Lost Lake Sold my soul

Sold my life to bring the rain, maybe to wash me clean, sold my soul to stop the pain, hoping you's set me free all your fear all your shame you know that you can lay it all on me you can lay it all on me

Namara stood at the highest point she could find with out leaving the pack boundaries and stared out before her at her new home. Namara heaved a sigh that was as large as her own figure and thought travelling deep into her past memories until recently they had all been buried. Her mind showed her flashes of pushing around poor Kamota whom she and Tenzin always veiwed as weaker than they. She reflected he had done the strongest thing of them all he left, turned his back on his tormentors and walked away from it. Yet here she was she had seen the error of her ways and she was trying to change, but it was hard and she was constantly boiling under the surface, this she knew was bad.

How long Namara sat there she did not know but the warmth had left her paws by the time she shifted her eyes towards the boarders and decided that her pack mates would get nothing but compassion, she knew it would be hard to do at first but she could. she would channel her bullying, and her anger to anyone anywhere near their boarders. She didn't move however she began to wonder what her future would hold she ever gain her packs trust, and what position should she try for, she couldn't help but think to ask Kamota what he wanted to do. At the same time she had to admit the thought of patrolling boarders and guarding them with a strong wolf like Ash was also appealing, still no closer to a decision she just stared blankly into the white ocean of her new home lost deep in her own thoughts

Ooc: I hope this is okay <3 If not, I can delete it!

IC:

Navar didn't find herself traveling far from the Lost Lake since being accepted into Poison Path. Of course she had roamed the borders a little, checking to see where her new boundaries would be, but she couldn't help but feel a little insecure about her quick decision. She was sure that a feeling of true acceptance would come in time, but she would need to meet her pack mates first. The cream colored lady was yet to have the chance to do so. She could feel the tension in the air, although no members of the pack talked about what the situation was and part of her was dying to find someone who knew its details. Her fellow members seemed to be constantly scattered, and when she reached the borders their scent markings were strong, as if they were trying their hardest to keep something out. Something specific and foreboding.

The thoughts crept through her mind as she continued her travels, taking in the scene around her, trying to grow accustomed to the land that was now her home. She made note of frequently used paths and important landmarks. The female had been to Riddle Heights before but in the distance a high point came into view, and she figured it would be a good place to use as a lookout to better learn the geography of the area. The sturdy female traversed the land easily, finding herself to be quite surprised when she reached the peak only to see another wolf had already taken her idea. The scent was of Poison Path, but she was not familiar with the form.

Approaching cautiously, but in a relaxed manner she spoke."Hello..?" she said softly, hoping not to startle the stranger. Her fur gleamed a distinct hue of gold, her amber eyes were light and inviting."I hope I didn't interrupt something," she said softly. The other might be on the lookout, or waiting for another member, and she didn't want to interrupt such an occasion. Quietly she waited.

OOC: nope you are perfectly fine!

"Hello..?" Namara's head whipped suddenly around at the sound of a soft voice and she had to choke down a growl, it was a product of her lone days. "I hope I didn't interrupt something," Namara's eyes sparkled almost mischievously, "Do wolves in this pack stare at nothing and call it an activity?" she said with a good natured huff of laughter. the shade of the she-wolfs fur almost made her look golden it was an interesting sight to be sure, her eyes were just as pretty as her fur, and she was very polite, Namara could make a friend in this pack yet she hoped.

In her own almost gruff way looked at the she wolf her gray eyes intense and looking almost cold with the pain of memories she had been wandering through, she said "No you are not interrupting anything, I was just up her thinking and admiring the view, my name is Namara Laylani By the way." She returned her gaze to pure crystalline beauty of the snow covered land and felt her throat tighten with the thought of what she was about to do. Open up. Namara figured it must be the easiest way to make a friend, to connect with them. "Have you ever done something so terrible you don't even know if you can forgive yourself?" The question made her stomach clench painfully it was unspoken in her own mind and now she had someone to ask it to.

The golden hued female continued to approach the gray female with caution, even though she showed no signs of aggression. Honestly, she was the first wolf to outright show an emotion other than dominance and power."Do wolves in this pack stare at nothing and call it an activity?" A small smile curled at the edge of Navar's black lips as she took let out a small chuckle. It was a serious question nonetheless, not knowing if this wolf was another Guardian of Poison Path. She didn't want to find herself interrupting business. It seemed that this place would be a prime location for spotting outside wolves near the lake. Apparently the woman's name was Namara, but the last name was familiar. Laylani. Kamota. The wolf she met in the Heights.

Whilst thinking about where she remembered the name the female had spoken again. Have you ever done something so terrible you don't even know if you can forgive yourself?" It took the cream wolf by surprise, and her eyes widened just a bit. Namara's question seemed to be an invitation of sorts, and so Navar moved up closer to the edge, sitting herself a ways from the gray woman's side. There had been plenty in Navar's life that she wasn't proud of, many things that she never let other's know, but not once did she think she couldn't forgive herself for what she had done. Most of it was out of necessity and the way her parents had raised her - things out of her control. Namara's eyes had returned to the white blanket that coated the pack lands, and Navar's golden eyes followed her gaze, a slight furrow in her brow. She felt that this caused the lady great pain and so she tried to tread carefully.

"I don't think I ever have. I mean, I've done things no wold would be proud of, but how are you supposed to live with yourself if you can't.. forgive yourself for them?" she said softly, letting her eyes flick over to the female for a moment.

She knew that forgiving was one thing - and forgetting was another. She held her tongue, knowing that the thought of her brother was going to appear soon. It had been awhile since she thought about him, but if this wolf was opening herself up without even knowing Navar well then how was she to know their problems would be kept between the two of them? Navar knew that in this world there is time for happiness, sadness, mourning, love..

Maybe this was her time for confession.

"I don't think I ever have. I mean, I've done things no wold would be proud of, but how are you supposed to live with yourself if you can't.. forgive yourself for them?" Namara had truly expected an answer like that, it hurt her the way she knew it would. She couldn't place the feeling but she knew that deep inside of her something was there, a heart wrenching pain for the knowledge of those she had wronged. It would be easy to forgive herself for acting out of necessity but she hadn't and now she was paying the price.

Kamota had never done a thing to her yet she still felt the need to torture him. Why? Sure Namara had come to this pack, she had found Kamota but no one trusted her, it seemed Ash and Athena were both bound to be as distant as they could from her. This pack felt unlike the way she had hoped, the air was too cold, maybe it was just the weight of a storm ready to break over this pack and afterwards she could be accepted. Namara wanted this but she was unsure of weather or not it wanted her.

The pain was nearly unbearable, to try so hard to find a place to belong, and something to care for only for it to not care back. She was already beginning to think maybe she should leave, it seemed that Kamota might even be better off without worrying about weather or not she would betray him and the pack. All these thoughts were a jumbled mess and just irritated her, she merely looked over at the golden she-wolf and said "Most wolves I'm sure would stay the same, I guess that if a wrongdoing is that bad I should just work harder to rectify it shouldn't I, so I can live with myself?"

Little did the two wolves know that they shared a common feeling about their new families. She too felt a thick tension in the air, that their fellow members had other business to attend to than to make them feel a sense of acceptance within these borders. Navar began to feel a small spark inside her chest.. like she was speaking with a kindred spirit. Something that she hadn't come across in years, but she said nothing. There was heavy breaks of silence in between them, and Navar felt she didn't possess the answers that Namara was looking for - but she would try to help.

"Most wolves I'm sure would say the same, I guess that if a wrongdoing is that bad I should just work harder to rectify it shouldn't I, so I can live with myself?"

The cream colored female believed this to be true, but somethings couldn't be changed no matter how hard you try; she knew that well."I think that you can do your best and there is no hurt in trying, but you can't fix everything that's broken," she said, sort of matter-of-factly. There was a gentleness in her voice, but she could tell that Namara needed someone to be straight with her. Someone that wouldn't sugar coat things. The two of them sat side by side, casting and reeling their eyes over the plush white blanket that they now called their home.

"I don't want to pry.. but I've heard the name Laylani before. A male named Kamota. Do you know of him?" she asked curiously. She couldn't recall any type of fondness for him, but she remembered him saying that he was looking for a home. The pack he described he was looking for was the last place Navar thought she would be, but spending the winter as a loner in an unfamiliar land wasn't promising. Silently she waited for her answer.

She listened to Navar's words silently, and of course the usual anger at another wolf's words had begun to boil over within the headstrong girl but this time she held her tongue, this was a pack mate and she should respect her. ."I think that you can do your best and there is no hurt in trying, but you can't fix everything that's broken," It was true what she had said, Namara knew this but at the same time Kamota had vouched for her, and hopefully this was not one of those things that could never be fixed but she recalled words that had been spoken to her, or rather yelled just before she had been kicked in the face by that crazy slayer relative.

"I don't want to pry.. but I've heard the name Laylani before. A male named Kamota. Do you know of him?" Namara expected that question, she assumed that was how people would get to know her. But it did not bother her for once to be second to him. She felt a very odd prickle of pride that he was known in his pack, unlike herself whom may as well have been a ghost to anyone other than Athena, Ash, Kamota, and Navar here. She sighed inwardly to herself at that fact, unaware the exact same feelings stirred within the wolf near her.

"Some crazy wolf said the exact opposite, that everything could be fixed if you wanted it too, of course then he kicked me in the face" She said turning so that the female could see the scar under her eye. " Yes I know Kamota, he is my little brother, and the reason I am here in Poison Path." She wouldn't offer that her wrongdoing was the torture of the smaller male unless she asked. Even then it would be vague and In truth Navar would have to figure it out for herself.

She laughed a little at what the other wolf had told Namara. How could someone think that they have the power to rectify all of their wrongdoings. Must have been a cocky little wolf, and obviously not a very friendly individual either. She studied the scar under the female's eye. She was lucky that she got away without any loss of vision, or so she was assuming. She looked at her cream colored paws as she spoke, a little smile forming on her black lips.

"No one has the power to change what has already happened. That's why it's called the past. It makes you who you are," she paused for a moment, trying to gauge how Namara would take such a statement. Obviously whatever she did she wasn't proud of, and it was a part of her."But good or bad you can learn from it and decide who you're going to be," she said, with a light shrug of her shoulders.

It was funny how the words seemed to flow so effortlessly from her mouth, but she had so much trouble with accepting them for herself. It was like the words were rooted in her heart, but couldn't be deciphered in her head. As her memory of first meeting Kamota she could see little resemblance in them other than size, but he had mentioned that he came from a family of large wolves. He was right. However, Namara was showing a kinder side of herself to Navar and for once the female admired that. Her words felt intemerate, like they were spoken from the heart. For the first time since joining this harsh pack she felt a small stream of warmth in her chest."I met him in the mountains. He said he was looking for a pack. I didn't expect to end up in the same place as him," she said with a small chuckle. Her words were not meant to bring offence, seeing as Namara was his sister."He seemed on edge to me. Like something was about to jump out and grab him.." she said, shaking her head slightly as she remembered the large wolf shaking like a mere pup in the Heights.

(This post was last modified: Jan 28, 2013, 03:42 AM by Navar.)

The words Navar spoke of change sparked feeling in Namara, she was willing to accept that as a truth, that she could change, it would be a lot of work. She was prepared though, prepared to shed any thoughts of leaving until she proved her worth to Kamota, since most of the pack seemed to not care who nor where she was, except Ash who seemed to quite enjoy popping up just to give her harsh words and then leave again. After she proved her worth to Kamota, maybe she would even join Tenzin, in his pack, they seemed like they had power and strength not the swirl of distrust that lived in these borders.

Navar's next word brought a hardness to her gaze. Of course they would know he was not right from the beginning. Fuck it she thought bitterly, No one will care nor remember me when I'm gone, might as well let someone know why I'm even here. She can tell them why, when I leave."That's my fault, I tortured Kamota as a pup and up until he left our family, I followed with Tenzin, we split up and I found Kamota here, I'm here to show him I've changed I can be just a strong as I was. Only this time I can be faithful, I can be... right in my actions, and not selfish." Truly Namara did not want to leave the pack now that she was here, but if she didn't fit, if they didn't want her then she would be gone.

(This post was last modified: Jan 28, 2013, 04:07 AM by Namara.)

It didn't take much for Navar to understand the troubles that Namara had gone through with her bother. She didn't have a perfect track record with hers either. However, they had said nothing the day before her secret departure and she didn't plan on ever seeing them again; specifically Orrin. It wasn't often anymore that she was reminded of them. Their memories had started to fade since she found herself in Relic Lore, but now the things that Namara said were digging them from the back of her mind. She didn't understand why siblings would torture each other, unless they were truly malicious beings, and for a moment she had second thoughts on the female beside her. Hopefully she really was here to better herself and make amends with her brother, because Navar didn't want to find herself finding fake kinship with a liar.

"I hope things work with Kamota. I'm sure the alphas wouldn't like members joining just to get a chance to shred one another," she said, her voice inflecting a hint of warning.

She had only had a moment to speak with Ash and Athena, barely getting a word in before being accepted and shown around the borders. All she could collect from those moments was their short tolerance and their friendship. She almost instantly felt out of place. She forced herself to believe that it was how it was supposed to be and that she had no experience with organized pack life. Speaking again she tried to offer a small gesture of commonality between them.

"I too grew up with brothers. Competition at its finest, but I haven't seen them for a long time," she said, no emotion to accompany her voice.

(This post was last modified: Jan 30, 2013, 03:31 AM by Navar.)