Edge Stone Pool metamorphosis

 

 

She felt a warm tinkle where his nose touched her, her shoulders twitching against the tickle. Her head turned then, to meet his eyes as he answered her question, brows furrowing ever so slightly as she listened. She wasn’t sure what answer she’d expected, maybe the truth was she hadn’t known what to expect, yet still she was surprised, head tilting at his explanation.

 

In her eyes he was too tough on himself, far too tough. She didn’t know his whole past, that was true, didn’t know exactly what ‘shit’ he was referring to. But she couldn’t imagine a reason why he shouldn’t get to live that life if he wanted it. His last sentence both warmed and broke her heart a little, compassion in her voice as she gently prodded: “Used to?”

 

She waited, to see if he would look away again, yet her eyes held his, encouraging him. Then she reached out, to rest her head against his shoulder and tuck her muzzle under his chin. Her voice was barely more than a mumble as she confided: “y’re the most stable I’ve ever had in my life. I think y’ could manage.” Just a hint of a teasing smile on her lips, as she returned his own words.

Her simple question did indeed cause his gaze to drop, making it clear that it wasn't something he had let go of lightly. Instead, it had happened gradually, aided by his mother having gotten to meet Nori and soon having a part in @Nash's litter. The only pressure was that which came from within, a far more easily-ignored matter under normal circumstances. Still, he wasn't sure how best to describe why he'd given up ever thinking children were a good choice for him.

Chan leaned into her touch, and considered her words, cheeks flushing. He wasn't sure why; guilt that this must mean he'd inadvertently misled someone else he cared about, bashfulness at the immense credit she gave him, the unignorable perception of her proximity and touch...

When he spoke, it was into her fur, voice small and fragile.

"What if we have to say goodbye?"

 

 

A pleasant warmth washed over her body, and she gently snuggled against the fur on his chest, breathing his scent. She would have been happy to simply drift off here, safe in his embrace, the soft rhythm of his heartbeat lulling her to sleep.

 

But their conversation wasn’t over, she’d seen the look in his eyes at her question, even if he hadn’t answered with words. There was something more he needed to say, and she waited patiently until he was ready, his voice easily reaching her ears despite its frailness.

 

She turned then, twisting against him until she could look up towards his eyes, trying to read his face. Had he not just said he’d be back? ’Always in and out’, wasn’t it? Not just that, he’d said she could do both, travel and have a family; So why should it be different for him? She weighed her words carefully before answering, voice as quiet as his; “We’d come with you, anywhere you need.” She said it earnestly, not even noticing her use of ‘we’, it felt so natural. After a short pause, she reached to touch her nose against his cheek, whispering: “Or we’d wait, knowin’ you’ll be back.”

Chan peered back at her, the uncertainty clear in his eyes. There was so much he was afraid of; that Colette was wrong and there was another threat on the horizon that could rival the coyote infestations, that he wasn't enough, wouldn't make all the right choices, that he'd afflict them by being another vanished face or brutally killed by nature in front of them, as had happened to his own poor father and brother, and much more. He remembered telling Flair he'd let go, accepting how little control he had, but this was part of the price that had come to. If he couldn't guarantee their wellbeing, how could he bring himself to create lives? He'd decided he simply wouldn't.

We’d come with you, anywhere you need.

He tensed, uneased specifically by the thought of being followed into the territory of war-torn packs. She continued, however, gifting him with a gentle touch as she spoke with such earnest trust he couldn't help but stare back at her. Emotion welled within, fresh and changed from the turmoil that had overtaken him since colliding with his ex. Gratitude, affection and an oddly-weighted catharsis refused to mix, instead knotting and twisting inside, each vying to take precedence.

Chan lowered his muzzle and momentarily pressed a kiss to her own, unsure of how else to express what he was feeling.

 

 

She had no way of knowing what thoughts and feelings tormented him so, her only window into his mind the flashes of light and shadow in his two-colored eyes. There she saw grief and fear, but for what she couldn’t be sure, worry flashing on her own features as she felt him stiffen.

 

All she could do was what she already was, offer her comfort, pressing close up against him while she waited for him to speak. But he didn’t, seemingly overcome with emotion, changing too fast for her to follow. His touch sent a jolt of electricity through her, her own mind racing as it tried to decipher her own feelings.

 

Her body didn’t wait though, responding on its own, knowing instinctively what she wanted even if her head wasn’t sure. She returned his kiss, her nose running along the underside of his muzzle, eyes closing as she focused fully on the feeling of him. Her head tucked under his, stretching across to find his ear, nose nuzzling at the base before she said: “You’d be a great father Chan. Between th’ two of us, I think we could do it right.”

Every day, Chan's head spun over all that must be out there in the world, the suffering and anger and loneliness that could so easily be resolved. He wanted to control as much of it as he could, do as much as he was able in order to diminish and prevent that needless agony to the fullest extent of his being. It was difficult for him to narrow the scope, to block out the bigger picture and stay focused only on what was in front of him.

Want versus need versus should crowded around in his head, thoughts so loud they rendered themselves all useless. So he closed his eyes, and focused just on her touch, on the trail her nose traveled through his fur and the embers it left behind.

You’d be a great father Chan. Between th’ two of us, I think we could do it right.

He didn't tap the breaks, leaning into what he felt instead of what he thought he knew, refusing to let himself into his head and any further away. What Flair was offering him was everything, that he could feel in his bones. Even if children didn't come of it, this moment, her willful vulnerability and the trust she placed in him was something he wouldn't dismiss or otherwise take for granted. Chan wanted to be who she saw.

"... then let's try."

 

 

She’d never imagined she’d feel this way – growing up, seeing her parents together, she’d thought of love as something ethereal, far too magical for most wolves to ever achieve. And when her father died, she’d conceded that she was probably better off without, anyway.

 

She wasn’t sure this was the same thing; the fairytale love you knew from the stories. What she knew was that she felt completely comfortable in his embrace, safe and at peace, finally free of the loneliness that had been most of her life. She could imagine no one else she would want to share this with.

 

His response was so gentle, sounding as vulnerable as she felt in this moment. And still it filled her chest with butterflies, her heart leaping; Yes, let’s try. She buried her head in his fur, breathing in deeply and finally giving in to the instincts she’d had to fight so often. All she knew was him, and the happiness she felt being here with him, no anxiety or nerves to think of.

 

Yes, even if children wouldn’t come of it, she would never regret this.

FADE

(This post was last modified: Mar 29, 2022, 12:42 AM by Flair.)