Sanguine Cove All good things

He'd known this was going to be hard, that getting his wife to let everything she'd been bottling up out would be a struggle. She didn't seem to see the flaw in her own logic and a small, sad smile crossed his face. "Yes, we did," he agreed, "but so did you. You don't have to be the only one mourning him alone."

And then, finally, she admitted what was weighing on her mind - what he'd known was weighing on her mind, and was why he'd called her for this walk. "My love, it's not your fault," he murmured, pulling her close. "You tried your best and sometimes that's all we can do. It's more my fault; I should have been there to help him. Had I been, he might not have gotten so hurt. But we can't change the past; we can only grieve and learn and hold together to move forward."

Nash doubted his words would be enough to sooth her guilt; they hadn't been enough for him, when she'd been helping him with his own traumas. Even so, he would continue to say it. She was not the one to kill him, and it wasn't her fault he died.

She didn’t want to face it, just as she didn’t want to face the emotional vulnerability that came with it all. She shuddered softly as he reminded her that she had lost someone too… and that she didn’t have to open this masochistic path that she had already begun to go down. “I lost him, and he was my friend, but I hadn’t known him for nearly as long as any of you had.” And she hadn’t loved him as deeply as Oksana had… she had certainly loved him, but in a way much different than his mate had.

He finally repeated what Oksana had told her when she had hunted the woman down and forced her to eat. She wasn’t at fault for his death; she still didn’t know how she could possibly believe that, and let out a soft whine from the back of her throat as her ears drooped in response.

“It’s different; I was the one in charge of healing him… I helped so many others, but when it came to it, I couldn’t help him. There had to have been something I could have done… I failed him and I failed the entire pack by letting him die.” The pain inflected in her voice, finding herself whining softly again as she fought to try and hold back an outburst of emotion.

Aquene Slayer

Nash listened to his wife and let her let go. He didn't want to stop her once she finally got started, even though listening to her blame herself made it so incredibly difficult to hold his tongue. Even so, he managed, and he even managed to swallow back a soft whine of his own. He hated to see his love in pain, especially when she wouldn't let him help her.

Her voice shook as she finished and even after the outburst Nash suspected she was holding back... but he wouldn't push for more; not right now. "My love," he said again, gently, "You fought so hard for him. I wouldn't call that 'letting.' You waged a war against death - you wage that war every time someone gets hurt. Sometimes we lose. It hurts; I miss him, and I know the rest of the pack does too, but you were not the one to hurt us, nor have you in any way failed us."

He nudged her cheek with his nose, hoping to get her to look up at him. "Aquene. You are a treasured member of Sanguine Cove and the love of my life, my light in the dark. Will you let me be your light, too?"

She didn’t like to lose; the pain ached and slowly stole pieces of her soul, and chipped away at her self-worth. It always had… it just hardly had cause because she fought so hard. It had hit her harder than she had expected… in many ways, Aleister’s death had hit her harder than her mother’s own. Perhaps it was the fact that they shared a daughter, or he had been the first real friend she’d developed after she had lost her… but it remained a driving fact, and a force of nature in her mind.

It wasn’t just letting a patient down, but a friend, a member of her family… again.

He assured her, and she whined softly at his statement. Deep down she knew it was true; she had used every remedy she knew of in order to save him and it merely had not been enough. “I don’t know where the light is right now.” She admitted softly, her voice cracking under the weight of the statement. She very much wanted his guidance out of this but it was dark all around her and she could not see. She felt so defeated and she did not know how she could move forward past it.

Aquene Slayer

(This post was last modified: Jan 11, 2023, 10:28 PM by Aquene.)

He had to admit it hurt, that she wouldn't let him help, that she didn't feel he could be her light. He wanted to help her. His shoulders slumped slightly as he sighed. "It's okay, my love," he murmured, placing kisses on her face. "I can sit in the dark with you." And he would, he would be here for her whenever she was ready for him. He wouldn't abandon her - ever. Not even death would take him from her. He wouldn't let it. It would have to drag him snarling and flailing into her clutches.

She wanted to tell him yes, that he could help, anything to help take this pain away but she could not lie to him. She didn’t see a way out of this blinding darkness that she was in. She couldn’t see him or any of the lifelines that he was trying to throw to her… and he said it was okay, that he was there regardless. She felt hot tears falling down her cheeks as she curled up next to him, tucking her head against his fur, breathing in his scent as she tried to calm herself. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t she just be normal?

Aquene Slayer