The Wildwood where have you been?

She was back again. Back here, in this damned place — the place she began in. Because wherever she had traveled to didn't give her any answers, wherever she went no one knew her. She was smart enough to conclude that perhaps the place she lost herself in was where people would know her — or have known her — to begin with. Of course she wasn't sure, she could never be sure. How could she be when she didn't know her origins, or her own name? She asked others and the irony of the question struck them dumb. She had been given plenty of names in her month of traveling. There was "Wind", "Rogue", "Wanderer", "Stray". None of those names felt right. None of those names were hers.

So she stared now, feeling much like an ambisinister seamstress in the scheme of it all. Burnt woods surrounded her, and the nameless wanderer, rogue, stray... she could only linger and feel a painfully depressing ache push against her temples. The question always was: Who am I? For no one could show her, no one could teach her how she once was. She rose to all fours and trudged heavily forward, a weight pushing down on her shoulders. Where are you going, where have you been?

(This post was last modified: Mar 03, 2011, 12:43 PM by Indru.)

Visiting the burnt remains of his old home, his birth home, was not a common thing for Indru any more, he didn't cling onto the past as he once had. It would be a lie to say he felt no attachment to the burnt trees and the only just recovering part of the forest, and it would be a lie to say that even sometimes his paws still carried him here when he wasn't paying attention thinking it was still home. It wasn't any more and even now as the snow coated the burnt trees and hid away the traces of the fire it felt strange and unfamiliar without the old hidden tree that made up the pack den. As he approached further he half heartedly scented the air, it wasn't often wolves hung around the burnt and damaged area, but this time there was a fresh scent. Inhaling again, paying attention this time, he recognised the scent immediately even though it had been so long since he had smelt it.

Spinning around Indru headed towards it and soon enough the familiar sight of the smaller female came into view. Feather, he breathed, relief his first emotion when seeing her as he had worried about her fate in the winter as a lone wolf, it wasn't uncommon for wolves who weren't in packs to not survive the cold months after all. Though, upon inspection she seemed unharmed and he frowned lightly, walking a bit closer and peering at her and he couldn't help by wonder why she had abandoned him. You're back. Unlike before Indru's voice was not full of emotion, it was void of it, as he remembered that she had left him when he was starting to bond with her and when her presence had been helping to soothe the loss of his parents and brother. In the end she had just left him with another thing to miss.

She stared into the burnt horizon, her green eyes narrowed and head throbbing with the exertion of needing to remember. It simply wouldn't be — her memory was not returning to her. She didn't know the complexities of her issue, she simply knew that something was missing from her life. A piece of who she was. Who she used to be. She had only ever known that because she had awoken to a place she had never been, and walked on the earth she had never seen before. Feather had forgotten literally everything — she had fallen, and her head had hit a large boulder. When she had awoken she had smelled the blood, but hadn't known it was her own — and she also gathered plenty of other ideas.

And so she spent her time trying to figure out who she was. She was perhaps thinner than Indru might have remembered her as, but there were no other oddities to speak of. Heavy footfalls distracted her from surveying the land, and he said an odd name that tickled at her mind. But nothing more. Feather? She echoed, less than sure about the name he had called her. The male before her was beautifully handsome and perfectly structured, but she couldn't put a name to him like he had put a name to her. Feather? She repeated again, the word foreign on her tongue. But he was of course referring to her. Are you sure that's me? Her head lowered and she gazed at him in the most curious of ways — her eyes glittered with some sort of hope. As if to say, you know who I am?

She'd been searching for who she was for quite the time. Since the drought, when she had left to find him. And then she fell and forgot it all. Forgot him, forgot herself, forgot the world she had been in for so long... I have been here before, then, she said, hoping he'd affirm it once more. But I don't... remember, she said meekly, hating this weakness and knowing that — for some reason beyond her — he would be the only one she could admit this to. Are you... upset? For some reason, she found herself caring. Found herself needing to know the answer to this. But perhaps not — although when he had said her name she thought she might have heard something, his continued speech allowed her to know that he must not have cared much for her in the end. Little did she know.

(This post was last modified: Feb 03, 2011, 12:01 AM by Feather.)

Curiosity at her return, mingled with annoyance, soon turned to confusion when she repeated her name back to him like she had never heard it before. She turned her name into a question twice before asking specifically what she wanted, yes, I am sure. Indru was bewildered but gave her the answer she wanted without thinking, his voice now a odd, unequal mixture of annoyance, confusion and concern. He had no idea what was wrong with her and he stepped forward to take a closer look, she looked fine apart from the tell tale signs of a lone wolf, and he could see no cause for her peculiar behaviour. One small, annoyed part of his brain thought she might be tricking him and playing a cruel joke but he didn't think she would do that. Besides, it seemed to real and she looked to hopeful at the mention of her name.

Her next words weren't a question, but Indru answered them anyway, you were here. I met you further north from this place. Flashes off their brief time, which had gone so fast and quickly he realised now, played through his thoughts but he shrugged them off not wanting them at the moment. Her next question caught him off guard and he was silent for a moment, staring at her paws as he thought about how to answer, and in particular how truthful he should be. I am. It was a simple answer and he met her green eyes with his own fiery eyes and decided not to elaborate, curious first to find out as much as he could. Had she left because of this... Memory loss, or had she left before and something had happened after? It was frustrating to know that it would be difficult to ever know. What happened? Do you remember anything? Indru stepped closer to her again, part of him wanting her to remember him but another side hoping she didn't. After all, just because she was confused now it didn't mean that she still hadn't left him, did he really want to know the true answer?

He seemed frustrated and Feathers ears slicked backward, her eyes falling to the earth. It wasn't her normal, fiery spirited way; though nothing about this was normal. She was herself, deep down — certainly the way she had been hadn't changed. But there was confusion there, a sense of knowing she didn't belong anywhere. But he knew her, she must have belonged here or something of the sort! Her eyes flashed and she lifted them to him, forcing herself to elide any feelings that were negative so that they could continue to work together. To help her. She was frustrated that he might know things about her and wasn't quite literally feeding them to her — and she also wondered why that was. She let things be, keeping calm, and as he affirmed that she had been here she let out her own sound of relief.

He was upset. She wanted to ask him why, and perhaps he saw it in her sudden confused posture. Her ears leaned forwards, quivering, and she hoped that he would admit to her why he was upset at all. She didn't understand, but she knew that she needed to know why. That for an instant, suddenly knowing that was more important than knowing herself. I woke up... somewhere here, not here but... here, she admitted. My head hurt. I... I couldn't remember why I was where I was and there was a dark wolf who knew me, her brother — Ink — returned. I went with him, but he told me nothing. He said he was taking me where I belonged, but how could I belong there? She sighed heavily, and then said, I imagine I could find out more here than I could there. I left, though not without trouble from Ink, she remembered with a wince. I think I belong here. I woke up here. I just didn't have the sense then to be able to know for sure. It took me a while to find my way back. That she admitted with a growl. On her way back there were wolves who called her names — Stray, Wanderer...

How do you know that I am Feather? Others have given me names too, she asked him then, and then said, No, I must be Feather... the one who... So had she been wrong? Her face wrinkled in confusion and she turned to him, a desperate look on her face. It was far too painful, not knowing who you were.

She spoke for a long time and Indru let her, trying to make as much sense out of it as he could. A black wolf? He had no idea who this was, but from what he had said to Feather he seemed to recognise her. Indru felt a faint stab of jealousy for a moment before slight anger; did she leave a lot of other wolves behind? Perhaps he was not the first or the last that she was to leave. When Indru had known her they had moved very fast, it had seemed normal at the time but he knew now how quick it was, how much did he really know? At the time he was unconcerned that she kept eluding to her past but now he felt that he should have asked more questions, persisted. If only so he could offer her more things about herself now to satisfy the annoying curiosity he knew she must be feeling.

She stopped explaining what she could remember and Indru let the pause remain, unsure what to comment as he did not really have an input. It did not make much sense to him other than that she felt she belonged here more than anywhere else and he wondered what made her feel like that, as she had not spent much time here and had potentially left here by choice. She questioned him then and he listened as she continued to speak, unsure of her true name. I will not lie to you, he promised, he did not want to make her more confused, your name is Feather. Though quickly a brief through entered his mind and he swallowed back a sadness at the thought, at least you told me that when we met. How was he to know it was true? We did not know each other too long... So I do not know that much about you as you didn't tell me very much. Indru felt sad at that admittance now and in a way felt stupid that he had let such a thing pass, he could remember asking her and her dodging any questions but at the time he had been to overwhelmed with her. You joined my pack. Unsure on how to explain the relationship they had he took another step towards her again like before, approaching carefully and slowly. We got on very well, he finished lamely, embarrassed at trying to explain what she could not remember. It hurt in a way, even though he knew it was not her fault, that she couldn't remember him.

It took her a moment to decide that she trusted him. She had little else to work off of, in any case. I believe you, she said in earnest, her eyes upon him the whole time. She admired the shade of fiery orange his eyes held, and Feather felt an odd sort of closeness to him. She imagined it was because he knew who she was. Because he was willing to help her. At his finishing statement (at least you told me that when you left), Feather asked him, Have I lied to you? And then, I've never lied to anyone, not that she knew of, or remembered. It was here her face fell, and she let out a low whine. Why would I lie to you? She asked then, turning her face away. Perhaps she was a wolf not to be trusted, and for a moment she did not even trust herself. But the question was true — and why would he even say such a thing if he did not trust in her?

She hadn't the slightest idea what had led her back here. She felt harbored to this very spot as she had never had in moments before, but she could never find any explanations for it. I don't care much about me, she said then, her stomach sinking. That was true. What did I leave behind here? Why am I... she shook her head, flabbergasted, and turned to the stranger. She was in his pack. He had been her leader. They got on very well. Her stomach churned and she rolled her shoulders, and she said quite softly, What's your name?

Maybe. Indru responded quickly when asked if she had lied to him. Maybe she had. Did he know? At the moment he felt betrayed, though he wasn't even sure what exactly made him feel that. The lack of knowing about her, especially now he could look back on their memories more clearly and notice the times she had eluded him when he asked. I don't know. He shook his head, looking down at the ground as he thought it through, feeling almost as confused as she was. I don't think you lied to me. He decided finally, and it was true, it felt right, what she had told him he felt was true — but then, what actually had she told him. Though I don't think you told me too much either, so you didn't have too. He replied when she asked why she would lie to him. What had she been hiding? She was a young she wolf on her own, which was uncommon enough as he knew that it was males that spent most time alone, looking to start a pack. It puzzled him and frustrated him now that even she did not know now.

At her next words he frowned, tilting his head to the side as he stared at her. Her statement only made him more confused, as he didn't understand why she didn't care. Indru didn't know what to say, or how to reply to her next question, what did she leave behind, and more importantly, what was left now. She trailed off and again the silence hung until she spoke once more. Feather rolled her shoulders and her eyes looked so unsure Indru almost wanted to step forward to close the ever decreasing gap between them, but he didn't, he watched her instead. Soon she asked him a question. Indru, he almost sighed, orange eyes watching her still. Indru Tainn.

Feather shifted anxiously, and to ease any current fears, I won't lie to you. She said this taking a single step forward, nodding her head so as to quell the doubts he might feel. And then he said his name, and for an instant she felt a burning flash hit her temples. She thought she knew that name, but... but her hypothetical fingers simply couldn't take hold of anything for too long. She frowned. But then she smiled and nodded, Indru — that's a good name, and shifted her weight. I know that... since I was in your pack... I would have stayed if I knew. If I could have helped it. But he was taking me to the rest of my family — he told me he was my brother. Who knows if he's an honest wolf, she said with a growl, But I never found out.

Here she shrugged. Do you think... I could maybe get another chance in your pack? She needed a place to stay, she knew that. And if she had belonged there once, perhaps she could belong there again. I'd understand if you don't want to give me one. She fell silent then, licking her lips and debating between moving even closer. The closer she got, the more relaxed she felt. Which was entirely different with the black wolf, Ink... and he had said he was family. But if she and Indru got along well once, well, perhaps they could become grand friends again. She was wary of it.

Fading to black.

He believed her, though he couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe it was the vulnerability she was showing now, or maybe he had always trusted her though he didn't think he was so naive to believe blindly. She sounded honest at the moment. Feather seemed confident that she would of stayed in his pack if she could have, but how could she be so sure? Was she certain of anything, really? You may of left before your memory did, he suggested to her, eyes hardening slightly as he spoke the words, tail flicking out behind him as he sighed in annoyance. How do you know you didn't? He pressed, stepping forward again and staring at her intently his fur bristling with his agitation before he snapped his head away from her, pulling back. Then again, how did he know she didn't? It was so frustrating, this uncertainty, he felt confused and twisted, such a mixture of emotions she had brought back with her. He had started to rely on her, she was healing him from his parents, and then she left and that made it even worse than before.

The question caught him off guard, so caught up in his thoughts, and he stared at her for a moment before it sunk in. It's not... It's not my pack any more, I don't lead it. As confused as he was Indru was concerned about her being on her own, especially so disorientated. He'd be worried for anybody, but especially someone not themselves and he wouldn't stop her joining. You can ask Ruiko, at the borders. Instinctively Indru trailed his noise towards the slight blowing wind, seeing if he could catch the scent from here, there were close by. South-east from here. At the moment he didn't think he could go with her, he was unsure what he would do when the decision was made, whether it was acceptance or denial and the space to think was too much to give up. They had picked out dens, he had been so proud to show her his home and let her smell his family all around them, it would feel too much like deja vu to repeat that at the moment when so much had passed.

Then, now that he knew that she had somewhere to go, to ask his brother for a position in their pack, Indru decided it could be the ideal time to give himself some time to think. Go see Ruiko, the Tainn instructed, already starting to turn away, see what he says. Then we can talk. As it was undeniable that they would need to, after all that had happened, and he was sure she had answers. With a final glance at Feather he turned away and headed away from his home to think.

(This post was last modified: Feb 12, 2011, 09:46 PM by Indru.)