Jasper Rocks Trust None

Ashanti had stopped in the mornings, only traveling by night away from where she had lived. She needed time away, nothing seemed right anymore. She thought she could trust them, but she couldn't. Even Hollow had turned against her, she learned her lesson, trust none. Trust was for the weak, she wouldn't, she couldn't trust anyone anymore and she would keep it that way. She was exhausted as the sun began to show on the horizon. Her stomach swelling, she could tell that there was only one pup, she compared her stomach to Nina's and it was significantly less swollen. At least there was only one demon as compared to two or three.

She collapsed where she was, sitting down to sleep, not caring about the weather. Who knew, perhaps she’d be lucky and she would die where she slept. She wanted it all to end, wanted the pain to go away. The little thing needed to stop kicking her gut. She thought about it, "Fine Ashanti, maybe I am wrong and your heart is just as black as his." Was her heart dark, was she right to do that, after all it wasn’t his fault that his father had done this to her. She couldn’t help but wonder whether she was over reacting to the situation. She needed to think more about it. Perhaps Hollow was right, she was a miserable excuse for a wolf. No one ever would be able to know, but secretly, she knew that Hollow was right. It wasn’t having the pup that scared her, it was being a mother that scared her.

(This post was last modified: Apr 17, 2013, 08:48 PM by Ashanti.)

Mind if Kyadi butts in?

And even though it's hard to see
The glass is full and not half empty

(a thousand beautiful things)

The brown woman moved easily enough through the forest. She was old enough to know how to navigate this sort of place without floundering about. Over the needles and snow, past a fallen log... and nose ever to the ground. Yes, that was Kyadi's way. Her pace was quick, though not quite even - every so often the brown wolf would stop as she caught a scent that interested her. Unfailingly she'd move on again however, her tail waving like a flag behind her. It was dark, but since when was that a problem for a wolf? Kyadi's nightvision was excellent and her senses keen. She wasn't old yet - oh no! She was in her prime! Well, prime might've been a strong word. She was at the top of the hill getting ready to face the other side. But Kyadi would never be one to let her age stop her. Stop thinking like you're old, you stupid old git. Kyadi stopped suddenly, a smirk plastering itself on her maw as she shook her head once, firmly. A joke! I made a joke. Geez I need to get a life.

The Healer's movements slowed as the night progressed. She clearly wasn't finding whatever she was looking for and she was getting rather bored of it all. She could just find somewhere to sleep, she supposed, but she was more interested in finding a more permanent solution to her, er... problem. No where to store my plants! And no one to do her bidding, either. Ah, if she could but have the days back when she could order yearlings to help her gather herbs while she tended to her own duties... but no more. The past was the past, and it could stinkin' stay there.

When Kyadi next stopped, it was an abrupt movement. It was as if she had turned to solid stone at a moment's notice, so rigid her body went. Her tail stuck out straight behind her, her nose virtually plastered to the forest floor. That one's fresh, she thought to herself, russet eyes squinting as she inhaled deeply. Her face - formerly colored with an alert but neutral expression had changed. Her brows were furrowed, her lips drawn into a tight line. This was the scent of another she-wolf that had passed by mere minutes ago. And, unless Kyadi's keen senses deceived her (and they never did that, afer all, ahem) there was another trace of something vital. It wasn't surprising, given the season. "Children, hmmm?" whispered the wolf to herself as she absent-mindedly plopped down where she was, much of the tension leaving her so she fell like liquid. It wouldn't be anything to think on if not for the fact Kyadi knew for a fact she wasn't within pack foundations. Sure, there could be one nearby, but what would a she-wolf-with-pup be doing out here this time of night? Alone! Couldn't be anything good.

Steeling herself, Kyadi got back to her paws - grimacing as her right leg tried to give out on her - then continued on more quietly than she had before, her nose keeping close to the scent trail she'd discovered. She only stopped when she glimpsed movement through the cracks in the trees. There's the lass. Sniffer hasn't let me down yet! Kyadi made no attempt to creep up on the other woman, nor did she make more noise than necessary as she approached. She stopped several wolf-lengths away so she could peer between the twin-trunks of a peculiar tree, her russet eyes wide and expression curious. The other wolf had plopped down in a place that looked - to Kyadi's sensibilities - far from comfortable. She padded a little nearer, announcing herself with a soft sound in the back of her throat.

"Pardon me, Lass. It's not my business you know... but you look blue." Kyadi said it so bluntly you'd think her saying so made it so. The lass was probably just tired.

(Not at all!)

As soon as the voice was heard, Ashanti glanced at her and she started to run. Not even bothering to hear the females comments, because she was scared. What if this female knew him and word got out to him that she was alive and pregnant. That wouldn’t be good, the question she would have had a perfect answer to. Well, nothing really other than being forced to bear a child and losing the trust of my friend, mentor and alpha Nina. So nothings really got me down. She thought, the sarcasm and pain would have been clear in her voice. The pain spread through her, sending a shiver down her spine and the waves of melancholy started to flow through her veins. The stone cut into her feet as she ran.

She knew that she would attempt to find a small little place where she would spend some time. A secluded place where she could howl out her despair and agony in peace was ideal for her. A place she could call home until that pup was born, though she knew she couldn’t be too far from home for too long. What if Nina was worried, but why would she be anyways? Nina had her own pups to worry about so she would have to go back and search through herself to find the will to stay. She had to, and she began to wonder yet again about Hollow’s comment. She needed to love this pup like she did her sister or her mother.

No answer. Kyadi was hesitant to even call that a proper glance. It was a quick instinctive movement; the other female was on her paws, a flurry of white fur rushing in the opposite direction without so much as a backward glance. Kyadi let her run. She had no desire to pursue a wolf that was - to Kyadi - obviously frightened. A rational creature would have given it more time, might've acknowledged Kyadi and realized she posed no threat. The other woman had done no such thing. That's some kinda fear, thought the healer, her eyes hooded with thought. With child, and running so fast? Hmm. Kyadi flicked an ear and, really, she should have let it be. But she was curious now: a mystery presented itself in a lovely white-furred package. How could she refuse to unravel its ribbons and strings?

When the other woman was well out of sight, Kyadi strode forward confidently to the very place the fearful wolf had been resting. Her nose was to the ground in the blink of an eye, quivering as she padded over and investigated the scent. It was powerful and fresh where the girl had been, enough for Kyadi to glean more information and to confirm - to make absolutely certain her earlier observations: the girl was undeniably pregnant. Possibly a loner. If she was a pack wolf, she seemed to have been away from others for a long time now. So she was in hiding? Staying away? In any case, the girl was unlikely to be a pack leader. At least not any more. Kyadi licked her nose and peered through the darkness where Ashanti had fled.

Pregnant. Pregnant, and alone. Kyadi could only imagine what that was like. It wasn't something any she-wolf would ever want. The likelihood of their pups surviving? So slim... the pup might as well be dead. But then, raising one was not impossible - a lone pup. So no, not dead. Not yet. Kyadi considered the courses she might take then. Did she follow the she-wolf's trail, learn more? She wanted to. She could scarcely cull her emotions to make any decision beyond that desire... Or did she leave the girl be - let her life be what it was. If it had been Kyadi in her place, the healer wouldn't want to be followed. She would hate anyone who did. But since when did Kyadi care whether others liked her following them? The white wolf had a few minutes' lead on Kyadi, but the healer was not in any hurry to catch her quarry.

If Ashanti stopped, she would eventually find the healer on her trail, her head lowered, eyes bright, and nose wriggling as it sniffed. If the girl continued on, Kyadi would be unlikely to catch her and would give up the chase. Kyadi only thought, A wolf with nothing to fear would not flee. A fleeing wolf did not want to be found; Kyadi would not howl her good intentions. Confidentiality was key. Only one thing bothered Kyadi: what if she could find no answer to her mystery?

Ashanti just kept running, trying to avoid the scary lone wolf that would probably bring her harm. She had… interesting views on everyone now that everything had gone down. She knew that she would be delivering soon and she’d had to get back to the pack. She didn’t care to check if the wolf decided to follow her, she honestly didn’t give a shit about it. She just wanted to get away, she needed food first, but hunting was never a good idea for her condition. She closed her eyes briefly before opening them and scenting the air; she had to do what she had to do. She had to eat.

Ashanti kept her fur calm on her back and her tail was limp, not wagging, never again. She looked back, scared that the lone wolf might one of his. The thought had just occurred to her that all the lone wolves could be in line against her or her pack. Fear that she had caused a great terror arose in her, all because she hadn’t given him directions. It was just stupid and pointless. She breathed deeply again because she was nervous. She wondered why the wolf had even been interested in her in the first place. She was just a sad case for a wolf so why would anyone care?

“Whose out there?” She questioned with frustration and fear clearly shown in her voice. Why was she mad? She had no idea, why was she afraid of a wolf whom had not harmed her yet? It was because they always wait until their at their weakest.

There were moments Kyadi considered leaving the fleeing woman be - but each time she'd catch a whiff of the white one's scent and reconsider. She'd remember she was intensely interested - curious. Here she'd initially thought to leave her be! And perhaps, when this was over, Kyadi would wish she had. But she could not regret what had not yet come to pass. Kyadi's pace remained steady and even - just shy of a brisk trot at times.

"Who's out there?" a feminine voice called out tentatively, and with a twinge of frustration.

Kyadi halted, her ears pricking. She didn't have the white one in sight yet, but she was confident this was her voice; who else would it be? The other wolf knew she was being trailed obviously, or she'd not have called out. It wasn't like Kyadi was being sneaky anyway: she didn't want to literally hunt the other girl... Deciding she should use some tact, the older woman started forward again until she was spang between two trees and thought she could see a bit of fur in the darkness. She sought a face, her head bobbing back and forth for a moment until she had a better line-of-sight, then became still. She kept her head level with her shoulders then and remained neutral - relaxed even. She wanted to exude an aura of peace. Well, maybe not peace. But she was at least well-meaning.

"It's all right, lass. I mean you no harm," she said firstly, her voice far from its usual: gentle, if not kind. Secondly, she gave an identification: "My name is Kyadi. I am a lone wolf." And, finally, she couldn't resist a light snark - almost a compliment: "You run fast for one who's expecting." Her lip curled into a half-smile whether she could be seen or not. She waited for a response then, rather than plow on as was her usual tendency - she doubted being any more pushy than she already was would help her cause... whatever that was.

Ashanti snarled at the female, as if she would be stupid enough to trust a wolf she didn’t know. For all Ashanti knew, she might not even be named Kyadi. "Back up and stay away from me." She hissed, pure venom in her voice, she wouldn’t fight or anything, but this wolf freaked her out. Then again, everything seemed to freak her out. She shook her head, her eyes blazing in furry. "I said get back, stay awayyyyy." She hissed again as the paranoia settled in and started to talk to her mind. She is one of them, you know you can’t trust her, she’s an evil witch. Her thoughts told her, it made her even more untrusting. She refused to turn her thoughts over until she knew the truth.

However, so far it seemed her thoughts were right and the wolf attempted to compliment her speed, she ran for her life every second of every day, so of course she could run fast. She closed her eyes, open close open. It was all her life was, light, then dark and she wouldn’t get out into the light again. She was plunged into a dungeon of eternal darkness. One with menacing fury that she would have to face every day, though little did she realize that place, was at the face of a jet black pup that she harbored in her stomach. The pup would grow to be the worst nightmare of her existence. Not by accident, but because it shared the same looks at its father. She would find that out soon. "You quacksalver."

Hmm. Just a couple more posts for this to be archived, eh? :)

While Kyadi genuinely meant no harm to the other woman, it was rapidly becoming apparent she would not be able to get through to the younger female. It began with a snarl - a warning any wolf would recognize. That flash of fangs made it difficult for Kyadi to keep her own fur from bristling instinctively. She flicked an ear, then lowered them as she obeyed the frightened - and now angry - white wolf. "Of course. As you wish dear," answered Kyadi, taking some effort to keep her voice from sounding sarcastic. She meant to sound sincere and subservient, but such were skills she typically lacked. She slid back from her vantage point between the trees and padded a few steps to the left so she could be fully seen by the other woman; she kept her posture neutral.

Kyadi noted how... unhinged the other woman seemed. She was out of her mind with fear. It wasn't until she called Kyadi a "quacksalver" that Kyadi's facade cracked, and then it was only for a moment; it wasn't an angry or annoyed expression that appeared, so much as... an amused one. "Call me what you wish, lass. I bear you no ill will," she repeated, her voice tinged with her humor. She would not deny that what Ashanti said was true to an extent. Kyadi really was a healer and quite skilled in her art. But her words and arrogance readily got in the way - things even Kyadi denied readily. She was a queen of hypocrites. But her arrogance was rarely unwarranted. "Call me a fool. A charlatan. Whatever comforts you," she said the last part so softly - softly enough that Ashanti might not hear it (which was indeed Kyadi's intention).

Kyadi looked the woman up and down one more time before taking another step back. "I can't help those who do not want it. I won't trouble you further," Kyadi verbalized her thoughts only because she felt it would be convenient for the other. Unspoken, she wanted the other wolf to let Kyadi prod a little further. Kyadi's curiosity was far from sated and, in the future, she might make her way back to this land to inquire after the young white woman. But right now, the other wolf looked exceedingly fragile. Not physically: the other wolf seemed relatively fit given her situation. Kyadi was already piecing together scenarios in her head: had something happened to the woman's pack? Her mate? What had induced such trauma and mistrust? Of course, other thoughts came to Kyadi's mind as well... but the point was, none of them were pleasant cases, and while it never showed, a bit of Kyadi's heart broke even as she took one more step back.

Ashanti couldn’t help but to hiss at the female who knew absolutely nothing. The healer knew that this wolf was trying to make peace with her, but it was something Ashanti would never let happen. When words exited her mouth, they were filled with bitterness, vileness, evilness and so much more. “It’s impossible to be calm, to be comfortable. Don’t you understand? You may work well with Ergot and Marigold, I was once like that. But everything changed when I turned two. Everything changed when he raped me. The hiss was stone cold, just like her heart. She had not failed to detect the strong scent of herbs on the female’s pelt, but healers always wanted to solve problems that couldn’t be solved. She was the one with the black heart now, never to trust again.

Isen had turned on her, she was raped, and this child had to be raised despite his looks {which she does not know yet}. Things wouldn’t become any worse if she tried to make them worse. Surely things would get better when the pup was born and out of the den, not reliant on her anymore. Then she could get her healer title and she could submerge herself in her work and not have to worry about the pup anymore. That way, she hadn’t abandoned him, but she would have no time to see him. That was her goal; she would be mad if Nina delayed it any longer then need be because she would be just as she always had. Herbs were friendlier than wolves.

The multiple scenarios in Kyadi's head rapidly narrowed as the white woman spoke. The mystery was not so much a mystery now. Obviously even less so when, more out of bitterness and anger Kyadi thought, the other woman stated she had been raped. Kyadi didn't look surprised in the slightest. It had been one of the thoughts that had crossed her mind. But to take such treatment to heart - to be so shattered by what had happened? To be made so vulnerable? Kyadi could not understand - not truly. She had never experienced such treatment herself - not like that. Abuse, yes. Betrayal even. However, it was not new to Kyadi either. She had met others and knew she could not heal a broken heart.

Kyadi thought of many replies to the woman. Yes, things changed. They have a way of doing that. And rarely the better, she thought coldly. For a while she watched Ashanti, her rusty eyes squinting in the darkness as she considered. As she'd said - she would leave the girl be now. Turning away, the smaller, darker woman began to make good on her word, but not before passing a glance at the white one just one last time: You will not be broken forever. You will be changed. Not broken. A crooked smile graced the woman's maw. "No lass. I cannot understand," - Nor can I mend such a wound... - "You are right of course. I leave you now, and I wish you well. The road ahead of you is difficult... but not impossible." She did not wait for a reply - or to look whether Ashanti would take further offense at her words. Kyadi chose instead to trot into the night - perhaps a little quickly - where the shadows could engulf her again. One day Kyadi would find her way back here, and then she would inquire after the white wolf. One day. But until that time, she would shove this encounter to the back of her mind and seek out a new home for her own.

{Exit}