Jasper Rocks murmurs in the dark

O O C | Mmhmm… That they do.

Standing still for a moment, he listened for any sound of her, looked for any sign of her approach or where she had run off to. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… his mind rambled on and on. Jayse, I’m sorry. He tested the air for her scent; it was a measly attempt in attempting to locate her whereabouts, but he was becoming frantic. The very last thing he had wanted to do on this earth was to upset her, to cause her so much distress.

Edging to the side of a tree which haggardly bore his territorial claw marks, he let out a low whine. He was just about to sit down, to consider the idea of being ultimately conquered by his shortcomings when Jayse’s voice weaved through the air. “Over here Bord!” His ears perked up and he glanced around before settling on a direction to take. Running as fast as he could he sprinted to her, finding himself not only in her company but also the company of young trees and an open field.

Eagerly, he approached her, but instead of striding over as he usually did – pacing forward proudly with his head and tail held high – he merely bent his legs underneath him, shuffling his wet, mud-covered paws in the pine needles and blades of grass. He quietly sat before her, sitting on a portion of his bottlebrush tail as he lightly nudged her chin with the bridge of his damp muzzle. With searching eyes, he gazed up at her, blinking before looking down at the ground.

Keeping things from you,” he whispered, “is something I don’t mean to do.” His ears rose slightly. “I… I didn’t… I hadn’t… I hadn’t considered how severe things were and, for that, I’m sorry. I know that I think of only of myself, of us… but I’m trying to change that; you’re helping me see that. I-I didn’t mean to anger you, I just… I wanted to protect you from guilt, from worry... It was wrong and I’m sorry.” Hesitating to continue in fear of making things worse or telling her something that proved that he didn’t fully understand, he glimpsed up at her. The tension in the air was familiar and he blamed himself for it; it seemed to him that he still had a knack for stirring up complication in the simplest of things. Nevertheless, he had wanted to find her, to hear anything else she had to say and to voice whatever she had wanted to hear from him. He also wanted her to use him as her punching bag of sorts; he felt it was only fair, not did he want Jayse to keep her first impressions on their pack members unchanged, but it was partially his fault and he was the one who ought to suffer at her hand.

Borden Lyall

you're not really looking . . .

Well, what do you want from me?

i got my memories,
always inside of me.
but can't go back.

♫ |This is home -Switchfoot reminded me of borden couldn't resist.

Calmly she took her time taking in the depth of the field. It was nice to see a wide stretch of open land. The tiny trees, not as ancient growing along the outskirts, and the purple graze of grass. The woods didn't make her claustriphobic, but she liked to see the sky wide above her. Made her feel less tied to the earth, less traped. Slowly it was settling the chaos with in. Mad, sure she was still mad. Emotions overode logic, and she was thinking more logic than red now. A rough sigh tore from her lips, thinking now what? It became apparent her love was looking for her, hearing his body collide against the obstacles behind her, trying to reach her. Somber, she made a point to wash any emotions, any clues might give way to her thoughts from her face, from her figure. She stood indifferent at his approach, like a washed out statue who couldn't react.

The longest time her stare held the dancing wisps of grass, his gait of remorse coming to rest infront of her. She looked at him indirectly, only the normal rhythems of breath, and fluttering of eyelids signs of life. Upon his touch, she flinched wanting it but not all the same. However, when he quietly whispered she listened to his confession. It gave light into the shrouded parts of him, she was surprised he deemed himself selfish. She'd never put that word into describing him. Never.Still she hated to see him down like that, unsure, and not his usual dignified self. Something told her it was good for him to remember there was more too life. It wasn't only black and or white. There were shades of gray. It all together made sense, and she knew that all along. He didn't want to take away the hurt, he wanted to keep it from happening all together.

Shaking her head, she took in a breath fully pressing her stomach in the motion. "Oh, Borden," she breathed. Giving him what am I going to do with you looks. It was given, as always with thetender love she had for him. She would never stop loving him. Life was an assortment of ups and downs. This is what made them stronger, closer, and together. "I forgive you, but you know you can't stop bad things, any more than you can stop the rain from falling, love. And I'm glad to know you wish so, but it just can't be."She caressed the top of his brow, a soft smile on her face. Body leaned away, meeting his pale eyes. "Think, if we are always trying to keep our children from knowing bad things happen -fixing every little thing that is wrong....How will they grow? How will they be able to handle things when life gives them a bad draw? How will they face their fears? They won't know how to deal with sad, awful things without chance. Mistakes, and tragedies are what shape us just as achievements, and happy moments," There was a strong rapture to her words, wanting him to see bad things had to happen. She took a pause letting him think over her words.

Eyes drifted to his muddy paws, voice became more still, more quiet. "Borden I've had my fair share of hurt already. Much sometimes I want to erase it, -it's who I am. And right now I only wish to see Ozera is really okay, to make sure I haven't put her life in total ruin." Eyes looked up once more, a silent plea for help. " I was hoping you would help me figure out how to do that, because I don't believe your selfish. Not for a bit with how much you love and put up with me. Not after all you do, and worry." She grinned, giving a soft lick against his lips. She would take half the blame for this. She should have really explained further, told him, told Alexander sooner. Now all she could do was try to fix her mistake, hope it wasn't to late, that it could be fixed.

Minding her first words, Borden shivered slightly, glancing up at her without moving his head. She gave him a stern look and his ears lowered once more. I know… I know… his own expression seemed to voice to her. Jayse first forgave him, and then continued to put his insights into perspective. He couldn’t stop terrible, awful things, she noted; he wanted to prove her wrong but he simply listened, thoroughly comprehending her statements. “Think,” she prompted him. He took to heart the idea of how their pups would mature, what would have happened if he tried so very hard to keep them from following the path he had taken, protecting them from a life of hardship and consequences. It seemed to him that time was the only “thing” who knew of the masked male’s old self.

A smile lifted the corners of her mouth and she met his eyes; Borden tried hard to keep his gaze fixated on his soiled digits but couldn’t help but to finally gaze at her when she had finished. He wondered if it was his turn to speak, but she carried on to fill him in on her outlook, how she had hoped he would help her… how she didn’t believe he was selfish. The sensation of her tongue at the corner of his maw made him sigh, and it seemed as if all the air he had been keeping in his lungs was finally released. “I understand,” he said quietly, even though his eyes blinked back at her in genuine uneasiness.

Swift River seems to be a very good-natured pack,” he noted. “I’m sure if we—if you requested to see Ozera, I’m actually certain they’d allow you to see her if not at least know for sure how she is. If you are seeking permission from me to visit them, you don’t… you don’t have to ask. Whatever you wish to do, I’ll practically almost always allow you to do so; I just want you to be happy, to feel alright with the world.” He offered her a slight smile, “Just… please… Jaysyek, please don’t ever put me in a situation like that again, a-about losing you… if something bad had happened to you. I… I wouldn’t know what I’d do and I don’t ever wish to know.” A soft whine emitted from his throat but he was quick to silence it.

Know… just—just know this: I have also had my share of disappointments and pain. I wasn’t always this way, the way you know me now. In fact, I was quite the opposite – bumptious and arrogant and narcissistic. I… wanted everything, everything I have now, back then… but not for the same reasons. I just… I can’t bear for our children to go through what I, or even you, went through. I don’t want them to worry about being bullied by their siblings or suffer because I failed to see what they were trying to express.” He had gone off on a tangent… and somewhere his train of thought derailed. His gaze dropped to the ground once more, “I guess I just mean to say I’m sorry for the way I acted; if I had reacted properly, I would have helped you looked for Ozera instead of fussing and trying to reassure you with things that could have been untruthful.” He slowly inhaled and looked to his mate, “Do what you have to, love. Don’t ever, ever let me get in your way…again. Okay?”

Borden Lyall

you're not really looking . . .

Well, what do you want from me?

i got my memories,
always inside of me.
but can't go back.

Jaysyek hoped he might pay her heed. She did not understand why he felt so guilty why he had deemed himself in his own world. Hadn't she always known there were things he was keeping from her. Knowledge he wouldn't share with her. After she was done there was no no calm after the storm. Maybe only the wind stopping before it blew head on again. She realized he was not content. Something was still wrong. Lips dropped into a frown, wanting to ask what was wrong like she had wanted to a thousands time. To beg him to just tell her what was so aweful, what was this anguish in his soul. Grey ears lifted, eyes were attentively drawn to his face listening to his words on the ordeal. It was nothing expected, and she could only stare blankly hearing the amount of care, and love he had. His side of the story, and how he percieved it to be. She swallowed back wet emotions in her throat, overwhelmed. "I promise," she whispered, chin sweeping over the top of his, not wishing to cause him more pain and torment. She hadn't meant for him to take that hard, she would do her best not to see him hurt like it again.

Lips were sealed, and she was thougthful as he continued trying to explain who, what he had been. She was very quiet thinking diligently over what he was trying to convey. This was important, and she thoroughly wanted to understand. So he had been the Alpha's heir feeling inclined to have what he thought he should no matter the price. It was disturbing to her mind, thinking him once like some conceited monster hungry for control. Unmatched eyes blinked bringing her back to now. "I understand, thank you for tellin' me, love," she replied quietly when he had finished, and much with a measured look of knowing. She had wanted him to be able to confide in her, she wanted to be able to return the same comfort. This was just the start, she would understand what more of his own worries for their life, for their children.

A quiet whine vibrated her throat, while her black nose gently pressed to his. " At that moment I did need someone to just tell me it was all going to be okay. I..I was really unsure about what I did, and about us..." Eyes shifted sheepishly away, and she held her breath remembering just how she had felt. Lost in living. She breathed deeper, and met his eyes more confidently. "But I'm glad you see how that could only be temporary. I don't think I shall see her anytime soon, but someday convey my regrets to her." A gentle sigh tugged from her lips, and a worn smile shaped them. She felt much better, now only if he did.

Clearing her throat, brows furrowed against her eyes in mild confusion, realizing how dirty he was. "How did you get so dirty?" She asked, wrinkling her nose in fake disgrace. Playfully she took a nibble at side of his ruff, and additionally nudged against his firm jawline. "What am I going to do with you?"

O O C | If you'd like to close it up and call it finished or continue, either is fine by me. (:

Hearing her promise, Borden nodded quietly before she caressed his chin. They sat together for a long while in the middle of the forest; he rambled and she listened, and when he finished she took it all in. Worry flickered across his features until she stated that she understood and thanked him for sharing his outlook. His eyes dropped to the ground but her touch made him return his eyes to her. The sound of her voice made him study her as she said how she had needed his reassurance then.

One day she would seek to ensure Ozera was alright, she said. The Lyall male gave another slight and quite nod. Fair enough.... He caught a smile forming about her jawline and he blinked as her eyes gleamed with bemusement. Watching as she eyed the state of his paws and coat, he gave her a rather sheepish grin. "I got mad," he wanted to say, but she lightheartedly nipped and nudged at him. A stifled chuckle turned into a full closed-mouth smile. She questioned him and he merely (and childishly) grinned.

Borden Lyall

you're not really looking . . .

Well, what do you want from me?