Turtleback Lake What could go wrong?

This is for @Jethro

The lake. It was always the lake. Back when Siyet was at the cove she always found herself staring out into the lake there. Here, the lake had become her favorite spot. It was the spot where she had had intimate conversations with Jethro about the future.

Siyet's mind wandered. She felt a very strange itch. An itch that she couldn't quite scratch. All she knew was that while she was by the the lake today, she didn't want to be alone.

She wanted to find Jet. She knew that she had always enjoyed his company by the lake. This time was no different. She hadnt talked to him in a few days and figured she would love his company right now.

She got up from her spot and started to look around the area to see if he was anywhere near.

It was that time. Again. A time he didn’t normally care much or think about at all, because he’d never intended or cared to entertain any thoughts about any of that stuff. But this year, it was different. Much different. And after a meeting with someone Jethro had been trying very hard to ignore and forget.. he’d been dreading it all the more.

But it had to happen. The more he’d tried to ignore it, the more it’d eaten at him. He needed to find Siyet. To tell her how he really felt - or didn’t feel. Before they did that, she deserved to know.

Conveniently, her trail led towards the lake. Away from the others. That was good, probably. Apprehensively, Jethro followed it, his expression conflicted. Torn. Pained.

(This post was last modified: Mar 05, 2023, 05:34 AM by Jethro.)

As she walked around the exterior of the lake, looking for Jethro, Siyet caught his scent on the wind. Her ears perked up, tail wagging, she ran towards his scent. She ran faster than she originally meant to, but that didn't bother her.

She stopped when he was about 10 feet away.

"Hey Jet, I was just looking for you. Wanna come sit by the lake with me?"

She was happy to see him, most of the times she had seen him made her happy. Especially lately.

She looked happy. Entirely ignorant of the turmoil that was going on inside of him as she extended an offer to join her by the lake. That had been, for entirely too long now. The reason why he’d been avoiding her more often than usual. The scent of.. that, was apparent, too.

A part of Jet was tempted to just take it. To proceed with things like they’d discussed and planned, but that wouldn’t be fair. He took in a breath to respond, but very little came of it.

”I.. um..” it was a challenge not to look away. Jethro didn’t venture closer to Siyet. Couldn’t bring himself to. She’d given up so much to come out here to be with him. Offered so much support, and now…

”I’m not in love with you, Si.” There. It was done. Said. In the open. A part of him felt relieved, but the rest of him.. worried that he'd lose not just one, but two very close friends over this. A soft breath escaped him, and he almost had to blink back a tear. ”I care about you, a lot. But it isn’t love. I thought.. you deserved to know that, before we.. in case you change your mind.”

(This post was last modified: Mar 05, 2023, 06:26 AM by Jethro.)

Siyet noticed Jethro's odd behavior and was very concerned. She hoped that he was alright. That was until he said that He didn't love her. Siyet's tail stopped wagging, her ears dropped. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. How? How could this be? She had gone with him to a new place, left The Cove in search of a new home. She left with him in hopes that the feelings she had felt between them would grow, and that Jethro would feel those same feelings. She thought that by expressing his want for pups that it also meant he felt something for her.

"Wh....why Jethro? Why did you let me leave The Cove with you if you didn't even feel that way in the slightest?"

She got a little closer to him, tears beginning to fall.

"How could you do this to me? An puppies? Why would you even think that I would want them with someone that doesn't love me?"

She got even closer to him and couldn't help but strike him in the face with a paw.

"You stupid, stupid idiot! How could you do this? How! Why? It's just not fair. I came all this way, for you. I left my new home, for you. Ever since you found me out in the woods all alone, and saved me I did everything for you."

this hurt < / 3 :'(  

The look of sadness that crossed Siyet’s face was painful. As painful as almost anything he’d ever felt, with only a couple of exceptions. Her questions further pierced his heart, but he forced himself to remain still. To stand firm, to meet her gaze. Despite the hurt and the guilt.

Until the strike. And the stinging words that came after. In comparison to some of the things he’d felt before, to all of the hell and torture he’d been through at his birthplace, where he’d earned so very many scars, it was not terribly painful. Physically. But it did awaken something within him he hadn’t felt for a long while.

Anger. The deep-seated, seething, fiery sort. He had to bite back the beginnings of a snarl, forcing the growl that threatened to break out to emerge as a long breath, instead. He took a few breaths, to control his emotion. To not let it get the better of him.

”I’ve never tried to do anythin’ other than be honest with you and help y'be happy. When I told you I cared for you very deeply, that I appreciated you and everythin’ you’ve done, that I’d be honored to have an' share a family with you, I meant it. All of it.” It was hard to keep the emotions out. The sadness, and anger, too. All he'd wanted for Siyet, as the rest of the pack, was for her to be happy. Even if it wasn't a romantic love shared between them, he thought he'd been providing that.

”But I never claimed it was love. Not one time. I told ya I wasn’t sure I was ready for that kind of commitment, and you were alright with that. S’why I thought you were okay with havin’ a family. Now.. maybe I shoulda told you again before now." At this, his tone grew apologetic, for the moment. "I shouldn’t have assumed y'knew. I'm sorry I let you believe that. But you shouldn’t have assumed either.” After all, when you assume…

In his eyes, they were both to blame for some of it. Perhaps he could’ve been more open about how he felt, or didn’t feel. But Siyet had been hoping for and seeing something that he’d never said was there. He had no control over someone else's feelings.

”As for lettin' you leave, you chose t'do that. Even after I’d said that I didn’t share your feelings. Never forced you to do anythin’. Never said you owed me for anythin'. So don’t you dare blame me for that. You made your own choices.” He wasn’t faultless in this apparent misunderstanding, he knew. But Jethro wasn’t going to be made to feel guilty for anyone else’s decisions. That was not his doing - all he’d done was offer opportunities and try to be as honest as he could along the way.

While it hurt to probably be losing a friend this way, it also felt like there was a weight lifted off of his shoulders. At least now they were figuring out where they stood. As hurtful as this was, it was better than living on in a misunderstanding and finding out later. It could’ve been worse if this had happened after.

Siyet's anger continued to grow, she just couldn't believe what had happened. How was that he could string her along like this, even if she made the choice to come as he said. How dare he agree to puppies if he didn't even love her? Siyet was taught that it was a sacred thing and only those who really love each other should even think about that. Maybe this new land was different. Either way, Siyet couldn't go against her beliefs and she couldn't continue on with their initial plan of pups.

"Well, be that as it may, I did choose to come with you yes. But you still made me feel special. I feel as though I was strung along with you just so you wouldn't feel alone. Does it have something to do with Nori? Is that what is is? Are you hung up on her or something?"

With this she scoffed and moved a closer to the water of the lake and sat down back turned from Jethro.

"How is it you tell me you don't love me, obviously prior to this didn't either, and still think I would want pups with you? Absolutely not. No. I just...I don't even know if I can be here anymore."

She kept her face away from him still sitting, and let the tears streamed down her face. She hadn't felt this distraught since she lost her family. She was wondering if any of this was a good idea anymore. With this issue with Jethro, why even continue being here with these people she wasn't super acquainted with?

Siyet turned away. And she admitted a few things. Didn’t try to blame the whole thing on him, elaborated on her own feelings. He took a few breaths, trying to focus on that. To focus on her. His anger evaporated with that, and guilt came back. Guilt and sorrow.

He couldn’t fault Siyet for some of her thoughts. Most of them, actually. Jet had thought he’d been being honest with her but.. evidently, he hadn’t. There were a few questions too. Did it have to do with Nori? How could he tell her he didn’t love her, and still want pups?

The dark one took a couple of steps after his friend, but not enough to close the distance enough to reach out and touch. Only so that he could speak softly, and have her hear.

”I didn’t know y’felt that way about love. I thought.. even if I wasn’t in love with ya.. that I could still make you happy. That we could still have somethin’ really good. A wonderful family to cherish together.” Because he still would’ve done everything he could to provide. To make sure Siyet was cared for, and that their children were loved and protected. He’d hoped that would’ve been enough.

”I’m sorry, Siyet.” The apology fell from his lips softly. There was no more force to the words. ”Never intended to string you along. I thought I was bein’ honest with you, but.. I guess it wasn’t enough. I should’a told you sooner.” Jethro let out a breath, scraping at the snow-covered ground with one paw.

”An’ it’s not Nori. It’s Fin. I already love her kids like they were mine. An’.. there’s a part of me that.. feels for her, too. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. I just.. thought I’d get over it. Thought I could keep you from.. bein’ hurt. Thought it’d be just a stupid thing, but.. it isn’t.” He blew out a breath. There, that was all of it now. The whole truth, for better or worse. Because she still deserved to know.

”I understand if y’can’t stay. I wouldn’t expect you to. I just hope you can find it in you to.. someday forgive me. That maybe.. we can still be friends. That.. I can still meet your family, whenever y'have 'em, someday.” He’d never meant to hurt her. To lie or deceive. He’d thought he could be and provide everything Siyet could have ever wanted aside from love, and that that would be enough. His intentions had been good. But the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

Hopefully, Siyet would find somebody that would truly love and cherish her. While Jethro would’ve provided the latter, it was the former, he realized, that she wanted. And she deserved to have it. Both things.

"I'm sorry." He breathed out again. For whatever good it'd do, now.

Siyet sighed. She wasn't sure what to think, between the fact that Jethro didn't love her, and potentially loved someone he had recently met, and somehow still wanted pups with her. She really was not happy. She wanted to run away. She wanted to leave so badly. She just couldn't with this right now.

"Jet..I..I can't. I just can't. This isn't how I wanted this to go at all. This....this sucks. Honestly and truly, this is pretty terrible. I..don't know what I am going to do. I don't know if I am going to leave or stay. One thing is for sure...I need space from you for a while while I think. So..I am going to go back to my spot by the lake and just...think."

In reality there probably wouldn't be a whole lot of thinking, probably a lot of crying more than anything else. She didn't really give Jethro a chance to reply before she started to walk away at a fast pace. She didn't want him to see her cry any more than she already was. This was hearthbreaking and Siyet just didn't know how to cope with it. She had no idea what to do from here on.

So much for a new home.

There wasn’t much else he could say, or do. Nothing except for to simply stand and listen. As badly as he ached, and ached for Siyet as well, he could scarcely imagine what she must’ve been feeling. To know he’d been the cause of that.. Well. The dark one wasn’t sure how soon he’d be able to reconcile with that.

If there was a bright light to it, it was that Siyet didn’t seem to have given up on the group completely. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d just wanted to leave then, but he hoped that somehow, they could still come out of this as friends. Jethro did not want to lose another one of those.

”Take all the time y’need. I’ll.. be around.” He offered after his companion, hoping she’d hear as she retreated.