Sanguine Cove Hang on to yourself

Oksana listened to Aquene's words which she felt better described what it was like to lose someone. The void that they left that over time grew smaller but would always be there. They each held such a special place that they could never be replaced. "No, we don't. Once they've touched our lives and impacted us we can move on but a part of them is always with us." She felt Aquene had explained it best. Though Oksana was in no hurry to move past Aleister and what they shared she hope that in time it wouldn't hurt so much when she thought about him. Again she felt that Aquene had hit the mark with her words, "Thank you Aquene, your words have truly helped me. Though I know I'll never forget Aleister you've helped me to remember that he came into my life for a reason and that its also just as important to remember that too."

Oksana couldn't forget what Aleister had given her during their short time together. She knew she wouldn't ever forget what they shared but it was easy to lose sight of that when you were so focused on the loss.

The crow listened as Aquene voiced her thoughts. She wanted to give the other woman time to get out everything that she needed to say. She offered a soft, reassuring smile. "How can you be so sure that it was something you were unable to do for him?" She asked genuinely curious. Oksana still believed that Aquene had done what she could for Aleister. It was clear that the other woman believed she should have done more.

"I mean Aleister knew he had a family and friends to live for and a pack to lead but what if you had done all you could. What if he just wasn't up to doing his part. What if no matter how much he wanted to live for all of us he just wasn't strong enough to fight as hard as he might have in the past?" Oksana didn't want Aquene to continue to blame herself so she had to propose a different scenario.

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Aquene knew that she merely had poor coping mechanisms. Deep down she had known that to be true for most of not all of her life… still, it persisted, just as she persisted. At the very least, her own explanation seemed to soothe the woman at least a little bit. They would never truly lose Aleister. He would live on in their hearts, and that was important for even her to remember. Though it might not always seem like it, it did weigh on her heavily and bring her some sense of calming peace. “He did… the good and the bad, everyone enters our lives for a reason, even if some do not believe that.” Aquene herself had believed that. Aleister entering her life had given her a second chance at living, shared with her the joys of motherhood, and led to her meeting her mate.

He had played such a big role in both of their lives. He had given Oksana children, a home, a family to lean on… had brought the two of them together, discovering their familial bond even if it was not in blood. He had truly been a rock, a foundation for the pack… and she would always be grateful for it.

The question of how she could be so certain brought a frown to Aquene’s features. She had never confronted her having of a god complex before, the one that many healers tended to have, especially in her home pack… the way it resulted in her taking it very personally when she lost a patient. “I know because I’ve seen it before; I had all the tools I needed to fight it, to help him beat it.” But it wasn’t enough; she wasn’t enough… they weren’t enough.

“I should have caught on sooner, insisted he seek treatment with me sooner. I should have fought harder, tried more experimental things.” She said it despite knowing she had run herself ragged trying to treat him and that she wasn’t sure she could have fought more for it… “He had the strength. He was fighting for you, for your children, for this pack… he had the strength; I failed him.”

Aquene Slayer