Mountain of Dire It's coming to a head, like it always does

@Kip
Expectant mothers at this point in time may begin to display mood swings, appetite changes, and breast tissue development.

Lenae coughed and heaved, tears prickling the corners of her eyes as she bowed down and emptied out her stomach.  She groaned and took a step back, her nose wrinkling at the foul odour. With a kick or two, she buried it beneath the snow- out of sight and out of mind. Or at least that would've been nice. Lenae winched as she was hit with yet another wave of nausea, she didn't even have anything left to throw up. No matter what she ate she couldn't seem to keep it down, be it rabbit or something more substantial.

Lenae quickly concluded that motherhood was not quite as idyllic as her Mother had made it seem. Where was the bubbling sense of excitement, expectation? Lenae felt nothing but bleh with a massive heaping of moodiness on top, just for good measure. She could handle the sickness, it wasn't entirely foreign to her, but anything more than that was unwelcome. Emotions were tricky things, even at the best of times, but now? They flip-flopped back and forth between misery (a feeling she was familiar with)  to bitterness, then all the way back happiness, all bright and hopeful, as though everything was hunky dory.

Not only that but she felt sore, the skin along the bottom of her belly was real tender, softer than before. No matter how she laid down, be it on her side or folded into one neat pile, she couldn't get comfortable and that only made her even more sour -if that was even possible.

With a huff, she stared out at the Tarn with narrowed, squinty yellow eyes. Perhaps all of this would pass, but what if it only got worse? What then?

She wasn’t sure if talking to Lorcan had made things better or worse. Her chest still felt tight and everything still hurt, but maybe talking had helped just a little bit? Maybe having someone else know what was wrong was a weight lifted off her shoulders? That was how it was supposed to feel... right?

Because it didn’t feel any different.

In fact, her brain felt so muddled and confused that she wasn’t paying attention to where she was even walking. All she knew was that she couldn’t sit still. Sitting still would make all the thoughts rush in at once, and even if all her subconscious was focusing on was one foot in front of the other, it did help just a bit.

She was so caught up in focusing on the action that she hardly registered a sickly smell, almost as bad as a female in heat. Honestly, she didn’t comprehend what it was coming from until she was basically ten feet away from the very wolf she had been hoping to not have to speak to in a one-on-one conversation - ever.

”Oh, shit-“ she cursed without meaning to, her ears pressed backward. So much for not speaking.

The situation was far more complicated then Lenae had even realised. As far as she was aware...well, she didn't really understand Odin's situation at all. No one had explained it to her, nor did she even know who Kip was. They had only just met a couple of days ago during the foundation of the pack. How was she supposed to know about the mess she'd unintentionally made? And yet, when Lenae finally realised she wasn't alone she could see that the white wolf was anything but fond of her. She'd seemed sad the other day, now she just seemed lost.

Lenae turned and opened her mouth to speak- only to bow down to throw up once more.

She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut, dreading to even imagine the look of disgust on the white wolf's face. She was awful, pathetic, terrible terrible terrible. Every time she tried it was never enough, she was never enough. How was she supposed to look after a litter of little ones when she was barely even able to look after herself. And look at what a splendid job of it she had done. Before Piety had taken her back under her wing once again she was nothing but skin, bones and ugly patches of skin where fur should have been. She sniffed, her eyes starting to water for an entirely different reason this time.

"I'm s-sosorry." She mumbled, her lips quivering as she averted her gaze. Not to the sick spewn floor, but not at her pack mate either.  The sky beyond Kip's shoulder seemed like a safe bet. "M-my name is Lenae. Or Lenny, if you want."

She stayed put, but once again took a moment to bury her mess, lest her pack mate think she was disgusting or anything like that. Then again, they probably knew what was wrong with her. Not that things were wrong per se but...thinking of them, her little ones, like that made her throat tighten as her heart raced in her chest. The pendulum swung back and Lenae couldn't help but feel as though she had whiplash.

"We haven't met yet...that's my fault."No big surprise, a lot of things were these days.

(This post was last modified: Mar 24, 2018, 09:05 PM by Lenae.)

Kip’s eyes widened a bit when the older woman spewed up a mouthful of sick. It was kind of gross, but definitely not the worst thing the young wolf had ever seen. Regardless of if she liked the woman or not... well, she couldn’t help but feel bad for her. Just a little bit. Even if she did have sex with the wolf Kip was in love with.

”Uh... it’s alright,” the white wolf said, in regards to the sick on the floor. It wasn’t like she could help that much. What she could have helped was banging Odin, because whereas it had been his first official encounter with something like this, it damn well wasn’t this Lenae’s first go. Or Lenny.

Whatever.

Seafoam eyes flicked to the side and she shuffled her paws, her ears pressing back against her head awkwardly. ”I’m M-... uh... I’m Kip,” she said, even though she felt much more like pathetic little Mavis lately.

Fuck Mavis. That wasn’t her anymore.

It wasn’t really Lenae’s fault that they hadn’t met yet. Of course, she was part of it... but Kip wasn’t much of a talker anyway. Especially with a wolf who had accidentally flipped her life upside down. ”I, uh, I’m - er, I was Odin’s...” She took a stuttering breath, then shrugged a shoulder to try and calm herself down. ”Partner.” Yeah, that was the best word for what they were. Partners in crime, life, friendship, more...

Not anymore, though...

There is a deer that was killed by a lynx nearby. +10 Health

Oh. Things were far worse than Lenae could have ever imagined. Never in all of her life had she imagined that- that Odin had been involved with someone else. That Lenae would be the other woman. She felt sick, but not in the stomach rolling sort of way. Rather,it was a deep seated sense of repulsion- it reminded Lenae of sin. There was no denying that what she'd done with Odin was wrong, shameful, but it was apparent that one moment of weakness had caused so much more damage than she could have ever anticipated.

Lenae swallowed thickly.

"I didn't-"

She didn't what, know? Would that have even made a difference? She liked to think that it would, that she would have said no and repressed those urges to give in. But... what if she was giving herself too much credit? What if Lenae wasn't a good person at all, what if this was all a pretence, a lie so strong that even Lenae herself believed it? Cheedo had told her to take better care of herself, but in that moment Lenae felt as though she was unworthy of such care. That Kip had every right to rip into her, with words or teeth, it didn't matter. Pain was pain and it was what Lenae deserved, thoroughly and truly till the end of days.

Foolishly, Lenae risked a quick glance Kip's way, only to regret it a moment later. The pain Kip felt was etched into her face, as clear as day. The little tremors in her voice? Lenae recognised them for what they were, an attempt to be strong, to keep the tears at bay. Except that Kip was so much stronger than her, brave and deserving of so much more. Kip stayed, remained here even when it hurt, but what had Lenae done in the Lowlands? She'd ran and never looked back. They were not cut from the same cloth, they couldn't be anymore different.

Lenae folded herself down onto the floor, her tail curved between her legs as she exposed her belly, her throat. A warbling whine passed from her lips, it said everything she couldn't: that she was sorry, endlessly.

(This post was last modified: Mar 24, 2018, 09:58 PM by Lenae.)

Yeah, that seemed to be the running trend here. I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t. Honestly, it felt like she was dealing with naughty children instead of two full-grown wolves who damn well should have known what they were doing. People exercised self control all the time.

”Yeah, I know,” she said, instead of going off on the older wolf. Jesus, what kind of monster would she have to be to attack a pregnant wolf like that? It wasn’t like any good would come of stomping her feet like a child anyway, so..,

Fuck it.

Her ears pressed back to her skull when Lenae began whining - that irritated her more than anything else. ”Stop making that noise,” she scolded, marching through the sick-covered ground and moving to roughly nudge Lenae’s shoulder, voice gruff as she continued. ”Don’t be a fucking wimp. C’mon,” she urged. ”Get off your ass. We’re going to get you cleaned up and let you drink some water so you don’t fucking die of dehydration.” And yeah, maybe she was being a little harsh, but dammit... she deserved to be.

At least she was trying.

Lenae winched like she'd been struck. For what it was worth she might as well have been, submitting like this was all she knew, it was her go to reaction when things went wrong. But when things were as messy as they were...Lenae had little experience. She was supposed to be a good girl, she tried and yet it was all for naught.  The more she reached out for it the further it drifted away, like a flower petal floating away on the breeze. Perhaps it was time to come to terms with the fact that she wasn't good anymore, that she hadn't been that way for a long long time.

Kip was...she had every right to tell her what to do. Lenae clamped her mouth shut and the whine died in her throat-like her childhood dreams- as she nodded in acquiescence. Kip didn't seem to understand that's exactly what Lenae was. Pregnant or not she would have submitted as such, rolled over as fear squeezed her heart, reminding her of times she wanted nothing more than to forget. Kip didn't know that though, nor did she need to.

Shakily, Lenae got to her feet. She would have gotten up nonetheless but the nudge to her shoulder spurred her to move faster, worried that Kip would just get even more frustrated if she dawdled. She wasn't that thirsty but...Lenae wasn't one to argue. Besides, maybe having some water would help settle her stomach and nerves. If she could keep it down, that was. With her tail firmly tucked between her legs, her shoulders hunched and her gaze averted, Lenae bobbed her head, signifying that Kip should lead the way.

Whether Lenae felt thirsty or not was irrelevant. Puking so much was dehydrating her - that was the way bodies worked. So the little wolf couldn’t allow her to kill herself. Regardless of how hurt and upset she was, she didn’t want the pregnant woman to die. Kip just kind of wished she had never met Odin in the first place. That would have saved her all this hurt.

But she hated how the older female was submitting to her. Like Kip had physically beaten her into it, even though she had hardly even touched her. The young wolf didn’t know of the trauma Lenae had been through - they all had their demons. Kip certainly carried around a few of her own.

It was unlikely that Kip would ever know that both her own and Lenae’s trauma had been forced upon them by cruel, crazed males. Kip’s had not gone as far as Lenae’s had, of course, but she would never forget being treated like an object for them to brush against and admire and speak to however they pleased.

Disgusting pigs.

Kip led Lenae down to the water and stepped back, waiting for her to take a drink. ”After this, you should at least try some food,” she said. ”Those pups are depending on you for nutrients. How are they supposed to grow if you don’t eat for them?”

Lenae stared down at the water, her eyes as glazed and shiny as the Tarn's surface. She supposed that Kip had a point, what was the worst that could happen? She might need to pee soon but...she was peeing a lot as it was, it was no biggie. With a sigh,tired and forlorn, she bent down and began lapping at the waters surface. Unlike many other sources of water, the Tarn was fresh and crisp- cold but not overly so. It was refreshing, like the mountain air.

Once she'd had her fill, Lenae turned to Kip once more, who seemed determined to stop Lenae from self destructing. She was kind, a little rough around the edges perhaps but there was goodness in her heart. Lenae could see that as clear as day.

"I know..." She trailed off, not about to come up with a counter argument. Not on the spot anyway, she'd never been good at that. "I guess I'm tired of being sick. Can't keep anything down, seems like a shame to waste food like that...Someone else could eat it, make use of it."