Underground Sea Awake My Soul

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes I struggle to find any truth in your lies And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know My weakness I feel I must finally show. How she had come to the cavern was still vague to her slowly awakening mind. She looked about in wonder. So convinced had she been that she knew of all the secrets the mountain and heights had hidden, that surprise was the last emotion she had expected to encounter as she wandered into the small cavern on dawn, light gently filtering in through gaps in the domed ceiling, the iridescent water, reflecting wonder in her eyes as she came to sit on the stony path about the waters edge. The snow began to fall then, through the roof, lit perfectly by the rising sun, touching gently on the surface of the water before melting away to nothingness. The gentle trickle of the small waterfall music to her ears. She missed waterfalls, and the way they sung, a tune so different to the whispered secrets of the wind. They gurgled, happy tunes, sad tunes. This one sounded lonely. Lonely like the wolf that batted the pristine surface with her paw, so much warmer than the icy lake that had embraced her life on the mountain. It smelled like you could drink it, it didn't hold the salty tang of the ocean, and so she lowered her head to lap at it's pristine surface. It wasn't the most pleasant water she had tasted, a little dusty if she had to pick a word... but it sated her thirst. She still did not know why she had come here. She was supposed to be looking for her love, but slowly, her resolve was slipping, her heart tired of the ache. Maybe it was time to give up? A wind blew through the cavern then, sudden and unexpected, gathering her scent and throwing it back out to the heights, but she did not care. Nobody was out there to find her here. Nobody would notice if she wandered deeper into the caverns. Her golden eyes rested on the dark places, just out of sight. What secrets did they hold? And dare she look? There was no thought as the tawny wolf rose and began to pad towards the darkness. Perhaps, it was time...

(This post was last modified: Dec 27, 2012, 10:26 AM by Naira.)

His legs burned. His paws ached. Even the stubs of his claws throbbed.
His lungs were dry to the point of cracking. His eyes stung from the constant onslaught of the cold air to their surface. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, desperate for some water to separate it. Yet still, he ran.

How could he have forgotten? How could he have lost them? Everything was so clear now. All that had happened, all that he had lost and all that he would find again if it was the last thing he had done. Valiant, oh Valiant. That stupid bag of bones. He had saved Rhysis from himself once more. No longer could he just be used, but he was a friend. Perhaps the only one he had anymore, but he could have kissed that guy until his lips hurts for giving him back not only his memory, but his life. His brain ached, swelling with lost memories, faces, names, smells, places, events and more. Everything was as clear to him as the treacherous steps beneath his paws, including just where he had to go to find her.

His heart pounded, he was sure he could hear it against his chest but it was not to keep his blood going. It was calling out, hammering so hard, to find her. Naira. His Naira. He had lost her. How the fuck had he lost her?! It all happened to fast... she vanished, Adonis too. He took Lilly, she would need her mother the most of they were to run away. He couldn't ask her why she had gone, where she was going... he knew Bella and Datura would be safe. His pack, Little Wolf, would look after them until they got back... but they didn't get back. Everything had happened so fast. Her scent was there one moment and then gone the next. He could not find her. He searched the lake, the mountains, the forest with his beautiful enigma of his white daughter swinging quietly within his jaws who made no fuss at being out in the cold. He had not found her. He had hoped she had returned home and he was to seek her out there, but the storm overheard had caused a landslide- he had been lucky not to get caught in it, but it blocked his path home completely. Trapped. They had been trapped on the otherside. He called; called with all his might to his pack but the storm was too loud, he had been too far away. They hadn't heard him.

His only goal was to get home. To tuck his princess back into her bed. He hadn't been able to however. She needed her mother for life but her mother had not been there. She was too little to eat the scraps he brought for her- even the mice he caught were too tough for she was so little. He even resorted to hunting a doe with young fawns and placed his child at her nipples to feed her... though he was sure it did her no good. Eventually, her cries of hunger got to much... something happened. He... No. It was gone. He could not dwell on it now. He had to find her... and then, perhaps then, he could burden himself with the guilt of whatever it was he had done or wherever the hell it was he had left her.

The mountains called to him. A low rumble of a voice, calling him home.
Days. Had it been days? He wasn't sure, but he had barely stopped to rest other than to drink and press on. He had scaled many terrains on his journey home, but he cared not how much he would ache, how much pain his body would be in, if he should die trying, he just had to get to those mountains.
He had. He had done it, but his journey would continue yet. Scaling the mountain was tricky, he was rusty since leaving his home. His kingdom lay waiting. Calling him home like a moth to a flame. His lake, his forests, his throne by the lake. He missed it so much. His head felt light without the weight of his crown, but all that would have to wait. Valiant had told him about the change of command... how Athena had taken his place, lied to his children, taken a "kind" and booted his love to the bottom of the pack. He had left shortly after, some detail lost, but enough was there to give him cause to march right up to his drawbridge and claim back his land with everything he had left. First thing was first however... Naira.

He scaled the heights, step after tricky step. He guessed he was perhaps a day, maybe just under away from his front door. He was close... so close, but he needed to drink. His body began to go on strike and as infuriating as it was, he would be no use at finding her if he were dead. With a snarl, his long strides shortened to a trot. Water, there had to be some here somewhere. With his nose to the air, he testing here and there. A mouthful of snow which had clumped and hidden was refreshing, but not quite enough.

Water.

It was closeby, but it didn't taste quite right. He had no time to think of it, just follow the source, drink and move on. Without hesitation he moved on towards the cave. A place he had never been before, or even knew about. He paid no heed to the scents of those who had recently visited; in the mood he was in, despite his exhaustion, they would be unwise to stand in his way.
His black form vanished within the shadows at the mouth of the cave, but he was surprised to see light at the end of the tunnel. He followed the light and his nose to the source of the water. Very much pissed off at himself for having to make this stop in the first place, but his body almost sighed with relief at knowing what was to come. He didn't care if it tasted funny, he had to drink something.

Wait.
That scent.
His paws froze as if he had walked over fly paper and he was the fly. Stuck to the ground, he lifted his nose and tested again. Flowers, warmth... home. He knew that scent. He had lost it before, but he would never lose it again. It called to him, enticed him further until his ghostly eyes saw the most beautiful creature he had ever seen before. Here. She was here. His love, she was here. No sooner had his eyes found her, did the walls within him begin to crack and break. Everything he had done... all the hurt he had caused, not only to her but to his children, to Adonis who he had threatened to eat, Lilly who he had left behind, Bella so much like her mother without him to look after her, Datura so strong not there for him to teach the basics of life... His family. He had left his family. Lost them. Forgot them. He would never forgive himself.

He could not bring himself to step any closer. He hovered within the shadows, his presence obvious but he would not take another step closer. How could he? He had let her down. He had let them all down. He never thought he would have been a wolf who cared. Who loved. He had never seen shown it, not until he met her and she turned his life upside down. He missed walking on the ceiling. Fuck, he was pretty sure he'd even kiss a beaver just to remind himself of her. His thirst was forgotten, instead he wanted to run to her and mould their bodies until you could not tell where he began and where she ended. Just to breath her in, for her scent to sooth his aching, broken soul and be whole even if just for a moment. But he could not move. He knew he had hurt her, he had lost her and his family. She would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself, so how could she even begin to?

"I..." he whispered, but what could he say? Sorry seemed cheap... Love. He could speak of love, but what if she hated him? No. He had nothing to say. Nothing to offer her. Nothing. He was nothing. He felt he should leave. He should leave her alone and allow her to move on with life. She would pick herself up, she always did. She would love their children better then he ever could. She wouldn't be alone for long. Some other lucky guy would come along and be happy with her. He would not let her down. The thought made him sick to the stomach, but perhaps it was best? Fuck. He didn't fucking know. She always did this to him; faltered his judgement, altered his path, made him better than he ever thought he could be. She made him real, whole, himself. Without her he was a train wreck waiting to happen. He should beg her for forgiveness, to take him back, to love him but who was he kidding. She wasn't stupid and nor was he. Life was not kind, especially not to him, and he was never going to be as fortunate as to win her back and have life return to normal.

"I-.." he began again, peeling his tongue from the roof of his mouth to try and form more words, but all that came to him were "I'm home..

She was lost in her thoughts, or perhaps the lack of. There was a cool breeze blowing through the cavern, although it may have been coming from the hole in the roof... she couldn’t be sure... She did not hear the steps behind her, nor the first whisper that would alert her that she was no longer alone. Where did it lead? What was on the other side? Was it another way to the eastern valleys? His scent teased her nostrils then, just as she had imagined it doing so many times before. She had been from one side of the Lore to the other to no avail. It was hopeless. She would never find him. It was a lost cause. She was a lost cause. “I’m home...” It was the words that sounded so real, that caused her heavy head to swing and look over her shoulder. Dull golden eyes falling on the mirage of her lost mate. It couldn’t be real. She had fooled herself too many times before. She wouldn’t put herself through that again. She turned back to the darkness then, when the wind swirled by again. Stronger, this time, his scent. So close... Her head turned back then, a more vivid light in her eye as they met the slate-grey eyes of her love. The rising sun, accenting the small flecks of blue and the silver about his face. He was ragged and worn, he looked like he hadn’t stopped running for days. Wonder, and confusion were painted on her face as she took a cautious step forwards, her head canting to the side, probing the vision before her. Testing it, waiting for it to waver before her eyes. But it remained solid. The distance between them was closing in slow motion as one foot was set down in front of the other, inching her way closer. Finally, their noses almost touched as she froze, loosing herself in the depths of his eyes. With a final jerk she pushed forwards her nose slipping comfortably under his chin as she pressed herself into him the same way she had in the wildwood, the first time they came together. “Now... you’re home...” she whispered the words catching in her throat. His timing couldn’t have been better if he tried.

(This post was last modified: Dec 29, 2012, 12:43 PM by Naira.)

She had changed. She looked, defeated yet determined. Something about the way she held herself, no longer a queen, no longer a beacon of life and happiness but a female who had struggled to claw herself up. Valiant had told him it all. Her struggles, their son Adonis who was a credit to them both, how she had been treated when she had finally come home and even more importantly... why she had left them all in the first place. She was more beautiful, more everything to him in that moment then she had ever been. His saving grace. His lighthouse in the storm. His Naira.

He dared not to move as she moved closer. They didn't need to say a work as their bodies became drawn to each other; her momentum was nothing different but time seemed to stand still as she made her way without hesitation, without anger or sadness over to him. He didn't brace himself as he had the first time they had embraced. His fear of contact outside of battle had been quashed by her and now he yearned for her touch as fiercely as he did water and air; as ever, she was kind enough to give it to him. Her nose set his skin ablaze as she made contact, a feeling of warmth flowed across his skin and into his bones as his body seemed for the first time in many months, almost complete. He didn't feel lost, without a purpose. He existed for her, not just in this moment but for always and it had been her and his children that had kept him alive during the madness. He was sure of it.

As her body pressed against his, he closed his eyes to savour the moments his eyes couldn't capture. The scent of her, warm, flowery, even salty from her time at the lake soothed his lungs. The touch of her body, fitting so snugly beneath his chin and against his chest. His body was perhaps on the thinner side and he actually thought he might have grown a little more, but they slot together as if they had made to fit. The warmth of her skin, of her fur massaged his heart and heated his bones. The sound of her breathing, of the heat of her breath against his chest was like music to his ears, made more beautiful by the cavern they sat within, amplifying that she was here, in flesh and blood to his silky lobes. He would never forget this moment, not a single detail of it. It was a beautiful place, how they had not found it before didn't matter, all that mattered was that they were here, in this wondrous setting, together again at last.

"I'm sorry. I'm... I'm so sorry." he said, his voice threatening to waver as he said the words into her ear at a whisper whilst he rubbed the underside of his jaw against her soft head, soothing himself with an apology that would not fix all that had happened between them. He wanted to say more, to tell her everything that had happened, where he had been, what he had done, but he didn't want to spoil this moment. They would have their lives, he hoped, to dwell on the past. All that matter to him right now was that she knew how much he had missed her, how hurt he had been no matter how strong he was and how relieved he was to find her again. "You don't have to forgive me. I promised I'd never leave you and I did. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am and how much I love you." he continued, removing his chin from her head and ducking to lift her muzzle so he could meet her eye to eye. He offered a half smile, a nudge of his nose to hers. "I'm so glad you're safe." he said, careful to avoid the subject of their children for the moment. He was going to be selfish for this moment and push the memory of Lilly and what he had done to the back of his mind, if only to enjoy a few moments of bliss with her before be broke her heart all over again.

Softness wrapped around her then. It wasn’t just Rhysis who had come home with her touch, but her as well. Suddenly, the bad didn’t seem so bad anymore, the injustices done paled in comparison to what would be. It was only a matter of time. Together, they were unstoppable. She breathed deeply, bathing in his scent. The tang of old wounds, healing wounds came to her nose, but at least it didn’t reek of infection. As he raised her head up and their noses touched a genuine, happy peaceful smile worked its way to her face. If this was just a dream, she never wanted to wake up. All of the worry and anger could be pushed down for just a moment, but a small darkness to her thoughts still remained. She had so much to tell him, she had been so busy. She was more angry now that she had been the night her pack had simply nodded to her, as if that were any way to greet a leader. She should have quashed their rebellion and disrespect then, grasping them about the muzzle and giving them a good shake, chasing them off with sharp bites to the bases on their tails, much like the way they hunted prey. They should have known they were blessed to walk the same ground she did, to breath the air that was hers. She would never be so lenient again. But now was not the time. Soon. So very, very soon. They would know what wrong they had done by leaving her as the lowest, by keeping her children from her, interfering in a rank challenge of all things! They would pay for their stupidity. “We have a pack again.” she whispered, a proud light in her eyes, along with something slightly more sinister. “We just need to collect our children from Athena...” and burn her whole world down...

He wasn't going to tell her how much it hurt him not to hear her repeat his words. He felt a fool for being so soft, being so open when he was around her, but he could not hold them back anymore. Her smile was like food for his soul, but his ears were somewhat saddened not to hear her utter those three words back to him. He couldn't blame her. He had been absent for so long. He had failed her and he was lucky that she even wanted to look at him again, let alone press against him in such a comforting way.

His selfish thoughts went out the window a moment later. What on earth did she mean? Collecting their children from Athena? There was something not right, something sinister, perhaps even hatred to her voice at the statement. There was no hesitation in her words. She had rebuilt a new pack, left the old behind; he had to admit he would not have taken the same path had he got back here first. He would have thrown Athena from her, no, his throne and fed her to the ravens. How dare she treat Naira like this. He had always had respect for the little wolf. Perhaps at one time, he would have called her a friend, an ally; on of the few wolves he had ever let get close to him- now this. He would not, could not make that mistake again.

A low rumble vibrated in his chest at the thought of their situation. Fate was cruel to him, but he was used to it. He'd been tainted as a pup, chased away barely old enough to hunt, a wanted man across these lands and now his pack had crumbled. He could deal with the shit life gave him... but not his Naira. She was different somehow. Perhaps not on the outside, though the few marks here and there were something new, but on the inside. Her very being was changed, her aura altered into something he was yet unsure of. They had damaged her- though he thought she was perhaps too proud, maybe just too angry at this point to let it show, but her friends, her lady wolf gang had done this to her. Not only that but they had taken his children. Yes, he was glad that his children were alive and well, but that didn't mean that the strangers who now lived in his pack had any right to keep them from their mother. Not when they had sacrificed so much for their children.

"Where are your followers? We will get our children, I promise you that but I cannot promise there will not be... collateral damage along the way." he said, trying to keep his voice level but finding it somewhat difficult as he let the darkness into his blood. No longer was he a puppet master, he was himself. A cold hearted, take no shit, in it for himself and his family kind of guy; he was through with all his mind games and acting, he wanted to be himself now and take whatever consequences were thrown at him- he could handle them all. He would make an example of those wolves, of that pathetic pack. They would pay.

She could not remember if she had ever heard those words leave his mouth before and for a while she thought it simply a figment of her imagination. When she saw the hurt look growing in his eyes, however, she realised what she had missed in her distraction, but realised the moment for returning the sentiment had passed. Well, they would have plenty of opportunities for that later. If all went to plan. She thought for a moment, of how they could reclaim their kingdom, they had numbers in their side, simple enough, but there had been hints of a scent about the borders that told her they were best put to settle elsewhere, and leave the Poisoned wolves to face their fate. Perhaps. Perhaps they would thrive, perhaps they would fall. Only time would tell. It wasn’t time she was willing to waste. Not with them so intent on keeping her well below her station. Not while there was ever a chance for interference in private matters of rank. She would never lower herself in the presence of anther again. His voice was like music to her ears, she almost hoped that he would never stop speaking, the voice lulling her into a peaceful place. A safe and warm place, where there was a whole lot more light than she had seen in what felt like a very long time. But his question ended and so did his lack of promise, and it was her turn to speak again. Oh how she loathed to use her voice more than she must these days. “I left them on the Rise to scout ahead.” she explained in a whisper, almost fearful to break the spell, or dream, or whatever this was. She still was not sure it could be real. “I will not promise it either.” she added in her own darker tones. She was reluctant to leave this place just yet. They still had so much to discuss. But the words simply would not come. She pressed herself back into her mate. “I missed you so much. I searched, and searched... but I could never seem to find you.” she whispered into the fur at his nape. She loved him, she loved him with all her heart. She just couldn’t say so yet.

She had been busy, but he would never expect less of her. Perhaps if he hadn't been such a fucking moron and lost his damned mind, he would have been more useful. He would have found her sooner, many months ago in fact. He was ashamed to remember their first encounter, how he had terrified both her and his son. God, his sons, his daughter. He would see them soon. He inwardly felt like his father - a waste of genes, not suited to fatherhood. It had all started so well, like a dream had come true. Together he found his mate, his pack and then his children to carry on his ways and his pack when he was dead... it had all gone to shit now and it was all his fault. He thought, no, he was sure his children would hate him and it would break his heart. Not that he would let it show, but inside he would die a little more to see the scorn on their faces. Whatever. It was his shit to deal with and so long as they had their mother, he knew they would be fine.

"How many? Who are they?" he questioned, wondering exactly who she had found along the way. Hopefully no one that wanted him dead, but it appeared that number was increasing with each excursion he took. He didn't know that the Creek wolves had vanished, other than a lack of running into them, that his sister Volkan had fled or was killed. Add that to the River wolves who were evidently still fucked off at him, plus a few loners along the way. Oh! And by the sounds of it his old pack too. That was at least what, 30 wolves? What a lovely total of wolves who wanted to see him bleed out upon the floor. Crap, what if one she had recruited was a spy? A scout for another pack? He couldn't trust anyone anymore, not that he believed she would knowingly hand him over, but it had been a while and he had hurt her more times than he cared to remember. Shit, what if he was truly alone in this world now? He couldn't dwell on that now. He needed to save his children and then he would face his judgement. If he could not live a life with her, he would not be living at all. Death would be a better friend to him than loneliness.

Her words made his heart ache. He wanted desperately to believe they were true, that she had missed him, but he blamed himself harshly and saw no goodness. "I know you did. I'm sorry. I- I wasn't myself." he admitted with his ears flattened to his skull. The thought of himself without knowing her brought a feeling of sickness to his throat- what if he had actually attacked her? Killed his own son? He was many things, that was true, many evil things, but he would never get over hurting his own family... which is how he had lost his mind in the first place. "We have time for all of this later." he said, finally pulling back from her and getting to business. It hurt him, his body screamed in protest to return to her warmth but now he sat with her, he couldn't fight the feeling of guilt, blame, grief he felt being so close to her. He loved her so much, that he knew deep down he had hurt her on a level he could never comprehend. Maybe it would be better if he left again... would that be the right, selfless thing to do? Fuck. He just didn't know. All he knew was there was a mission, a task ahead of them that was greater then hugs and kisses. "I want to see my children... I think you do to." he said, a quirk in his brow as he pulled himself together to appear strong and able for her. He would always be her knight in shining armor, no matter how busted up, rusty and corroded the armor was on the inside; he would always shine for her when she needed him to.

The questions began, almost reminding her of another she had encountered on her journey. She was almost pleased for the change of topic, there was simply far too much to work through between them, and a whole lot to be done before they would have the time. “Tenzin, Valiant... the girl her bought with him... Romanis I think her name was? She is not much of a talker... and Gale. Rais is waiting for us at Poison Path.” She answered steadily. Wondering if he had gathered any of his own? She smiled his apology away, the time for speak of such things was over. He was forgiven, for whatever had driven him to leave their pack, whatever had caused his madness. He was right, there was more than time for all of this later. Now was a time for action. Her heart caught in her chest in knots when her referred to them as his children, for the longest time they had been hers and hers alone. It was good to know that he would stand at her side again. She would have her family and she would have her pack. There was no stopping her now.

He listened as she spoke of those who were to be in the new pack. He did not consider this pack to be his own like he had before, he would never refer to it as his own for he had proven already that he was incapable- look at the mess Poison Path was today. According to the rumors it was falling apart at the seems. So, he was going to stand by her side. Of course, he would only be happy taking orders from her. Even if she didn't want him to stand as her equal, he believed she would know him well enough that if she selected another wolf to lead, that they would not be at liberty to tell him what the fuck to do... or to touch his female. That was just silly to assume he was going to let her go as easily as he would his title.

Tenzin- the name wasn't familiar, but he couldn't help link it to a wolf he had scuffled with during his little episode. He called himself Ten and he remembered he thought that was pretty weird back then having a number for a name. He thought it would be better if it were not him though, they hadn't exactly ended on good terms, though Naira wasn't dumb and nor was he, he would be a good candidate if only for his size.

Valiant. He hadn't mentioned he too would be joining him very soon. He felt a bubble of something in his stomach, excitement, happiness perhaps at the thought of finally being with that big stupid wolf who was perhaps his only trusted ally in this world. Yes, he had Naira but what if things were never the same again? Valiant would be there, even if she was not.
He smirked when she said he brought a female with him. How very Valiant of him to have found a female and dragged her into a new pack. It was so typical of him. He would expect nothing less of him.
More names were mentioned but he had never heard of any of them. He supposed it was a good thing, at least he instantly have to fear for his safety.
He thought for a moment if he had anything to add.She had been so strong, stronger then him as ever and done this all herself. He had been too self consumed to even think of such a plan. I mean, he had that little freak he met before coming him to feed, though he wasn't sure that made him any sort of dedicated member to his cause. If anything, he gave him the creeps a little. "I might have another to add to that list, but we will see. He says he met you in the thickets to the west or something... but he seems a bit... Odd." he said with a roll of his shoulder and would leave the subject there.

He looked to her then, his head tilted to the side. He would take in her face one last time, in case this was going to be the last moments of intimacy they shared before they would fall apart or worse, die trying to save their children. "You lead the way." he said with two meanings he hoped were obvious.