Whisper Marsh I'm Torn

Dated May 15th, Day after WC pups
Early Morning 5 Degrees, Partly Cloudy
@Asterion

she doesn't care how she gets there, as long as she gets somewhere she knows... The pups had finally been born, three of them as far as she had heard but she had not been allowed to see them, not yet anyways. One day after the biggest day in their pack history and here she was, slinking around near the marsh when she should be home with her family. She had told the pack that she was going hunting, something to fill the alpha's stomach as she was sure to be starving after the labour, but she had really come for something else, for someone else. Asterion, the rogue who had occupied all of her thoughts for almost a month now, though they had done nothing more than touch briefly and shared their names with one another. The day had finally come for them to meet again, but Minka did not have a lot of time, so their encounter would have to be brief unless she was successful today. The sun shone with early morning rays, it was just past dawn and the temperature was warm with the lack of breeze. The femme reached the tree line and broke free, walking the short distance down to the shore line where the reeds grew much taller than her frame. Taking a quick drink, the water tasting of sweet spring time she felt her dry throat sated from her thirst and she finally began searching for him. She returned to the place she had nested on before, though the reeds there were wet now as the ice had finally released the marsh from its cold grasp. Her nose to the ground she thought that she could smell him nearby, though it could have been just a faint leftover scent from before. Her heart longed to see him once more, and she could feel it pounding in her ribcage as butterflies filled her belly. Pacing along the shore line she grew impatient, not with him, with time itself for passing so slowly, for keeping them apart. A snap of a twig nearby had her senses lock, her heart leaping to her throat, but it was just a nearby hare who had wandered too close. Leaping and killing it quickly her alibi was now safe, she would return with food for her queen, there was nothing left that she could do but wait.

table by mimi

(This post was last modified: May 13, 2013, 03:01 AM by Minka.)

click!

Asterion had spent the better part of two weeks as far away as he could travel. Thoughts of Minka never left him, but he was learning to live with it. He was still losing sleep over it, but sleep came easier than it had after their first encounter. It was still clouding his head, but he was working around it. Everything felt like a dream to him, and he wasn't sure if he was going to find her again. Was she real, or had she been his imagination? It was strange that he was even thinking of going back. He should be running as far away from her as he can. Should have been less apt to meet with her. Unfortunately, his body moved without his consent in the direction of the female, who was hopefully waiting for him.

Once his nose caught scent of the marsh, his pace slowed to a walk. He had to make sure she was alone before seeking her out. Using his most keen sense he began filtering through the air. There were many scents throughout the marsh, but only one stood out. It was the only one that was fresh, and it was her. Dark legs pulled him toward her scent, as blue eyes scanned the area. Reeds littered the wet ground beneath him and every step he took squelched into the mud. If he wasn't so busy thinking of other things he might be unhappy with the thought of his sinking paws.

Once he came upon the female, he let his body react accordingly. His rear end met the ground, and he dipped his head in greeting. He displayed no dominance, or submission to her, only a friendly posture and a tail swinging against the dirt below him. "Minka." His greeting was friendly but brief. His pulse quickened as his eyes rested on her form. He had to hold back the urge to move toward her, though he desperately wanted to.

...

she doesn't care how she gets there, as long as she gets somewhere she knows... The wind changed and it brought with it the smell of something sweet, the rogue that she awaited. Turning she saw the figure emerge from the tree line and her tail immediately began to wag upon its own accord. She barely restrained herself from bounding to close the space, limiting herself to a walk until she was before him. She longed to reach her muzzle out and touch him, but he made no move any further towards her and Minka could not help but feel a pang of disappointment. She also sat, the ground that they were on was on the border of the marsh and was relatively dry though maybe slightly damp. His address seemed formal, stiff, a contrast to the desperation she had heard in his voice last time he spoke to her, the change made her study him curiously. She could not figure out why he would come back if he was going to be formal, unless...unless he had come back to tell her to leave him alone. The thought made her heart sink, she had only known the wolf for just over a month and had only spent time with him twice, yet he held such a grip on her emotions. She met his gaze with hers and matching his tone of friendly yet somehow formal she responded, "Asterion, it's good to see you," before falling silent. If he was going to play games she would play right back, she would redeem herself and would not be seen as a fool to him again. She made no move to advance towards him, if he wanted to do so she would gladly let him, but she would not be the first to make a move, not after the first time. Both times she had met him before this he had seen her vulnerability, this time she would make sure that he saw her strength, she was a force to be reckoned with. Her pulse still raced and her stomach flip flopped because of his presence, but she didn't want him to know that.

table by mimi

click!

Her aroma had infiltrated his nose, clouding his judgement. Whenever he was close to her he felt as though [dohtml]his brain stopped working. The gears didn't turn right, and in the moment he didn't even mind. He made no move to back away from her. He didn't try to run in the opposite direction like he thought he might. When she spoke it was as if everything around them became motionless. She stood alone in the darkness, the only light telling him which way to go. Her words brought with them a challenge, but he wasn't sure at the time what it was. When she spoke, there was a formality he wasn't used to. This was not the same female he had met with twice before. She was no longer carried by her desires. Oh yes, something had definitely changed between them. Was she finally done with him? Was she trying to tell him that whatever strange relationship, or lack thereof, was over? He felt a sinking in his stomach at the thought of being banished from her. Never able to see her again? He barely knew the girl in front of him, but the thought hurt him deeply.

Breath caught in his throat, and words failed him. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing and only adding to the problem, so rather than talking to her, he let his actions do the talking. The fear of rejection was seeded deeply in his heart. He knew he shouldn't care, and in fact, he should have been overjoyed at the thought of her rejection. Of course, he was sure he had gone mad, and instead was terrified at the thought of it. Minka meant so much too him, and not enough. She awakened feelings in him that had been buried so deep within his heart. He needed to show her something. Anything that might keep her coming back. She needed to know that she meant something to him. However, she would never know how much she meant to him. He would keep it hidden deep in his mind. He couldn't let anyone hold that much power over him.

...

(This post was last modified: May 15, 2013, 06:29 PM by Asterion.)

she doesn't care how she gets there, as long as she gets somewhere she knows... There seemed to be some kind of challenge even though none was given, some kind of battle that was going on between them. Something like a battle of dominance between two pack wolves, but it wasn't that, it was something else entirely. It was all the female could do to keep herself from reaching out and touching him as an eternal battle raged inside her. The desperation she felt was displayed in her eyes though she remained silent, the memories flooding through her of the rejection she felt last time and she couldn't risk that again. As she continued to study him she begged him silently to reach forward, to break the distance between them, but she could not bring herself to say anything and the silence stretched on. Words felt jumbled and cloudy in her mind and she knew anything she said would sound idiotic so she kept her mouth shut, the air felt thick though she could not explain why or with what. Her eyes remained desperate as she met his gaze and she could feel the tiny gasp escape her as it seemed like electricity shot through her. She finally found her voice and stumbled through a sentence, "Would you like to join the pack?" The question was random but important, what he said would shape their entire relationship whether for good or bad only time could tell. She fidgeted anxiously as she waited for his answer, the question seemed to be hanging in the air all around them like a noose ready to kill any chance of them if he said no. She said no more though it was clear by the look in her eyes that she was pleading for him to say yes, he had to, or else she did not know how she could possibly ever see him again. She had responsibilities to her pack and she could not fulfill them if she was always running off with some loner, it was just unheard of.

table by mimi

click!

With bated breath, he watched. Only succeeding in meeting her gaze with silence. Something heavy hung in the air between them, weighing him down, anchoring him to the spot. With a clouded mind he couldn't bare to speak, for fear of emotion coming out. He wouldn't display his weakness to her. Blue eyes fought with yellow, in some strange play of dominance. He would not look away, and he had a feeling she wouldn't either. He would not lose, but he didn't think he would win either, for here there were no winners. In this he would only find a loss or a draw. Maybe it was a foretelling of the future to come, and maybe not. Only time would tell and at this point he was oblivious.

There was a finality in her words. Something had changed, and nothing at all. This would decide where they would go. He let the words marinate in the air between them, mulling it over. To be honest he was crazy for even considering it. He had sworn when he left his pack that he would never again be ruled over. He would never answer to another's will. So why was he considering it? His mouth opened, but nothing came out. How could he decide his fate in mere seconds? The look in her eyes tore him apart. Much of him pleaded to say yes, and yet there was still a part dragging him toward the opposite answer. "Minka... I...." The pleading in his eyes begged her not to make him decide. "I'm not fit for pack life... I.." He didn't know how to finish. The words wouldn't come anymore. He needed a reason. He never did anything without a reason.

...

she doesn't care how she gets there, as long as she gets somewhere she knows... The battle continued and her eyes did not waver, she would show him how strong she could be, maybe that would be what won him over. The question hung for what seemed like hours between them as they looked onto one another, a battle of wills that would leave no winners. He seemed flabbergasted by the question and the fae just felt confused and hopeful, hopeful that he would say yes and then maybe that would rid her of the confusion. He seemed to be pleading her but she did not know what it was that he wanted, what it was that she could possibly give him, and then there were the words. Hurt, that was all she could feel, and more confused than ever, she felt alone in the world even if she knew that wasn't true. She took a step back away from him, the emotions plain upon her face as she stared at him, hurt, alone, confused she didn't know what to say. Suddenly anger flooded through her and she threw an accusation at him, "What did you expect to happen Asterion? Why come back if you aren't willing to join? The words were hot with anger and the hurt that she felt but the questions were honest, there was no way for a pack wolf to mate with a loner, it was just a conflict of interest. What kind of wolf wasn't fit for pack life? It was unnatural to be a loner, even more so to want to be a loner as it seemed the rogue did. She turned back to him her pride bruised and feeling rejected she didn't know what else to say, she didn't know what else to say and she was afraid of making the situation worse.

table by mimi

click!

He watched as she took a step back, reading her loud and clear. He was afraid she was going to run away, and so he took a step forward. Asterion couldn't help but feel another pang of hatred, for himself, and for this girl who was running his emotions dry. The hate lasted only a few seconds, quickly replaced by self loathing. The creature in front of him looked so hurt. Once again, he had hurt this wolf that he barely even knew. He knew her name, and he knew the feeling of electricity that surrounded her. That was all he knew, but he longed to know more. The girl had a fiery personality, and had dared to challenge him where no one else would. Not to mention the pull he felt toward her. Why was he doing this to himself? How could he throw away everything he had worked for on a simple whim? He had to stop thinking like that. It could only lead him to a path of ruin.

He watched as the anger touched her features. The accusation nipped at him, causing his own anger to flare. "I didn't expect anything Minka." The desperation and anger played through his voice. He wasn't sure which it sounded more like. "All I know is that I can't stop coming back. For some reason I keep finding myself here wishing to be in your company. I don't know what to think anymore." He couldn't trust his own thoughts anymore. They betrayed him, thinking only of this girl, when they usually thought of only himself. "I don't have a very good history with packs. He left it there, let that statement hang between them. He showed her a bit of himself, and he hated himself even more for it. What right did she have to know this about him? Why did he say it? Why did he want her to know it?

...

she doesn't care how she gets there, as long as she gets somewhere she knows... He stepped forward and she took another step backwards, dancing a strange dance where no one was leading, no one was following. She could feel the anger surging through her veins, who was he to make her feel this way? Coming around the pack right after the pups were born and acting liked he owned the territory. She knew the pack was busy tending to the new mother and she would be on her own if this turned nasty and she could feel herself taking on a defensive position when she heard the anger ringing in his words. His words seemed to taunt her, I keep finding myself here wishing to be in your company they sounded desperate but she couldn't keep herself from being sarcastic when she answered, "You wish to be in my company but you won't join a pack, tell me, exactly how is that supposed to work?" The words were sarcastic but they laid out a riddle before them, one of them would have to give in to the other if they ever wished to see each other again. Suddenly she softened as he spoke and she remembered her own past, while she had been mistreated and wished to find a pack who would accept her, he must have been mistreated and chosen the opposite. She looked to him and on her face was understanding, she stepped forward so she was before him once more and she slowly extended her muzzle, an offer of peace, either he would accept it and nudge her in greeting or he wouldn't. She was quiet for a few moments before speaking softly, "Do you trust me?" Four simple words that held so much meaning and she had no idea why as she knew nothing of this wolf besides his name but she knew that she trusted him. She was laying her heart wide open on the line now, for now she knew that it was too late to turn back, she would always belong to this wolf.

table by mimi

click!

Pasquinade laced words dripped from her mouth. She was toying with him, playing with his emotions and he was powerless to stop it. Their dance was coming to an end, it was obvious. Their constant power struggles were coming to the climax. One will would give in to the other, it was just a question of which would fall. If neither did, then they would resume their lives as they had before. If not, then both of their lives were going to change dramatically. Maybe they already had. Did Minka really expect him to give up a life of traveling, of constantly moving, only to be held down by a pack? Did he really expect the she wolf to leave her home, or keep meeting with him under the shroud of night? Neither was a fair request, and he was sure they both knew it.

Her words clung to the air between them, condensing until he couldn't breath anymore. He was sick of the heaviness in it. Tired of the pain it caused. Did he trust her? This fiery girl in front of him, with a personality ranging from one extreme to the other. She was so unpredictable, just like the flames that tore across the land, spreading in strange ways, charring the earth as it fled. Would he burn with her, or would he be left, merely ashes where a wolf once stood? Then she reached out to him, her muzzle an offering of peace. He wanted so badly to reach out to her, and so he did. His muzzle lightly connected with hers, ever so softly, as if it wasn't there. He was terrified of what he was doing, and the words he uttered, he should never have. They were sealing his fate. Giving her control. No he wouldn't submit to her, he wasn't sure he would submit to anyone. "Yes." He may have lost the battle, but he would not lose the war.

...