Iridescent Lagoon How To Be a Heartbreaker

For @Hotei only. Set on 3/31/13.

All she had wanted was to get out, just for a little bit…to be able to think her emotions over and know what was going on within her head…to be able to process everything she was thinking. Ever since that miserable day at the borders when Ice had claimed his new rank…it had been the last time she had saw him. The painstaking, heart stabbing last moment when she realized he was gone and that he would not come back. He had wanted to protect…had not wanted her to be broken, but in the end it had been him who had broken her, him who had driven her emotions in the end. Finally, she had found time for herself to take a break, to float away from her family for a few days to divulge in herself and keep to herself, being alone and quiet. If any wolf had approached her she had simply snarled at them, as if demanding their leave. Not even glancing at their faces she had dashed through the undergrowth, trying to get as far away from them as possible.

Finally the woman had come across the lagoon, her pepper-and-salt colored fur a wonderful pop out for anywhere she would be. She chose a spot near the water, her emerald eyes transfixed on her broken figure staring back at her. There was no wind out today and the water was still, so it was easy for her to watch herself, and her own reflection did not give her a headache thanks to the weather. As she continued to stare at her reflection, she could see the hurt creeping into her green orbs, reflecting the same emotion that had effected her the day he had left. The shield she had so carefully put up began to crumble, until the earthquake inside her started to reach for her heart, breaking it once again into a million difference pieces and begging to be put back together, just like a puzzle. Hotei Tainn and Burn had broken her little heart.

Timeline is set sometime before Kasai goes with Elettra to the battle and after he joins Willow Ridge.

Why did he find himself wondering around so often? True the black wolf had often taken to wanderlust throughout his life, but why was it he couldn't just sit in pack territory for x amount of time? It was as if the burnt male just couldn't take being near others for too long. At some point he would have to get away. As always the male ran the borders and marked them. However this time, after work was over, he decided to look around the area's outside of Drooping willows.

His nose caught her scent first, and almost immediately Kasai's heart lurched. Both personalities suddenly swaying on what to do when previously before they had been well meshed together as one. Burn wanted to go forward to the wolf who tugged at his heart, whereas Hotei pulled away wanting to disappear into the shadows. The lighter half knew that meeting her now would cause him all sorts of grief.

If we see her...She won't be happy. She'll remember us, and we might break. Jessie's supposed to forget about us... The whimpering half of mind pressed against the rock hard half that continued forward eagerly. The strong dark half of Kasai growled low not wanting anything else but to see the one wolf who understood him most. Who understood him more than perhaps his light side did. Burn wanted to tell her why they left. Not to leave her guessing.

She should know why we left. Why we thought we couldn't talk to her about it. Our hearts should not be broken for the pack alone. His strong voice echoed against the tiny weak lighter colored soul who's heart was also racing towards Jessie. Their Jessie.

When he arrived at the Lagoon where Jessie sat Kasai held his breath unable to tell her he was there. Only his heavy weight unknowingly placed on a weak twig giving away his presence with a sharp. "SNAP!"

"Jessie...." Was all that the two wolves could say.. Even from their view point the pair of dark and light minds could see her sadness.

This isn't what I wanted.. She's supposed to be happy with the pack..Why is she so sad? The confused side of Kasai wondered quietly.

We were the ones to leave her without a word... Her happiness...doesn't just come from the pack. A calm pitiful voice echoed after the first. Kasai simply watched waiting for her to turn around and snap at him for being such a dunce.

Wanting to scream at the word around her, she sadly dipped her paw into the lake around her, not wishing to see her pained expression any longer and watching as the ripples floated throughout the pond, letting a nasty growl rise up within her throat. She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted it all to go away NOW! As if that was not enough, the snap of a twig had her body turning instinctively towards the sound, a painful growl coming from her. When the voice graced her ears, she felt it, the pound and the cracks getting larger and larger. She was still staring at the burnt male in front of him, still finding herself taking in his yellow eyes and his body. He was right in front of her and even though she was memorizing him she could still feel the heart-staking pain, the one that wouldn’t go away no matter what she did.

Before she knew what she was doing she launched herself at the male, sticking her nose into his pelt and breathing in his scent. A dry sob erupted from her body as she tried to catch her breath and inhaling. It was then she noticed the scent clinging to his pelt, the same scent that the young wolf, Narime, had been carrying when she had first met Hotei instead of Burn. He had joined another pack… Looking up at his eyes, he tried to find the emotions, tried to look into his very soul, but due to hers being broken as so, she could not find the connection. Could not find the connection that she had felt between them before and all because she was broken. Any answers that were to be found would have to be spoken.

Swallowing and taking up her nerves before she was too cowardly to ask, she spoke…her voice tiny but powerful, “Why?” There was no anger within her voice, but curiosity and hurt. She had never been such an open book when it came to her emotions before, and as she crouched before him, her broken eyes searching his yellow ones, she waited. Much had she changed since their first encounter with one another. At one point she had challenged his domination of her and now she was underneath him, like a pup being scolded by her parents. It was no mystery as to what had happened to her though, she had been taken by Hotei and he had broken her.

"Cause I'm not the smartest wolf in the world I guess...Especially when it comes to bonds with others." Kasai stated simply trying to hold back the urge to pull her closer and lie his confused dark head over her silvery neck. I can't show emotion... Hotei screamed inside feeling his heart break by being so close to the gray beauty just below his chin. However Burn pushed forward and let his nose dip in the slightest to take in her familiar warm scent.

"Why is it that whenever I try to make someone happy I always do the opposite? I meant for you to be happy within Swift River. Not plagued by worry and doubt all the time over Ice and myself..." Burn, the darker half of Kasai answered her in truth not knowing how to react in this situation himself. "I love you so much..I..I never, ever wanted to see you cry." He growled deeply trying to sooth her. Tobring back that side of her which should be trying to rip his hide off. That was the Jessie he knew and loved. This sad side of Jessie was more of the side Hotei loved. The emotional, happy, smiling side.

You make it sound like I wanted to leave... I didn't. But.. but.. she should have..Why am I so stupid? Even when I was a pup Torlla was always helping me understand things. Why can't I ever make a good decision myself? Always mistakes... The good hearted soul of the burnt man made the black wolfs body shake and shiver as he crouched over Jessie rubbing his chin over her silken head.

"I love you so much too.. I.. I..just want you to have your family... When I can't have my own. Its.. Like a curse.. A curse of the Tainns. None of us can keep bonds together for too long." The lighter voice choked up in tears spoke in her ear. The kind hearted Tainn that the rest of the family had known so well.

Even though she could feel her heart aching in pain, she felt herself holding onto every word he said. Hanging onto the scent and the feel of his warm against her neck. The woman wanted to feel anger, but it had all been extinguished and been replaced by utter heartache, something she knew she could try to fix, but was unsure if she would ever succeed. She remained silent as he rambled on, the two man in front of her switching personalities like she had learned to classify quite well. Perhaps back within the pack if Ice had of known things could have turned out differently, but now none of that could change. Hotei and Burn were far out of her reach now, and she was not sure if she could forgive herself for letting them go that one day instead of running back into the forest and hiding, scared of what would happen, wondering and waiting for him to return to her side…. And then….he had not come, leaving her broken and torn.

Since then she had become silent, preferring to stick to herself and only staying near Ice when she needed to. She pointedly stayed away from Cali and Brenton now, knowing they would sense that something was not right and interrogate her, and in the end Brent had and Jessie had refused his offer for help, snapping and becoming angry at him. So in the end, for her, Hotei and Burn leaving had not brought her closer to her family, but perhaps made her distance herself from them more, save Ice. She was sure if she said this, that it would only anger the burnt man in front of her. Her ears flattened on top of her head, giving her the appearance of a yearling, for she looked quite smaller than she really was. When he finished, she swallowed, her voice quivery and defeated, “You are part of that family though…and….and you left me. You knew that I love you and you still left!” The anger that had not been there before starting boiling behind her jade orbs, her pepper-salt form rising and her fur fluffing out to make her look bigger.

She had left self regret and longing stay within her pit for too long, and she had remained silent for so long. She was done with not talking, she was going to let her mind out on him, “You betrayed me by leaving when you promised you would not hurt me! I gave you my heart and you took it and broke it into a million pieces. I thought I could trust you, and when I finally decide to let you in, you hurt me!! I’ll be completely honest here and when I say that this is the worst pain that I’ve ever felt in my life, I promise you, it’s not a bluff. Because I would never lie to you or betray you!” She was surprised that she had been able to keep from yelling at him and instead keep her voice at a calm level. In the process, she had stepped closer to him, their faces almost touching, and her breath now slightly uneven as she looked into those torturous yellow eyes of his that could draw her in with a simple glance.

Is it okay? Or a little too much? I will change it if you don't like her nose getting grabbed like that.

Kasai's gaze stared into the silver woman's own orbs unrelenting in their search of that bond which somehow held them together like this. That very bond that he'd failed to break when Hotei and Burn had left Swift River. Was there no way for them to be happy without each other?

Suddenly an anger penetrated his heart. None of this is what the dark wolf had really wanted. None of the pain that came after the fire. A growl rumbled deep in Kasai's chest. He did not like seeing or hearing Jessie in this manner, and it hurt the ebony man all the more to know that he was the one who had made her like this. As Jessie complained his head was forced up higher and higher as Kasai took in all the anger and hurt. The burnt wolf had thought that he was used to bearing so much pain, but carrying this load was far more difficult than any of his previous bouts of anger and hurt.

Finally the dark wolf just had to stop her. It was too much for both the lighter half of Kasai and the darker half to carry. Even together they couldn't stand it.

This complaining idiot is not the Jessie we know...

All of the sudden his jaws snapped around her own. Kasai stood on the tips of his paws staring down into her gaze and raised his banner high, arching over his back and curling in the wind. The fur on his body not bristling in anger but laying still and calm as he stared into her emerald eyes.

"BE QUIET!" His voice rumbled like thunder over her muzzle as the dark Tainn stood looming over her. "And be still..." He spoke in a calmer assuring tone while watching over her.

"The Jessie who I know is not the one who was complaining before to me about life a few moments before. The Jessie I see in my minds eye now. Calm and collected ready to face the world and its troubles without complaint is MY Jessie. She is MINE and will always be mine." Kasai did not back off. He purposefully swept his dark chin over her neck and back marking her as his own then flicked her sides with his tail covering her in his scent. She was his and nobody would change that.

This is okay.. I can do this... It is not against our rules. Both sides of the Kage's personality agreed to claiming Jessie as theirs. It was she however who would have to accept it in the end. Even if he marked her now the silver woman would still have the chance to revoke him.

(This post was last modified: Apr 15, 2013, 12:04 AM by Hotei.)

She did not expect to be silenced by the man that she was in love with. For when his jaws snapped near her own, she had not expected it and had not had time to dodge their jaws. It nicked her muzzle causing a small amount of blood to rise from her mouth, her jaws clamped shut as she saw the anger coursing through the burnt man’s body. If she would have known better, she would have known she had just been abused, but the man in front of her held all of her attention. She could feel her breath become calm but it held the deepness of intensity to the point of where her breath was labored. In her chest, she could feel her heart hammering in her chest and her pulse slamming against her throat as he dominated over her. Rank being something he had never pulled over her, she just stared up at him, instinctively exposing her neck to the man above her, the man that would always dominate her no matter what their ranking is.

She swallowed, trying to control herself, their eyes locked on one another as he spoke to her, demanding things of her. Just as he had commanded, she remained still an odd exciting kind of fear rolling over her in waves. He got in her face and hissed at her, telling her of how she had changed and how she was not herself… If she were not herself….than who was she? His last words sent a bell ringing in her mind. Those had been the words she had always wanted to hear from him…but now everything was different, she could not be in the same pack with him any longer, their relationship could not be known, for she was sure Swift River would not accept her being with one of their traitors. None the less, as he swept over her and covered her in his scent she allowed him to, her body shivering with the pleasure of being so near him.

As much as she was enjoying herself being around him, she couldn’t help but move and break the moment. Her pepper-and-salt colored body moved towards him and pressed against his side, their bodies close but not close enough…not yet…and she knew there would never be the day when they would be together the way she wanted them to in that instant. With a chuffed sigh she pressed her muzzle against his ear and whispered, "You know we can‘t….we can‘t be together in the same pack. I have my family…a-and no-now you h-have your o-own to- too." Her voice failed at the end. She could not hide her sadness and disappointment from him, but she simply relished in their closeness while she still could…while she could still be allowed to press herself against him…and until it would be her time to leave.