Larkcall Lowlands now someone understand me

AW! Late afternoon/early evening. Overcast, 6F/-14C

The Lennox woman couldn’t explain why she kept getting called back to this place periodically. It felt like the spot where this chapter of her life had began. She had been pregnant and not known it, Chan had found her and rescued her and now here they all were. Two boys later, a pack or an almost pack, or whatever their little group ws now. And that little group was part of the reason she was out here now trying to clear her head and find some answers.

She loved that she had been able to provide Ryder and Caspian somewhat of a stable childhood and people they could depend on but she still felt guilty. Guilty they didn’t have a ‘normal’ family, that they hadn’t grown up learning about pack life and how they are supposed to behave. She had thought that maybe she had been developing somewhat of a crush on Jethro, but she couldn’t ignore the fact that he was with Siyet and they seemed like a nice couple. Finley wasn’t the kind of woman to break up another couple or even try to.

But she was lonely, and soon her kids would be a year old and wouldn’t need her at all. She would spend her whole life trying to repay her debt to the group she was with now, but outside of being a mother and a group member who was she? Always poised and polite and keeping things together, so worried about what everyone else thought, but who would she be if she didn’t care. So that is why she was here, standing out watching the sunset alone in the middle of the Lowlands. Just trying to figure out who she was.

He’d not meant to follow her, and certainly not this far. His outing hadn’t started that way at all. He cared greatly for the entirety of the group that had decided to remain banded together in Kingsfall, more than he’d cared for anything before. Then there was Siyet, his best friend - possibly becoming something more - and all in all, it was good.

But.. there was also some part of him that missed having other older males around to speak with and confide in. Like Chan, or even Auburn. Being the only male role model for the Caspian and Ryder to witness was something he’d tried to step into and embrace as much as he could by choice, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t, at times, tiring.

There were always nagging worries. Was he doing the right things, setting a good example? Jet thought so. Hoped so, but there were times he felt a need to escape, too. If only to think, rest, and recharge.

Usually, that was something he did alone, but coming across a recent trail of Finley this far out left him curious. He’d not spoken to her for an extended period for a while, and there was at least one nagging question he’d meant to ask. Perhaps fate had finally decided now was the time.

The trail led him beyond the shelter of the forest, and provided a largely unobstructed view of the setting sun - something he’d not seen had the privilege of witnessing for a while. The fiery oranges and reds painted across the sky were mesmerizing, but the way it all glinted off the snowfall made the sight beyond stunning, something Jet couldn’t help but pause and admire.

--hope I can steal this too! been meaning to have Jet meet up with Fin again

The sky was beautiful, and for a long minute all of the Lennox woman’s worries melted away as she watched it. A soft smile adorned her expression as she just allowed herself to be present here now. It was only when the wind shifted that she realized she had been joined by a familiar man and she looked over her shoulder. He seemed just as enraptured in the sunset as she had been, and for a moment she felt a little flutter in her chest. He looked beautiful, standing there painted in orange and pink.

She looked away quickly. Finley was sure she only felt this way because of how good he had been for her kids and her desire to give them a normal family. She was trying to smother it, and gawking at Jethro being handsome was not going to help clear her mind. She tried to focus on the setting sun and waited for him to say something, she wasn’t sure she could speak first. Her voice would have given away her internal feelings and she prided herself on being composed.

She took a slow breath from her nose and looked at the sun until it caused a dark spot on his vision. It was easier than thinking about anything else.

His admiration of the gorgeous scene before him had Jet forgetting, for a handful of moments anyway, why he’d come out here in the first place. It hadn’t been for this, but it was a nice treat. For a few beats, thoughts of Caspian and Ryder crossed his mind - he wondered if they’d ever seen anything like this before. If not, that would need to be fixed as soon as possible.

That thought was a reminder though, that Finley was somewhere out here. Squinting, Jethro studied the surrounding landscape, and eventually spotted a darker silhouette not too far ahead. Details were tough to make out in the near-blinding light, but he was sure it was Finley.

He set forth again with a soft woof to announce his presence in case she hadn’t noticed him somehow, before speaking. ”Hey, Fin. Not intrudin’, I hope?” Because maybe he was. Maybe she’d come out here to be away and alone, and if so, Jet wanted to respect that.

It really was a beautiful scene with the sun slowly making its way down towards the snowy horizon. Everything painted a shade of pastel that reminded her of the late summer afternoons. She blinked hard when Jethro finally spoke, but found herself smiling to herself, ”No, you’re not interrupting, I was just thinking.” She didn’t elaborate, not wanting to bother him with her problems unless he asked. Besides, she wasn’t even sure how to explain it all to the man who clearly had an ambitious plan that was coming to fruition.

She looked at him, admiration in her eyes, ”It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Then she forced herself to look away back out over the landscape and not just gawk at the man. A nostalgic look crossed her features, ”Can you believe it has almost been a year since we met?” But, that also meant that her boys were almost a year old. She wished she could slow everything down, just freeze time for a little bit while things were good. Good and beautiful, and not a drought or attacking geese, or murdered unborn children. Right now was perfect.

He wasn’t interrupting, she was just thinking. There was a time and a place where Jet would’ve questioned such a statement, at least in his mind if not verbally. But now.. he was better at taking others at their word. He trusted what was said to be true, and that was it. Whether she’d see it or not, Jet provided the slightest of nods. ”Same. This’s a good place for it.”

There was a glance, and a comment about the sunset. It was beautiful. And he couldn’t help but note how it highlighted Finley, too, up close. Her figure, eyes.. and, no. That was not an appropriate line of thought.

”It is. Kinda wish Ryder and Caspian were here too t’see it.. unless they have?” That was a safe subject, at least. Fin’s kids. He’d kept tabs on them, but didn’t know everything about what they had or hadn’t seen and done. But if they hadn’t seen a sunset like this, that would need to be corrected as soon as possible.

The next question though was.. well, almost as striking as the sunset. ”If not for all that’s happened.. no. Feels like just yesterday..” But really it was almost a year. Things had gone by so quickly, that if not for all they’d been through, Jethro might’ve actually believed it’d only been a couple of months since he’d left the cove. But no.

Almost a year.

Green eyes looked sideways towards the man at his response, looking over his expression thoughtfully. She hadn’t elaborated because he hadn’t asked, and even though she felt like she was prying she couldn’t help but inquire, ”What’s so heavy on your thoughts you had to come all the way out here to think them?” She was becoming more comfortable with the group, but still felt embarrassed about pressing him so she quickly looked back out over the horizon.

She shook her head, she didn’t think that either of them had been out here. Or at least, she had never brought them, but they were old enough now they could easily come here alone. She shifted over slightly to make room for the man to lay down beside her should he choose to, ”I’ve never brought them here no.” She again felt like she was prying, but she also wouldn’t forgive herself for not asking, ”Are you planning on having some of your own this year? I know you’re not the boys father but you’ve been so good with them,” She knew her biological clock was ticking, it was this year or never again.

She could be okay with that, Caspian and Ryder were more than enough for her. But, Finley felt remiss that she had never had a real family for them to grow up with, just a patched together one. Maybe she could do it right again next time. If there was a next time.

Fin cast him a curious look, which Jet caught out of the corner of one eye whilst.. mostly observing the sunset. Her inquiry was one he hadn’t necessarily anticipated, though perhaps he should’ve. Why was he all the way out here? Did he even want to share that, at risk of burdening someone else? If so, how much? ”Suppose I could ask you the same, but since ya beat me to it..”  

Jet paused for a breath, to try to formulate a coherent response. ”Wouldn’t trade our group, my responsibilities for anythin’. You all’re my life and family. And I've been thinking a lot about all of us. Trying to do what's best.. y'know.” Fin probably knew that, but he’d be remiss not to say it first. ”But I think it's more, I needed a break. A chance to breathe, away from all of it. A chance to just be me." If that made any sense. "Now, I wouldn’t have come this far if I hadn’t found your path, but I’m glad I did.” This was exactly what he’d needed, without knowing it.  

And without thinking about it much either, Jet sauntered forth to settle beside the other. The workings of an excited smile crossed his face even as Finley said she’d never brought them here. ”We should, then. If they and you want. Or elsewhere. Was thinkin’ about taking them out, maybe up the mountains, to the cove, when it’s warmer?” Now was the perfect opportunity to ask. The kids were nearly yearlings now, they might’ve wandered and didn’t necessarily need permission or approval. But probably not that far, so he'd still ask.

Finley’s second inquiry was far easier to answer than the first, and Jethro provided a small nod. But somehow, it was harder to put words to. ”Si and I talked about it, yeah.” He didn’t suppose whatever their relationship was, was hidden, and thus it was likely obvious what their intentions were. And he didn’t suppose he needed to elaborate there.

However, on the subject of Ryder and Caspian.. ”But, your boys.. I’ve been wantin’ to thank you for lettin’ me part of their lives. What y’did, raising them by yourself, when Caspian isn’t even truly yours, is admirable. I’m honored to have had a part in that. Thank you, Finley.”

It seemed like both of them were out here thinking similar thoughts, and that brought a soft smile to Finley’s face. She pressed her shoulder gently against his, and would leave it there as long as he didn’t pull away, while she let his words sink in. Then she spoke her own thoughts, ”I know what you mean. Caspian and Ryder are almost a year old now and I’m not exactly a young woman so unless I have more this year they’re probably it for me. I guess I’m just trying to figure out who I am outside of being a mother.” She was rambling which was unusual for her.

She couldn’t seem to stop the stream of consciousness now that it was coming though. She continued, ”I’ve spent my whole life always doing what I’m supposed to do, but I’m afraid that has left me not knowing who I am outside of who other people want me to be.” She suddenly flushed, realizing that she had just spoken her deepest truths out loud and hadn’t even thought twice about it.

Ah, yes. The answer that she was hoping wouldn’t come. She wasn’t that kind of wolf, and she moved her shoulder away creating some space. It wasn’t appropriate to be cuddled up watching a sunset with someone who was with someone else. At his words though she turned quickly, her expression full of admiration, ”thank you for always being there for them, even when you didn’t have to be.” And she meant it.

Once again the stream of consciousness opened back up, ”Caspian is mine. He might have come to me in an unconventional way, but he’s always felt like he was meant to be mine.” Her heart was thudding in her chest, a type of adrenaline she couldn’t really explain. She forced herself to look away, ”Siyet is a lucky woman.” She would be having a family with someone who would stick around. Beyond that, she would have Jethro.

With each passing moment, the sun dipped lower. The sky darkened, that beautiful palette of colors began to fade away. So too did what little warmth its waning rays had still been providing, but Fin made up for that. Once upon a time, he’d been averse to the notion of touch. Fearful of hurt, but this was pleasant. And Finley knew what he meant.

Jet listened, studying her eyes, and expression, mulling over every word carefully. What was shared was deep and profoundly personal. He could empathize with a lot of it. Not knowing what or who you were, outside of others expectations. For a very brief moment, Jet recalled his birthplace. What they’d always said.

You’re irrelevant. A mistake. You shouldn’t even exist. You don’t matter. Nobody wants you, nobody cares about you. You’re nothing. If only they could see where he was, now.

”I can’t answer that for you. But for whatever it’s worth, I can tell y’what I see,” Jet murmured, blinking away the voices and memories, grounding himself in the moment. ”That’s a very strong and courageous woman. Someone who’s sacrificed nobly for her kids and friends. Someone I’d trust with my life. And.. some of my secrets, too, apparently.”

He let himself smile at that. It felt nice, to share moments like this with others. To not feel like he had to be so closely on guard. Hence, the movement away came as a shock. Cold air filled the space where warmth had once been. Confusion reigned for all of a few moments, until realization set in.

Yeah. It probably wasn’t appropriate to be cuddling up with someone else, but even so, Jet couldn’t bring himself to move away. Especially not after what was said next. Warmth returned to the dark one’s face and ears at the thanks. It felt nice to be appreciated. ”They deserve it. Want t’give ‘em that. The things I never had.” Like some kind of a father figure, but it didn’t stop him from wondering who their parents really were.

Especially Caspian. For all intents and purposes, he was Finley’s. Jethro would never be the one to tell him that. The admiration Finley had for him was reciprocated in kind, though the comment about Siyet had him blinking and looking away.

The appropriate responses to that would’ve been a yes, or an I’m lucky too. And he was. But somehow, that wasn’t what came out. Instead, it was a soft, guilty, almost frightened admission in the form of an inquiry. ”Is it bad that I don’t love her?”

(This post was last modified: Mar 05, 2023, 01:36 AM by Jethro.)