Mountain of Dire Still alive for you

Clear — Current Temperature: 37° F/3° C. Early afternoon. Located near the base of the mountain, where it joins Drooping Willows, just north of Riddle Heights.

The inevitable arrival of winter seemed oddly far away today, with the sun shining strongly through the clear skies in the early afternoon. Winter was always a worrisome thing — the conditions were harsher and thus keeping a pack sustained was harder than ever, however it was having a pack that would raise a wolf's chance of survival. However, this year, Indru would be not be a novice leading his pack blindly through his first winter as a leader, and instead had experience and strength and most of all a undeniable need to do well. Pups now existed from his own blood, he was a father, and after the rocky start with his children the male was determined to let winter pass them by and for the pups to be no worse off, however much work it took from him.

The routine of being a leader had fell back into sync with Indru almost immediately, he had never resented the mundane and repetitive border patrols and marking less, he knew by doing so he was keeping his family — his pack — safe. After this morning duty and after checking up on his pups and his mate Indru had drifted south, a direction he had not travelled in for a while. Though he had remained in the drooping, drowsy forest of willow trees he had never drifted far from the base of the Mountain of Dire and his scent followed the serpentine path of the mountain that marked the current edge of Relic Lore. He was not far from home, having stopped around halfway through the willow forest, but now he had turned and started to walk east, the ground getting steadily steeper, where he knew Riddle Heights were a little south of him.

Indru did not climb far, only enough so that when he turned and dropped to his haunches his elevated height gave him a clear view over the tops of the trees and of the surrounding land beyond. Relic Lore was home and Indru could not imagine ever thinking differently.

(This post was last modified: Nov 02, 2011, 12:15 PM by Indru.)

<blockquote>The morning had come, and gone without much difference from yesterday. He had woken up to the crystal frost before, and the sky had promised no chance of snow this day. He had managed to fill up a lot of the his own caches for the coming cold months, and today he decided to enjoy what could be the last of fall.

No pups in sight to entertain, and not finding Cori to converse with Triell had decided it was time to seek out another member of the Tainn family. He had greeted him when he first arrived back, and he often saw him guarding the family den. Once he'd even stopped to lay by him. But he hadn't really spoken to his older brother, because he was afraid. He did not feel like some spectator watching the next generation live their lives, but he still felt he was out of place.

With the sun almost to it's highest point, he started his search at the den trying to decide where Indru might be. He was not there either. Naturally he followed the leader's scent along the borders, and hoped to spot the familiar coat of colors. He had no such luck for instead of seeing Indru in Swift River he noticed his brother's scent leading away. His black limbs seemed to stall out beneath him, and he checked the scent again with his nose to earth. He didn't think Indru would leave, not again. The pup in him was not so sure, and he started stalking the Swift River leader wondering what he might be up too.

Black wolf trotted along the the willows wondering if Indy was relaxing near by, his bright eyes still did not see the brawny mass, and he had to try a little to find where his winding path was headed. Cocking his head he saw the mountain, and his brows furrowed, why would he go there? He picked up the pace, driven by his fear.

He climbed where Indru had, and soon found the elder Tainn looking down on Relic Lore. He too glimsped for a second, catching his breath. He bravely let his eyes creep along the ground, and to his brother's fiery pair. <b>"It's pretty cool up here, isn't it?"</b></blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Nov 05, 2011, 09:34 PM by Triell.)

are you with me through it all?

Sorry for sadface Indru, he has like depression for being a failure atm. Awh. <3

Black nose twitching, Indru recognised the scent of his brother before the Leader could see the dark furred wolf and a smile was brought to Indru's lips unbidden. He could remember the days when Triell was a pup and used to try and follow his trail around the pack lands seeking his older brothers company, but now it seemed there was less trying involved than before as it was not long until his brother's slightly smaller frame came into sight. He didn't speak but watched with his usual concern as the young Tainn began to make his way up the base of the mountain; it wasn't a hard climb per say, but it required navigating and Indru would never stop worrying about him like how their a father might have.

Eventually Triell reached him, and Indru was one again reminded how much time had passed since the fire and since the responsibility of his family had fallen abruptly upon him (and how much he felt he had failed with that responsibility) with how much his young brother had grown. For once, for the first time, he felt old for a moment, or at least the impending arrival of it and it wasn't until he heard his brother's voice he snapped out of it. I used to come here as a kid. Indru continued to gaze across Relic Lore, his thoughts still foggy, our father actually took me here first of all. The thought brought a smile to his face, happier days and easier times, me and Ruiko had just had another fight — nothing big, the usual — and he took me here to cool off. Explain some things. I've loved it ever since. A sigh escaped him and he turned to Triell at last, noticing his brother's meekish expression, he looked unsure, perhaps even nervous though Indru had no idea why. Anger or annoyance was an expression he was used to at the moment, especially from Cori or Ruiko, and though he had not seen too much of Triell he had presumed he would feel the same. What's wrong? Even if it was him Triell was mad at, Indru could not help asking, if it helped the young male to vent and rage at him he would take that too.

<blockquote><i>it's okay Triell still loves him <3</i>

He'd meant his comment to be a safe subject line. It didn't turn out that way in which he'd thought. He never imagined that it would revive a memory of Rihael Tainn from Indru with those words, but that's just what happened. One he was younger he knew he would have loved to hear such a memory. He'd often asked many questions about dad, and mom when he decided to talk again. Yet with the recent happenings in his mind, trying to find peace with the idea he never knew them changed his outlook. So it stung a little being reminded once more that Indru had such memories, and he didn't. He pushed a small smile on his jaws, ears drawn to his brother's voice because he was listening trying to feel that happiness he would have had. It was there, but note in full force.

He continued listening, trying to picture the scenerio. What dad might have told him, if Indy talked the same way. He even tried picturing a smaller Indru, and his dad telling him about this, and that of the world. Triell supposed he pictured Indru and Fenru instead, which caused his smile to fail though he wasn't aware what he looked like to Indru. He figured his brother would continue, but the sigh said otherwise.

He gazed back into his brother's stare knowing he had a lot on his plate already. What would Triell do, just add another helping? He couldn't lie, and say he was fine. Indy wouldn't believe that any more then Triell would. He took in a deep breath, and held onto it. He himself didn't have an answer. He had been mad at his brother, but that had passed. He was more sad, worried, hurt? <b>"I just....wanted to make sure you...weren't going to the mountain,"</b> he said, his words sounding rushed. It was a half truth, but he was determined not to stand there without saying anything. That would only prove further, something was wrong. </blockquote>

are you with me through it all?

There was hesitation before Triell answered and Indru's head turned slightly to the side, concern creasing his brow. Triell had always been more emotionally sound that Borlla, was always the one he worried about the least, but that didn't mean he cared any less. Though at the moment Indru was wondering if he had failed in that, had he let something important slip by, a problem that he had missed Triell was going through. Why couldn't I go to the mountain? His tone was light, but the curiosity in it was clear, and Indru had adopted the tone of their father, the one that always got answers.

The top of Mount Dire, or any of the Pass, held little interest for the male and if anything the stark reminder of Honijo's disappearance — the last father figure he had left — kept him from those grey peaks. When his uncle had just disappeared Indru had spent many hours of the day tracking and chasing the fading scents, but as they disappeared so did he, his inability to work out where Honijo was gone (or why) was to much of a painful experience so soon after his parent's death. In a way Indru had been angry at his uncle too, he had been the one to help him when running the family got too tough, or to guide him in the path his father would have taken when he was lost, but this older male had then left without a backward glance. Did you think I wouldn't come back? A lump formed in Indru's throat of inexpressible guilt and he shook his head abruptly, easily clutching firmly to another mistake he had made. I'll always come back. I never would have left if it had been my choice. You know that don't you? If there was one thing Indru could never abandon it was family, however hard it got, and anger rolled through him when he thought of the wolves that had caused him to do so. They had caused damage and lost him his families trust, and that Indru could never forgive, and it was beginning to seem his family could never forgive it either.

<blockquote>It use to be so easy to speak to Indru, he'd never thought about. He just did. Now he felt like he could break, and maybe even shake Indru so he was trying to tread lightly. He wasn't doing very good at it. He hadn't wanted to sound like he couldn't go up there, but that's what he was insinuating. He thought Indru knew what happened, but maybe he didn't. Did anyone? He stood a little taller, speaking in earnest,<b>"Because there's no pack any more, something bad happened up there."</b> They were all gone, Adonia included, and he never really figured out why any of it had happened. He had his suspicions, nothing concrete. He hadn't really thought Indru would venture up there, but the idea was enough to scare him. He wasn't sure what his brother would do anymore, maybe that's what really scared Triell. Anything could happen, he couldn't count on everything always being alright.

He realized what Indru was thinking, and he saw his look of hurt. Exactly what he hadn't wanted to do, dig at his brother's healing wounds. Ears swiveled back, and he could not meet his brother in the eye for a single minute. He hadn't believed Indru was gone, and tried to convince himself otherwise when Indy had disappeared. He wasn't a child, and such antics hadn't work so well. Indru had been gone. It had hurt not knowing why he had been missing, and to see everything that was, and his family crumble away. He'd never thought he'd have to deal with such a loss, not again. He had searched desperately for anyone, anything that would bring anyone back. How could he, just barely a year old help a new mother?

<b>"I had no idea what to think Indy,"</b> he said, his voice somewhat cold because he was trying to hide the hurt. He had not wanted to be angry, but the own accusations stung. <b>"I never believed you left by your own choice. You, of all wolves especially with your new family. How could I believe that my hero would abandon everything he had ever wanted?"</b> He stared a time at his brother, his gaze more fierce then Indru had probably witnessed.

Triell was not finished, he had to get this out. <b>"But, when you weren't around I struggled, believing you just wandered to far, or were addressing other concerns. You'd be back, you had to come back. The days started adding up, and everyone else started trickling away, hoping to find you. Me I had no idea how to help Cori. I tried, but I believed you had to be somewhere to be found, and I went looking too.. Then I found out my friend had come home to find her whole pack had disappeared, I started trying to help her because she had nobody either. The whole time I thought I'd get back, and you'd be there......that everything would be okay..."</b></blockquote>

are you with me through it all?

Angsty rant time. Sad post was really sad to write. ):

Silence hung briefly after the answer Triell gave in response to Indru's curiosity over why the dark-furred male had deemed the mountain out of bounds. Don't fear the mountain Triell, he began, his tone far from patronizing, Nature has her ways off punishing us, but simple exploration will not bring down her wrath. Tread lightly, respectfully, and she will bring you no harm. Relic Lore had been his home since his birth, and since he had learnt of the places beyond it but no place spoke to him as this forest did — no place felt quite as right. Niija had always been the most connected, the most spiritual, of any of the Tainn offspring and in his respect for his willowy sister Indru had learnt from her. It brought him peace if nothing else and he had been determined to not let the fire truly take his home as well.

Fire blazed in Triell's eyes almost as much as it did in Indru's naturally and the leader was surprised as the depth and feeling the boy held beneath each word. It seemed, with Triell especially, his absence had caused deeper wounds that Indru had realised and though he accepted it, part of him could not help but be frustrated by the slight injustice of it. However he felt Indru let Triell have his peace, fighting the hackles that wished to rise along his spine as best he could in his frustration and the tension between them that the pair of them was escalating. Soon the dark wolf seemed to lose steam and trailed off and Indru waited to see if he had anything left and to gather his thoughts before replying. You speak of me abandoning you, everyone, Triell, but do you not see that you did? Whatever reason you left for, you left by choice, willingly and left an already weakened Corinna and our pups behind. No one made you go, you made that decision all by yourself. You are an adult now and you can take that responsibility. Indru tried as best as he could to keep his voice neutral and calm, but in his anger he let his gaze drift beyond Triell and over Relic Lore again, not able to meet his brothers eyes at the moment.

I disappeared, but unlike everyone else it was not by choice. My choice was taken from me; nothing could have made me leave otherwise. Briefly Indru wondered how often he would have to repeat those words; it was becoming a mantra, and automatic response to tumble from his mouth. Each other member who had left willingly had been accepted back with open arms but it was him who had suffered the most, and for events beyond his control. I cannot be everyone's hero. I cannot keep things together all the time, forever. I have given my life to this family, I am not the only one to have left yet each time someone returned I have had to welcome them back with open arms, take on responsibility for them, and every time someone went missing it was my fault again. Do you think I asked for this? I love you, more than as just a brother, but I lost my parents too, Triell, and I had no time to mourn them as I was so busy looking after and helping everyone else. It had been a bitter pill Indru had swallowed for his family without complaint, he had done his best by them as he could, and well, if they did not feel that his best was good enough he did not know what else he could give them any more. Indru just felt exhausted.

I am sorry if I crushed your hopes of me, I am sorry if I am not the hero you thought I was, but I don't know what else you want me to do, Triell. Indru's eyes turned to his paws, the fire in them dampened by the water making them moister than usual, defeat as clear in them as the left over ashes from a fire.

(This post was last modified: Nov 07, 2011, 03:35 AM by Indru.)

<blockquote><i>*gives a big hug to both of ya* it happens <3 i have to say um sorry for this...i feel soooo bad. i think i started tearing up D: i hope it makes sense though, between Triell's roll of emotions, and my late night writing trying to get it all out what he was feeling. which reminds me, if Indy really wants to go after him I'll leave that up to you. -hides from the intensity-</i>

He was on the edge of disbelief. He was still being treated like a child, and at the same time expected to be an adult? Hadn't Indru understoond Triell knew he hadn't left them on purpose? That he didn't once believe, nor even wanted to think that's why Indru wasn't there.That's why everyone had looked for the their leader, feeling he had to somewhere. No his words seemed thrown back into his own face like nothing, and further more hearing Indru's dissapointment for him not taking care of his mate, and pups like it was his responsiblity to be there for them when he had only turned an adult himself hurt pretty good. He gritted his teeth taking it, and held back the heat the quivered down his own spine. He felt there was more stirring inside his brother, and he was sure Indru had not let it off on anyone, and that's what he was for now. The one being who took the blows because what did he matter? He was not mate, nor child.

Triell listened with a hard stare, word for word, and realized Indru had a lot he had kept under wraps from probably everybody. He did agree it was not fair to anyone what had happened to their parents. But he couldn't help but feel Indru was being hypocritical when he started saying how hard it was to look after Kinis, Borlla, and himself after the fire, and how Triell had not stepped up to the plate to be there for Cori, and pups by his own choice. When he unlike everyone else had stuck with them the longest, and had only been gone less than a few weeks. <b>"I'll take note for future events when I can not count on my elder brothers in being there then it's up to me to make things right."</b> He said this bitterly, but accepting the consequences of his actions. Well and because he had believed he could always count on Indru, and Ruiko but that was clearly all shot to hell now. When had they ever stuck together for the good of things? Oh wait now when Indru's mate, and Indru's pups were on the brink.

He hadn't thought it could get any worse, but he felt his own eyes blur, and his throat burn as Indru continued. He waited for quiet before interjecting, by saying, <b>"At least you had parents! I'll never blame you for what I've never had so let me just say I'm sorry it was so hard for you to have such a huge responsiblity thrust on your shoulders! I had often thought of you as my father, but I never wanted to say that feeling that would be to much to put on you. Now I see I was right. I had thought I was being so stupid feeling like I was not part of your family when you came back, but now I see I'm just the brother in the background who didn't take up the slack!"</b> This time, his hackles were starting to prick because he really wanted to make something clear. <b>" Let me set you straight I never once stopped believing you'd come home! I knew if you were alive, you'd be back,"</b> He desprately looked at Indru wishing he would understand as well, and his voice became a little softer, few tears rolling down his cheeks,<b>"That's why I said my hero because of all you've done, for what I could not....because you've been through hell, and back. Yet somehow you always have this smile on your face. I just see it, and think it's okay....if Indru's smiling, I can to.."</b> He swallowed back, and pushed his eyes closed holding back tears of both anger and sorrow. He opened them, and made a step away.

<b>"But I guess you've made it clear to me now hero's don't exist any more then pink faries. It was cruel of me to place such a title on you, to expect so much. I don't need your sorry Indy I did not think any less of you when you came home, or even now. I never thought you had anything to be sorry about really. I only felt sorry for what you missed. You know what I really wanted? Just to know where I belonged in this new family -to know I was apart of it."</b> He became silent, and turned away, facing the stones he had climbed. He swallowed, and quietly said. <b>"It doesn't take long for old to be replaced with something new, and wanted so don't worry about me Indru, you don't have to do anything for me. I'll just be that one thing, you don't have to think about."</b> He did not look back, he did not stall he started the path back down, letting the dark cloud of torment consume him again.</blockquote>

are you with me through it all?

I'm so sick I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't resist. I know what you mean though, our poor boys need their heads bumped together, haha, awh. I hope they work things out, Indy without Triell and vice versa is too wrong. ):

The anger from his brother was barely contained, Indru could see the quiver down his spine, and it only acted as reminder for how little experience the boy had in conflicts and issues. Perhaps that had been his own fault, he had tried to shelter the pups as much as he could, trying to keep the year they turned from children to adults as happy as he could even if he was suffering through the year himself. The irony was not lost on him though, as Triell raged lightly at being treated like a child yet still spoke of expecting his brothers to be there to fix things for him when everything went wrong. Which is it that you want, Triell? Indru wanted to ask, but his held his tongue, and other than the soft bristling of fur along his spine nothing betrayed his feelings. For once he was as stoic as Ruiko could be.

The bitterness in the boy was a new side of Triell that Indru had never seen, it fitted more easily with Borlla than his dark furred brother, but Indru would not be the one to take away his source of rage. Let him blame him if he wanted too, he would rather suffer it than let it sit inside his brother and eat away at him. Thoughts and feelings poured from Triell like the breaking of a dam, some he could see how they may have formed, others he was at a loss. Indru had never treated him as anything less than how he would treat a son, yet now he felt that was being thrown back in his face as clearly his efforts were not good enough. You know I've never suggested that or pushed you to the background, not once. I have never put you aside; always you have been a first priority. The injustice of that comment stung more than any physical blow could, that Triell could think he had pushed him aside and forgotten about him as easily as that after everything. Of course I knew how you thought of me, you were a pup, I was the only parental figure you knew. Did you not think I was aware of this pressure already? That how you grew up was my responsibility, was down to me. Our parent's last litter. I had never raised pups before, I didn't know how to be a father, I was just a boy, really. I'm sorry if you think I failed you in that too. How the pups would think of him had been obvious as soon as he had decided to look after them, they would his sole responsibility, his children now and it only made sense for them to think of him as a parental figure. The worry and desire to do right by them had been in the forefront of his thought for the better part of a year as he had raised them. Indru's voice had no strength anymore; slowly one by one Triell's words were picking him apart.

I kept smiling because I loved you all. As hard as it was I have never loved anything more than my family. I can't keep smiling now, not when I'm such a huge disappointment to you all. He felt weak for once and he was sorry for that too, he needed to draw strength from somewhere but his last reserves had always been drawn from that of his family but he had lost that now. Eventually Triell spoke of what he had wanted most, from this whole conservation Indru guessed, but he had been unable to fill it as he had not expected such a statement. Shock made him unable to speak for a moment before he shook his head, his voice throaty with his sorrow. You, my family, will always belong with me, Triell. Indru felt the truth of those words more than he felt anything, he would always want his family, and he would always love them and for that reason whenever they sought him they would always belong with him. The problem is, I don't know if I belong with my family anymore. Who could belong when everyone was so angry and disappointed at him? It had taken weeks for Corinna not to snarl at the the sight of him, and even longer for her to tolerate the slightest of touches, Ruiko would barely look at him and as well as he knew his brother he did not need to speak to him to know what he thought of him, Borlla felt lost to him, and now even Triell. If it was not for his pups Indru would not know how he could have coped. Even pack members, who had left themselves, like Marsh had lost respect for their leader. I could never replace you. I would never want too, and you should know by now that however much you say that, I will not stop worrying about you. As I love you and that's what father's do.

With sad eyes he watched Triell turn and go, a sigh heaving from his chest. He let him for a second, he had no strength left to fight him anymore, but he knew if he went that it was over, that it could maybe never be fixed. Don't walk away Triell. Don't leave us even more broken than we already are. This time Indru knew he could not chase after him, he was grown now, an adult, and if things were to be fixed it had to be his decision to do so, and though his tone was soft he knew it would carry to the boy. You want to be an adult, well here's your chance. Face your problems, don't run from them. Don't run from me.

(This post was last modified: Nov 07, 2011, 10:26 PM by Indru.)

<blockquote>feel better <3

Triell paused in his tracks. <b>"First priority? Right, when you got back you took me aside, and talked to me about everything that happened to you, and everything that had happened while you were gone,"</b> he snorted, shaking his head, <b>" I don't remember hearing anything but I'm sorry from you. I took it because I didn't want to be mad at you for something that wasn't your fault. I knew you were having a hard time why should I make things worse? But did you really think nothing had changed in your absence?"</b> He shifted, feeling his muscles tight beneath his black coat. He would never attack Indru, but his anger, and confusion could no longer be surpressed, it consumed him.

<b>"You didn't fail Indy, but don't expect me to be the same carefree boy. I have always tried to see the positive, be the good one who did what he was told, and do what was expected of me even though my life has been nothing stable. But don't you see you weren't the only one who went missing. What about Ozera? Borlla, Marsh? What was I suppose to do, how was I suppose to feel? You said yourself, when the fire happened you were really only a boy. How did it make you feel when you saw your world fall apart?"</b> He couldn't describe it himself, and he did not want Indru to feel sorry for him not for one bit. Triell only wanted to make his brother understand where all this was coming from, what he was so upset about.

The lad knew his brother as having a hard time getting through Cori, and well he didn't get why he cared what Ruiko thought, when it was obvious they could fight over why the sky was blue. But he didn't feel sorry for him. <b>"Your children love you, and if Cori didn't you wouldn't be here so why don't you think about that. Or even for one moment about how lucky you are to even be alive."</b> Bright eyes were wet, and he looked back staring long at his brother. He looked in much better health, almost the same really. Couldn't he see at least Cori had let him back home, that his children did know he was there dad? That everyone was back, trying to make things right. Couldn't they everyone just forigive and forget.

He was sure Indru would not really hear what he was trying to say, and he turned ready to leave again. His ears were bent listneing still. He believed that yes Indru would always worry about him, and he wanted to believe his words of love, and fathers. He knew he needed to walk away he was only making things worse.

When he said the word adult again Triell was sure something had snapped inside, but he paused and said so calmly. <b>"I never said I was an adult, you are the only one putting that title on me. I'm just an adolescent so don't tell me to grow up. I often thought that's what you, and Ruiko needed to do. You guys always think someone is to blame, that someone's in the right, and wrong. It isn't all black and white you know, our life is a mixture of grey. You can think this is not your fault, or it is. But what does that mean? It doesn't really make a difference does it? You can't change what happened Indru, or what anyone thinks. You can only decide what you are going to do, and what you think. I have decided to walk away, because I don't want to fight any more. If you want to see me, I won't be hard to find if you want to talk, not bicker."</b> He was done. He already wished he had held his tongue, and left. He was not going to make this into an argument already more than it was now. Quietly he walked down the stone steps, and away from the Indru. He was not going to leave Swift River, nor Indru. He was going to go spend some alone time at the pool, try to cool off.</blockquote>

are you with me through it all?