Larkcall Lowlands Bend and break

Again the Snow woman didn't expect anything out of the dark lad besides perhaps a mere snort or a usual grunt in response. Adelayde knew it would be a one sided conversation primarily. That was okay though, shouldn't she be used to that by now? Askan never truly conversed with her about anything other than pack related information and she was sure that's exactly what he did with everyone else. His uninterested response should have been enough to tell her to screw off with the talk. Right?

Wrong. Adelayde wasn't a damn quitter. She'd eventually get something out of that blunt mouth of his even if it was basically like pulling his teeth out. Snorting aloud in amusement at the image of pulling his teeth out planted firmly in her train of thought, she didn't quite hear him right away when he moved to approach her. At first her usual smile graced her ebony lips as she at thought he was coming closer to expand on their conversation, well her conversation. But his brooding mask seemed off. It wasn't the usual gruff and stoic persona. There was something more in his daffodil yellow eyes. She couldn't quite put a claw on it though.

Her smile turned to a confused frown as he continue to get closer and closer and closer. Adelayde could feel his hot, deep breaths inches from her own black nose. Why was he so damn close? Didn't he like his personal space? Ade had always tried to be courteous about his need for space. Did he seriously have no manners at all? Rigid and unyielding eyes peered into her own soft mismatched ones. He uttered her name with a heavy tone laced with a slight cut to it before he continue further with more of calm, stern sound. "...tell a soul about what happened tonight, I will kill you."

Long moments of silence drifted between them as Adelayde's eyes hardened at his threat. Why would he think she would go gossiping about this? She almost wanted to snort at him and turn away at all of his gruffness he was shoving down her throat. However, she took a few moments to collect her thoughts before she said something she would regret. Slowly her eyes softened. as her light voice crossed between them. "What are you so afraid of?" The Mackenzie wolf could feel her hot breath hit his dark chocolate chin. She wasn't out to hurt him, why couldn't he see that?

 

(This post was last modified: Dec 03, 2016, 01:57 AM by Adelayde.)

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The silence dragged on and Askan's posture remained firm and rigid, as though he were carved from ice. He wasn't going to back down here, simply because he didn't have a choice. Or at least from the way he saw it, he didn't have one. Weakness was unforgivable. His Father had never shown an ounce of it, he'd always remained strong and firm, even in the face of dire adversaries. How was Askan supposed to live up to such a legend, when he broke down into tears over a silly confrontation? 

The answer was simple, he couldn't. And despite his bravado and steely exterior Askan knew it.

It was something he was painfully aware of, it was like a shadow he could never shake off, but that didn't mean he had to advertise it to the world. If anything, it was a secret he had to bury deep and keep away from prying eyes, lest they find out who he truly was. How pathetic he was. What a waste of space he was. So of course his first instinct was to bully Adelayde into silence. It was the only option he could think of, it was the only way to salvage this complete and utter mess.

He thought his plan had worked. Her eyes went wide and she stiffened somewhat, as though she was ready to move back, to give herself some space. But after a painful and prolonged silence, she spoke and her words were not ones he wanted to hear. Not in the slightest. He'd hoped that she would cower at his words, that she'd nod silently in assent. But no, she had to go and exceed his expectations. She had to diverge off the script and take the both of them into unknown territory. And truly, nothing is more terrifying than the unknown.

Askan's mouth dried up at her question and he automatically took a step back, his feet crunching in the snow. There wasn't a lot that shook him up, he wasn't easy to scare but the few things that he feared, he held them close to his chest so that he would never forget but also so that no one could see. They were his and his alone, as awful as they were. It never even occurred to him that he could share his burdens, so now that Adelayde wanted to know, to help... He felt lost.

So of course, his natural response was to clamp up.

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm not scared of anything." It was a pretty shitty lie to say the least. His voice didn't even carry its usual bite. If anything he just sounded tired, as though all of this was just so overwhelming. Which it honestly was.

(This post was last modified: Dec 03, 2016, 02:51 AM by Askan.)

He didn't waver for a while and neither did she. Neither of them moved away, the challenge was silently issued between the two of them to see who was the first to back down. For a moment, Adelayde almost faltered, but quickly the dark man took a shaken step backwards. She had won, but she wasn't going to cheer. She didn't need to cheer. She only wanted to make him realize that she wasn't his enemy. That she wasn't trying to divulge his weaknesses and secrets to ultimately destroy him down the road. Though she couldn't possibly know about his past and perhaps someone had already done so in turn making him this untrusting. But, Ade wasn't that person. She could never be that person. Why couldn't he see that? 

He needed to see more of her. Things that she kept away from the shining light. Things she kept only to herself. Perhaps then he would open up to her and begin to trust her. Without surprise, Askan turned defensive and tried to shoo off her question and concern. But it wasn't said with his familiar sternness or bravado. He seemed drained, perhaps he was tired of the fight. "Askan, do you honestly think someone could be completely fearless?" She fired back with more concerned passion than before. It was baffling how he was trying to string her a tale. Everyone had their secrets and undeniable fears that drifted in the shadows of their consciences. And certainly he had some, just like the rest of them did. He couldn't be that lucky. 

She didn't pause long before continuing, her voice softening this time. "You may think you're fooling everyone else, but I can see through it. Everyone has something to be afraid of." She paused longer this time, letting her words sink in. Sitting back on her haunches she looked out towards the left of them out further across the frozen rye fields. "I'm afraid to have someone suppress who I am. I'm afraid to be snuffed out." Her mismatched eyes glanced back towards him, though she didn't truly look him in the eye this time. "I'm afraid that I won't truly belong anywhere."

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Why couldn't she just drop this? Askan had said his piece, all he had wanted was for her to agree to remain silent, to not tell a soul.  Why was she being so fucking difficult? He just didn't- nor couldn't- understand. Why did she care? If the situation was reversed he wouldn't, or at least not to this degree. At most he'd tell her to get up and walk it off, to constantly move forward and keep the past out of sight and out of mind. Why was she trying to drag his shadows into the light? What good would that do?

But did he truly think someone could be so fearless? Yes he did. Askan certainly wasn't- despite his protests- but he wholeheartedly believed that his Father was. That man took everything in his stride, knock after knock, blow after blow, her never faltered. Not once. The man was an unstoppable force, as mighty as the mountains but as humble as they come. Terrel Selwyn. That name was bound to go down in history in the north. The story of how one man saved a dying dynasty and brought it back from the edge of collapse. How the hell was Askan supposed to live up to that? He couldn't and the thought terrified him. Absolutely. He was just a guy, and a coward at that,as tonight's events had proved.

Despite his thoughts, Askan simply looked away and refused to respond to her question. It didn't seem to matter though, as she continued on the same, as though he had spoken. So his pretence was that obvious huh? Had she realised even before tonight and just hadn't had a chance to bring it up? Or was she bluffing? Either way, it didn't really matter because she had a point. His father aside, everyone was scared of something. He bet that Craw- the bastard- was shit scared of something too. It was only natural. So why did Askan fight it so? Wasn't it blindingly obvious, did it really need to be spelled out?

Askan snorted at her words, dismissing her fears. They seemed so inconsequential, so small in the grand scheme of things,  it was more than enough to ignite his derisive nature. "Like that's gonna happen. You heard Drestig yourself, you're one of us now. No one's gonna push you around like that. And if they try tell, them to fuck off."

It seemed as though they were at an impasse. Askan was not going to admit his fears, or what had him distressed him to the extent where whacking his head against a tree seemed like a good idea. And Adelayde wasn't going to let go or accept a snappish response as the truth. Askan quickly glanced at her face and his presumption rang true, her expression was one of steely, determination backed up with a hundred wolves worth of kindness and good intentions.

She certainly was an odd creature to say the least.

Askan huffed and paced a little more before turning to her again. His frustration was building, because he just didn't understand. "I don't see why you care anyway. What does it matter how I feel, as long as I do my job then that's all that counts."

(This post was last modified: Dec 06, 2016, 12:01 AM by Askan.)

Announcing her true fears was honestly one thing she never truly wanted to talk freely about to someone, though she did so nonetheless to prove her point. Her point being there was not a single living soul that could hold not a single drop of dangerous fear. They wouldn't be a living soul if they weren't afraid of something, even if it was as trivial as being afraid of spiders, it as something. Askan was a living, breathing animal. There was something inside of his moody, grumbling heart that spark fear within him. There had to be.

Narrowing her eyes with a glare that formed upon her elegant face as he snorted at her truthful words, she was about to bite back and give him what he deserved. But, his following words silenced her anger. She was one of them now? A smile threatened to break her frowned face, though she refused to give way to it for a few moments, she eventually did so. "I guess you're right." She breathed with a sigh as she looked upon his daffodil eyes again, hoping to hear a break through from him. 

A few silent moments passed without Askan breaking, a determined looked crossed her face as if she thought she could surely break him with her gaze alone. His eyes met hers and she just thought for a second, this could be it. But typical Askan, he retreated with a huff and puff. The steamroller paced before finally turning to her. Holding her breath this time as his steely eyes locked onto her again. Once again he lashed out in frustration, his words biting through her skin. Though Adelayde could come up with a speech to lecture him on every reason why she cared, but she knew he would just brush her off. He wouldn't listen. Not today. But perhaps this would get through his thick skull of his. 

Taking a silent breath in, she looked him deep in the eyes this time. He was going to listen. "You can't be apart of a family that you refuse to open up to, Askan. Let us know you. Know the true you."

(This post was last modified: Dec 14, 2016, 12:42 AM by Adelayde.)

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Of course he was right. He almost always was. Drestig had accepted her into the fold, and from what the Yukon wolf could tell, the Rye King had no intentions of shaping her into something else. Together we are strong. Unity, that was what counted. Their pack was small, but together they could do anything if they set their minds to it. The fact they brought down that bull elk proved it. So truly, Askan believed Adelayde had nothing to fear. She was jumping at shadows. She was safe. She had found a home and a pack who would accept her for who she was, even if she was annoying sometimes. Askan could never dream of achieving what he wanted-truly- because it was unobtainable. So out of his reach, he'd have better luck catching a shooting star.

Adelayde was undeterred by his steely gaze and his mounting frustration. Her words, in comparison to his, were soft and slow. And they hurt. Why would... He didn't understand. How could she just come out with that? Why would she? He was a Rye wolf through and through. He had been one from the very beginning, he was a founding member. His contribution had helped the pack come to be. He was under no impression that he was irreplaceable, after all he was sure Icicle would gladly take his place as second but... He believed he counted. That even maybe the others sort of viewed him as part of the family now. 

So her words were a shock to his system. That had never occurred to him before and it registered as clear as day on his face. His eyes grew wide, almost panicked, and his lips pulled tight in a pained sort of grimace. Once again, he averted his gaze and watched as the starlight made the rye stalks twinkle and shine , as though the field was coated with crystals. His silence was not because he was avoiding answering her words, but more to do with the fact that he was struggling find a response. 

"I... It's stupid, I know but I'm s-" the word was on the tip off his tongue. He had even made the little hissing note before he cut himself off. He just couldn't admit that. Not like this. Not when he'd so adamantly claimed he wasn't scared of anything. He tried and failed to swallow the thick lump in his throat. "What if you don't like the real me?"

Did he even know who was truly was anymore? Underneath the mask he wore, behind the shield he held high to keep others at bay.... Did he even, was there a real Askan? Had he forgotten what he used to be like, had this pretence taken over? Had he lost himself to the lies? He hoped he had, he hated who he used to be, loathed it completely.

"What if Drestig decides to throw me out? What am I gonna do? No, this is better. But... I'll try." The mask was staying on. It had to."To be, less cranky. I'm not making no promises though. If you're annoying, then its your fault if I snap."

(This post was last modified: Dec 14, 2016, 01:32 AM by Askan.)

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The silence that followed her soft words was minuscule compared to the amount of shock that filled covered his hardened mask. His daffodil yellow eyes widened with shock and her heart tightened slightly at the thought of how her words had just affected him. However, she knew he needed to hear them to realize how guarded he truly was, but the guilt still flooded her heart. Adelayde tried to follow his averted gaze, but he ignored her to stare out through the frozen rye fields. The pained grimace painted clearly upon his maw, Ade decided to wait out his silence. 

Without looking at her, Askan finally answered her, though he stumbled through his words and cut off mid thought. She dared imagine his next word would have been scared, but of course Askan wouldn't give her the satisfaction of proving that she was actually right. Instead he continued on with a question of his own, perhaps the most sincere question she's ever heard from him. Settling upon her haunches, she quietly responded. "We can't find out, if you don't show me," a soft smirk crossed her ebony lips as her mismatched eyes gazed upon his, seeking what emotions rolled through them next. 

Unlike typical Askan, words came pouring out of his mouth. Was the real Askan like this? Guarded, worried, insecure... He seemed so real, so true at this moment. He had real feelings. Adelayde was shocked, perplexed even, though not visibly, she was surprised that this was underneath that thick wall of his. She was silent for a few moments after his words ceased, though it wasn't a struggle for words she was looking for, Ade was merely trying to soak up this moment as much as she could. Remember it and lock it away whenever he become emotionless and guarded. She wanted to remember that he had a beating heart that held an array of emotions just like hers. 

"One step at a time," she answered softly, her eyes looking out towards the horizon. One step at a time...

 

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Again, Adelayde had a point.

Rather than respond, he merely sighed and shook his head. He needed to think about this, he needed time and space to sort through the mess in his head. Maybe he would show her one day, maybe he wouldn't. Askan had no intentions of making a promise he might not be able to keep, but he knew that at the very least he would try and think about it. That was the best he could offer at this point. And honestly, after having such a shitty night it was impressive he could do that. Even if on the surface it didn't seem like all that much.

Her soft words didn't warrant a response, or at least Askan couldn't think of anything to say. One step at a time. Yeah, that sounded about right. No matter what, nothing could be rushed even if he wanted it to. Progress took time, he wanted the pack to flourish but that also took time. He just had to wait and see, and do his best to contribute.  And he couldn't do that if he was exhausted. He needed to get a decent amount of sleep, unless he wanted to be a grumpy bastard tomorrow. Or more accurately, he'd be a grumpier bastard if he didn't.

"Come on." Askan muttered, motioning with his head for Adelayde to follow. "We should head back. Don't want to sleep in too late tomorrow, got stuff to do."

Turning his back on the frozen rye field, Askan waited for the tawny wolf to catch up before he headed back to the den site with Adelayde in tow.