Renegades Vigil What Comes Next?

For @Namir Set in the early morning. Mainly sunny, 36.1C

How lovely are the portals of the night

When stars come out to watch the daylight die

Namid trudged through the snow, breath fogging from her maw which hung open in a pant. Her breathing was heavy and every so often she would pause to catch her breath, a wince flinching onto her maw as a sharp pain ran through her side. Normally she would be able to make it through this no problem but her health wasn’t what it used to be. Depression had weakened her and as she neared the age of 6 she wasn’t as young as what she used to be. She was only middle aged if she was being honest but the years had not been kind to her. The once regal woman’s head no longer held high, her pale agouti pelt no longer shiny and lustrous. She was a shadow of her former self physically, but within her mismatched gaze, no matter how tired, still shone the same strong willed, kind woman that had always been there.

She decided to take another break, her path leading her beneath a cedar tree that rested next to a creek. The surface had long since frozen over and if she had been stronger she might have turned to her well-tuned fishing skills and broken through it to try and catch a meal. However that didn’t seem to be in the cards for her that day, so instead she rested beneath the skeletal tree.

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Made by  esa

There was no peace, it seemed. No matter where Little Crow went, she was running into some damn stranger - boys, girls, her age, older. Pack wolves, loners. At least this one didn't smell too much like other wolves, and the loner snuck closer (thought early morning and bright snow did very little to keep her hidden). Eyes narrowed. She looked familiar, but the stranger couldn't recall ever seein' her before. Her tail twitched. Shoulders hunched.

"Who're you?"

She regretted it as soon as she opened her big, fat mouth. No matter what the answer was, it wasn't going to help her much. Make her feel worse, if nothing else.

How lovely are the portals of the night

When stars come out to watch the daylight die

She hadn’t heard nor noticed the yearling’s approach, but even when the words came out of nowhere she didn’t startle. She didn’t have the energy to put up such a reaction. Instead, the woman simply turned her head to get a look at the wolf who had joined her. Tawny and simple, a little taller than herself with a pair of bright yellow eyes peering from her face. There was nothing significant about her new company, yet there was a niggling of recognition in the back of her brain. Like it was trying to piece together similarities but it didn’t know what it was piecing together to resemble her to. Perhaps it was just her coloring as she’d seen plenty of wolves with a dusty agouti pelt. Hell, some of her own children had it.

“Namid Vuesain,” she said simply, feeling no need to hide who she was. Her attention turned back to looking at the frozen landscape, mismatched gaze looking quietly across it. The wind rustled the branches of the tree and she inhaled, a peaceful sensation filling her. She glanced once again at the girl next to her before returning to her meditative state. “Are you going to just stand there or are you going to sit and give me some company,” she asked, though there was no sarcasm or malice in her voice. No, the former matriarch had no room in her state for such things. Her words were soft and kind, wispy in a way that showed the tiredness that matched her eyes. The yearling could stay or leave, it didn’t matter much. Once she’d caught her breath and rested her muscles she would be on the move again anyways. She was still a few days out from her destination and wanted to try and make as good time as possible.

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Made by  esa

"Well. 'll be damned. Namid Vuesain."

Just when she stopped looking for this magical matriarch, the grey wolf with mismatched eyes appeared as if out of nowhere. Karma was a tricky, confusing bitch. The loner's brows furrowed, studying the older wolf as if with new eyes. That strange feeling of knowing made sense, at least. Didn't make this any easier. Didn't make her suddenly know if she wanted to stop and talk, but…well. Not like she had anybody waitin' on her somewhere else. Not like she had anywhere to get going, either.

"Y'know I spent a whole goddamn year lookin' fer ya. An' then what, I get on with m'life and y'show up?" Huffed. Crept closer, if only by inches. The likeness was almost uncanny. Maybe her eyes were yellow instead of apricot, but there wasn't much else between mother and daughter. "'m Crow. But m' mama named me Namir. After you."

She didn't see what was so great about this Namid lady, though. Not yet, anyways.

When the girl spoke the former queen turned and gave her a quizzical look. Did the yearling know her? She didn’t remember ever meeting her, especially not one with the twang she held on her tongue. She was met with a look she could vaguely akin to judgment. Like she was taking her over with her eyes, stripping her down and setting her alongside something. It didn’t unsettle her, but she shifted in her spot.

She revealed that she’d spent and entire year looking for Namid, which caused her brow to raise in question. “Why would you be looking for me?” she inquired. A quick sniff assured her that the agouti yearling wasn’t of the cove. In fact, she didn’t have any smell other than her own clinging to her pelt. So, that ruled out the pack sending her as a scout. So, what was the connection?

She revealed her name was Namir and the woman froze. There was no doubt she was named after her, but who...? She squinted at the girl and suddenly it came flooding to her, a small smile curling at the corners of her lips. “Ah, so you are Des’ daughter,” she replied, a sad warmth coming to her eyes as she remembered her dearly departed friend. She paused wondering if she knew. “Do you know, then?” she wondered, not wanting to put it to words quite yet.

"Dizzy, yeah. An' yeah. That Kajika fella tol' me what happened."

Little Crow rolled her shoulder in a shrug. She wasn't surprised what had happened - she was supposed to beat Orin to the punch, warn her mother that her old man was out and looking for blood, but what the Cove alpha had described didn't sound like something the Crow alpha would have done. Not that it mattered. Dead was dead. Murdered was murdered. Lived and died as a coward, she supposed.

"Was lookin' fer her - so was lookin' fer her friends, but." Shrugged again. Went without saying that it hadn't mattered too much. And she should have gone back by now, probably, but she'd been away so long, she was pretty sure the wolves of Crow's Crossing weren't about to throw her a welcoming party. "Ain't decided what 'm doin' next. 'cept tryin' t'stay dry. Fuck snow, man."

There are several fresh rabbit tracks in the mud. Hunt Opportunity

“Dizzy,” she repeated, a chuckle escaping her jaws. It’s abruptly stopped with a sharp intake of breath as a pain shot down her side. She exhaled slowly, taking a moment before replying. “It suits her,” she replied thinking back on her friend. Her heart gave a little tug. The woman crossed her mind from time to time and she wished that she had been able to help her or at least find the wolf who had murdered her. But, alas, it did not seem that she would be able to accomplish that to fruition.

“Fuck snow indeed,” she nodded. The cold had never been her favorite, especially with the harsh mountain climates, but she’d always been able to make the best of it. Now it just seemed to be an added obstacle to her journey home. “Why did you not stay with the Cove?” she inquired curiously. If she had nowhere else to go they would surely take her in.

"The fuck would I stay there for?"

Sure, she was pretty sure that Kajika guy was leading into an invitation, but she'd gone to Fallen Tree Cove to kill him. Just because Little Crow had lost her conviction along the way didn't mean she'd stopped blaming him for what had happened to Desideria - for being abandoned by her mother - and didn't mean she'd stop blaming the entire pack as a whole. It was all the woman talked about fondly, never even spoke of her own daughter with such warmth and kind regard. It was enough to make a girl sick.

"I wanted t' see th' hell was so great myself, 'fer her t' up an' leave me like that. An' y'know what? Wasn' great at all."

Little Crow recoiled, spitting on the ground in memory. All the memories, tagging her one by one. The loss. The left behind. Her eyes felt like they were burning. "Fuck all if 'm stayin' at th' place that got 'er killed. Even if she always got it comin', livin' like she did. Fuck all. She was still m' mama."

She always had it comin', but that never meant she actually deserved it.

How lovely are the portals of the night

When stars come out to watch the daylight die

Namir was certainly...free..with her vocabulary. She didn’t think she’d ever heard someone use such language so consistently, but who was she to judge? It seemed it was just the way that the girl had been raised, a lifestyle she supposed. She couldn’t help the little bit of indignation that flared in her chest as she spoke about the Cove not being that great and basically saying that she’d be crazy for staying there. Namid had put a lot of time effort into her home and considered it to be practically perfect, but she also knew to each their own. Something told her that the perspective wasn’t completely unbiased either, especially not as she went on. In fact, if seemed like she didn’t hate the Cove at all. Rather, she hated her mother and everything associated with her. Desideria was the basis for all of this and while she had only had good opinions of her friend she couldn’t say the girl’s anger wasn’t warranted.

The redheaded woman had never mentioned having a daughter, something that Namid was sure she herself would mention right off the bat and had many times when meeting new wolves. If her subordinate had left the girl practically for dead then she had a right to her opinion. It wouldn’t change how Namid felt about the deceased but she could see her perspective.

“I suppose it is not for everyone,” she replied, a hum in her voice. “I cannot say that I think what your mother did was right. She was my best friend, as I seemed she told you, but it does not warrant abandoning a child. It will not mean anything I am sure, but I am sorry that she did what she did. You deserved better,” she commented, mismatched gaze turning on the girl with a strong glimmer of honesty. “If you had been my daughter, they would have had to pry you from my cold dead jaws. But, we can never know what the dead had intended because they are just that. Dead. Even with my beliefs I can acknowledge that. We all die someday, I just hope you do not let her mistakes drag you into oblivion.” Namir didn’t seem like the philosophical type like the wolf she was named after was, but even then she hoped that she could take heed in her words. Maybe not forgive, maybe not forget, but move on.

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