Paradise Falls borrowed time

The ghost was pretty sure she knew how they had all felt before her former empire had conquered them. Looking death in the eye, knowing it was coming for you, that your time was limited. And worst of all, not being able to do anything about it. That feeling had scared Cole more than anything else, but along with that, it’d changed her.

She had already resolved not to let it cripple her. She’d face it whenever it came, and until then, she’d keep working diligently, doing what she could in service to this pack.

But there were other things she wanted to do, too. She had spent almost all of her time here avoiding the others, keeping to herself. Now, she hoped to change that. Or at least.. salvage what she could of some sort of relationship.

And that had to start with him. So she waited, tentatively closing on the areas where he, his family, and Flair rested, hoping she might spot him. Or that he’d see her, and they could have a moment.

for the wonderful @Chan when you have time!

Things seemed to be... looking up? Maybe? The skies were clear once more and as winter set in he did not have to dread coming avalanches or pitfalls, desperate mountain lions or frustrated ungulates. His appreciation was mitigated by knowing that this too would be temporary, that more obstacles and threats would come to them in time. Chan tried to stay in the moment, especially when around his youngest children, but it was difficult to do. Especially when being followed every step of the way by the specter of Auburn, forever trapped in the past.

He thought of him now as he walked, as he always did, taking a moment to stretch his legs and locate the nearest water source for a drink. Paws crunched snow and frost in a steady rhythm and eyes trusted his other senses to stay alert for them, losing focus with thought. He might have walked right into Colette, always anticipating her scent to be a fleeting trail rather than an actual sign of proximity.

His eyes brightened, then his brows knit subtly. Expecting the other wolf to be avoidant.

"... hey, Cole."

She drew closer still, and then there was movement. Paws crunching in snow. At first just sound, and then he appeared. Colette’s good eye studied him briefly, and then looked beyond, half expecting one of the children or perhaps Flair to come wandering into view thereafter. But nobody did. It was just him, and all was quiet.

Cole looked over him. His familiar face - though he, like her, had changed so much in the years since they’d first met. They’d both aged, acquired new scars, and endured many hardships to get to where they were now. Guilt still weighed heavily on her mind when she thought of the hurt she’d caused, but there was also regret. Choices she wished she would’ve made differently.

But none of that mattered now. ”Chan,” she greeted. Distant as always, though she couldn’t hide the emotion this time. The ghost would take a step closer to her friend - could she still call him that? ”There’s something, I..” she felt her voice crack, and trailed off for a breath to calm and steady herself.

”There's something I need to tell you, and.. everyone. If you have time.” She wouldn’t be able to hide it forever. It was better if they knew it was coming.

Chan might have felt hope, but there were too many hints that something was wrong. Very wrong, possibly, if it drove her to choosing to be vulnerable in front of him. His ears lowered, and he regarded her seriously, giving her his full attention. Even his mind quieted, as though every part of him were holding breath in anticipation. What was happening?

"Of course I do. What's wrong?"

He didn't want to hear, was not ready for the next problem so soon, but that didn't make it go away, did it? The best he could wish for was that she was finally moving on, as she had kept saying she would do from the start. That didn't seem right though, the tone in her voice not consistent with all the times before. He didn't try to predict, he just waited.

Of course he did, he’d almost always had time for her. Despite his troubles, despite his relationship with Flair. Those words sent a stab of pain through her heart, though thankfully only of the figurative sort. Somehow, though, it still hurt more than.. whatever was going on, inside.For the moment…

”I think I’m gonna die soon.” The words fell from her softly. There was no point in hiding it. She might’ve lost her desire to mask emotion, but Cole imagined she’d never lose that terse nature. She’d lower her muzzle at that, down close to her chest briefly, before fixing her good eye on him again. ”There’s something wrong, in here. It hurts, sometimes.”

Cole was pretty sure she knew what it was, and that there wasn’t much of anything that could be done to stop it.

”In case I don’t get another chance, I wanted to say thank you. For everything you’ve done. You saved me.” She didn’t think there was any need to elaborate beyond that.

(This post was last modified: Nov 13, 2023, 03:22 AM by Colette.)

Fuck. His mismatched eyes widened and his brows tilted with confusion. Gaze following where she pointed, his mind was spinning once more. What if it wasn't something certain, what if it was something he could fix? What if she didn't want that either way? Was this really the best ending she could get? Likely Cole thought so, but that wasn't fucking fair. Even though she'd...

Chan took a breath, let it out. He could chase his tail in his own mind all day. Colette's fate had always been in her own paws, and she had come this far. Even if he wished so much more for her...

'You saved me.'

He blinked up at her, brows now distinctly pinched. Is that what she called this? What had he even done? If anything, it was the others. He'd just been a reminder, a weight, but they had given her space and care both as a pack should be willing to. They allowed her to have a sense of normalcy. Or, maybe even that was wishful thinking. She'd never really let him in, even when he'd thought she'd been at her most vulnerable.

"... you don't have to be in pain."

It was the first subject he could bring himself to touch on. The best way he could think to help her, and maybe open the door to real treatment without directly suggesting it. If Colette really was dying, she deserved the dignity of deciding how, even if that meant less time.

"... I don't..." know what to say, where to start, want this to keep happening, want to accept it, "... I don't want you to go, Cole..."

He tried to keep his voice steady, but failed. He pinched his eyes shut tightly in an attempt to ward off the burning of oncoming tears.

He looked.. worried. Sad, maybe confused, too. Cole wasn’t quite sure how it might feel to have someone you knew and cared about coming forth to announce their likely demise. How did one process that? It couldn’t be easy, but knowing had to be better than it just happening suddenly. At least there would be time to prepare and time for goodbyes.

Chan spoke, alluding to some sort of treatment, possibly. She had thought about that, too. Wondered if there was any way to at least delay the inevitable, or make it less painful.

Don’t want you to go, after all that’d been said and done. He sounded pained, sincere. Cole couldn’t blink fast enough to stave off the moisture gathering in her eyes.

”I don’t, either. I don’t wanna leave you all, but..” but what could be done? Did he have some kind of remedy for these things? The ghost couldn’t recall enough of her training or knowledge from back then to be sure.

”If you think you can help.. we can try.” She paused for a breath, and that finally allowed her to gather control of her emotions to a degree. ”But I won’t become a liability. I want to keep working as long as I can.” Even if it killed her sooner, she wouldn’t burden anyone by having them provide for her like some sick child.

Even so, any added time would be valued. Colette didn’t want to leave them a body short, especially not with winter’s arrival. Even internally though, that felt like an excuse. It was. Cole would miss them all. She was scared of not ever seeing them again, and of what would come after.

'I don't, either.'

Chan's eyes blinked back open with genuine surprise.

'If you think you can help.. we can try.'

"... of course," he answered, if only to keep the silence from stretching too long. He would never have anticipated such a response, with its simple admission, and it took a moment for the shock to thin.

"I'll do whatever I can to help. We're here for you, every step of the way, no matter how it ends."

It was still naggingly awful news, and yet he couldn't help a sense of relief that at least Colette would let herself be cared for by her community instead of closing herself off from them completely. He imagined that if she did leave them, maybe this way it would hurt just a little less. It was certainly a more natural, expected part of life than his and Flair's stillborn litter, or Auburn's freak accident, or Sephrina's horrid drowning...

"... you know, you being a part of this pack... belonging, looking out for everyone, contributing- you did all that yourself."

She hadn't gotten here by Chan's influence, direct nor indirect.

He appeared taken aback by her willingness to accept help. Cole couldn’t fault him for that, given her distance she’d established between the two of them ever since that initial reunion. Yet.. of course was his response. He would do whatever he could, he said. And then he expended on that, adding in a we.

The ghost didn’t doubt him there, either. She fully believed that Chan, Flair, Finley, even Jet or Marigold - both of whom she was less familiar with - would do whatever they could to help her. The thought of it had her on the verge of tears again.

Colette had to turn away from him for a moment, drawing in several breaths to try to regain some semblance of composure.

”I know,” the ghost exhaled softly, bringing her good eye back up to her company. ”And I’m not gonna quit. It’s gonna have to take me,” Cole added, finding some resolve returning with each word spoken. Death was all but certain. The timeframe, however, wasn’t. She wouldn’t face it lying down, either. Cole would go out fighting, with as much dignity and pride as she could muster.

The ghost felt herself doing something she rarely did anymore, then, as Chan continued. A small grin, almost an amused smirk, spread across her countenance. ”You’re too modest. Some of this was me. Choices I made,” Cole admitted. Her choosing to live here had been of her own doing. ”But none of it would’ve happened without your influence, back then. If not for you, I’d have likely never turned against that empire.” And who knew where she would’ve been if all of that hadn’t happened the way it had.

Probably dead already. Killed in battle, or betrayed by someone else and forgotten. Certainly not here, surrounded by friends and family. Chan was to credit for that; the series of events his influence had set in motion which had brought her here.

If not for all her prior aversions to his presence, Chan would have moved to embrace her then. But he could meet her gaze when it returned to him, try to express through his eyes alone how grateful he was for her in this moment. Even with the past she had confessed to. Yes, Colette had helped to- and directly- caused immeasurable suffering (though part of him would forever hold onto a thin string of hope that maybe it wasn't true, until he'd visited that place again to see for himself). All she'd ever done for the wolves he loved here, though, was help. He could still be thankful for every drop of good that survived such horrid darkness. Could still deeply appreciate that she had found the strength to break away in the first place, much less make it to this moment here.

He'd hope too that she was wrong about this. That his medicinal therapies might completely chase away her pain and that this could be yet another new beginning rather than an ending.

'You're too modest.' How many times had he heard that before? His gut reaction was the same within his head: just realistic. She had a point, though, stretching back farther than he'd first anticipated. His ears lowered a touch. What should have been normal had apparently been lifechanging, and that on its own was enough to sadden his overly-empathetic heart. Proof enough that she had been a part of it all for reasons that started outside of her control, as well. Wasn't that the truth of it for most 'villains'?

They all started out as just children, innocent and full of all the promise in the world. He wondered briefly where Colette had been born, what her caretakers had been like. Truly- not the vague cover she'd pedaled years ago.

"We can't learn what isn't taught, right?"

He'd been born to loving, stable parents who had taught him kindness and generosity. Not because he'd merited it, but by sheer luck.