Windsong Fjord just a few more months then we'll be fine

Backdated to 4/8, for @Colette only.

Chan wasn't sure what to make of the situation he'd gotten himself and his friend into. Part of him had expected nothing to come of that evening spent together, and he knew that there was still time for things to go wrong... but it couldn't be denied any longer that Flair had conceived and for the foreseeable future, the eldest Eastfall sibling was looking at fatherhood.

His mind was a constant tangle of emotion and fruitless attempts to predict and anticipate all that was coming. One thing that needed tended to, before she disappeared on him, was his arrangement with Colette. His stomach twisted unpleasantly as he sought her out, intending on having a conversation he knew would make him uncomfortable.

His only other choice was to let her make assumptions of her own, a dangerous gamble that would be all but certain to lead to the permanent scattering of the charred refuse that was their relationship. Despite her admissions, that wasn't what Chan wanted.

"Cole?" he called out, her scent strengthening around him as he neared.

She hadn’t been sure how long it would take him to get around to her, again. To head out on what was sure to be a wonderful trip down memory lane. As each day had gone by, without a word from or a trace of Chan to be had, at least in her immediate vicinity, Colette had begun to hope he’d given up on the idea. That maybe he’d gone back to.. wherever and whoever he cared about, and decided to just let her go.

The ghost couldn’t stifle a disappointed chuff as she heard him call out, reminding her that Chan was a man of his word, and squashing that foolish hope. His voice came as a bit of a surprise and was he anyone else, Colette would’ve probably been irritated that she’d let him get so close.

”Am here,” she called out, uncurling herself from her resting spot to begrudgingly sit up to meet the man. There were other things she might’ve liked to say as she saw him come into view, but for now, the ghost opted to restrain that, in favor of a simple inquiry. ”You’re ready to go, I presume?”

Even after all she'd given him to digest, he was still relieved to hear her voice and see her face. Her rising to meet him rather than running from him was an enjoyable difference as well. Still, she was greeted with a sheepish demeanor, his bi-colored gaze avoidant and his ears resting against his nape. He felt a kind of shame in taking back his plan, which he'd been so determined on not long ago.

"No," he answered, voice soft, "I've... changed my mind. I'm sorry, Cole."

He glanced at her briefly, striving to gauge his ex-lover's reaction to his change of heart. Maybe she already had caught on to the change of his companion's scent, already knew what was coming. Maybe it would anger her, maybe she would understand, maybe she couldn't care less. Chan couldn't know. As many memories as he had of her, he did not know who the wolf before him truly was, and certainly didn't know which mask she wore today.

(This post was last modified: Jun 03, 2022, 02:29 AM by Chan.)

Based on looks alone, Chan definitely did not look ready to go. The expression he greeted her with seemed almost contrite, which was quite different than what the ghost had been expecting. If anything, Colette had thought he’d come striding up, certain of their course of action and ready to go.

Instead, though, he said no. He’d changed his mind. And it seemed as if a giant weight had been lifted off her. Her prayers had been answered. Colette’s good eye widened, and she stood straighter, blinking once or twice.

”Don’t be, I’m glad. I wasn’t… looking forward to going back there, and putting you through… that.” She murmured. Although a small portion of her was curious why he might’ve changed his mind, the reasons, she thought, didn’t matter. What mattered was that he would be staying here for whoever and whatever he cared about, and would remain far away from that dangerous, cursed place.

"Good luck with everything, Chan." The words were soft-spoken but sincere. With any luck, he could and would move on from her, now, too.

I’m glad, she said, and he met her singular gaze again, his own feelings thoroughly mixed. Elaborating further, she expressed concern for him in stark opposition to the sadistic claims she'd made before. His brows furrowed as she continued as though they were now parting ways, and while he remembered the desires she'd professed clearly, it felt wrong down into his bones. Chan frowned deeply, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

When he revealed them again, his bicolored sights were pleading.

"Cole, don't go. Please."

The words were spoken softly but earnestly, voice raw with the emotion he felt. He didn't want to wonder after her the rest of his life, he wanted to know she was going to be okay and he wasn't confident that was possible in her current state.

The man studied her, looking sad and confused. He was in many ways the same as she’d recalled. Now, though, he was hurt, and that was her fault. That haunted look was one amongst the many expressions Colette was sure she’d carry in her mind to her grave, and it only served to add to her self-loathing.

Somehow, though, he was still there pleading with her not to go. Why, she wanted to ask. Why and how do you still care? But the ghost was fairly sure she knew the answer. And even if it was wrong, it didn’t really matter.

”I guess I don’t intend to go anywhere, any time soon, now,” she conceded with a soft huff, after a breath to steady herself and reign in her emotions, before proceeding. ”But until I do decide to go, I don’t want to see you any more than is truly necessary. And I sure as hell do not want you in my life, nor do I wanna be in yours. I just want to be left alone.” The delivery was cold, absent any indication of emotion. It was what she deserved, the ghost thought. What she believed was best, for Chan, and eventually Reika. Though being alone was not what she really wanted. Not completely.

What you want doesn't matter, anymore. It is what you deserve.

(This post was last modified: Jun 10, 2022, 02:37 PM by Colette.)

Chan's brows furrowed as she went on, refusing to cease the incessant wall-building between them. He wanted them razed, but remained at a loss as to how to truly begin making that happen. It left him floundering, and for a moment it was clear how at a loss for words he truly was.

"... what did I do to you?" he finally asked the only question that he could grasp and put into words from out of the mess within his skull. Why was she so determined to be rid of him? How could he be the one hurting her? Without her honesty, Chan was unlikely to ever figure it out. He knew Colette must have her reasoning, but whether or not she'd share it without twisting or guising was just as nebulous for him to decipher.

She knew better than to expect he’d let her walk away, but that didn’t stop the ghost from trying. Or at least acting like it, to accentuate her point. With her head turned away and back to the other, Colette briefly tried to imagine the expression on his face, or the emotions passing through his eyes, as he posed the question.

With it, though, the ghost felt her control slipping away. Her guard faltered. Only instead of anger or irritation there, it was grief and sadness. ”Nothing. It’s me… all me. On my very best days, Chan.. I’m lucky if I have a few moments where.. the weight and the guilt of all I’ve done is forgotten.”

Although she’d never experienced it, the closest thing Colette could compare it to was drowning. It seemed like every moment of every day, she fought to keep her head above water and take a few breaths. Her stoic act and guarded emotions helped with that, but only barely. Preventing the torrent of emotions from being displayed outwardly.

As was happening now. The ghost couldn’t mask the sadness and hurt, nor keep her voice from shaking. ”Seeing you, brings it all back, and I just… I can’t..” even words couldn’t explain the weight of it all, and Colette trailed off, giving her head a few vigorous shakes, as if that would somehow help, but it didn’t. And when it didn’t, slowly, she slumped to the ground, squeezing her eyes shut and tucking her nose beneath a forelimb.

The thought had crossed her mind so many times, and it still rang true. There was only one permanent way to relieve all of this. But something, instinct, or cowardice, maybe, prevented that idea from taking root.

Her voice sounded more raw than he had yet heard it, causing his ears to tip forward as he step nearer. Understanding finally began to dawn upon him with each word she uttered and the shimmering of emotion that bolstered them. By the end of it, her grief seemed truly complete, and as much as he wanted to proceed with caution he could not help but be thoroughly convinced that Colette meant what she said.

Chan slipped forward, and touched his muzzle to her shoulder in hopes she would allow him to comfort her.

"I don't want to hurt you. If... leavings really what's best for you, then do it, but Cole I... I want you to stay. I want this to get better, to know that things will turn around for you."

Still, he was too good to leave. And in spite of everything, he reached out with a soft gesture. Meant to be comforting, though it definitely was not. ”Don’t touch me…” the ghost huffed, though she lacked the energy to place any real anger behind it. Perhaps, it was more of a plea. She was not worthy of having someone like this in her life, as a friend, or otherwise. Be it Chan, Reika, or anyone else.

Both of them were far too pure at heart. In a way, though, Colette was comforted by that. Reika, she would never tell anything, and the ghost was glad that her revelations hadn’t driven Chan into complete depression or to compromise who he was. At least as far as she could tell. But it also meant he still didn’t get it. A hint of exasperation returned, and she latched onto it, desperate to regain some semblance of composure.

”There ain’t nothing here that can be saved, or that can make this go away, turn around, or get better. Nothing except if I were to.. well you know.” An idea he was sure to find disgusting and unconscionable. At that, a laugh emanated from the ghost as she pushed herself up. Her twisted, guilt-ridden mind found amusement in the irony of this fate, and she offered her company a small, twisted smile.

”But… I don’t deserve to take the easy way out.” That was, she supposed, a part of it too. And, she didn’t want or need anyone worrying. This was her well-deserved penance, and the ghost didn’t intend to cut that short. Hers was simply to wander on until fate decided it was time.

With a soft breath, the ghost closed her eyes and attempted to find a secure footing, both physically and emotionally, preparing herself to leave. And after another moment, turned back once more to offer the other a nod. ”I’ll.. still be around for a little while. If you really need me. But if I don’t see you again, take yourself, Chan, your new girl, and whoever else there is y’care about. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.”


-attempted exit unless stopped - good with fading here or on your next if Chan doesn't try to stop her