Sex: Male♫ | Erin McCarley – Hello/Goodbye.
Hello, goodbye, good day, goodnight; you love, you hide… Why? You spring, you fall, turned on, turned off; what's wrong, what's wrong, love?
Perched along the ledge he had claimed as his personal watch post, Borden Lyall stared into the late afternoon. Another cloudy, winter day. No sun; just gray, gray, gray... everywhere. He took into account all that had happened within a matter of weeks: accepting Alexander’s trust and wandering farther and father away from the mountain, riding an adrenaline rush to challenge a bear, meeting Vlarindara Windrunner and Jayseyek Enap, recruiting Weldering and Atiris, looking out for the pup called Raigo… Among the timeline of events he had experienced more than he had in the year he had spent traveling before stumbling into Relic Lore. There were so many emotions, all he could manage was to deal with them all at once now that he had some time to himself.
Restlessness acquired from his constant desire to traverse the territory borders as a scout; confusion from trying to sort his feelings out all at once; feeling challenged, perhaps, even threatened by Weldering and the friendship he was starting to rekindle with Alexander; and, Love... Love. Is that what the strongest feeling that tugged at his chest was properly called? The feeling of not being able to breathe when he was away from the Thicket of Secrets or wishing he had someone to truly care for? The feeling of longing for something more every time he met her… He reclined into a more listless position as he thought things out, sprawling out on his side with his tail dangling limply over the edge of his shelf. In a moment he silently wished his mother were around; she would have known what to say, how to advise him. A few more seconds passed and he was not surprised when he found himself not longing for his mother, but for Vlarindara. Every fiber of his being cried to make himself believe she would put an end to this agony… this misery of being lost.
Even if their meetings had been brief, he felt something click, he felt whole, he felt as though she, alone, was the reason he had been drawn to Relic Lore. The probability of her eventual appearance to the Thicket was exactly what had been pulling him further and further west. He blinked, his eyelids lazily drooping halfway over his weary pupils. If she was the one, why did the fact have to eat away at him? The distance hadn’t bothered him before when he knew one day someone was out there, waiting for him. Was it because he knew exactly who she was? In the back of his mind, as though it had been unearthed from a thick rule book that had been long forgotten, his realization that he was the Beta of Midnight Plateau rang out loud and clear.
Suppose Alexander picked up on Borden’s infatuation with her? What would happen if she joined the pack, and he found himself unable to fight back his feelings any longer? He, as well as she, would possibly face eviction; as much as he knew and recalled, by the Bertram Valley standards, those who were the alpha’s right-hands were not to hold close relations with anyone. Pack member or not, those who were Second-in-Command were not to indulge themselves on things like love. Only the alpha pair was allowed the rights to flaunt their joys of feeling “complete.” That was that. Borden had no choice but to suspect Alexander would not stand for his growing obsession with the white wolf he had vowed himself to.
Timing, he also had to acknowledge, had not been on his side either. In fact, it made things worse. As winter began to crawl on, giving Relic Lore its worse before it departed, he found he finally understood what it was like to be his Uncle. Good ol’ Uncle Cutter… His secondary role model and teacher. For two years Borden had watched him gaze longingly at his father, secretly envious of his privileges as alpha. Though he had had the chance to establish his place in their little pack of three, he was unable to vie with his sibling. Merritt’s charm had won her over and Cutter could do nothing but stand by and watch their relationship flourish as his heart ached time and time again. The life a Beta male had its perks, but just like everything else it had its disadvantages.
Only if his soul didn’t call out to feel complete, if his heart didn’t war against what he had been taught was right, he could prioritize and sort out the elements of his uncertainty… his depression. He raised his head and looked over the tops of the trees, knowing somewhere hidden underneath them in the distance, was the overgrown thicket, Vlar was either hunting or minding Raigo, her adopted brother, in the warmth of their well-hidden cave. If she was out on her own agenda, he might as well do the same. Lying there, just missing her, was proving to be useless and it made his ribcage tighten uncomfortably. Sitting up and getting his feet underneath him, he cast his gaze to the forest below before slinking down the snow-covered mountain side. He would not risk having someone find him there, lost in thought, unreachable to the world around him. A run around the territory would do him some good; perhaps a few hours’ worth wandering would be even better. If he happened to meet Alexander or Jayse or anyone else, he would pretend he had not seen them; all he wanted to know was that he was okay, that everything was alright. If his aimless traveling brought him as far as the Thicket, then he could not deny himself from what and who his heart truly pined for.
I'd love to hear you say anything but silence. You're unaware that I'm so tired and I've tried to understand. Am I the only one who cares here? I can't let you, let you
d i s a p p e a r…
