Wild Rye Fields Nightmares

For @Drestig

She kept having the same dream or maybe it would be better to call it a nightmare. Jessie jolted awake, a soft sob escaping her maw as she watched a broken and battered Hotei die before her eyes. The pepper-and-salt colored woman remained tense, coming to reality and feeling to pressure of Drestig by her side. Guilt instantly filled her and the tautness of her limbs gradually loosened. Even after these past two years without him, it had not made it any easier on the widow he left behind. Gently, as to not jostle any of the sleeping bodies around her, Jessie stood up, quietly making her way towards the mouth of the den, ears pinned back on her head. The mother glanced back only once to survey those members who those to remain in the communal den before slumping down a little further away, emerald eyes planted on the large oak tree within their home. It seemed as if fate wanted to bring a comfort and a reminder to her wherever she went but she would take it. For even if there was a chance that she would forget about Hotei, the symbol still remained. The lead female was weighed down by exhaustion. The lack of sleep brought on by her dreams made her unusually more so grouchy than usual. She was sure her pack mates did not appreciate that. Jessie would never tell them though. They did not need to know what plagued her. A heavy sigh escaped her muzzle, eyes peering up at the stars that peeked through the cloudy sky.

foxstox @DA & Dawnthieves.de

Drestig Avalon was many things, but stupid was not one. He knew his mate was weighed down by more than just the exhaustion of raising three infants; Though that should be more than enough! He felt her tossing in her sleep, saw the slump of her shoulders and darkness around her eyes, and heard the snap of her voice at even the simplest annoyances. For a long time, he wasn’t sure what to do, intimacy seemed to always come in bursts between them, and for the most part they still respected some privacy of the other. The Rye king dealt with his own demons, though it was rare for them to disturb his sleep so many nights in a row. But tonight, when he felt her shift beside him, soon to disappear and take her warmth with her, he couldn’t go back to sleep. It felt wrong to let her battle this all on her own, and though he had an idea what it might be, plaguing her nights, and was not at all sure what he could do to help ease it, he decided he was done watching her suffer alone. Not long after she had slinked out, the dark man followed in her tracks, moving as carefully around the other’s as she had, and casting a last glance at the three pups, to make sure they were sleeping soundly, before her left the den, trailing after his beloved. She hadn’t gone far, her grey frame forming a clear silhouette against the moonlight, just at the tree line. Drestig moved on silent paws, watching her shoulders shift, rise and sink as she breathed. Then he heard the loud sigh, and watched her head tilt skyward, as he closed the last distance. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked softly as he drew up beside her, sitting as she did with his eyes on the drifting clouds above. Stars blinked in the gaps, moonlight shining down over their Fields, lending a silver glow to the golden grasses. He breathed in deeply, enjoying the coolness of the night, and remained silent, waiting for her to speak.   Word Count: 354  Thoughts "Speech"

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So lost in her own thoughts, Jessie didn’t even notice when her mate approached. The only thing that alerted her of his presence were the words he spoke before he sat down beside her. So tired in body, she did not jerk away at his sudden presence, head turning to look over at him. When Drestig’s words processed in her brain, albeit slowly, she flushed a deep red. The woman turned away from her mate, not willing to look him in the eye after what she had just seen, dreamt. Lived again. When she replied, her voice was soft, “I don’t think you wanna know.” Her eyes were downcast, guilt readily making its appearance to claim her. Even after everything she had been through with Drestig she still went back and it was a terrifying thought that she had, that she would never get over it, because sometimes she wanted to be able to. For him. When she spoke again, Jessie’s was barely a whisper, “I’m sorry for waking you.” For the past several nights, she had tried to be as discreet as possible but she should have known that nothing would have gotten past Drestig’s watchful eye. He was an attentive man or maybe she was just an emotional woman, but either way, he had always been very good at reading her, even when they were not together. Back when their friendship was strictly mentor and mentee, and on the rocks, he had been there for her, picking up that something was wrong. Now though, she remained silent, emerald eyes lifting back up to the stares that winked down at her from the clouds they peaked behind suggestively. Despite what she said, a part of her hoped that Drestig would remain outside with her, at least for the night.

foxstox @DA & Dawnthieves.de

She took her time, and he remained still, blinking back at the twinkling stars. As so often in these quiet moments, he found himself wondering if they were up there somewhere, everyone he’d lost: His parents, siblings, Galley; Silver..? As a pup his mom had told him stories about the great wolves, who’d gotten a second life among the stars after passing away. It hadn’t mattered much to him then, or in many years after, but lately he’d been thinking a lot about his packs old teachings, like the creatures of legend that had given name to his offspring. Feeling Jessie stir beside him, guild rushed through him at thinking of Silver, and whether she’d found a home up there. Grayed ears flicked back, ember eyes flicking downward, but when his mate spoke, he grimaced, pointedly turning his attention back at the sky, rather than looking at her with the hint of exasperation he knew would be in his gaze. “And I thought you knew me better than that,” he hummed, voice calm despite the frustration. Jessie had always been very private, but when something was so clearly tormenting her, she couldn’t expect him to just ignore it, he loved her, he wanted to help however he could. As silence stretched again, Drestig glanced sideways at his partner, frowning at the tense expression on her face; What is it that troubles her so much? The irritated part of him wanted to shout his frustration out, how could he help her if she wouldn’t speak? But it was a small, childish urge, easy to suppress. He knew his queen, and her tendency to internalize every issue, it wasn’t easy for her to ask for help with anything, especially something personal. So he wasn’t surprised when her only addition was an apology, uttered in a voice so low he could hardly hear it. And instead of rolling his eyes, however much he might have liked to, he restricted himself to a small click of his tongue, sucking air in between his teeth and shaking his head lightly. This had never been easy, but perhaps that was part of the allure, her stubbornness mirrored his own. Now he looked at his mate with serious eyes, a small crease in his brow showing his worry. “I’ve told you before, Jessie,” he said quietly, tone gentle even as his gaze remained firm. “This,” he motioned at the space between them, jerking his shoulder to touch it faintly against hers; “Is all about trust. About talking.” Teeth bared in a pale smile, a small twinkle in his eye. He knew he was asking a lot. Moving a little closer, the graying wolf reached down to touch his lover’s muzzle softly, gently angling it up towards him, making her look him in the eye. “You’re hurting, let me help you.” If he knew what she was thinking in that moment, he would have laughed. It had taken him a long time to learn to read her, only a year spend in close confines, sharing each other’s grief, had taught him to see past the professional exterior she held up so perfectly. Emotional was about the last thing anyone would call Jessie, but he knew her pain, more intimately than anyone; Please, talk to me..!   Word Count: 547  Thoughts "Speech"

dawnthieves.de

Jessie had often thought about what happened to a person’s spirit after they died. After her mother died, it was easier for her to believe that her mother was watching over her from some other place and waiting for her whenever her spirit was ready to pass on. As more of her family and friends disappeared or died, the thought came easier, a comforting thought and then when Hotei died it had been the only thing that kept her going. One day she would be reunited with him.  But then Drestig had wormed his way into her heart and everything had become so much more. They had grown to love one another, formed a pack together, had children. And now she spent her nights waking from her worst nightmare. Movement by her side jarred her thoughts. Emerald eyes swiveled towards the dark man, his gaze pointed towards the sky. She winced when he responded, moving her gaze back towards the ground beneath her feet. The past was nothing she wanted to drag back up again. It was what they had come to the Fields for, it was the basis foundation of their pack. When Drestig spoke again, his voice was gentle, much like the way she would speak to their children if they were ever in distress. And then he touched her. She remained where she was, rooted in place but her jaw clenched, tension radiating off her body. Talking. She had never been good at that. He moved her head to finally look at him, emerald eyes connecting with amber. Her mate was so gentle with her but it was overwhelming and the Tainn surprised herself when she suddenly jerked away her voice rough, “Stop it, please! Just stop.” A humorless laugh escaped her lips as she shut her eyes tight against the sight in front of her. Yes, the man so tenderly loved her and had continued to do so since the moment they had made their feelings for one another clear for one another. Her words surely only serve to break part of his heart. The pepper-and-salt colored woman’s voice softened when she spoke again, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just…” and she let the silence stretch between them for some time, her heart beating in her ears. Her tongue pressed against her teeth as she looked back up towards Drestig, straightening her shoulders. “It’s just that I miss him so much, Drestig, and I’m sorry. I keep seeing that damn tree over his body over and over again and it makes me miss him so much. And you know what the worst part is? It sometimes makes me miss the Bend too.” She wondered if she remained there if Triell would have found a way to stay, if the matter of Aponi coming into power would have ever been a problem. She looked towards him for a moment more before she looked away again, eyes settling on the oak tree they had claimed as their main den. They had come so far since their time in the Bend but she knew now was no time to lie to her lover. As he said, their relationship was built on trust and loyalty and neither one of them would be happy if she tainted in with lies.

dawnthieves.de

Loooong overdue! And nothing boosts the muse like some Dressie <3

He flinched at her unexpected reaction, ears flattening back as her words struck like claws against his muzzle. He’d rarely heard her voice that harsh, even back when he was just a young scout and she his unwilling teacher. But now, when he was offering her comfort, she’d turn on him? Laughing at his consolation? “I was just..!” He started bitterly, but cut himself off, grinding his teeth and breathing deeply through his nose to control the anger burning in his cheeks. He knew she was upset, but the rejection still stung; I’m only trying to help! Eyes closed as he focused inward, the change in her voice brought his attention back, embers sliding back open and looking over at her slumped figure. His last breath escaped him in a slow, quiet sigh, ears lifting slightly at her apology; Yet another sign of just how troubled she was. The look in her eyes as they finally met his again made his heart clench. He wanted so badly to lean over and embrace her, but after her lash out, he didn’t dare. Instead he held her gaze, shivering slightly as she started to speak. A thousand thoughts and emotions flashed through him as she spoke, every word driving the hurt deeper into his heart. Yes, it hurt him, he wasn’t perfect and he so desperately wanted to be! Wanted to be enough for her, to be one and all and only. But he wasn’t, and he knew that. They had both been broken when they joined together, and those holes weren’t something the other could fix. They could only do their best to soothe the ache. And really, that was what hurt him the most, that he couldn’t comfort her, that she was still in so much pain and he hadn’t a clue how to ease it. All he wanted was to make her happy. “I’m sorry too,” he replied, after a long silence, voice tender and barely more than a whisper; “I’m so sorry that he’s dead Jessie, he was taken from you and you have to relive it. That isn’t fair. If I could make it right…” He trailed off, following her gaze towards the Lone Oak, standing there so defiantly among the pine. Breathing slowly, he reached towards her muzzle without quite touching it, willing her to meet his eyes. “But don’t apologize for missing him. For missing any of it… I do too.” A thin smile laced his lips, equal parts mirth and pain; “We had a life there, with them, for years… Some of them good. There’s no harm in missing that.”   Word Count: 436  Thoughts "Speech"

dawnthieves.de

There is a moose carcass that has been scavenged by coyotes nearby. +15 Health

She had no intentions of hurting him, truly she did not want to. But what else could this conversation set forth but exactly that? Speaking of her past lover only deepened the ache and longing in her own heart at his lost and betrayed the union by which she shared with Drestig. Granted, Hotei and Jessie had not been the happiest couple, they often had their fights but they had been very happy with the hardships they had to go through to be together. Really, the beginning of her mate’s relationship with Silver had very much reminded Jessie of some what the burnt man and her had gone through. At the time, a part of her had been bothered by it but in the end, neither couple got their happy ending. And now here they were, with her bringing up the past, the very home they had left behind. As the silence stretched between them, the Rye Queen felt herself pull further away from him. This is not what she wanted, to create this tension between them - but it seemed that it was all the past was good for.

When Drestig spoke, Jessie bowed her head, eyebrows creased. He had no need to be sorry for what happened. It wasn’t his fault a tree had fallen on Hotei that day and it certainly wasn’t his fault that she was having these awful nightmares. There was nothing he could do to make what happened right because in the end Hotei was dead. The Rye couple would also find the day when their partner passed and she knew that it would be hard on either of them. Guilt boiled in her stomach and throat, both because of her thoughts and due to the way she reacted towards her mate. He deserved better than her but she would never voice such thoughts out loud, just in case he truly saw the truth in what she was saying. In a way, it was selfish. Finally, she looked up, his muzzle close to hers. It felt like the beginning of their relationship when touch felt like it was forbidden and certainly not something friends would engage in - much less a teacher and student. But they weren’t either of those things anymore and she was only hurting the both of them by denying him affection.

She closed the distance between them, pressing her muzzle into the nap of his neck fur. What he said next surprised her. Drestig may not have been a part of Oak Tree Bend as long as she was but by the end he had become an integral part of its functioning and made close relationships with many of the wolves there. Again, she felt a grip of anxiety and guilt overwhelm her for even bringing the topic up. But he handled it so well. She pulled away but not before she kissed him on the cheek. When emerald orbs sparkled with gratitude as they met amber. ”I’ve missed you too, y’know?” Her voice dropped slightly. The two were so busy, it was often hard for them to steal some time for themselves.

She was giving him more credit than he was due. She so often did. But then, these were probably his best moments, with her; He usually found himself the strongest, when it was for someone else. On the inside he was trembling, memories he had fought so hard to suppress, rushing to the surface, panic prickling right below his skin. But she was here, needing his support. So often, she had been the one to steady him when the darkness grew too thick. It was only fair that he paid that back. And he wanted to, so badly he wanted to make her happy, soothe every ache and banish every fear. That was, of course, an impossible goal, but he would damn well do his best to get as close as possible. Her touch brought him out of the whirl of thoughts, making a sharp intake of breath in surprise. Ember eyes blinked down at her, heart thumping against the cold pressure of her nose to his ribs. Feeling her caress was a relief, like finally breathing again after to long without enough air. The previous squabble was forgotten as he lowered his own muzzle to rest gently across her shoulders. This at least was something he could do. He returned the kiss right between her ears, then leaned back to look down at her. The comment made him blink again, ears waving. “I’m right here,” he answered simply, an almost boyish, sheepish smile curving his lips. He knew what she meant, but it still felt silly. They slept next to each other every night, but their days were often spend apart, and left them too exhausted to talk much before turning in; We’ll have to change that..! Jessie might not be big on talking, but he wasn’t about to let her bottle things up like this again. “I’m always right here! You just need to talk to me.” There was no blame in the statement, only earnesty; “You don’t have to shoulder all these things alone. No matter what it is, just tell me, please.” He bend back down, to touch his nose gently against hers, still holding her gaze; “We’re in this together, to the end!”   Word Count: 436  Thoughts "Speech"

dawnthieves.de

The kiss received between her ears caused her to blush. Despite their time together, Jessie would never get use to Drestig's affection, and perhaps that was a good thing. She would never take it for granted. One thing she could always count on though, was the literal way he always interpreted her words. In fact, she probably deserved it for being such a hardass for the times that they were together as mentor-student. Thankfully, she did not have to spell it out for him. Her mate became much more earnest after his joking spree. The Rye Queen's eyes softened and she nodded her head in agreement. It was unhealthy for her to bottle up her emotions as she had been doing the past weeks. His final words only melted her heart. Her words in answer we a whisper, but held no less meaning, "Yes. To the end." There was nothing Jessie would not do for Drestig, and her family.

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