Hot Springs something won't always be missing

Late evening clear Skies

I think there's a flaw in my code

The clear sky made it a little colder as night began to creep in, but here by the hot springs it didn't bother her at all. She could see some of the stars blinking above her, and she sat in the stillness admiring them. They seemed closer here on the mountain, when a lot of other things didn't.

Was she doing the right thing?

But, she'd already told someone she was staying and she owed it to Chan to do the same.

Earlier she'd let him know she wanted to talk with him about something, and if he'd meet her out here by the hot springs later this evening. She'd forgotten how much she hated waiting. No matter how long or short the wait she had a way of rolling around her words she wanted to say in her head like a small torture. It wasn't that hard to say, I'm going to stay. But, it had that unspoken promise she wouldn't be leaving.

The worst part was she could tell the changing season was bringing with it her least favorite of feelings, and there was a subtle change in her scent. She really didn't want to speak about staying, and than go disappear back to the Spectral Woods till it left. For once it'd be nice to not feel a tumult of emotions at once.

(This post was last modified: Mar 05, 2021, 12:45 AM by Lila.)

Chan had to admit, he was awfully curious about what it was that Lila wanted to speak about. There were several possibilities, branching ones even, and while he put it out of his mind best he could, the anticipation snuck in here and there. His burnished legs took him over the glossy snow and toward the wavering drifts of steam on the horizon ahead. The edges of Lila's figure blurred with the inky night sky behind her, causing her to slip in and out of view as the vapor billowed and curved.

He let out a bark to let her know he was on his way before breaking into a run to cover the remaining distance. The air changed around him as he neared the heated water, but he stopped to greet Lila with his signature hello of pressing his forehead to her's first before stepping closer to the spring's edge where it was warmest.

"mm, good pick," he commended her choice of lcoation with a contented smile as he reclined onto the warm earth.

I think there's a flaw in my code

She was getting use to Chan's greeting, the closeness no longer setting her on edge like when she'd been alone for so long. It was nice in fact, even now.

"It's almost my favorite spot," she replied, curling her tail over her front paws. She had an old favorite spot, but the fire had taken that too. If this place had less of a stink it might have taken first place. Right now that was up for grabs. "What I was really thinking was we both know it, and then we could talk without getting interrupted." Which made it sound like she had something super secretive to say or other. She didn't realize that till it came out of her mouth. She didn't retract it, she had a wry smile. "I mean, everyone else can know I just wanted to tell you." She'd wanted to say first, but couldn't use that word because the state Aleister had been in she'd told him. But she was trying to fix that because she'd really wanted to tell Chan.

Now in all seriousness her dark mask shifted, and her eyes found his. "I want to stay here, and be part of the Cove. But I want you to know without you, I know I wouldn't have considered it." If they hadn't crossed paths she doubted she would have taken Aleister on his offer. She was more certain she would have went to the Bend and took the familiar escape route.

Almost, Chan smiled while the question naturally echoed in his thoughts, what was her favorite place, then? but she had more to say, and he wasn't about to interrupt. Speaking of, he couldn't imagine what she wanted to say that another's presence would be intrusive. Was she leaving, and perhaps thinking he wouldn't take the news well? While far from impatient, his mind was whirling trying to guess what Lila had to share with him.

Then their eyes locked, and she told him that she wanted to be apart of the pack they were building. To stay. It made his heart jump, and his smallteeth showed as his lips stretched into a wide grin. Then came the next sentence, and his expression faltered from happiness to confusion. What exactly did that mean? He didn't want her compromising, especially for his sake.

"What difference do I make?" he asked, head twisted ever so slightly to the side as his brows knit together.

I think there's a flaw in my code

Telling him almost had the affect she wanted, except the last bit threw him. So, she'd have to explain it to him, and her ears flattened back, a worry line above her own eyes. She wouldn't even be here if she hadn't run into him. She'd thought that was obvious, but he must see that and want to know if it was beyond that. Was it? She'd thought so, but now trying to put it into words... She'd never quite formed those feelings into something more.

"Because when I got here my intention was to see what was left of this place, if I had any reason to stick around. I didn't think so." The lands were so empty, and so far it didn't seem like any of her family was left. She was back to square one with nothing. Slowly, she played with a tiny bit of snow beneath her paw, not quite looking at him directly. "Aleister offered me a place here after you did, but I didn't think seriously about it." She'd liked the man from her brief encounter, but not enough to seek him out again. "It wasn't until coming back from the Spectral Woods, being with you again made me realize I didn't want to leave. I...I thought that was a good thing...." She swallowed, still shifting the snow beneath her feeling less like she'd thought it through. Was she staying for good enough reasons? Maybe they were fickle, because she knew she didn't want to be on her own again. Maybe, staying with the Cove was the closest thing to normal she'd gotten in awhile and she simply didn't want to give it up. Still, not seeing Chan was a part of it too. She'd miss him, and she didn't want to be doing that either.

Her initial explanation hinted again at something being missing in Chan's perspective of his friend's timeline. It solidified further his suspicions that it had been deeply unpleasant, given Lila's continued avoidance of the matter. Had it chased her away, and she'd been unable to be at peace out there so she came back? Or were there plenty more significant events that he didn't know about? Chan's brows remained furrowed as she continued.

Being with you again made me realize I didn't want to leave, Lila said, and he tried to think back to that moment he'd first seen her again, attempting to recall specifics; they'd all just been themselves, really. Was it his company she wanted? Then he should tell her-

"No, it is," he tried to reassure her swiftly, earnesty evident in his smile and mismatched eyes that attempted to catch her denim blues, head ducking down an inch or two to help in this effort.

"I'm really glad you want to stay Lila."

There were many reasons to be happy about it, after all; she wasn't just a wonderful friend that Chan wanted more time with, she was also an asset to the pack, as well as someone he could trust not to hurt the wolves he loved.

"I just hope you know that I'm not, staying here. Not for... long."

Chan didn't really have a time frame, but he didn't want to be the reason for miscommunications or missed-out expectations. Didn't want Lila thinking she needed to sign up for a life with the Cove just to spend time with him, or even simply expect that he'll always be here. It was just easier for everyone that way.

(This post was last modified: Apr 17, 2021, 06:29 AM by Chan.)

I think there's a flaw in my code

She wanted to wipe that confused look off his face. Wasn't he the one who'd just dropped something on her??? But without a doubt she was mirroring it. Especially as he tried to dispel her sudden confliction, but she wasn't convinced. Her face smoothed from puzzlement to sudden indifference with the more he said. A coolness entering her blue gaze, and tone. Angry with him to a point, but mostly with herself.

"I wish you would have told me this sooner," Or at all. When they'd met after all those years she had been quite certain he hoped she'd decide to stay with him and his brother. But, she must have got that wrong like so many other things in the past. She felt quite stupid. "The man I met had me thinking he had no plans of leaving." When she said it she realized he could still be staying in the Lore but it didn't make her feel any better. Why had he went to all that effort for the Cove? Why he would not stay with his own brother and mother? That conversation had taken place a time ago. Maybe something she didn't know about had come up to change his mind. Why she was sure he wasn't trying to hurt her, being blindsided like this didn't make it any less painful because it wasn't the first time.

"Were you going to tell me or just go?" Her voice had softened just enough with the pain she was trying to hold. He was being honest with her at least, she tried to tell herself. Even if they were both leaving parts of their story out. At this rate she was glad he didn't know what had happened to the woods. If he didn't want to stay for his family, or his own desire he shouldn't. Maybe, that's what he was letting her know. If it wasn't what she wanted she shouldn't either. But she was getting less sure of what she wanted.

He'd hoped that she would shrug off his admission, that she simply wanted to be on the mountain with the wolves of the Cove regardless of whether or not Chan chose to return to his life outside of the secluded Lost Lake. The changes happening across her dial dashed any sense of optimism he might have been holding onto. In fact, he found himself surprised by her reaction, mostly because he still couldn't tell one thing; what it was she actually wanted, but also because he couldn't promptly recall why she'd gotten that impression.

Guilt was an immediate response, even as he combed through the memory, double checking that he hadn't mispoken and said something misleading. His own words returned to him within seconds, along with the sense of conviction felt when he spoke them; 'I'm sticking around this time.'

"I meant-," the words flickered out, and Chan bit on his tongue as he struggled to come up with the right answer to this sudden problem. Shame caused heat to rise to his cheeks as the realization that he had fucked up hit hard. When they'd spoken then, it had been just him and Nash, and it was all so fresh. Sure, Aleister and Neha were around, but they were practically strangers. Strangers claiming the Lake as their own. He'd meant that this time, when his little brother needed him to make everything right, he wouldn't let himself be chased out before fixing it. He'd meant that he wouldn't let it be years between visits with his family, that he would still keep regular contact so that nothing ever happened to them without his knowing again.

He'd never meant to convey that he would stay right here, tethered to this mountain top, for the rest of his years. And Chan certainly couldn't understand why anyone would expect him to, why that was a requirement to maintain their bonds. It didn't have to mean their time together ended, he just... wouldn't be snuggled right up against them every single night.

"... I'm sorry."

His voice was quiet, the muscles of his jaws leadened by the desire to stop talking altogether, because the explanation wasn't good enough, not for the upset it had caused. It felt like a waste of Lila's time to explain, and wouldn't it all feel the same to her anyways? It certainly wouldn't change what he had said. That question of hers had pulled hard at his heartstrings, however, and kept him talking despite wanting to shut down instead.

"Of course I would have said goodbye to you. I'll keep coming back for you, too. I want you in my life Lila I just, I can't just... settle here."


Maybe when he was ready to retire into his sunset years, but that was far away...

i suck, and then all i got is this post xP

I think there's a flaw in my code

Feeling she had put him in a hard place she pressed her tongue tight to her teeth. She wanted to understand. She really did. She did her best to quiet her own thoughts, letting her gaze hold onto him while he struggled with his own turmoil. It made her feel slightly better he didn't answer straight away. This was a struggle. But, then he couldn't explain what he had meant. Clearly not how she had taken it. It would be nice to slip away now but she couldn't...or not yet.

She wanted to ask what it was he couldn't tell her because there had to be something.  All she got was two words. Ones she didn't like.  Don't almost slipped out, but she kept it back, shaking her head. Dismissing his need to do so. She was just as sorry as he was for this. He had no need to go there. Thankfully, he didn't add anything.

It still wasn't quite her turn to speak. He had an answer for her last question, and she tried to be glad for it. Even if she wanted to point how how conflicting it sounded. "It's not your fault I misunderstood. I just thought this was your home, and with your family here....." I had no idea you'd want to leave. "But clearly the mountain isn't the same for you as it is them. I understand that...now. I just..."  Wish you could tell me why. But, why should he?

Then she was doing what he did. Fumbling for the right words. Unlike him, she decided she wouldn't leave them unspoken.

Her ears cast back, half defeated."When I came back I was happy to see someone I knew, to think maybe I had reason to stay. Might have something of what I lost..." There was a smile, quite sad as she paused to meet his mismatched gaze before pulling it way her voice quite empty now. "See my home is the same as when I left years ago. The woods are still charred, and empty. Most likely they will stay that way." Even with the new greens that had been growing it just wasn't the same. There wouldn't be a big, living oak tree in her time. The scars would be there for a long time. "Pinning hopes on you like that wasn't kind."

At least she didn't grow angrier with him, but this still was far from feeling settled. Chan felt like he'd knocked down a hornets' nest, and might as well have just started kicking it. She just what? How could he make this alright? Lila surprised him again by telling him more than he'd been willing to give. Lost, charred, empty. The words caused his gut to turn with guilt. He hadn't known...

Chan swallowed thickly, lost for a moment on what the right thing was. Was she looking for a place, a group, a feeling? Maybe Lila didn't even know, perhaps that was part of the problem. It rose up in him with absolute resolution, however, the desire to help her find this elusive it.

"Come with me," he asked, voice nearly a whisper, tentative but not because he was unsure of if it was what he wanted. Chan simply didn't know what her response would be, and he found himself... caring, greatly.

"Home doesn't have to be a place."