Sex: FemaleThe sun had grown warm enough now to start melting the snow, wherever it could reach through the branches of the redwoods. It made walking a lot easier on aching joints, much as the warmer air did on weary lungs, and Flair was now able to take daily walks throughout the territory, although her pace was still much slower than it used to be. At this point, she had mostly accepted that her health would never be back to what it had been a year prior, though it was not an easy admission for the stoic woman, and she was determined to not remain dead weight to her pack, even if she couldn’t serve them like she had before. So much had changed in her time of isolation, many new faces joining them that she had yet to properly meet, @Finley’s leadership had proved a boon for them, and Flair would be eternally grateful for her taking the helm despite all the adversity. Then, in their newest development, Jethro had found his way home, though for now at least, it was Chan who had taken over leadership. It was a lot to process, but she was starting to finally feel able to, talking more and more about pack matters with her partner, whenever he joined her for her daily walks or, like now, they shared a private moment at rest. She’d offer advice where she could, but mostly she asked to gauge his mood, looking to make sure he wasn’t drowning under the weight of these new responsibilities, adding to his own anxieties. As much as she loved her pack and wanted to do good by it, she loved him more and his wellbeing would always be her first priority. ”Speech" Thoughts |
Just another day, without any significant markers so far. In many ways, he could be thankful for that. Chan also took issue, though. He and his closest friend were both on an inarguable downslope thanks to time alone, and while stillness could mean peace, it could also be suffocating in its own way.
He shifted, a soft breath out forcing his dark lips to part.
![[Image: 5BdYuOb.png]](https://i.imgur.com/5BdYuOb.png)
As subtle as it was, his constant alertness was not lost on Flair, and it worried her. She knew from personal experience, the effect that kind of constant stress could have on the body, and while her partner was a year younger than her, age was still adding to it all. His anxiety was understandable, she shared it in part, always waiting for the next wave to hit, wondering if this would be the one to finally drown them. But she was more pragmatic about the situation – at this point in life she knew that nature would have its way no matter what they did to combat it – and while she wouldn’t exactly say that she’d accepted that, she also didn’t have the energy to spare for things he couldn’t control. Instead, she focussed on what she could affect, like the day-to-day happiness of the wolves around her. At least she would like to think she had some influence. Hearing Chan’s sigh beside her, she leaned a little heavier against his shoulder, offering a soft hum in answer, giving her silent support. She was here, willing to talk about anything on his mind, but she wasn’t going to push; knowing that not all things got better by talking about them; Especially things we can’t change… After another few moments, she decided on redirection as the best option, shifting a little before giving him a sidelong glance and asking quietly: “Y’ fed up with leadin’ yet?” Her voice creaked with the hoarseness that had become her new normal, but the sarcasm was still audible, a joking glint in her golden eyes; “Or y’ actually takin’ a likin’ t’ bossin’ wolves around?” Last time he’d been pressed into this role he’d been itching for freedom after a few moons and she doubted his attitude had changed that much, even if his mentality was more domestic now; Is that longing still in there… ”Speech" Thoughts |
As she moved again, he straightened his posture again and looked to her in turn, from the corners of his own mismatched eyes. Flair's teasing was not at all out of place, but there was too little good to be found in the situation for him to be capable of returning it. Maybe years ago, when he'd had so much more energy for life. He didn't want to burden her with things that couldn't be changed, that he would never ask her to change.
Leaving her in as much darkness as he did everyone else wasn't fair either, though. He shifted his forelegs idly, gaze drifting away again.
"... I..." any chance at remaining casual, shrugging things off, dissipated the longer he left that singular syllable hanging in the air with no follow up. There was nothing Chan truly wanted to say, because what was the point, the consideration in bringing her down with him? When his sights did return to her face, they were heavy with intention and his lips were pulled down at the corner in a frown. He was leaving it completely up to her to press at her own risk, or save the levity of the moment by kindly ignoring his awkwardness at her first attempt.
Resting comfortably against him, she remembered a time when they would tussle playfully in the sun, before a long life’s difficulties stole all their energy away. Still, it was nice to reminisce, and it wasn’t as if they hadn’t gotten so much in return for their youth. But there was a tangible pressure closing in around them, a sourness slowly poisoning their little reservoir of respite. As much as she’d tried to ignore it, Flair felt it too, that claustrophobic, smothering sensation, like last summer’s smoke had returned to finish her off. Most of all though, she sensed the stress weighing down on her partner, too many wrong turns of fate having worn him thin all ready. As much as she might have liked to dwell in this moment of piece, she could never bring herself to brush aside his obvious distress, and when the joke didn’t succeed in bringing a smile to his face, she immediately shifted, straightening properly to watch him more closely. His evasiveness might be taken as a polite hint to leave the matter be, but then, Flair had never been known for her tact. As soon as his eyes met hers, she frowned, an intense glow in her amber gaze; “Y’ know y’ don’t have t’ do this!” Her voice was low but stern, pushing him to address exactly what he was feeling, no matter how little he may want to; If it’s leading, someone else can do that! Finley could step back up, or Marigold, or even herself if it came to that, anything to get him out of this hole he was so clearly sinking into; And if it’s more than that… Then they would have to solve that too, whatever it took! ”Speech" Thoughts |
"If this is my home, why shouldn't I be willing to help when its needed?"
That's all that was really being asked of him, to keep an eye out and just help here and there. It wasn't much, shouldn't have him so terribly frayed. He shouldn't want out at all. Even if he did, even if he admitted it was stressful or that he outright hated it, how then could he ask someone else to take it on, especially those who were most immediately in line?
His features had changed with his thoughts, perfectly expressive of the annoyance he felt with himself even if he didn't voice the tangent aloud.
She stared back just as intently, searching for the answer in his gaze, if she just looked hard enough, surely it would reveal itself to her. An unexpected spark of irritation suddenly stirred in her chest, a protest against this persistent feeling of powerlessness. She was so tired - not just physical weak, but mentally, emotionally – she longed for the days when her problems could be solved with simple action or a few sharp words, before she had so much riding on her shoulders. The question was so simple, incapsulating the very problem so succinctly; Why indeed? It was on she had asked herself many times in the past, and the answer had always been the same: “Maybe it doesn’t feel like home anymore.” She spoke softly still, but without falter, a matter-of-fact statement that he could take or leave. Maybe this wasn’t his answer, perhaps something else was causing him to struggle as he did, but if this was the explanation; Then what’s the solution? There was only one that had worked for her in the past, and she knew it was not unfamiliar to her partner either; But is it an option? She thought of her own weary body, affected so strongly by age, still able to travel, though she didn’t know for how much longer. Chan was a year younger, but surely starting to feel the weight of age as well, a hard life taking its toll. If anything, now might be his last chance for another adventure. ”Speech" Thoughts |
"My home is wherever you and the kids are," he spoke surely, gaze unwavering. If that meant living the remainder of his life here, even as alpha, Chan would not regret it. This little family would always be worth it. Even if sometimes the stress of leadership made him feel as though it were whittling away at his lifespan...
He'd always heard that ocean air was good for you, invigorating.
A smile cracked through the somberness then, and he leaned forward to drop his muzzle down atop Flair's crown in a playfully antagonistic way. Something that might've come out whenever she, say, challenged him on sunning spot rights. His tone changed to match, warm and light.
"I'm incredibly lucky, y'know, to have somethin' worth stickin' out the tough stuff for."
That small glimpse of light was all she needed, a brief flash that she had struck gold with her suggestion. A slight, natural smirk cracked her lips, features folding along lines that had formed through many years of wearing that same expression, her right brow cocking to underline the smugness. It felt like a weight had been lifted, that shared notion finally out in the open, and Flair could feel her muscles relax, releasing tension build up over who knew how long. His answer widened her smile, a hint of a snicker even escaping her as she gave the faintest shake of her head, though her eyes never left his. This was her closest friend, her life partner in every sense that mattered, the father of her children – and she knew him, perhaps better than she did herself – it was no surprise to her that he would sacrifice himself for their sake; But you don’t have to! They were not a place. Chan had given up so much of himself for her and the kids, now that they were old enough, she saw no reason why they should have to stay in one place. For now, these thoughts were kept to herself, as she allowed herself to bask in the renewed spark alight in him. A playful growl answered his gesture, her eyes narrowing for a moment as she let him rest the weight on her head for a moment. Then she twisted, snapping for his ear – perhaps not with the same speed and agility that she would have once upon a time, but with plenty of enthusiasm. The smile remained on her face, a full fletched grin now, a very familiar snark in her tone as she answered him: “It’s nice t’ not be th’ though stuff fer once!” And despite her tone, there was a heartfelt sincerity in those words; No one else ever stuck around this long… ”Speech" Thoughts |
"You've never made things tough for me," he responded with a knowing smile. He'd seen her rougher edges, knew she'd shown others even sharper parts of herself, but his distinction wasn't any less true. Flair had never managed to rub him the wrong way, much less hurt him. Even when it came to their triplets, a loss he knew she blamed herself for, Chan found no fault on her part.
He flopped onto his side then and pushed out against her with his legs. Gently, but still playfully. They didn't have to outright wrestle with their aging bones to still have a bit of fun in the same spirit.