Shallows Edge [m]With a crash and burn, we could make it better

M- for suicidal thoughts. @Askan only please

when you fake a smile, and you think you're better

Phoenix hadn't really spoken since she had returned. What was there to say that couldn't be said with a scowl or a click of her teeth? She wanted to be left alone, and went out of her way to ensure it happened. In fact, standing here at the top of the falls was the closest she had been to the pack den since the meeting, and even then all she could do was frown. If she threw herself from here she'd only end up with a broken limb if she missed the water, it wasn't nearly so fearsome as the great falls. At least up there with the spring thaw on the way if the fall didn't kill her, the weight of the water would hold her under until she drowned. Maybe that would be the better way to go? At least then there'd be less chance of Askan being the one to find her...

But she'd promised to tell him before she disappeared. Maybe some bullshit about stretching her legs would do? But then he'd expect her to turn up again. Either way she was going to disappoint him. Maybe it was time to pretend to be mean, say something so horrible he'd be glad to see the back of her? But could she make herself do it?

Tears pickled at the back of her eyes as she leaned closer and closer to the edge. It would be so easy to just let go.

Phoenix Avalon

Askan still couldn't quite believe it. He'd heard Jessie's words with his own ears, seen the look of loss and devastation on her face with his own two eyes, yet it still didn't seem real. He couldn't stomach it, it was like a lump caught in his throat- no matter how many times he tried to swallow it down or wash it away it just wouldn't budge. The truth remained the same: Drestig was dead.

Askan winched, his ears flicking back, as a cough clawed it's way up his throat. He wasn't sick, didn't care what it looked like or what it sounded like, he was fine. He was just fucking tired. By now he thought he would've been used to loss, to the salty taste in the back of his mouth and the stinging at the corners of his eyes. But grief was as strong and as visceral  as ever, he'd mourned the loss of his family and now it was about time he did the same for the Old Man.

The Edge seemed...lifeless, for the lack of a better term. Spring was inching ever closer, but try as he might Askan couldn't feel it's vibrancy. Everything felt so dark and greyscale, even his bright yellow eyes had lost their shine. Like a small part of him had died alongside @Drestig .He'd never been a social soul, but these days the Selwyn kept to himself, his grip on the Edge's reins had slackened and he was less vigilant than before. That wasn't to say that he was a broken man who simply hid away in his den crying all day he just...went through the motions, he supposed.  Though he'd be a liar if he claimed that he hadn't cried for the Old Man, cause he had.

He grumbled as his throat itched. With hunched shoulders, he made his way towards the Shallows, stopped at the shore and with a tired grunt bent down for a drink. His tongue flitted out then paused mid lick when he noticed the dark figure standing atop the falls. He stood there a moment, tongue still poking out as he tried to put a name to their face...It was...Percy? Oh.

Reeling his tongue back in, he meandered along the lake shore and climbed the slope that led to the top of the falls. He placed each paw with care, as though she was a nervy bird who'd take off in flight if he moved too quickly, too loud. As he approached he realised she was standing a little too close to the edge for his liking. He stopped short a few feet and cleared his throat. He had no idea what to say, what he could do to make it better.

"Don't stand so close to the Edge." His voice was gruff and sore, but he dared not look at her, for he feared what he would see. Instead, he looked beyond the lake to the forest, to this sad little Kingdom he called his own.

Askan & Reyes

(This post was last modified: Apr 08, 2018, 01:36 AM by Askan.)

There is a moose carcass that has been scavenged by coyotes nearby. +15 Health

when you fake a smile, and you think you're better

There was no stopping the dry quirk of her lip, the bitter huff of laughter that left her chest at his terrible joke, even if it hadn't been intended that way. "Really Kana? Is that your lame way of kickin' me out or what?" There was a hardness at the corner of her eyes, her voice was hollow despite the teasing nature of her response. It was obvious she was trying to put on a brave face, to trick him into thinking everything was okay, even though they both knew it wasn't. Even if it felt like nothing would ever be okay again. She knew what he meant, but it wasn't enough to make her step back.

Dark toes dug into the earth as she rocked back, solidifying her grasp on the earth by bringing her rump to the ground. His voice had been a lifeline, and it was evident without looking at him that he was suffering too. A breath was pulled in through her nose, escaping in a heavy sigh from parted lips, but she wouldn't turn to look at him either, knowing he'd see right through her. "Been thinkin, on the role thing..." God that meeting felt like a lifetime ago. "My sense of direction is a bit fucked for it, but I wouldn't mind scouting. None of that diplomatic shit mind, but I could keep an eye on the herds and stuff?" It'd be quiet work, and that suited her just fine.

Phoenix Avalon

Her words brought a frown to Askan's face, his brows tugged together as he looked at the back of her neck, his paws firmly planted on the spot. It was true he wasn't the most forgiving of wolves, but he liked to think he was above that sort of callous behaviour. That, at the very least, he'd give someone a warning before he chucked them out into the wild to fend for themselves once more.  With Percy...though he'd never admit it, he did to this day still have a soft spot for her. He cut her a little more slack than he should and honestly, he didn't care whether anyone noticed or not. Askan had known her since she was small, practically raised her, she was the closest thing to a daughter he was ever going to get, Hawthorne and Sachiel aside, that is.

"That's not what I was going for, no." He admitted, watching her sit with a slight squint of his eyes. Fine, he could make do with that, he supposed. "If I wanted you out we wouldn't be here having this conversation, would we?"And that was true enough, he was a man of his word. He cleared his throat, only to grimace at the stinging heat that followed suit. Shit, this-everything- was absolute shit.

"As far as I'm concerned everything is...okay between us." Fine seemed like too strong of a word, nothing seemed fine these days, and it was clear Percy was far from it."Right?"

He wanted her to say yes, needed her to. But what if she blamed him, what if she hated this place or worse yet, hated the man he'd become? He swallowed thickly and moved on, grasped onto her next words with all he had. Roles, yes right. It wasn't on his agenda, nor was it a pressing issue but if she wanted to scout he had no issue with it. Like she said though, her sense of direction wasn't what it used to be. That blow to her head had done a number on her, she wasn't quite as sharp around the edges as she used to be but Askan trusted her judgement, if she thought she could handle it then he was willing to give her a shot. If it didn't work out, they'd find something else for her to do.

"If that's what you want, we can see about making it so." With a sigh he stepped forward and sat down next to her, still making an pointed effort not to glance at her face. Even with the space between them (only a foot or so) he felt the warmth radiate from her form and found himself comforted by it. It could be worse, right? They could be alone.

Askan & Reyes

i crashed my car into the bridge, i watched, i let it burn

When he said they wouldn't be talking about it if he was kicking her out she offered him a cheeky smile full of teeth with a glance out of the corner of her eye, unsure if he would recognise it for what it was. The dark feeling was slowly ebbing away, and she had to wonder if keeping herself so alone had been what let it come about in the first place. But other wolves were so much wooooork. Percy finally stood, and stepped back before she turned, teeth clicking by the side of his face before shoving his chest with her own, "Of course," She couldn't wrap her head around why things might be otherwise, unless he meant... It seemed that Askan wasn't doing so well himself. Of course he wasn't, how could she have missed it?

She repositioned herself to sit by his side, leaning into his flank like a needy pup, her head rocking from side to side against the underside of his ear, her throat exposed. A thump of her tail against the ground all she would offer to the consideration he was giving it, . "S'not your fault y'know? He was always stubborn... Or at least... I think he was? Everythin's still kinda... fuzzy. I remember more 'o you than I do anyone else that was ever there." It was unfortunate she supposed, that a larger portion of her grief was coming from her missing memories than the departure of the man himself... If she spent too much time lingering on any of it she just ended up getting angry, and nobody here deserved to have that directed at them.

Phoenix Avalon

Askan didn't flinch as the sound of clicking teeth reached his ears. He knew Percy wouldn't hurt him, at least not without giving him a hundred or so warnings before it reached that point. She was one of the few wolves he actually trusted these days, it seemed that list was getting shorter and shorter as they threw their lives away for no good reason. A sigh slipped past his lips as Percy gave him a solid, if not amiable push, as though she was squeezing the air out of him, like a squeaky toy.

As she settled beside him, Askan made no move to cast her away. Above all else, he would not deny her the comfort she clearly needed. A low rumble emanated in the back of his throat as he gave the top of her head a quick swipe with his tongue. He'd never been touchy feely-unless Reyes was involved- but he had to give her something, even if only a shred of affection. It was easier this way, to try and show that he cared rather than say it allowed. If he tried the words would no doubt get caught in his throat, which was sore and itchy enough as it was.

Technically she was right, Drestig had not died at Askan's paw. But he couldn't help but wonder-fear- than in leaving the Field he'd set off a long chain of events that led to that very moment where Drestig took his last breath. His time as a Rye wolf had passed, Askan had long accepted that, but Percy's words that were meant to bring him comfort only made his sense of resentment grow.

How could they have done this to Percy? She'd been through enough, no one had searched for her like he had- to everyone else it seemed as though they had merely been going through the motions. Just doing as they were told. Askan's lips curled into a sneer.

"You're not missing out on much. Most of them were like the wind, came and went. So many promises they didn't keep." He sighed, and his expression dropped like lead. "I tried to make you stay once,  wanted you to come back and play pretend with me."

He hated that he'd lied to himself for so long, a pretence on top of a pretence. If he thought about it too long it was hard for him to tell what was real and what wasn't, was he ever happy there? All he remembered was a sense of duty, happiness hadn't ever really played a part of it. At least @Reyes had been there to snap him out of it, to drag him to shore before he got swept away.

"Glad you didn't listen though...I can't say I was happy about you wandering off with... Bobjoe?" Askan had only spoken to him once, like the other's he hadn't hung about for long. "Weirdo."

Askan & Reyes