Locating and completing the medicinal storage cave had filled him with a deep satisfaction, although he was wary of letting this satisfaction turn into anything greater. But he was working. He was trying. Perhaps with every step and every little nod from his Judge he was getting closer and closer to God, regaining the holiness he had abandoned, relinquished, and doubted for nearly two years now. There was a calmness in his soul that he hadn't felt since he had last heard that litling giggle and seen that lovely white face and heard her talk of ...of Pangur...
The scrawny wolf paused in mid-step, frozen by the name he had spoken in his heart of hearts. All at once the sadness crept back into his body. A small part of him had always hoped that Pangur... Aisling... either one of them would come back to him whenever he finally rose from the squalor of his sin. He wanted to cradle her and tell her he was sorry for doubting, that he wanted her and Pangur back in his life, and that he should never have run away. But this was not a sin he could ever erase or fade no matter how violently he scrubbed at his soul. Pangur had been real and right before his eyes and Kiche had loved him for it... but when he had disappeared he had doubted, of he had denied. A true believer would have kept Pangur alive regardless of his presence.
Pangur would never return to him.
His sigh was so heavy it might have been an attempt to empty himself of all his failures and wrongdoings. But it could not. When he inhaled again, he breathed in no second chance, no word of Pangur. The air was so raw he nearly choked.
Suddenly he froze.
It had been evil he had choked on.
Low to the ground the red man crouched. The snow nearly swallowed him whole. Though his posture had been wrecked by his many years at the bottom of the pecking order, he had been trying to stand straighter. But now he dragged his belly through the snow, trembling with fear as he found himself being drawn closer and closer to this smell so vile and nameless. It was the stench of rot, of sickness, of dizzying fear and feral rage. Only the devil could wear this perfume.
Are you calling for me, Satan?
Had his paws been set on the wrong path all this time? The saint was unsure of why his paws were carrying him closer and closer. Perhaps he just had to know. He had to look upon the face of the devil. If it had come for him then he was lost. Or was this Pangur's choice for him? Was it a punishment? Father, forgive me. I don't understand. Why do you ask this of me? Why do I doubt you? But he could not argue, only comply.
No.
A thousand yards away he saw a wolf crouched over what must have been a piece of kill, for all the blood that stained his muzzle. But there was no doubt as to who this wolf could be, for he knew only one wolf with a face so torn. Oh please, no. And there was another, walking towards him, slinking as if it were not really a wolf at all. It's patterned grey coat was not enough to make it a wolf. No, this was a demon. No, oh God, what are you doing?
Though he longed to cry out he found that he had no tongue.