Sanguine Cove Oh my darling, Im so sorry

I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

For @Chan<3 backdated to 8/4

There was something not right, the inky mother knew deep in her gut. Even if she didnt know the specifics she knew her child well enough to know that his reaction to seeing the pups was not one of normalcy. His response of him just being tired was not the whole story. Her large ebony paws moved with purpose through the cove to seek out the agouti Eastfall. His familiar scent was picked up easily and followed until his tawny frame came into view. Moonshadow let out a chuff to alert him to her presence, her salt and pepper maw adorned a warm smile. Her silver dusted tail waved easily at her hocks as she nudged his cheek in greeting. "Hello love."

Word Count: 122

(This post was last modified: Sep 10, 2022, 03:11 AM by Moonshadow.)

Two days had passed since he'd arrived, and it felt utterly unreal, as though he were a ghost passing through some sort of purgatory. He did his best to be the wolf they remembered, but there was no denying the ways he had changed. Chan no longer sought to oversee everyone's safety, instead choosing to largely keep to himself. He didn't strike up conversations without a clear intention, and most of his free time was spent napping or staring off into space.

Still, he insisted all was fine, the drought had just taken its toll on him physically.

Chan heard his mother call to him, and paused mid-stride to look back at her. His gut twisted as it did every time one them got him alone, fearing the moment they would begin to question him.

"Hey Mom," he answered, and gave a smile that did not reach his eyes.

(This post was last modified: Sep 10, 2022, 08:04 PM by Eros.)

I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

She brushed against him as she walked to nudge his cheek greeting him. Silver orbs studied the forced smile upon his creamy maw causing he heart to lurch. She wanted nothing more than to take his pain away in this moment. To gather every ounce and take it on herself so that he could be her carefree boy once more. She hated that life had been cruel to him, even if she didn't know the extent of it. The inky woman stood in silence for a moment looking into dual-colored eyes, one hers and the other her love's...how she missed her husband. And now Aleister with his striking gaze that carried Vesper and Namid. She wished that loss did not exist, bringing pain to those she loved. She wished there was an easier way for those whose time had come to leave the ones who loved them. But alas, life was not that kind.

"I love ya." Was all she could choke out as her cool orbs began to collect the mist of threatening tears. Her ears fell back as she tried to collect herself. This was not the time for her to receive comfort but instead for her to provide it.

Word Count: 000

When she moved in to greet him in that familiar way of hers, Chan found his smile coming a little easier. For a moment he simply leaned into her and appreciated the silence. Then when she spoke, he could hear the emotion in her voice. Blinking, he pulled back and regarded her teary-eyed features.

"I love you too, Mom," he answered earnestly. When it came to seeing his mother cry, he found the strength to step out of his own pain momentarily and focus on hers.

"What's wrong?"

He wanted her to say it was about Aleister, but knew there was a chance it wasn't.

I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

There it was, that selfless concern for others that the elderly mother would like to say came from her but knew it could have just was easily came from her husband. Which is exactly what she was trying to avoid. This wasnt about her pain or her fears it was about his. The pain from the loss of a dear friend and the pain of something unspoken that showed itself when he laid eyes on his nieces and nephew for the first time. She wanted to ask, to pry it out so she could steal it away. But she knew all too well that emotional pain couldnt be taken or passed on to another completely. She felt so conflicted, wanting to ask but knowing how it felt to be on the receiving end of probing questions. He asked what was wrong and Moon wanted to say so much yet so little. They had been blessed with seven bundles of joy only to lose one of their most loved members. Both her sons were now with her in the cove along with her best friend and three of her four grandchildren. But she felt herself growing weaker with each moon phase. How much longer would she be around before she inevitably bestowed the same pain they were experiencing now?

"I'm alright my love," She replied, widening her smile in an attempt to convince him. "I've just missed ya is all, 'n Im worried 'bout how ya are faring." she answered honestly while concealing the extent of her pain. He had enough to bare and worry about without her adding to it. Especially after such a long journey.

Word Count: 276

Surveying her dial then, he realized for the first time the subtle differences that age had created even in those few months apart. It was indeed just another tragedy awaiting them, and he wished dearly that he could pause time atop their mountain home for all their sakes. Still, he didn't want to make any of this worse for anyone, just as his mother wished for him in return. More realistically, he wished he could simply better mask his own sadness.

"I'm alright Ma, I promise," the lie came so effortlessly from his tongue, sinking deeper into the role he professed. Chan was utterly convinced that sharing would only infect others with the hurt rather than relieving him of any of it. It was better to be kept inside, to be secret.

"The drought has just, really taken a toll. It was hard keeping myself hydrated when there were others to care for, but, obviously Nash n' Sana have everything covered here. I'll get better, I just... need a little time."

I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

Of all the things she could pass on and bestow into her children, the last thing she wanted them to have was the feeling they needed to carry everything on their own. It would seem as if she had failed her miracle boy in this sense and she knew it. An almost inaudible whine came from deep within her chest as she shook her head at his response. She looked at him with a sense of sadness before speaking. "Ya aren't love, 'n that's okay. Its ok to not be okay." She replied honestly with her boy who had grown into an incredible man. A man she was more than proud of and knew that his father was as well. She gave his chin a lick in an attempt to show her support physically before continuing on. "I know there's more than just the drought, 'n before ya even say anythin' more than Al too," She said with her tone lifting just slightly as a small smile cracked on her maw. "Whatever it is, I'm always here. Even if ya dont wanna talk 'bout it, I will always love ya no matter what." The inky mother reiterated what she had always told him hoping that he knew just how much she meant it. While she wanted to pry, she could tell now wasn't the time and hoped that he would eventually open up to her. To tell her she had three grandbabies running with their grandfather. Waiting for her, along with her own lost children and everyone else she loved.

Word Count: 260

Ya aren't love, his mother insisted, causing his drought-thinned frame to tense. It would have been far better if she'd simply believed him, but of course if any wolf would know him best it was his mom. Still, Chan was nowhere near close to being able to discuss what had really impacted him so. While she sought to encourage and support him, he could not bring himself to meet her eyes. He stared to the side and past her instead, lips held delicately straight.

It wasn't until she expressed her final sentiment that he was able to swallow back the blockage that had formed in his throat and somewhat relax. There was still so much he regretted just about her knowing he was unwell, but at least he didn't have external pressure added onto that discomfort. Yet, anyways.

Meeting her gaze once more, Chan sighed.

"I don't," he confirmed quietly, the words difficult to get out. Even they were too close, barely safe.

"I don't want you worrying on it either. Please. There's enough going on."

I think I need help, cuz I'm drowning in myself

His lack of eye contact was not lost on her. It made her heart ache but she knew there was nothing she could do to get him to talk if he didnt want to. She knew all too well that there was no getting one to talk if they dug their heels in. So she decided to simply remind him that she was always there for him. When she finished his two-toned gaze met hers once more as he verbalized what she already knew. He didnt want to discuss it. She simply nodded her head in response as he continued on, asking for her to not worry about him. Silver dusted ears flicked back as she just continued to look at her first born. They both knew well enough that what he was asking of her was impossible. She wanted to advert her gaze but knew if she did that he would just worry about her, and like he said...there's enough going on. The elder Eastfall opted to move to embrace the tawny man in a wolfish hug.

Word Count: 178

Chan was thankful that nothing more was said. He rested against his mother's comfort, and eventually his haunches reclined on the ground as he curled into her like he was still a yearling. It was the best gift she could give him, a calm and understanding presence without expectation. He couldn't help but think about how one day all too soon, she would not be able to be there for him like this.

The thought sunk its claws into him, his depression rendering him all but defenseless. Eventually, he couldn't bite back the words any long.

"... I'm going to miss you."

It was enough to push tears to his eyes, and then down his cheeks.