He shivered in the cold, that felt so unbearable without her warm body against him, every second feeling like an eternity as he waited for her response; forcing himself to keep his eyes on her, even though he wanted to turn them down. A feeling of utter desperation was ceasing him, he needed to tell her the truth - All of it - but he wanted so desperately to keep her with him. And the two seemed irreconcilable. Still, there was a chance, however slim, that she would not storm away, that maybe she would at least listen till the end before forsaking him. He clung to that hope.
Her outburst made him jump, the bark sudden and jarring, and the anger glowing in her eyes hot like fire, burning away the cold. For a moment he felt like a naughty pup, caught under his mother's disapproving gaze - though that was something he could not remember ever having experienced - but the fury in her stare soon dimmed. Though, that was almost worse. She spoke to him in her most tender tone, strong voice lowered to a husky whisper, and the words tore at his heart; You know me? You KNOW me?! He liked to think that she did, even more than he knew himself in many ways, but if she'd really known, truly known, then she wouldn't be saying this.
She moved to embrace him, and he was unable to hold her off; too cold, to fragile, too weak, to stop her. Instead he felt his whole body quiver, leaning heavily into hers as she buried her muzzle in his fur, his head once more resting on top of hers. Then his ebony beauty asked her question, voice low but somehow desperate, and Drestig felt tears well up in his eyes; "B... because it's true!" He whispered hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut to fight back the crying. Breathing in quick, shallow wheezes, he held back the sob building in his chest, determined to get the story out now, before he completely disintegrated.
"I'm a killer Silver. A murderer!" He said, forcing his voice to be loud, despite the tears constricting his larynx. His eyes were open now, head lifted from hers and turned away, but he had to look at her; Meet her eyes when I... tell her. So he gently shuffled his shoulder, pulling back to make her lift her head and meet his fiery eyes, blurred by tears as they were. Then he quickly started telling his story, before the courage could leave him again, and he started with the beginning:
"I lost my family when I was only a pup, a big rockslide collapsed our den and split the whole pack apart, I'm not sure who else survived, if anyone. For a while, I was alone, and I almost succumbed to nature, but then I met Galley. He was a year older than me, and roamed the mountains along with a mismatched band of lone yearlings, and I joined them. We spend a couple years together, enjoying rivalry and friendship among each other, Galley and I especially. But as we all grew older, it became more and more clear to us that out band was no real pack, and our hearts yearned for one. It made us all irritable and, ironically enough, less social, and when winter came, things came to a head. There had been many and more vicious fights among us, and one evening, when we were all hungry after a botched hunt... Galley and I came to blows. We were the oldest and strongest, leaders of sorts, and we had often enjoyed sparring and scuffles, challenging each other... Neither of us wanted to give, even as we drew blood... We were cold and hungry and angry... And... It was him or me! I was wounded, we both were, but he still wouldn't submit! I took my shot, if I hadn't he would have killed me, I know he would! But instead... Instead I killed him."
As he spoke he kept his eyes on hers, voice as level as he could despite the tears in his eyes. It got easier after he'd started, telling the story to her seeming to lift a weight off his chest. Only when he reached the end did the emotions start to overwhelm him; his voice got more heated, words falling quicker, and the tears started streaming down his face. Tears of sorrow, and anger! Anger at his friend who couldn't keep a level head, who betrayed him by forcing him to end his life, and anger at himself for doing it, for being a murderer. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, a strangled sob escaping his maw, and he turned his eyes away in shame; "I'm sorry." He whispered hoarsely, not sure if he was speaking to Silver or Galley. Then he closed his eyes and spoke his final words to the dark woman who had captured his heart; "I'm sorry I'm not the man you think - can't be what you deserve."
Word count: 846