Paradise Falls they'll never stay home and they're always alone

Ryder hadn't been expecting this change. To go through all these growing pains were one thing, but now to do it without his brother? He searched every day for Caspian, spending more time outside of the Falls than within, and still had nothing to show for it. No trails, no scents, not a single sign as to what had happened. It didn't seem like him to just leave, especially without telling anyone, and so Ryder couldn't help but fear that something had happened. That his sibling needed help and was isolated from them somehow.

Still, time marched on, and the Lennox brothers were no longer everyone's first priority. Not only had Atara joined them, but there was another litter as well, pulling away some of the other adults altogether. Ryder felt alone, separate. Without Cas, his mother felt like the final thread tethering him to this place at all. How long until she felt as good as a stranger too?

He carried a hare to the den where @Finley and his baby sister slept, nose ensuring no one else was around at the moment before he dropped the carcass and chuffed out a hello.

(This post was last modified: Jun 27, 2023, 06:27 AM by Ryder.)

When Caspian had first disappeared the mother had hoped he had just gone on some kind of adventure and would be back soon. But then days had gone by and he had not returned home. She had already given birth to Atara and was confined to her den when he had gone, which meant there was nothing she could do herself. She was desperate for him to return, but also knew realistically he was old enough he could survive on his own if that is what he chose. She just missed him.

Wrapped around her daughter, drifting in and out of fitful sleep, she was roused at the chuff near her den. Lifting her head she was pleased to see it was Ryder was was darkening her doorway and was quick to untangle herself from the pup at her side. Ducking out, her tail waved behind her as Finley moved to nuzzle her son’s cheek in an affectionate greeting if he would allow. He had been so moody recently, so reserved, it almost felt like she was losing him even though he was still here.

Stretching her legs felt nice, and she relaxed into a deep downward dog for a moment before righting herself. Looking over her son she greeted him, ”It’s nice to see you Ryder.” Then she fell silent, awaiting her son to tell him what he needed.

She always looked so happy, ever since all of this started. Spring and @Jethro were the suspected catalysts, and part of him felt bad he couldn't be just as pleased, at least for her. His ears flicked back and he closed his eyes as Finley gave her hello, as though she were scrubbing a stain from his cheek, and contemplated what to even say.

Atara could be heard babbling to herself in the shadows of the den.

'It’s nice to see you Ryder.'

He knew she meant it, and he appreciated that, but it made him feel bashful all the same. Even without the upset to his family dynamic, he was experiencing the typical symptoms of adolescence.

"You too mom," he answered quietly, quickly.

"How's um. How's it... goin'?"

(This post was last modified: Jun 27, 2023, 06:33 AM by Ryder.)

A single ear flicked towards the den as Atara roused and began making noises to herself, but was dismissed as she seemed content enough. Finley instead remained focused on Ryder who seemed somewhat awkward, though she was thankful that he at least was not outwardly angry. It was a pleasant change from his usual surly demeanor. Her own words were quick and polite, like a reflex, ”I’m good thank you,” words she had spoken a million times.

This time though as soon as she had said them she realized how fake and forced they sounded.

Reminding herself that this was her family and she didn’t need to pretend all is well just to save face she let the mask fall. A low whine came from her throat and she asked, ”Still no sign of Caspian?’ That was what she had really wanted to say when he had appeared and for whatever reason has prevented herself from saying. Maybe she needed to do some more soul searching and find out why that was, why she still heard her own mother’s voice in her head reminding her to be polite at all times.

She responded easily, and he couldn't help the frown that tugged at his mouth's corners briefly. Maybe once he was older he would be able to better understand this part of his mother's personality, but as it was he could only take it at face value. Caspian was gone, Ryder was put out, and Mom was just fine. Great.

Her soft whimper pulled him back away from that pit of bitterness he'd been leaning into, at least for the moment. His stormy eyes blinked back at her, the proper improper response now following her words. Ryder shifted on his pale paws, and looked away.

"No," he answered at a muted volume, wishing dearly he had a better answer. There weren't even signs of him though. It was as though Caspian had simply stopped existing, or like he'd never been real to begin with, just some waking dream they'd shared. Ryder wanted to talk about it just as much as he didn't, and he was visibly torn, wolfish cheek twitching as he mulled over words he couldn't bring himself to say.

Finley could see her son beginning to sink into the angry emotions that seemed to consume him these days. Thankfully it appeared he didn’t lean all the way in, though his quiet answer felt like a punch to the woman’s heart. She closed her eyes and let out a long slow sigh, all pretense of the happy and polite and put together woman she tried to appear as drained away. Instead a tired new mother, worried and visibly exhausted stayed in her place.

Opening her green eyes, she looked at the way Ryder was worrying his cheek and couldn’t think of anything else to say except, ”I miss him.” It felt like she was sending out an olive branch, trying to bridge the gap between herself and her son, letting him in to see the real her, trying to show she was just as worried. For the rest of the pack she could be a rock, retreated into herself, but Ryder deserved better than that.

Glancing back towards the den, where the cooing had silenced as the cub fell back to sleep she murmured, ”Maybe we can look together tomorrow?” Jethro could stay with the baby for a couple of hours surely, and they could go out and look for Caspian.

Ryder knew he wasn't the one disappointing his mom. Still, there was a part of him that very much felt as though he was. Back when they lived at the large lake, it had felt so much more like just the tw- just the three of them. Having each others backs, and now he was failing at that.

'I miss him.'

He agreed, wanted to verbalize as much, but remained quiet, gaze avoidant, instead. Guilty.

'Maybe we can look together tomorrow?'

His eyes lifted to hers, and he nodded yes. He'd actually... like that very much, he realized. Words still weren't coming, though. Ryder had always been a quiet child, physically dynamic rather than vocally boisterous, but in the throes of adolescence he couldn't help but feel positively mute in these moments.

It wasn't Finley's fault, though, and he still wanted his mom. Ryder sidled up to and leaned against her side, hiding his face in her fur like the child he still was.

(This post was last modified: Dec 05, 2023, 03:00 AM by Chan.)

Ryder didn't respond to the Lennox woman, at least not verbally. Instead he nodded and then moved to lean into her side as if he were still just a little cub and not already larger than her. Finley leaned into him, relishing any moment that let her hold onto his childhood even for just a little bit longer.

A few tears began to gather in her eyes as her mind drifted to Caspian who might be out there all on her own. She didn’t want to think like that so instead she sniffed and said hopefully, ”you know, I’m going to feel really foolish if he comes back soon with all these stories about the great adventure he had and we’ve just been back here worrying.” That’s what she wanted to believe, that he was out there making new friends and seeing new sights. Maybe even falling in love.

Anything was better than thinking about what the worst case scenario could be, though some nights she couldn’t keep those thoughts away. If she felt like this, she could only imagine how Ryder felt, Caspian had practically been his whole world. It was hard to get between brothers.

Ryder's eyes blinked open as his mother spoke, but they weren't focused on anything in particular. He was imagining what she was describing, or at least trying to. He wanted to be certain that Caspian hadn't taken off by choice, but of course he hoped that whatever had gone wrong hadn't completely consumed him. Imagining his brother elsewhere, without them, but still happy... he thought he should have felt bitter, upset, but instead he just felt relief. He wanted Caspian to be safe, no matter what else that took.

Tears were threatening to overwhelm his eyes too, and he buried his face again in Finley's fur as they began to flow out and down his blonde cheeks.

"I hope he does," he murmured into her coat.

She felt Ryder press his head back into her fur, and a moment later the Lennox wolf registered the dampness of his tears. She wanted nothing more than to protect her boys from any kind of harm, but knew this was a foolish wish. It was an impossible task, and all she could do was be there for them when the world knocked them down to help them get back on their paws. She couldn’t do that for Caspian now, but she could do it for Ryder.

So, she did her best to sound convincing, ”You know Caspian, he probably has made a million friends, the whole world has probably fallen madly in love with him.” She smiled at the thought, it was easy to do, to fall in love with her son, ”I bet by the time he comes back, his group will probably double the size of the pack and we’ll have to compete for his attention.” The last words were teasing, for she knew Ryder would never have to compete for his brother. They may not have both been for her womb, but they were meant to be together.

Knowing her son to be proud she offered softly, ”Let’s go for a walk, we can make a plan for when we’re going to scout tomorrow.” It would be better to be moving.

FADE