She bought herself upright, daring to mash their coats where he had not. She didn't like this distance between them. She didn't like that they were strangers still. She was silent while he spoke, allowing the words to sink in, and realising just how cold she had been. Her time outside, and her time at Poison Path, had changed her at her core. This she knew. But he hadn't been there. He hadn't been the one to fight every inch of the way to keep their son alive. Lilly was gone. She knew in her heart that the child could not have survived more than a few days without milk. She had battled for months. And she had lost herself.
"I never ran away." The words were cold, lost somewhere in the memory of that night. She had thought he would have known, but how could he with the rain so heavy and the wind blowing a gale? He was still asleep when she had left the den. "My brother took our son. There was no time to wake you and someone had to stay with the children." She didn't want to go into it. She didn't want to think of exactly what she had done that night. It was all too much to bare with life suddenly looking up. She wouldn't trap herself in the past anymore.
Her eyes rested on his face as he spoke, her gaze softer than before. Just like the first time it was taking time for her to adjust to being free of any but herself and those she chose as her family. She was an adaptable creature, but she needed to be given time and it seemed as though Rhysis expected everything to go straight back to the way it had been before.
A sigh left her chest then, a small smile at the edges of her mouth. "I don't hate you. I can't hate you. And I don't even know why. I should after what happened that day, but I can't. I know you weren't yourself. For a time there I wasn't myself either..." she let her voice trail off into the night as her eyes gazed out over their kingdom.
She allowed herself to lean more completely into his side. His touch, and his scent was what she had missed the most during all their months apart. She had convinced herself that if he were only there it would all be better. And yet, now he was here, there was only a new set of obstacles to overcome.
And then he said it again. Was this really her Rhysis, so intent on openly professing his love for her? They were both so different than before... would it ever work again? "I love you too." The words were a cracked whisper, and she almost wished to take them back as the next words left his mouth. The desire to scream at him as she once would have rose like a tightness in her chest but she forced it down.
"I had been searching for months, and I had begun to fear you may be dead. After all, the last scent I caught of you was headed towards Swift River." She really had no excuse for embracing Tenzin as she had, any further than feminine weakness, and the need to feel she was more than a ghost wandering across the landscape. If he was so upset about one small encounter with Tenzin, how would he feel about all the times she had sought out Triell? "I needed to know I wasn't simply a ghost wandering across the lands searching for something that didn't exist."
She allowed the silence to stretch between them as his final words sunk in. "I want things to be the way they were before." She finally admitted. She didn't want to continue to sleep with a gaping hole at her back, she didn't want to feel she should avoid him. "A little less fighting would be nice..." she added with a wry grin, although their discussions had always been interesting and with them both being so hot headed it was bound to happen. She leant over to lick at her mates muzzle, hoping this would be enough to clear the air between them.