Luna Hill In Your Arms

<blockquote>Time is an eternal river, coursing through the wilderness of life without the kind of hesitation that makes the hard things sufferable. There are moments which we long to capture and hold forever - moments of love, seconds of joys, and glimpses of faith - even though we know all things must end, or change. In stride, there are moments that we wish to erase or alter, defining instances that may have some purpose but hurt so much that the happy ending seems, in the darkest hours, unattainable. Where the rushing rapids bring hope and opportunity, forging new paths and covering those which had existed, it is in the quiet, bubbling bends where time stands the stillest. It is not until the current eases that it is possible to realize that it is too late to slow down, too impossible to change, and harder to forget than to forgive. But the waters are not cruel in their intentions; it is with a unique kindness that their power remains in the face of our own choices, wants, or decisions. Without the river, without time, there is no rhythm to keep our pulsing heartbeats steady.

The silver haze that clung to the swaying grasses was nothing like the metallic glazes of his weeping eyes. There was nothing warmer than the quiet summer night, but the ice that coated every inch of his insides made the open space feel empty and deadened. Even the fruitful blackberry plants, teeming at every corner of the expanse, appeared to wither before and around him. It was as though the river of life and time had dwindled and evaporated, reduced to nothing in the face of circumstance. A part of him wished that the gentle breeze which enticed the grasses to sway would touch his life, a wish that it would carry him from this place and into the next life, if one existed. A wish that he could be carried to her, as he once was, in this very place. Perhaps that was why he had come – riding on a hope that, just maybe, her ghostly grace would descend upon him. Memories of the way the sun had set upon them so many days, of how the moon seemed to unite them best when the world was dark, memories of the way she would allow her mismatched eyes to fall when his words were spoken softly, gently…

They haunted him.

She was his beacon of guidance, the light that had shone upon the rusted remains of his icy, iron heart. She was the strength that coursed through his veins, the hope for something, for anything; she was everything, and would never be his. The burning love they shared had scorched them both, and even the months that had passed since they had embraced it that night beneath the protection of the ancient tree, hidden from the world, would not serve to undo the heartbreak. If anything, the days that had passed without her in them had unraveled the sling she had fashioned for his brittled soul. The thought caused his eyes to clench so tightly as his head fell defeatedly, and the man gasped for air to fill his empty, burning chest. The earth where he laid was dampened by the tears that fell, collecting between his forelegs in a puddle of sorrow. He had failed. He had failed himself, he had failed her. He could not save their love, or hide or protect it from the world that had ripped them apart. Try as he had in the shadow of their undoing, he had failed to keep his promise to never leave her side. If only he had been braver; if only he had been stronger; if only he were more than an empty man.

If only.

In a moment of anger, the dark masked creature would turn his gaze to the stars he had once said were shamed by her perfection. You lied to me! He would silently scream. The stars had offered them forever, had shone down upon their contrasting black and white forms with encouragement, and had lit the paths they had followed one another down time and time again. They even reminded him of her, no matter where in the world he was, no matter whom he was with…she was always there.

But she was not here - not when he needed her; not when he was ready to let the anger go; not when he aspired to accept the fact that she belonged to another, as she always had; not when the weight of the world was crushing him alive.

She was gone, and he was alone, drowning in the rapids that had broken everything they had together.</blockquote>

<blockquote>It's one of the world's wonders how one single being could affect one's soul, and no matter how great no small the time you may have with them you'll never be the same. You changed the moment you met them, let them into a part of you and maybe even gave a piece of yourself away. She could never say her life would ever be the same after staring into the gleaming steel orbs of a Kade Attaya because it wouldn't.

There had been parts of her cut away when she had stumbled into the man, and he had become a part of her life. Their story had began with no knowledge of an ending, and it had been a beautiful yet tragic tale to unfold. In the beginning there was no true end, what they had would always exist, no matter the distance, nor change that would be thrust upon them.

She had a great deal of time to be stuck with her thoughts while tending to her newborns, and soon waddling little cubs. There was rarely a moment when she did not wish to see how Mr. Attaya was. They had been so close to forging a path of their own, a different kind of tale, it was he she believed had paid the greatest price in the end. Would their be a Mrs. Attaya, and a happily ever happy for Kade? Would there be someone who was more a part of him than Jayse could ever be, that they were truly his other half? She did not know, but hoped and believed there was such a maiden out there for he deserved nothing less. The brief times they may met in the past months there was little said, and it was tugging on her that there was some storm beneath the surface of his steady facade. Was that not what he had seen in the depths of her own eyes? The falling rain of sadness, the thundering anger, and the coursing winds of desperation she was lost within? he had been there for her, the pale, yet bright pale moon in the darkness and the cold to guide her...to prove there was a way out. What kind of wolf would she be to do nothing when he had done so much for her? She could not count herself any sort of decent, nor deserving of anything but hell.

It was time to do something.

The pups could sleep with Borden tonight, she needed to do this, and see him. She was always afraid it would be the last time, and if a goodbye was to be done now or later they needed some kind of closure. She may know her place was beside Borden with her children, she knew a different path she could have taken, and how that world...that story had died in a single moment when it barely had seemed to take life. She owed it to the dark cloaked gentleman to be there for him, ease his troubled mind, and make sure the breath of fire she may have breathed into his soul was still ignited instead of cold ash.

With goodnight kisses, and whispered sweet words she fled into the darkness of the cool night to find <i>him.</i>

It was not hard to look, half knowing the trails he could take, and where he may go. His scent, it reminded her of cold,rocky waters, wet sand, and marshy dew of grasses. It was <i>home</i> almost, just a different kind, and t it was forever etched on her mind. How could she forget it? Or him? Or how it were? Her pale paws drifted, and pulled her through the sea of grass like there were magnets in their chest sometimes pushing, and other times pulling them closer. The invisible string tugged against her, leading her through the field to the top of a smooth, hilltop where he almost could have been expecting her. It was clear when her eyes, one of gold and the other blue, drifted to his dark figure he was not exactly awaiting for her. He was being suffocated by the reminders he could not escape. It was then she might think she had ruined him, and she could not move closer in this assumption. It was a belief a single touch would singe his dark hair, his skin, and harm him on the outside like the in. Jaysyek owed it to him, and she would not leave him in his hour of need. It was with no word, nor further hesitance she boldly navigated to his side, daring to sit close enough for their coats of contrast to touch.

<b>"Have I ruined you?"</b></blockquote>

<blockquote>It was not the lady's soft padfalls, nor the nectarous fragrance of her fur carried by the easy summer winds that gave her away. He had always <i>felt</i> her presence, the way is drummed gently in his heart as if it were plucking the strings. It did not feel heavy, or light for that matter; it did not weigh on him, or sweep him from his feet; it made him feel <i>whole</i>, strong, and <i>loved</i>, as it always had. Lifting his head high, ripping the chains of sorrow and self-loathing from his pride, his pale, silver gaze would sweep across the moonlit meadow as he waited, breathless. All this time had passed, all the days, and not one with her in it, and <i>here she was now</i>, so <i>close</i>. But it did not feel like he'd been without her in his life; in fact, anytime they were in each other's company it was as though they were in a world of their own, far from this place, somewhere where there was no time, but it was always <i>their</i> time. There was nothing like it, and he'd never figure out how it came to be that way, but it was so very special and close to his heart.

The breath he'd been holding in softly left from his chest as the tips of her ashen, ivory fur brushed gently against his side, and his eyes would flutter shut. Every breath she took touched his core, resonating inside of him like waves of ice water. How much he wanted to touch her, hold her, <i>give</i> her <i>everything</i> - his love, and affection, and every ounce of purity that could have possible survived his self-torture. And yet he knew that it wasn't in the cards for them; it had been, but was no more, and there was nothing to be done, or that could be done, now. Remembering the bitterness and heartbreak was so easy, but <i>this</i> was so hard. The words slipped from her mouth like a fallen petal drifting downstream, the tone of her angellic voice like the winter's first snowfall. <i>Have I ruined you?</i>

In a moment of ludicrous humor he almost laughed at the notion. <i>Ruined me?</i> he thought inwardly as his eyes clenched even tighter. 'Ruin' was never a word he could ever associate with Jaysyek. She couldn't ruin anything, least of all him. She was <i>hope</i>, and <i>love</i>, nothing of disaster (although, emotionally she was an eternal disaster, and he loved her for it). A million thoughts flashed through his mind, a million memories and a million fantasies, and only a single hurt. It was because of his love for her, not because of her - it was never her fault, he had allowed himself to fall so hard and deep, knowing that there was a past she longed to connect to her present. She had chosen to do the <i>right</i> thing, and he would never blame her for that, for anything, really. When the emotional flashflood eventually subsided, the pale metallic eyes of the guardian burned with resolution as they searched for his angel's mismatched ones. Slowly, and not without gulping down his fears and hopes, he turned his head to get a good, hard look at the woman who had given him <i>life</i>. Though the winds slipped through his coat, and his limbs trembled ever so subtly, his gaze was steady and true as tears he would not hold back streamed down his cheeks.

<b>"Jaysyek,"</b> he started, a whisper in the night, <b>"I love you."</b> It was probably not what she'd expected, not an answer to her burning question. But it was the one thing he'd been to cowardly to ever say plainly, words he owed to her and spent the sleepless nights regretting never having said. The man looked over the familiar angles of her face, the broken, perfect twinkle in her beautiful eyes, soaking up the feeling of warmth that spread through his chest and body.

<b>"You've only ever made me complete."</b>

...A calm took hold of the scene, as the two once-lovers sat side by side once more atop the hill that now seemed so much closer to their stars.</blockquote>

(This post was last modified: Jun 28, 2012, 05:59 AM by Kade.)

<3

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There was a collected amount of quiet night sound as she approached. The wind running through long blades of grass, rattling against the thin branches of berry bushes, and the simple hum of crawling insects on their daily life. It was the background noise, his beating heart, his pull of breath was the loudest thing to her ears,which strained to make sure she heard those sounds above anything else. She captivated his attention, and he would hers. And it would forever be a mystery she would never known but always question, and wonder upon. How they were drawn to another, together, yet in different worlds. If by simply seeing her he was transformed from a tethered, miserable shadow to a wolf once again. If her presence could breath life back into him again. She would not understand what it was she did that brought such a reaction. Hadn't he been in misery only a second ago because of her too? With her lips in a thin line, she could not say any more awaiting an answer to her question.

The time felt great, his silver eyes hidden from view, and little play upon his dark mask to tell what it was he was thinking or might willing to say. It took a lot out of her to sit here so close, feeling like they were still miles apart, because there was a part of her who wanted to fix that too. She could not. She had thought countless times of what could have been. There was no doubting she loved the man beside her in way she never thought, but the truth had come out; she loved Borden more. It was Borden she would not, and could not give up. The problem was Jayse was selfish, and had already told Kade she did not want him saying goodbye. This was what she tormented herself with. Was he here because he wanted to be? Did he feel still obligated to her?

A part of her had grieved for the hurt she'd caused not one soul, but two and all they could have had. With Kade it would have been a new beginning, something she imagined would have had had less hurt, something wonderful that had never existed. She had come to know what she could do with, and without. Somehow she had known how more broken things they all would have become if she'd done it differently. They would never be the same again, and her breath was hung up in her throat, pressing tight on the back of her lips. If she had not ruined him she certainly had cut him. All along she had been aware of some point of his affections, but never certain how far they were. The shuffle of his silver wisped limbs, she steadied herself closer to him if to steal the pain which she placed upon him, away. Or least to be the strong pillar of support that he had countless times been for her. She told herself again,Kade would recovery. He would have a future with someone. While Borden, in the state that he had been in, well she did not like to dwell on the grim picture. The truth was she had never fallen out of love with him. It had been in her to heal him, but it was only because of Kade she had been herself. It sounded like one messed up mathematical problem about stealing halves to make wholes.

When he opened his eyes, asking almost to see her, she titled her muzzle to meet the misted pair of silver orbs she thought may just break her own heart. In turn what could she do but stare into them, and hear her name quietly slip forth. Yet, though his tone was hushed, it shattered everything. What thoughts she had been holding onto, the distance calls of the darkened field, and anything she might have been going to say to try to stop the pour of tears. All she knew was his steel eyes holding onto her, and the soon glistening ones of her own with what he would say.

It was true she had waited for him to say those words, but only to make clear on what they had. That had been in the past, and she wasn't sure what hurt more. Never hearing them before, or now after everything.
It was a mere instinct she wanted to recoil, even snap because of the pain she'd been suppressing was rising up again. How could she throw it in his face? Telling him he couldn't? Or better calling him crazy for doing so. Some random blathering of question, and confusion....no, she couldn't do that. She was trying hard control all of her rampant emotions. So the leadess, she sat with the beginnings of a dim smile, and sad, tear struck eyes. She was overwhelmed by her heart, and a small sigh broke from her lungs. She could not help when she pressed herself into him to bring him close. <b>"You've done the same for me,"</b> she answered in a low voice. <b>"and I..I don't know what I would have done...what I'd do <i>without you</i>..."</b>

She pulled herself back, <b>"But, I'm selfish Kade, and you....you should be with someone who loves you more than I do...who can give you <i>everything.</i>"</b>
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