." He dug his front paws into the dirt and pushed till they were buried, like roots sliding through soil. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I'm not entirely sure what I did wrong but...I want to work to make it better, if I can. If you want me to, I guess."

“Sure.”

Reyes plopped himself down, cracking his jaw with a fierce yawn. Moonlit eyes drifted to the sky above, hopelessly dark without the moon’s light to beam down on them – but that was alright. Thousands of stars twinkled and dance somewhere else in the universe, highlighted by the occasional meteor streaking across the inky darkness. He was content to sit in silence, to bask in the glory of the world around him, his mate beside him, but… It seemed Askan finally had something to say.

His ear tipped to one side, an unexpected, if not slightly awkward, apology tumbling from familiar lips. The wolf stiffened, teeth clamped together as his mind began to churn. What did that mean, that Askan didn’t know? Was he trying to pretend, or just…?

Finally, the gamma shifted his gaze, watching his partner quietly. “When Jessie caught us in the field,” he rumbled, voice a bit more gruff than was usual, “you were embarrassed. Very embarrassed.” And maybe that was more than Askan wanted to talk about, but that was tough shit. He started the conversation, anyways, and the memory of that particular encounter was still branded fresh into Reyes’ memory. “You didn’t want anyone else to know.”

He paused.

“Why do I embarrass you?”

REYES | Dead man walking.

Even if Reyes had refused to sit, Askan would have said his piece. It was better this way though, they were on the same level with their guards lowered. By no means did he think that Reyes was over it-a piss poor way to put it, honestly- but at least he was willing to listen. At this point it was the most Askan could ask for, aside for his forgiveness, he supposed.

The Selwyn waited, listened and at Gabriel's words he ducked his head out of shame. Not over what they had, rather how he'd responded on that fateful day. He could see why Reyes thought as much, his whole demeanor was anything but calm, hell even a blind and deaf wolf would have noticed. And yet, as obvious as it seemed to be there was a lot more to this mess than met the eye. Askan just had to find the courage to go ahead and explain it.

Askan sighed and leaned into his mate's side, drawing strength from him in such a way Reyes was only able to provide. He was just...different. Strong and determined, unwavering and as steady as the ground beneath their paws. And as much as it pained him to admit it, Reyes was everything Askan was not.

"It's not you. It really isn't." It was cliche, but true."I'm not...embarrassed by you, or us for that matter I just..." He licked his lips, stalling, as he struggled to put his thoughts into words."No one else knows me like you do, I don't want them to. I just want you. And if everyone else thinks I'm an arse then I can live with that.  But change is usually so...shit. And I guess I panicked cause I knew things wouldn't be the same after that, some way or another."

Saying it aloud didn't make him feel any less stupid. If anything it made it worse.

He groaned and his hid face underneath his paws. Good job Askan, well done!

"I have a thing for overreacting sometimes, sorry I let it get so out of hand." He said, his voice quiet and muffled.

“It’s not you.”

And he would be lying if he said he didn’t half-expect the ‘it’s me’ bullshit to follow right afterwards, but Askan kept stumbling into an explanation. Of the moment. Of how he felt. And shit, this wasn’t something they usually did, was it? Talking about feelings. Once in a while, sure, but talking wasn’t really him, and getting deep wasn’t really them. But the wound had festered long enough, it seemed, or the beta wouldn’t have been inquiring after it in the first place.

So Reyes let him talk.

His eyes drifted back upwards, idly tracing pointless constellations as the occasional star whipped by. Should he make a wish? His Mama always said so, but-- How lucky could a star plummeting to the earth actually be?

“Different doesn’t always mean bad,” he said eventually, tail sweeping over the earth in lazy arcs. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I fuckin’ hate change. Wouldn’t have resisted joining a pack so long if I didn’t.” But he’d learned from that too, hadn’t he? After the attack. After friendships and alliances proved every bit as vital as Reyes’ ability to fight with tooth and claw and nail. “And I mean, shit at the border, that ain’t helpin’ us out either. But--”

Reyes shrugged, a long sigh deflating his stature a bit. “I dunno. Got t’ thinkin’ you were ashamed and I just… Couldn’t figure out how to handle it.” He rumbled, finally flopping down next to his mate. “Even asked Lachesis. And he said to talk. Guess he was right.” He allowed himself a soft snort, reaching over to touch Askan’s shoulder.

REYES | Dead man walking.

@Lachesis tags team brodad just cos

Askan knew that. Change could and in some cases had been for the better. But it didn't make the situation any more easy to swallow. The border situation certainly hadn't helped matters, but it had been telling, in a way.  If Reyes hadn't cared he wouldn't have stood up to Jessie like that and contested her choice of wording. Even now, he was a little sensitive about that but he felt better knowing that Reyes-now and forever- would have his back. When Askan didn't have the strength to look after himself then Gabriel would rise to the occasion.

It didn't make Askan feel weak or useless, if anything it made him feel strong. Like Reyes always had his back.

Ashamed? Askan couldn't help but whine at that. Never. Reyes was good and smart and handsome! What was there to be ashamed of? Knowing that he made Gabriel feel that way hurt. Like Savion was baring down on his throat once again, and as though he was clamping down on his heart with his jaws.

"No, not that." He leaned into his touch, rumbling at the weight against his shoulder."Lachesis is a bit of a know it all, isn't he?" Not that it was a bad thing but... He swished his tail to the side and laid it over Reyes'. Just because."He's right, I guess. Should have come to you sooner, not just...avoided it." Askan was very good at sticking his head in the sand.

This was good right, though? It proved that they were willing to work on it, to sort out whatever mess Askan had made. He wasn't honestly sure he could do it on his own, especially if Reyes was just...It didn't matter, he clearly cared. He wouldn't be here, laying here like this if he didn't. Reyes didn't have to say it, but Askan knew, he could feel it.

It felt good.

"Missed you."He mumbled, giving Reyes' paw a quick lick. Just the one, as hard as it was to resist.

“Yeah, a bit.”

But his mate wasn’t wrong, not really. Maybe it had something to do with being an alpha (for an extended period of time). Or being older. Or being a father. Or any combination of those things. It didn’t matter, though – Lachesis’ advice had been sound, even if the gamma hadn’t been keen on trying it out at the time it had been offered. Maybe he’d be quicker to act on it, next time.

Wiggling closer on his belly, he offered Askan a small wag of his tail, clearly pleased with their efforts to maintain – or rather, reestablish – the closeness that had been missing since Jessie had discovered them in their little patch of the rye fields. “We don’t gotta tell him he was right,” he noted absently, continuing to wriggle until the pair of males were pressed side-to-side. There. That was much better. His tail might have thumped, had Askan’s not been draped over it.

“Missed you, too. Let’s try not to do that again, huh?” And Reyes wasn’t exactly sure what that qualified as…but the distance, the silence…even the misunderstanding, he didn’t like any of it. And sure, they weren’t perfect. Strife would probably rear its ugly head again. Hopefully next they’d just…be a little quicker about confronting it.

Or something like that.

REYES | Dead man walking.

There is a moose carcass that has been scavenged by coyotes nearby. +15 Health

This had to be a good sign. Wiggling all close like that could only mean one thing, that Reyes was willing to give him another chance. Or rather, he wanted to put the past behind them. No matter how he wanted to phrase it, in the end if didn't really matter. All that counted was the  fact that his mate was squished against him like he wanted to be as close as he possibly could. Any space, no matter how small was too great.

A thrum of satisfaction ran through him as he settled in proper and rested his chin on his paws, his gaze flickering skyward. Oh he could imagine it right now, if they told Lachesis about this he might see himself as a relationship guru extraordinaire. As much as he liked the River alpha, he preferred to keep things close to his chest. He wouldn't deny it, or panic if caught out in the open, he would just...play it by ear from here on out.

"I won't tell him if you don't." His lips were sealed, or they would have been if he could stop smiling.

To hear that Gabriel had missed him too, well it laid a lot of his worries to rest. He had always been so independent, so Askan had just sort of assumed his mate hadn't been all that bothered. That wasn't to say he wanted him to be sad but...It was all over now, it was time to move on.

"Mmm." He agreed, finally looking down from the glittering night sky. "Won't let it happen again. Promise." He licked Reyes paw again, for good measure. And because he could.

"How have you been finding pup sitting anyway? Think it suits you?" It wasn't the worst of punishments, so they had both gotten off pretty lightly. Still, the idea of Gabriel with those little rascals was pretty amusing to the Selwyn.