Iridescent Lagoon second heartbeat

When I was younger...

The waves struck high against the sharp, black rocks with a loud crash. Again, and again it repeated in a soothing lullaby. "Jayse -Jaysyek," a familiar, sweet voice called, and she could hear the seagulls cawing in the distance. She groaned, rolling over, and curling up into a tighter ball. She did not want to wake up. Someone began biting her neck, pulling her ears with a rather small growl. "Dyami, go!" She shook her head trying to shake him. He only pulled harder. "Fine, I'm up." She opened her eyes to see her mother standing just outside the den with a broad smile. Dyami was beside her with a huge smirk. "I wace you!" He barked wheeling off into the warm sand. She sprang forward, chasing after his heels with fierce yaps. The brightness of the sun did not slow her, she threw herself into the game.

They chased each other, back and forth in the shore line letting the smaller waves lap at their paws while Astraea watched. She was unaware of anything wrong till her mother was soon hovering over them. Jayse stopped noting the sad look on her face. Dyami bumped into her side but she bit his cheek in warning. "Mum?" Shed' ask, but her mother's eyes were drawn to a blond figure in the distance.

The sunlight was warm against her face, and closed eyelids. She breathed in deep every scent of her surroundings mixing together. The wetness of rock and earth, the dead grass' frail tinge, and the crisp willow bark. It was nothing like the ocean, but her memory had resurfaced in her mind. She pushed out the new breath in a loud sigh, and opened her eyes to the sparkling light that reflected off the ice, and water of the lagoon. If only it was warm enough to enter. Some physical exercise, the ease rhythm of keeping her head above water would do her good. A frown cut sharply along her muzzle, and her tail was pressed tight against her haunches. Surprisingly her ears were lifted, but not for long. She tromped through the snow, and to the water's edge with them pinned to her skull. She stomped at the snow, making it mush beneath her pads. Soon the mush became mud, and it flew in large drops staining against her white coat.She continued well until her limbs were brown, and her face was painted with muddy freckles. Once her anger and sadness had passed leaving her tired, she merely gave up, and lied down into the mud slush staring out across the far stretch of water.

(This post was last modified: Feb 15, 2012, 12:24 AM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>Slowly pacing along the glade and following Jaysyek's scent through Southern Eden had not been Borden's original plan for the day but something had begun to gnaw at him. The more he entertained the idea of trailing in her footsteps the more he figured he might as well catch up with her and see how she was doing. After all, aside from silently holding vigils in front of the abandoned bear den and in passing while on patrol along the borders, the two Lyall's had rarely seen one another.

He continued until he realized her path led him even further south than the Glade. His limbs froze and he swept his nose along the ground and took a step in a few directions before confirming she had continued through the wetlands. He trekked along at a steady prowl until a lagoon materialized between the trees accompanied by the sound of paws stamping into the shore.

Borden peered around a tree before stepping out from behind it, laying his eyes on the very being he had been pursuing. She was resting at the water's edge and her usually spotless white coat was dappled in specks of mud. The smile he had been donning melted away and his brows knitted together in concern. <b>"Hello,"</b> he called out to her in cordial tone. <b>"Is... everything all right?"</b></blockquote>

Well, what do you want from me?

I saw my daddy cry, and curse at the wind...

Ears flattened to her skull, and she tucked her neck tighter. The voice was someone she knew, or thought she had. Body relaxed, and she turned to see him. "Oh, it's you," she quietly answering, avoiding the question. She had the answer and didn't want to voice it. It was admitting her defeat, giving it more control over here. Couldnt he see it? Maybe, he hadn't been watching her the whole time or had he? She wanted to ask, but decided she didn't want to know. It wouldn't change the rush of shame heating her cheeks. She spared him only a short stare before resting her eyes in the same spot she'd been till he had spoken. "I'm sure things will get better," she finally would add in a quiet far off tone, telling herself as much as him. Was it the truth or a lie? Lies didn't become truth just because they were repeated a hundred times. What else did she have? The phrase it could be worse had been proved to her time after time. It was likea jinx to think or put it to sound.

Her head slowly dropped on her mucked legs. She was a poor sight, and should probably have cared. She really didn't like being seen like this, but she'd just didn't feel like moving, or putting on a good face. She could easily go to the creek, and wash before being spotted by anyoen else. But it wasn't like she was sought out all the time. Everyone did a pretty good job of avoiding each other. Hardly a pack, and the thought made her ears rotate even further back. She'd never understand why anyone craved power. It made her want to run.

If the sun had not been out, she would probably been chilled to the bone, but it's heat came in waves, and she didn't move. She was half afraid to, and the other part of her wanted to shut herself away. A gentle clearing of her throat, she found his face. "What brings you all the way out here?"

<blockquote>It might have been a rather <i>stupid</i> question to ask, but her reaction and response apparently confirmed it to be. He canted his head slightly and took a slow step towards her. His ears swiveled back. Oh, how he hated to see her in such a state. So much... distress, sorrow, and everything else.

He tried to offer her a small smile but what feeble attempt he made collapsed as he noticed her footprints in the mud. <b>"Things will get better,"</b> he echoed, wanting to assure her. <b>"It can always get better."</b> Blinking, he simply gazed at her, taking her in. A part of him wanted to straight out admit that this was not Jaysyek. <i>His</i> Jaysyek. It made his heart ache. The wolf before him was not the leader he had left when he had gone off in search of their first-born son. Frankly, it was like a part of her had died...

She looked up at him and another attempt at a grin was made. Of all the things he had missed most about his beloved, he had missed the way those pools of gold and cobalt looked back at him. The way she gazed back however had him worried, it seemed to him like the spark that her irises once held had vanished almost completely. He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He swallowed and cleared his throat just as she had done. <b>"Well, t-truthfully? You... Jaysyek,"</b> he admitted.</blockquote>

Well, what do you want from me?

He broke his own heart...

She forced herself not to stare at him, not wanting to put him in discomfort. She wanted to be mindful of her actions, and felt any miscalculation could throw the balance of things. She lifted her head, starting to attempt to draw a cordiate into the mud. It looked nothing like a heart, only an ugly smear. This was enough to upset her. She quickly scraped it away, letting it ooze between her soft pads, putting her head down over her sad attempt.

Very slowly her ears lifted steadily from her white crown, but she could not bare to look at him directly. It made the hurt inside her more evident. It struck a chord when he tried to assure her. Knowing he'd done this before....once upon a time. She had always felt tremendously better no matter how great or small the comfort he gave was. What was it now? It seemed like a cruel joke, or a mean trick. How could he really be saying that. Comfort wasn't real, not any more. She couldn't find it, she couldn't have it. Yet the tiniest bit of her (if not really all of her) needed it, and seemed to revive itself remembering.

She didn't see the grin he tried to show. She was staring into his eyes, wondering just how many times she had looked into them. How they had captivated her, now she wasn't sure what she saw. She hung on the hope he might speak again as his mouth moved. When it closed, she felt hope drop like it was something alive in her. About to look away, uncertain how anything mended what he said next blew her away. Her face creased in both astonishment, and confusion. He wanted to see her? The evident shock was plain as day on her features, she tried to steady her composure but found she could not move. "Me?" She at last blurted, and she quickly sat up, striding up to him, ready to run."Did something happen? Are the pups okay?" It was where her brain went, he was looking for her because something was wrong.

(This post was last modified: Feb 15, 2012, 06:06 AM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>Watching her bolt upright and stride right up to him made him flinch and his leg muscles locked. He had expected her to straight out attack him if she hadn't mentioned anything about the pups. <b>"N-no,"</b> he immediately stammered in hopes of quelling what anxiety and panic he had prompted. <b>"Everything's okay."</b> He clenched his teeth together nervously, <b>"Everything's okay, <i>love</i>."</b>

<i>Oops.</i>

He averted his gaze, embarrassed to say the least. <b>"Ev– Everything is alright,"</b> he started again, not wanting to look at her directly. <b>"I just... wanted to see you. See how... you were and all."</b> His nose twitched and he risked looking back into her eyes. The parts of his body that had stiffened relaxed just enough for him to flick his tail and slowly sit down before her. <b>"I'm sorry,"</b> he apologetically smiled, choking back a chuckle. <b>"I... I-I didn't mean to disturb you."</b> Even after all this time, more than a year since their meeting and nearly a year since the establishment of their pack, here they were... still beginning their conversations the way they seemed to always have - with an apology.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Feb 15, 2012, 09:19 AM by Borden.)

Well, what do you want from me?

i watched as he tried to reassemble it..

Her stiff body dropped, and relaxed in relief. She'd been so ready to make it as fast as she could to the hollow."Oh," she said, quite uncertain what she should do now. Seeing his fear made her draw back from him, leaning her body to show she was not threatening him. It hurt seeing him think she could physical harm him. She didn't feel she had many if any options to change that. Their relationship was so strained, what was left of it. Her muzzle started to turn, ready to take her to a new patch of snow when he began to repeat himself. She paused in her step, looking at him from the corner of her golden eye. She was going to vilipend his words. She even opened her mouth to ask him to stop, when instead he had added something to it. Her gray dusted ears rotated back, uncertain if she'd really heard what she thought. "What?" She whispered, turning to face him once more.

He avoided her eye contact, and she was uncertain what she had heard. The skin around her nose began to wrinkle, but she only stared at him wide eyed as he continued talking. Was she asleep? No way had he come to check on her, no way was he smiling, or attempting to laugh. A lump formed in her throat, and the pieces fell into place. She was awake, and he was really here. I didn't mean to disturb you. I"m already disturbed, she thought, but kept her lips sealed. She did her best not to stare back at him.

"You're fine, I just haven't..... seen you for awhile. I figured something was wrong if you came all this way,"she supplied in a tone of indifference while letting her gaze sweep past him to the near by willows. She wanted to put him at ease, but doubted she would be successful in her efforts. He would probably cringe at her words, utter another apology. She was just trying to control her string of emotions, to think of a better idea.

A brush of air blew through her teeth, and she walked a little to the right before sitting down. She figured it would be best if she wasn't directly in front of him, and she decided she better start the task of cleaning her fur. She started rubbing her brown paws against the white, staining what had been pure. "I won't tell you I am fine, but that's not news," she began, concentrating on her actions. "What about you? Meet any of the new members?" She said trying to sound casual, and change the subject to something more neutral. She didn't think she could talk to him, not like she use too. He was more fragile. There was no one to talk to.

(This post was last modified: Feb 15, 2012, 05:50 PM by Jaysyek.)

<blockquote>His lifted his gaze to her to find that she had relaxed and seated herself to his right, giving him some distance. The dark-rimmed ears that had pinned themselves to the sides of his skull slowly rose as she said that he was fine. That he hadn't bothered her and that she just hadn't seen him for some time. <i>Same to you,</i> his thoughts answered. The feeble smile that had settled along his snout tried to lengthen and spark happiness in his eyes but the expression only remained on his face for a few seconds before mellowing.

<i>"I won't tell you I am fine but that's not news,"</i> she told him, starting to clean her forelimbs of the lagoon mud. His brows drooped. Sure, he had figured that much but to hear her voice the fact made him realize just how terribly things had settled with her. The Jaysyek he knew before was not like this, burdened with bitterness. Not wanting to <span class='word'>vilipend</span> what she had said, his gaze settled on her paws and the marks she was starting to make in the snow. <b>"I could be better,"</b> he admitted evenly. <b>"But, no, I haven't met the new members yet."</b> <i>Just wait though,</i> his mind trailed on with the thought. <i>I will soon enough and, by spring, everything will be in order. Just. Wait.</i>

The ragged tail that had settled behind him swept across the ground and curled close to his body. <b>"You know,"</b> he began quietly, looking back to her face as he managed to muster up a more genuine smile. <b>"You could always talk to me. I know I haven't been available these past few weeks, but... well, I'm here."</b> He studied her features, watching and waiting for her reaction; whatever walls she had put up, there was a determination within him now to break them down. Completely.</blockquote>

Well, what do you want from me?

And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget.

She was caught in her tedious work, her paws getting lighter by the second. She continued scooting to cleaner snow, not realizing how hard he was trying to bring a real smile to his face. She started running her elbow along her muzzle, letting her ears lean toward his voice. She soon began wondering how to help it be better for him, that was the unanswered question she wasn't certain she could fix. She bobbed her head to show she was listening, aware of each word he said. The news he hadn't met any new recruits didn't surprise her. He stayed to himself, and she didn't seem him converse with anybody. She'd just hope to hear different from him. But nope. She had to mute the sigh that swelled in her chest. She was aware if she kept everything in she was bound to burst at he seem. She wasn't necessarily worried about it now. She had released some of her pent up frustration, the mud being the evidence. She should be able to continue, pushing it tight under lock and key once more.

The sound of his tail caught her attention, and she peered at the tawny, and black peppered appendage move against him. She sharply blinked, rubbing her paws along the wet snow as if she'd noticed nothing. She was starting to wonder how she'd tolerate him being quiet, and how to keep herself from saying or doing something rash when he started talking in a much more steady tone. Her head snapped, and she literally gawked at him. "Who are you, and what have you done with Borden?" She asked a warmth in the undercurrent. She sat a little straighter, a suspicious gaze lingering on his strengthened smile. But, somewhere there was a contemplating smile starting to show on her face. This was a pleasant surprise, but she didn't understand where it had come. Nor how to respond. They might as well have been miles apart when she'd last tried to coax a conversation from him. Was this is way of saying he just might be able to converse? She wanted to believe she could talk to him, but a lot had changed. She didn't know where to begin, and his fear still lingered somewhere beneath his tawny hide.

An unbelieving laugh, she shook her head. "This would be a lot easier if you asked me questions instead, and realized I would never physically harm you."

<blockquote>The smile on his masked features broadened into a grin for a few moments when she asked him what he had done with the <i>real Borden.</i> He hadn't actually expected her to respond just as lightly but he was rather glad she did. After sometime she gave her head a shake and laughed. His brows rose, especially appalled by her latter statement, but he gave a somber smile.

<b>"I realized,"</b> he retorted. <b>"It's just I was... not sure how we were going to initiate such an encounter. After my bouts with Elettra you can't blame me for locking up, for bracing myself for the worst. For the longest time that Second of yours has had me scared out of my wits; <i>skittish</i> even."</b> The tone in his voice was rather straight-forward, much like he was patiently answering a youth's list of never-ending questions all afternoon. <b>"And, truthfully,"</b> he added. <b>"I wasn't expecting some sort of <i>physical</i> attack; of all the things, I was simply afraid you might take some of your anger out on me. Verbally. Like... Like perhaps you might've not wanted me to seek you out."</b> His ears lowered further before perking back up to their normal positions. He hated to say it, but a part of him wanted to make sure she had understood his alarmed reaction. <b>"I'm well-aware that we've both changed over the past few months; I just didn't want to overstep a boundary or two too quickly."</b>

He paused and took a deep breath. <b>"If... If questions are easier for you, then let us start with this,"</b> he then offered gently, gazing out towards the water's surface in case she thought his gaze to be intimidating at this point. <b>"What is your next move? With spring around the corner I'm sure you have something in mind? What with the pack thriving and the children almost grown."</b></blockquote>

Well, what do you want from me?