Hidden Grotto It’s difficult to move on when nothing's right

All welcome!

The itch wasn't getting better but it wasn't getting worse either, it was just a constant in the back of her mind. Staying for too long in one area, alone, was a bad idea, she knew that and yet...It seemed as though she was attracted to water these days. There was something pure about it, how it could wash anything away, given time. Lenae liked the tarn well enough, Piety had chosen well, but it's size was a little intimidating. Why did everything have to be so vast? The little pools she had stumbled upon were just the right size. They were still mostly frozen over, but the constant flow of water ensured that there was at least a trickle of fresh water to quench her thirst.

In all honesty, she felt guilty for leaving once more. She had promised Cyril she would stay, that she wouldn't run off again but here she was, alone out in the snow once more. It wouldn't be forever, she would return once the hormones in her body were stated, it was simply a matter of waiting it out. Lenae-despite her fears- was still a social being, solitude didn't suit her well and after a week of being alone she was starting to feel a whole new sort of ache.

She was lonely.

A soft sigh passed from her lips as she pawed at the ice, poking away till she felt it crack beneath her paw. It had never been this hard back home- but then it had been far far worse after everything had happened. She stiffened at the thought as bile rose up her throat. Of all the terrors that lurked in the back of her mind, that was the worst. Forbidden and ugly, never meant to see the light of day. She tilted her head high and stared up at the sky, her eyes as bright and warm as the sun-  or at least they used to be.

(This post was last modified: Mar 08, 2018, 10:33 PM by Lenae.)

and being blue is better than being over it, over it

Odin Archer

He knew he should get back to the Lagoon but there was too much going on, too many scents overlaid, and frankly, far too many females for the budding boy to be expected to behave himself. The jaunt to the mountain had helped, kinda... though there was still a tightness at the bottom of his chest, his tail more often waving over his spine as he traversed from one place to another, none of the lingering discomfort over being under trees present now that he had had some time to adjust.

Another half acknowledged perfume leading him by the nose, but then, there was something more to this one wasn't there? His eye narrowed in a squint as he tried to place it, the phantom taste of fish on his tongue and the iron tang of blood bringing it all back to him with a grimace. For a moment he even considered turning back around, but then again, well none of what happened to Wraith had been her fault. She wasn't the only one to leave that day.

Then he spotted her, out on the ice, staring at the sky. His tongue was clenched between his teeth for a moment before he allowed himself to sigh. "I thought I'd never see yer again," He rustled up half a smile, holding his ground at a distance remembering just how flighty the woman could be. "Don't have anythin' slimey ter throw at yer this time though..."

The more Lenae sought out solitude, the more determined the world seemed to be to give her company. She dragged her gaze from the sky as she side eyed the dark figure in the corner of her vision. She wasn't anywhere close to her prime but Lenae was somewhat certain she'd be able to shake him off. That if she weaved and darted between the trees he'd stand no chance of catching up. But there was something familiar about his voice and the words that reached her ears made it all the more obvious they knew one another.

Part of her-the scared, fearful majority of her mind- didn't want to turn around, to confirm her suspicions. He'd been there on that day, hadn't he? Lenae couldn't really remember, it was all a blur of black, red and white. She didn't know him all that well but...he wasn't bad nor was she scared of him. Rather, she was scared of what he might say, what he might think of her. Would he resent her, call her a coward, a mooch? Would he press his teeth against her muzzle and try to shake some sense into her? Remind her of how much of a waste of space she was?

She deserved all that and more, and yet she hoped he would not for that was far more than her heart could take.

Lenae turned slowly, hesitantly, with her tail still between her legs and there he was,Odin Archer. He hadn't changed at all, or at least not outwardly. He was as tall as ever, large and broad, but his eyes weren't quite as bright as they had been before, nor did they shine with mischief. He looked rather...tired.Or maybe Lenae was just ditching her emotions on other's again, it wouldn't be the first time she'd done that.

"Oh." She said, as if she'd just noticed his presence. What was she supposed to say? Only one word came to mind. "Sorry."

For everything. For running away, for ruining his day, for smelling like she did...

There is a family of deer nearby. Hunt Opportunity

and being blue is better than being over it, over it

Odin Archer

Odin's head tilted slightly to the right when she apologized, his eye softening as he mustered up a small smile, "Fer what? We all left, jus' th' same as you did." Or didn't she know of the aftermath of the tragedy? At this distance he couldn't pick up the scents that lined her coat and even if he could, he couldn't imagine much more getting through the scent that filled the air around her. He lifted his paw hesitantly, leaning forward to close the distance between them before settling with a single step in her direction. He wasn't about to rush towards her, not when she looked so... sad.

A grunt somewhere behind him caused an ear to turn, his stomach giving a small clench as he considered when his last decent meal had been. Maybe all she needed was a distraction... then again, maybe deer wasn't quite what either of them needed in this moment. That didn't mean there wasn't something smaller to be had though if they really wanted it. "Say, have yer eaten recently?"

she is so wordy sometimes, jfc. No need to match.

Lenae swallowed thickly. That might be true but her guilt remained as strong as ever. It had been an awful day for everyone involved,no one escaped unscathed and yet, as always Lenae found a way to be the victim. Sometimes, she couldn't help but wonder if she actually liked it. After all, why else would she inadvertently seek out suffering the way she did? A whine tried to force it's way through her closed lips but she bit down on it, hard.

No matter what anyone said, she knew the awful feelings would still remain. That she would loathe herself, mind and body, but at least she had people in her life who were willing to try, who wanted her to get better and grow as a person. That was more than she could ask for, more than she deserved by a long shot.

The fact that Odin was-obviously- taking care not to spook her was appreciated. More than she could say really. Strangers usually picked up on her skittishness and tried to work around it, but having someone who knew her, flaws and all, and still didn't mind spending time with her...Well, she would be a liar if she said it didn't help. For so long she had been convinced that solitude was all that was left for her but the wolves of the Monadnock had proved her wrong, not just once but twice. Even now they hadn't given up on her, even Odin wanted to try, to help.

At his question she shook her head.

"No but...I'm not very hungry."It seemed as though she was getting good at this, telling little white lies. "It can wait. I'm just... it's nice to see a familiar face. I forgot how tall you were." She admitted, the side of her lips ticking up into a shy smile. She then stepped a little closer, slow and still hesitant, and looked up at his face, at the hole where his eye should be.

"Does it hurt?"She found herself asking, only to regret it once the words were out in the open."I mean-I...I'm sorry, that was rude." She dipped her head down as a grimace tugged at her lips.

(This post was last modified: Mar 11, 2018, 05:33 PM by Lenae.)

and being blue is better than being over it, over it

Odin Archer

When Lenae approached, he allowed his head to dip lower, tail sweeping from side to side in familiar greeting. He was mindful of his size and knew it could put even confident wolves off, but she seemed to be handling it well enough so he wouldn't drop to the ground just yet. If she said she wasn't hungry he wouldn't push the issue, but when she followed it up with it can wait, he had to wonder.

Odin hadn't expected her to be glad to see him, not after their first encounter or the way things ended after and it left a surprising warmth in the bottom of his chest. When her eyes focused on the place his other eye had been, he knew the question was coming and he managed a lopsided smile in response, "Nah, not anymore, but it felt like m'whole face was on fire when it happened."

He didn't like the way she dropped her head afterwards though, as if she was expecting him to lash out or something so his own head followed, nose tentatively reaching out to nudge the underside of her chin to encourage her head back up. "Hey now, no need fer that, we're friends, right?"

When they'd first met, Lenae had simply assumed that Odin was a bully, big and brash and nothing more than that. Even if she hadn't known him before, gotten to know him as a fellow packmate, she would have soon realised that she had made an error in judgement. That she'd jumped to the wrong conclusion before even giving him a chance. Like Wraith- oh how she missed him- Odin was a bit of a gentle giant.

Her tail swished slowly behind her as he dipped his head. He didn't need to do that, it wasn't his fault he was tall and Lenae had never been one for demanding-or even asking for- submission, but his efforts were appreciated nonetheless. Not only that, but his smile was infectious, like that cough Lenae and her siblings had caught when they were no bigger than foxes. It wasn't attractive per se, maybe a little too slanted for that, but it had it's own charms. Like an old joke that was still funny even after being told for the twentieth time. She tried not to smile, pressed her lips tight, only to wonder why she was doing that. Lenae loved to smile, long ago her cheeks used to ache by the end of each and every day. But now? It was rare, marvel, like finding a four leaf clover.

And so Lenae smiled. Soft and shy at first, but then it grew across her cheeks till her eyes crinkled at the corners. It seemed as though a bit of encouragement from a friendly face was all she needed. She'd been healing under the care of Piety and Cheedo for sometime...maybe this was the little nudge she was needed. Not that it would wash all of her sorrow and fears away but... a moment of calm was always better than nothing. So she grabbed onto it as tight as she could.

"I'm glad." She said, tilting her head up as her tail began to wag with a bit more vigour.

Admittedly, she'd never really thought of him as such, but even at her lowest she wasn't the sort to turn down an offer of friendship.

"I...I think so. I mean...I'd like to be your friend, get to know you better. I'm so-"She clicked her mouth shut. He'd told her not to do that. "I suppose I never really got around to it before. My name is Lenae now...not that it wasn't before but... I lied. Wanted to be someone else."

and being blue is better than being over it, over it

Odin Archer

It was true that they hadn't been the closest wolves at the Monadnock, Odin's wandering feet keeping him out on the tundra for the most part while she stuck closer to Cyril and Piety. He was grateful when she reintroduced herself again, because if he had to guess that wouldn't have been the name to leave his lips. "Ah, we all wanna be someone else sometimes, nothin' ter apologise for. If we're startin' fresh, I'm Odin." He dipped his head with a little mischief in his eye, wondering if he bowed down if she would accept the invitation to play or if that might be pushing the boundaries a little too far.

Maybe he would try it a bit later.

"'S a nice little patch yer got fer yerself here. Are yer gonna meet up with Piety an' th' rest?" It was conversational enough, but he supposed he'd better clarify, "Been thinkin' about it myself, it'd be nice ter see some familiar faces," and if they did pack up together again it'd be good to start with some groundwork already laid. "What're yer doin' out here anyway?"

Despite his reassurance she still felt as though she had committed a crime against the others, but more importantly her sister. Everly had never been the angry type- not like Askan was- but identify theft wouldn't be something she would have approved of, surely. Still, the prospect of starting anew was tempting, it was one of the many reasons she stayed by the Tarn with the others. It was nothing like the Lowlands or the mountains, it represented a new chapter in their lives. Hopefully one that would end well.

As if they were strangers Odin reintroduced himself, only to quickly move the conversation in a direction. Her bright yellow gaze lingered on the little pool with it's small, rocky slopes, before she looked back at her companion. She supposed his line of thought made sense, how was he supposed to know she was with the others before? The smell that now clung to her coat, her everything, no doubt masked it. She felt bad really, it wasn't as if she wanted to smell like this. She would have wished it away if she could. Thinking of it wasn't the wisest things to do. It was distracting, yes, but it wasn't world ending. The less she thought about it the easier it was to cope, focusing on it gave it power, made it hard to ignore. Foolish really, she was old enough to know better and yet it never got easier. Not even a little.

"I've been staying with them, I just wandered off, I suppose."She shrugged. There was more to it than that. "Where I come from it's rather...impolite, distracting, to wander about as smelly as I am. And well... I thought it would be best to hide, in case I imposed on someone." She was dancing around the topic, this wasn't something she knew how to talk about. "I'm so gross, sorry."