The Wildwood pagan angel

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He concealed himself in the twilight, reveling in the breath taking moonlight that sparkled on the snow. The emaciated wolf floated like a specter among the trees, taking care to make no noise and leave no new mark in the snow. He could not bring himself to shatter the quiet, regal beauty of the forest, which for once choked him beyond words. Dressed up like this, in pearl and ermine, the trees looked so quiet and serene, subdued and almost... — he barely dared to let the word slip into his thoughts— <i>heavenly</i>. Staring down at the muddied, copper twigs of his limbs, he felt dirty and unworthy of this singular beauty of the wilderness.

Eventually, he found the words, "<b>I'm sorry, so sorry.</b>" But who the apology was spoke to, he couldn't say. There were a great many things he had to be sorry for —for running away, for coming back, for running away <i>again</i>, and for standing here now. For so long, he had tried to deny the forest its intricate beauty, and for that he was sorry, too. Yet, even now, stripped bare, standing apologetic in the snow, he was afraid. The looming trunks and glittering snow were beautiful, yes, but also terrifying, ugly. There was still a war being fought in the depths of his soul. The war made him itch, made him cringe, made him hate. He found that he hated and loved this beauty all at once. Part of him was repulsed, and part of him longed for acceptance. Mostly, though, this war just made him afraid, afraid that the forest and the heathens would chew him up and spit him out before he could figure out what it was that he really wanted.
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you come to me with scars on your wrist you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this From her den in the Thicket of Secrets, to Blackberry Fields, and then on to Wild Cherry Orchard, Anyu had already had a plethora of encounters with other wolves. Well, a plethora for her, at least. In reality it was only three encounters, though she had met four strangers in the nine days since she had entered the area. Now she was in another forest, surrounded by trees. She moved cautiously through the trees, feeling unease as she passed through the shadows. The moon was out, shining down on the forest with light stolen from the sun. A myriad of stars decorated the sky as well, some faint and others shining strong. But as beautiful as the forest was in the moonlight glancing off the snow, Anyu still felt some sense of foreboding. Perhaps it was because of the darkness, or because she had been followed for a short time by another wolf in the orchard. Or maybe it was because this was not her home forest. It was a new place, hidden in shadows. She kept to those shadows, trying to stay hidden, but it was useless with her white fur. While it blended in with the snow, the moonlight also made her highly visible in the darkness. Anyone who looked her way would have to be blind to not see her. Everything was quiet. There was no wind to tell her what was in the forest with her. She pressed on, hoping to find some place that would work as a shelter for the night. Restless and accustomed to wandering, she had found it had to remain at her den in the thicket. Soon, though, she planned to head back there. She licked the thicket and the fields much more than she did this forest, though she had yet to see it during the day. Suddenly there was a sound. For a moment she thought it was the sound of someone talking, but she could not distinguish any words and she could not see or scent another being. It took a moment for her to realize that she had frozen on the spot, not even daring to breath. Her malnourished body - only a little improvement had shown after a decent meal and a few smaller ones - was tensed and ready to spring into action, though she was still weak from her long journey and the lack of food she had suffered. She took a step backwards, preparing to change the direction in which she had been walking, but her back foot stepped on a stick that lay on the ground behind her. It snapped, and the sound filled the forest. To her it seemed much louder than it actually was, and she was certain that it would give her position away. So, rather than flee, she stood still, hoping that nothing dangerous was waiting in the forest. i just came to say goodbye didn't want you to see me cry, i'm fine

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The brittle innocence of the silence shattered, exploding into diamond splinters. Tranquility, who had always been nervous and fleeting, was startled by the sound. Suddenly, she realized she was not alone, that she was being watched by a horrifyingly gaunt, nauseating monster, and she ran away in terror. Kiche standing in the snow, silent and ashamed. And as Tranquility vanished, the beauty of the moonlit forest began to fade as well. The snow looked less brilliant, and he realized it was pockmarked and dirty. Darkness stole the shimmering jewels out of the snow, and claimed the whole forest in a blanket of obscurity. The world was dark and full of sound, of noise, terrifying noises that Kiche couldn't even begin to name. <i>The twig</i>. Something had made that noise.

A question, a greeting, something unnameable, yet friendly crawled its way up his throat, but could not find its way around the yellowed teeth that barred the way. All that escaped the chiseled rows of rotting fangs was the ominous rumble of a snarl. No longer afraid of trampling the virgin snow, he whirled about with eyes like accusations. "<b>Show yourself.</b>"
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you come to me with scars on your wrist you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this It had to be her nervousness that caused her reaction; she wasn't a cowardly wolf. At the sound of the voice her ears went back and her tail began to tuck itself between her legs. The reactions were completely involuntary. Why should she, a former alpha, be afraid of a single stranger in the forest? Highly aware of her extreme visibility because of her white fur, she had absolutely no intention of trying to hide. She began to mentally calm herself down, taking slow breaths and raising her tail until it was in a more relaxed position. The voice had seemed somewhat hostile, but that shouldn't worry her. Not yet. She pricked her ears forward to listen for more sounds, but none came. Completely unsure of herself - she truly believed that she was a failure and that the bad things in her life had been a result of that - she stepped forward, holding her head at a moderate height. At first she couldn't see the stranger in the darkness under the trees, but then she saw the outline of a wolf. If there was one thing she was good at it was pretended, and now she put on her brave face and pushed away the sadness and self-hatred of her depression, though it still hung over her mind like a cloud. She looked right at the stranger, her eyes shadowed with the same sadness that clung to her mind, and perhaps even her soul. “Happy?” she asked, having complied with his demand to show herself. i just came to say goodbye didn't want you to see me cry, i'm fine

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Nothing could have prepared him for the silver phantom that stepped out of a shadow. He mistook her for some one else, for Jayse, for Aisling, Borlla, and Vlarindara all at once. At first, he couldn't even tell which one of them it might have been, it could have been any of them. The harder he stared, the more muddled the face became, until suddenly it was all the white women he had known, heathen and angel. Kiche didn't know whether to be angry, afraid, or remorseful. What do you say to the love of your life you deserted? What do you say to that awful heathen who almost killed you? What about the one who saved your life? <i>Who are you? Which one are you?</i> Desperate and confused, the godless wolf took a tentative step forward. He had only just decided she was Aisling when suddenly the moon came out from behind the clouds, and drawing the dark curtains back to reveal a complete stranger. Immediately, he jumped backwards as if he had been slapped. He felt stupid and ashamed.

Lost in his own disbelief and embarrassment, he took her question literally. For some reason he assumed that there was more depth to her question, as if she really <i>cared</i> if he was happy. <i>Aisling?</i> he thought again, hopefully, forgetting for a moment it wasn't even her. <i>Does Aisling care if I'm happy?</i> He shrugged the thought aside with a gaunt shoulder-blade. The aggression he had worn like a mighty crown had been discarded in the snow, leaving only a defeated sigh. "<b>Happy? I don't know how long it's been since I've been happy.</b>" Still in a bewildered stupor, he ignored his mouth, which ran away with questions he never meant to ask. He was confused enough to actually be conversational. "<b>What about you?</b>"
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you come to me with scars on your wrist you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this Now under his gaze, she felt him staring at her. Already tense and nervous, she drew her ears back and began to bare her teeth, becoming defensive in the face of a possible threat. But then he took a step forward and she froze in place, waiting for his next move. To her he seemed confused, and she was even more convinced of that when he suddenly leaped backwards, as if he had come to some realization. She relaxed her face, hiding her teeth once more, but her ears remained pulled back against her head and her tail was held slightly up. Clearly she still considered him some kind of threat. It wasn't until he appeared less aggressive and he began to speak that Anyu lowered her tail back to its normal position, close to her legs. Her body relaxed and her ears moved forward again. The short show of defensiveness had tired her out and she couldn't even pretend to be strong now. She appeared slimsy in the moonlight; her thin body, loosely-hanging tail, and the defeat in her eyes making her look fragile. Even though she hadn't meant to question his happiness, she didn't seem to care that he was answering her completely wrong. She was a bit surprised when he returned the question, but it didn't show on her face. At first she wasn't sure how to answer; he was a complete stranger so she didn't believe he even really cared. She could lie and say she was happy. Or she could tell the truth. She turned her head to the side, looking at the ground and the trees to her left. “I don't even remember what it feels like to be happy,” she told him, her voice low and filled with sadness and longing. When had she last been happy? With Cronos, before the fire, maybe. She barely remembered that now. Her mate was gone, as was her family, and she had ended up here. There was nothing to be happy about. i just came to say goodbye didn't want you to see me cry, i'm fine

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Was it her ivory fur that soothed him, made him act civilized and rational? He was having trouble discerning what was Jayse, what was Aisling, and what wasn't. In his head, he knew it was wrong to confuse this strange heathen with all the others, but his heart longed for something familiar. And maybe, just maybe, if he pretended that she <i>was</i> Aisling or Jayse... maybe then he could be... <i>happy</i>? He let go of himself, letting his imagination run away with those pale green eyes that... maybe could have been Jayseyek's, if only one of them had been blue. Hunger repainted the stranger as his lover, as his captor, his leader, his savior, his friend. Ignoring the nagging facts that worried at the back of his mind, he closed his eyes and gave himself up to the dream. A faint smile colored his lips.

The most singularly understanding thing Kiche had ever done, and maybe would ever do, was nod in accompaniment to her sad statement. What <i>did</i> it feel like to be happy? When he opened his eyes, he forgot what he was looking at. Stranger, Aisling, Stranger, Jayse, Aisling, Stranger.... The face flicked back and forth between the alien and the comforting. It settled on Aisiling for a moment, and he stared at her hungrily. "<b>I know,</b>" he was suddenly compelled to take a step forward, even though his rational self screamed that it was wrong, "<b>I'm sorry.</b>" If she was Aisling, then he was responsible, wasn't he? "<b>It's been so long,</b>" he added vaguely, as if he were talking about the last time he had been happy. But he wasn't. He took another step forward, but could not take any more, his mind rebelled. This <i>wasn't</i> Aisling.

In an attempt to separate this creature from the muddled, multiple identities he had given her, he decided to steer the conversation away from wherever it had been headed. He didn't want to examine his feelings for Aisling now anyway, really.... "<b>Do you want to talk about it?</b>" But why would she want to talk about it with him? He was a stranger too. He didn't deserve her confidence. "<b>I feel like talking about it,</b>" he offered shyly, staring at his paws.
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you come to me with scars on your wrist you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this Confusion and suspicion colored her face. She didn't understand this strange wolf, who seemed to be confused as well, based on his actions. The smile on his face made her nervous, but she didn't make a move to back away; nor did she become defensive again. The anxiety that she was feeling came from not knowing his intentions or what was going through his mind. Strange behavior made her wary more often than not. It wasn't until he took a step forward, staring at her strangely, that she drew her ears back again and took a step backward. She did not bare her teeth this time, but it was clear that she didn't want him coming any closer just yet. Yes, she had wanted to socialize more, to try to mend her broken heart, but she wasn't sure that she was ready for situations such as these. After being hurt so many times she was afraid of being hurt again; this was just the kind of wolf that might cause her harm, mental or physical. It was as if he was confusing her with someone else. Or she thought that was the case. The actions of the male made it difficult for her to figure out what exactly was going on. Even when he spoke she was quickly confused. “Sorry...?” she repeated, clearly confused. Why was this wolf apologizing to her? She didn't even know who he was! Was there a reason for her to open her mind up to a stranger, even for a short time? She didn't know who this wolf was or what he might try to do to her. But what difference would it make if she did choose to talk about it. Confused and hesitant, she gave the same response as the previous one. “Talk about it...?” Unable to know what to make of this male, she just wasn't sure what to do. She realized that her posture was tense, but at least she had been able to draw her ears forward. Her head was low, though, as if she were defending the vulnerable parts of her body, and she eyed the male with suspicion, refusing to take her eyes off of him after his strange behavior. i just came to say goodbye didn't want you to see me cry, i'm fine

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Her confusion and hesitance was a knife in his heart. <i>Of course,</i> he told himself, <i>Of course. She doesn't know what you're talking about. She's not Aisling.</i> But he wanted her to be Aisling so bad. Maybe if she just dreamed a little harder, wished a little harder, she could really be Aisling. Maybe he could make her into Aisling. Slowly, his gleaming copper eyes traveled the length of the scar on her slender muzzle and down her spine. She was like a block of white marble, untouched, expectant... Maybe he could carve something out of her, something like Aisling. Delirious, he failed to realize the significance of that scar along her face —a scar that Aisling didn't have. That thread of scar tissue reflected a whole life time of pain and experience. This she-wolf was not a clean slate or a block of uncut marble. But he wished so badly that she was, and so he was able to ignore the scar. When he blinked, he couldn't see it anymore.

"<b>Yeah....Talk about it,</b>" he repeated dumbly, gazing back at her. "<b>Sometimes... it helps to talk about it with a stranger. They don't judge you.</b>" He hardly knew if he believed what he was saying, but he just let the words flow out of his mouth. Like <i>he</i> had ever really, <i>truly</i> opened up to anyone. Only Aisling. And Jayse, that one time. But everything else had been a huge lie. Even when he had told the truth, he had told it as if it were a lie. He used the truth to manipulate those around him... and here he was doing it again, blissfully unaware of it. But if this girl was like Aisling... then he could tell her the truth, <i>right</i>? "<b>Maybe if you don't want to talk... you can just listen... But I think talking helps.</b>"
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OOC// sorry if this is confusing. i was doing like 10 things at once when i wrote it you come to me with scars on your wrist you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this She could still remember the times when she would have handled a situation like this with strength. Now she was nervous and hesitant. What had happened to the strong wolf who had once had such a commanding presence? Now she found that she didn't even know how to respond to this stranger. For some reason she could not shake the feeling of being scrutinized by the other wolf. She didn't quite understand why, but it seemed as if he was constantly watching her, looking her over. There was something odd about him, but she couldn't place it. When she had first heard him ordering her to show herself he had seemed different than he did now. Needless to say, she was a bit confused, and of course it was visible on her face and in her eyes. She had never told anyone about what had happened to her to make her feel this way. No one had ever offered before. A desperate feeling filled her; she really wanted to tell this stranger everything simply because she knew that she needed someone to talk to. It was tempting to take his offer. For some reason, though, she didn't believe that strangers didn't judge. She had known plenty who did. Even she judged strangers sometimes; it was hard not to. The only difference was that she was more understanding than a lot of wolves out there. “Talking does help,” she said softly. She knew it did. “I want to talk, because it hurts to keep it all inside, but no one ever wants to listen, and I never know where to start.” Suddenly she was talkative, pouring out her feelings to this stranger whom she would probably never meet again. She lowered her head and glanced at him, suddenly shy and nervous. She was still confused, but she needed to talk. She should take the chance while she had it. i just came to say goodbye didn't want you to see me cry, i'm fine